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Big Problem for the Small Soldiers

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Summary: A vignette set during one scene in the 1998 movie 'Small Soldiers'. An unforeseen problem crops up when the Commando Elite meet the Gwendy Dolls.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Movies > Small Soldiers(Current Donor)SpeakertocustomersFR151508081,85221 Apr 0821 Apr 08Yes
Disclaimer: The characters in this story do not belong to me, but are being used for amusement only and all rights remain with the original writers and copyright holders. 'Small Soldiers' is owned by Universal Pictures, Dreamworks Pictures, and Amblin Entertainment.

Author's note: although this is not a crossover there is a tenuous Buffyverse connection. One of the Gwendy Dolls was voiced in the movie by Sarah Michelle Gellar.

Big Problem for the Small Soldiers

Kip Killigan, covert operations specialist, took his cigar out of his mouth and gave an appreciative whistle as Gwendy Doll unhooked her bra and cast it aside. He gazed lecherously at the perfect mounds of her breasts. Too perfect, perhaps, as they lacked a couple of things that would have made them even more enticing and visually attractive; but to a soldier who had been deprived of feminine company for a long time, in fact ever since he was manufactured and packed into his box, they were great hooters.

“Do you like what you see, soldier boy?” Gwendy Doll asked as she unzipped her skirt. Her voice was husky and seductive, her movements fluid and graceful. Upgrading the dolls with copies of the X-1000 chip salvaged from the body of the late Nick Nitro had been a complete success.

“Hoo boy! Oh, yeah!” said Kip Killigan, puffing out his shuriken-bedecked chest. He put his cigar back into his mouth and began to unfasten his vest. Gwendy Doll smiled and dropped her panties.

- - - - -

Major Chip Hazard stood with his hands clasped behind his back and surveyed the scene. It all seemed satisfactory. The Gwendy Dolls would probably need training before they would be fully effective in action against the Gorgonoids, and their human allies, but for the moment they were making a valuable contribution to morale. His men would fight with renewed vigor after this little interval for ‘fraternization’. His habitual scowl softened into a smile for a brief instant before his eyebrows descended and the scowl returned. Specialist Kip Killigan was approaching, a frown on his face, and a partly-dressed Gwendy Doll trailing at his heels with tears visible on her cheeks.

“Is there a problem, soldier?” Major Hazard barked.

“Yes, sir! We have a problem, sir!” Killigan answered. “The Gwendy Dolls, sir.” Killigan paused and swallowed. “Sir, they ain’t, uh, anatomically correct.”

“Oh.” Major Hazard’s eyebrows rose. He focused his gaze on the Gwendy Doll. A curvaceous figure, long legs, and a wide mouth with full red lips. Major Hazard grinned. “That shouldn’t be a problem, soldier. With a little ingenuity any obstacle can be overcome.”

Specialist Killigan followed the major’s gaze. “I see, sir! Thank you, sir!”

“Carry on, Specialist Killigan,” the Major said, but before the soldier could obey the order another member of the Commando Elite approached with an even more pronounced frown on his face.

Major Chip Hazard scowled at the newcomer. It was Butch Meathook, the sniper, and his fatigues were unfastened and hanging loose. The Major opened his mouth to scold Butch for being improperly dressed but then changed his mind. After all, being improperly dressed was the whole point of this exercise. “You have a problem, soldier?”

“Yes, sir! A real big problem, sir,” Butch replied. “About as bad as a problem gets.” He gulped and glanced down at his unfastened combat pants.

“Worse than the girls not being anatomically correct?” asked Killigan.

“Much worse,” Butch Meathook told him. “Neither are we!”

The End

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