O,Zhe Zhen Shi Ge Kuai Le De Jin-Zhan
This is my first crossover fic. I'm not really sure if I'm going to do another one. I'm thinking about it. This was originally posted in ikoly.com, due to the nature of the main ship on the fic. Be warned there's some Buffy/Willow action, there's some Simon/Kaylee snuggles, & there may be some hinting to a Faith/River combo...
Disclaimer: The character's do not belong to me (except for the invention of one or two slayers). They belong to Joss Whedon, Fox, Mutant Enemy and other such type people and/or entities. I'm just here for a bit of recreational fun and entertainment.
Questions, comments, feedback, flames, and other standard fare can be left here as a review or if you really feel the need, I welcome emails to
If I've forgotten anything, well I'll remember at some point. Thank you and enjoy!
Chapter 1 - O,Zhe Zhen Shi Ge Kuai Le De Jin-Zhan
“Heya Buff, we had a big bang out by the lake,” Xander’s voice rang out through the intercom. “You want me to send a team or do you want to check it out yourself?”
Buffy was in her room with a bottle of coral pink nail polish in one hand and her right little toe in the other. “How big, Xand?”
“Big enough that we have to intercept the cops en route.”
Buffy sighed and capped the polish in her hands. “Great, at least my tootsies are done.”
“What?” Xander asked confused.
“Nothing, I can check it out. Hey is Wills back? Maybe she can go with.”
Just then a knock at the door was followed by the door opening to reveal the redhead in question smiling over at Buffy. “Hey there nail polish girl, Dawn just let me know. Come on we’ll go check it out, slay if needed, then mochas”
“You buyin’?” Buffy queried, putting the nail polish down on her dresser and finding a pair of socks for her feet.
Willow walked all the way into the room and sat on the bed swinging her feet. “No, but Xander is. He lost a bet and this is his payment.”
Buffy smiled and slipped her feet into some boots. “All the better.” She picked up her standard issue weapons: stake and holy water, and went for the door. “Come on slow poke. I’ve got a peppermint mocha with my name on it.”
Willow let out a breath dripping with playful exasperation, “Yes, General Summers, whatever you say.”
“That’s General Goddess Summers to you, General of the Witch-Fu Rosenberg.”
“If we’re that, what’s Xander?” Willow asked mischievously.
“He’s,” Buffy stopped and put a serious face on. “He’s General of the Moon Pies Harris.”
Willow rolled her eyes. “I’m sure the title will please him.”
The two women continued down the hall, chuckling as they went. They picked up a truck at the garage and made their way out into the night. It was fall and Cleveland was absolutely beautiful this time of year. The leaves were changing color and although it was night Buffy could easily discern the difference. She absolutely loved Cleveland in the fall. The winter sucked, but she felt it was worth the price to see the autumn colors. While Willow was driving out to the lake shore Buffy let her mind wander a bit. It was September, nothing major going on, and 2007 had shaped up to be a really great year. She noticed though that after Sunnydale, all the years just seemed to get better. Things were routine and she could plan her life months in advance. That took getting used to, but once it was established that Buffy could plan and plan well, she did it all the time. She was currently working on a 6 month outline of her life and even though she felt 6 months was stretching it, she took the advice of Faith: ‘Go big or go home.’
When they reached the lake Willow pulled the truck to the curb and followed Buffy down a path to the shore.
“I don’t see why I couldn’t drive.”
Willow raised an eyebrow in response and nothing more.
“What? My driving has improved! And, and we could have gotten here quicker!”
“You mean to say we could have gotten here so much deader.”
“Is that even a word? Deader? Come on, Wills”
“You’re one to talk Buffy.”
The blonde’s lips formed a tight line and she shut up the rest of the way to the lake side. They were both plugged in to the command center and turned on their COM links.
“This is Wicca 1 and Slayer 1 checking in. Over.” Willow’s voice hushed as they made their way to the lake side.
“Roger that you two,” came Xander’s voice through the earpiece. “It seems like the big boom is over in the Southeast corner. No visuals, just a lot of electro static feedback. Proceed with caution. Over.”
Buffy just rolled her eyes at the army speak. She wasn’t happy at the similarities between their way of doing things post-Sunnydale and what she went through with the Initiative. Willow noticed Buffy’s annoyance and stuck her tongue out at the blonde. They moved quickly towards their destination, but stopped about 100 yards out when they saw the source of the big boom. On the shore stood what could only be described as a space ship. Mouths hung open, flies got in, it was not pretty.
The witch motioned for Buffy to turn off her COM Link and found her voice in the process, whispering, “Buff, now I know in the past 10 years you and I have seen loads of stuff. Probably more stuff than we should have. So I am going to ask this very slowly and seriously: Is that a spaceship?”
Buffy could only nod at her friend’s question. The slayer rubbed at her eyes, blinked, then rubbed her eyes again. The one girl in all the world who’s stopped more apocalypti than anyone should have to, the girl who’s died twice and come back for more, and coincidently the one girl in all the world who used to have a taste for the undead of the male persuasion was so awestruck at the sight before her that she was only able to grunt in response.
