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Blackadder's Imperfect Fifth

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Summary: There's a new master vampire in Sunnydale and he's not the usual fare: brave, intelligent, suave, cunning, strong and charming – none of these words could be used to describe him!

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Television > Blackadder(Moderator)jrabbitFR132218,8251311321,0265 May 088 Sep 10Yes


“Honey, I’m home. Could you give me a hand getting the suitcases from the car—” Joyce stopped abruptly at the sight of two slayers in identical outfits rolling around in piles of money on her living room couch. “What is God’s name is going on here? Who’s the hell is she, and where did all this come from?”

End of Episode 1

For the BENEFIT of SEVERAL READERS MR JRABBIT’S Much admir'd Comedy BLACKADDER’S IMPERFECT FIFTH or Hellmouth Maintenance for Dummies wasn’t actually performed at all, but was probably supplied with appropriate mental imagery, dresses etc. by:

Baldrick, a minion, Mr. TONY ROBINSON
Miss Buffy Anne Summers, a slayer, Miss SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR
Miss Kendra Young, also a slayer, Miss BIANCA LAWSON
George, a flunkie, Mr. HUGH LAURIE
Lord Flashheart, a werewolf, Mr. RIK MAYALL
Miss Willow Rosenberg, a witch, Miss ALYSON HANNIGAN
Xander Harris, a sidekick, Mr. NICHOLAS BRENDON
Daniel Ozbourne, another werewolf, Mr. SETH GREEN
Rupert Giles, a librarian, Mr. ANTHONY HEAD
Madam Joyce Summers, a parent, Mrs. KRISTINE SUTHERLAND
Mistress Jennifer Calendar, a harlot, Miss ROBIA LaMORTE
Miss Cordelia Chase, an apprentice harlot, Miss CHARISMA CAPENTER
Archduke Melchett, a big scary demon, Sir (or should be) STEPHEN FRY
Princess Elizabeth Melchett, a big scary demon, Miss MIRANDA RICHARDSON
Lord Hassledorf, another big scary demon blatantly stolen from another author, HIMSELF
Mistress Drusilla, a loony, Miss JULIET LANDAU
William the Bloody, dust, Mr. JAMES MASTERS
Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, an interloper from another fandom, Mr HANK AZARIA
Alan, a brassica rapa, HIMSELF

He styles himself Lord of the Dark,

but spends his nights holed up in cellars.

His bite may be worse than his bark;

he’s bitten none, so who can tell us?

Blackadder, Blackadder, he does not like the sun;

Blackadder, Blackadder, makes being evil fun.

The Slayer, The Slayer, she knows not whom to trust,

and William, The Bloody, well he’s no more, he’s dust.

To conclude with Rule Britannia in full chorus


The End

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