Willow grabbed her friend’s hand and pulled her along. They approached slowly using any available cover and as they got closer saw a group of people standing in front of the ship talking. Willow took in the sight of the people in the group. There was the leader, or at least what she assumed to be the leader, he was standing in the center wearing black boots, brown pants and a long brown coat waving his arms about. There was a dark skinned girl as tall as Willow dressed similarly to the man, but she had on a leather vest instead of the coat and her hair was braided down the back. There were two other men with them; one was kinda dirty looking. Big gorilla with a gun popped into Willow’s mind as she took him in. The other man had on slacks and a button down shirt, well kept and very neat. Along with this group were three girls. The first Willow took notice of was the one the leader was yelling at, she was wearing what appeared to be mechanics overalls and she had black smudges covering her body. The next girl was in a flowing off white dress and combat boots. The third woman, yes definitely a woman not a girl Willow thought, was dressed in what looked like a sari and sandals. Willow shook her head at the oddity of the group standing before her. She motioned to Buffy and they moved closer to eavesdrop on the conversation.
“What in the sphincter of hell are you playing at, Kaylee!?” Mal had given up on all pretense of being cool and calm. His wonderful boat, his home was currently unable to fly and his crew was stranded on God knows what rock with God knows who around. He clasped his hands behind his head and continued to pace back and forth.
“Capt’n I’m tellin’ you, I don’t know what happened.” Kaylee was clearly upset and she was unable to keep up the bravado any longer. Tears spilt over and created tracks down her grease and grime smudged cheeks.
River watched the scene play out and decided that she’d had enough. “Navigations are secure, nowhere we are and nowhere we’ll stay as this continues.” She slipped her arm around Kaylee’s waist and led her away from Mal.
Mal turned to Zoë and asked, “Do we have any power?”
“Yes, but it won’t do much good if she can’t fly. We’ve got some electrical, but no power from the engine. It looks like the converter got fried on entry.”
Simon stepped up and tried to add some sense to the situation the crew found themselves in, “Mal, perhaps we should find some of the local inhabitants, it would be prudent to see if we are in friendly territory.”
“Doc’s got a point Mal. We could talk to the locals and find us some supplies,” Jayne said, spitting out the lugee that had been lodged in his throat.
“Liou coe shway dug biao-tze duh bun ur-tze. Fine, but only Zoë and I are going. I don’t want anything happening to you guys while we’re gone, getting into that kinda bind is never something I feel like dealing with. River, Kaylee, you guys try and figure out what in the tyen shiao duh is going on here. Dong ma?”
The girls nodded and continued to look around. Without saying anything, Zoë drew her weapon and pointed it to an outcropping of rocks 10 feet to their right. Mal and Jayne quickly followed suit and pointed their weapons in that general direction.
“It’d be a might good idea of whoever’s out that way to show themselves, ‘fore my first mate gets trigger happy,” Mal hollered.
Willow and Buffy exchanged a glance appearing to come to a decision. Buffy made the first move and stepped out from their hiding place with her arms raised. Willow followed, half hiding behind the slayer with her arms in a similar position.
Mal didn’t notice any weaponry and holstered his gun, motioning the other two to do the same. He tried to give the two girls before him a winning smile, but by the looks on their faces failed miserably. “Good evening, ladies. Sorry about that. You can’t be too trusting sometimes and it seems like now is one of them times.”
Buffy and Willow both nodded and lowered their hands.
“You two wouldn’t mind tellin’ me where me and my crew‘ve landed would you?”
“Cleveland,” Buffy answered.
“Huh? Come again?” Mal asked, clearly confused.
“Cleveland, Ohio,” Buffy tried again, speaking slower.
Simon stepped up and asked for clarification, “What planet are we on?”
Buffy looked at the 7 people and shrugged giving up, “Willow, you want to take this one?”
Willow smiled. “Uh, you guys landed on Earth. You are in Cleveland, Ohio. Ohio is a state in America.”
She hoped she was being clear enough but by the looks on the visitor’s faces she knew that was clearly not the answer they were expecting.
Zoë and Mal both hissed out, “Taikong suoyou de zingqiu saijin wo de pigu!”
“Mal, I think the redhead’s kinda squirrelly, maybe we should just shoot ‘em and find some people that are gonna talk sense,” Jayne said eyeballing the two girls standing there.
“Bi zui! Jayne, don’t make me shut your mouth up for you. River! Get back on the navsat and see if there’s anything at all comin’ up. Move girlie,” Mal barked the order out and River ran off.
“Uh, you guys wouldn’t like to keep this in English please. We don’t speak whatever it is that you’re speaking,” Buffy asked, annoyed.
The crew of the ship just looked at Buffy as if she was simple. River came running out of the ship a few moments later and whispered in Mal’s ear.
“Well now, zhen shi ge kuai le de jin zhan. River, talk crazy speak to these two please?”
River stepped up to the two strangers and smiled. “What year is it?”
“2007,” Willow said.
“Oh, existing is going to continue to be a problem then.” River turned and walked back to her brother.
Buffy was fed up with all the weird talk and stepped into Mal’s space. She’d eyeballed him for the leader and was glad when her estimation wasn’t wrong.
“Look, I don’t know where you guys are from, but me and my friend will be more than willing to help out if one of you would explain to me what in the hell is going on.” Buffy placed her hands on her hips and waited on a response.
“Look little girl…” Mal started.
“Little?” Buffy grew angrier than she was only a few moments ago.
“Gorram it, will you let me finish.”
“Insulting me isn’t getting you anywhere faster.”
“Okay there, hot pants, as I was saying, me and my crew here were being chased by some Alliance ships and flew into a black hole. Next thing I know, we lose control and land on this rock. So let me wrap my head around this a moment. We are on Earth That Was and it’s the year 2007?”
“The time is about right, but Earth That WAS?”
“Tama de!” Mal threw his hands up in the air.