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Of Boxes Blue and Kathetralan Swede

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This story is No. 3 in the series "Lustrum". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: Five years on, Dawn doesn't even realise. Dawn & Eleven

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Dr. Who/Torchwood > Dawn-CenteredMatryaFR71611021,91621 May 0821 May 08Yes
Title: Of Boxes Blue and Kathetralan Swede
Series: Lustrum

Disclaimer: Buffy belongs to Joss. The Doctor & the TARDIS belong to the BBC.
In Canon: Five years post-'Chosen', way in the Doctor's future.
Characters/Pairings: Dawn, Eleven
Rating: PG.

Note: The Doctor here is supposed to be my own Eleven. Theoretically played by Peter Wingfield, who played the character of Methos in Highlander the Series. Methos, according to the first story in this series (Nonmethodics of Arcana), is sleeping with Buffy.

"Space is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly hugely mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist, but that's just peanuts to space."

"Why are you quoting the Guide?"


"Douglas Adams. You quoted the Hitchhiker's Guide."

"Yes. I quite suppose I did, didn't I?

"Is this some sort of hallucination brought on by a government installed brain chip?"

"Ah, no. Brain chip?"

"So, what are you? I have to kill you either way."

"Hey, wait, kill me? You don't need to do that."

"You kidnapped me! And...are apparently impersonating my sister's boyfriend."

"I don't impersonate anyone. My body and the way it looks is beyond my control. And you wandered into my TARDIS!"

"I ran into an inconspicuous blue box to wait out legions of the undead. And ended up on....Soror."

"Kathetral. Gliese 581 d. Look upwards."

"The sky is freaking orange."


"It smells like ginger."

"The famous Kathetralan swede fruit."

"Swede is vegetable."

"Calling it swede makes them feel better about eating something what's worse for their teeth than Ribena, I'd hazard to guess."

"So you're like Ford?"

"Fancy myself more Arthur Dent."

"Oh, please. You expect me to think you're human? No one with that face is human."

"Never claimed such."

"Then what are you claiming?"

"...I saved the world in my jim-jams. I thought it was quite an Arthur Dent sort of way to go about it."


"I quite liked Arthur. Named my horse after him and all."

"Sure, but what human wants to have their main eyepiece to the galaxy be human when there are aliens all around? Boring."

"You're taking being on an alien planet quite in stride."

"Well, at least is isn't a hell dimension. And it's only, like, twenty-some light years away from Earth. And you're taking me back."

"Get in the box. I thought you were going to kill me."

"Oh, please, Arthur Dent? Not the greatest threat ever. And, way bumpy ride. Get some shock absorbers."

"I don't want to be a threat."

"Whatever, how do I open these doors? Oh, cool just pull it open and this so isn't Earth."

"Oh, well...we'll get there eventually."

"Oh, hey, Earth. Cool."

"Goodbye, Dawn Summers."

"Okay, so, last question, right?"

"If you must?"

"Why is some way-powerful, time travelling alien...Welsh? I mean, Adam sounds kind of Welsh, but he's way old and I'm pretty sure, y'know, not Welsh."

"Luck of the draw, I s'pose."

"Oh, okay. Well, bye."


"Doctor? And don't sigh at me!"

"Yes, Dawn?"

"You maybe looking for a travelling buddy?"


"I mean, I've seen things today that beat out everything I've ever seen. Just, beautiful things when I thought the universe was all ugly and demon-y."


"And that I'd spend my entire life seeing nothing but demonic evil and human evil and how bad everyone treats everyone else. And sure, there was that civil war, but there was the planet with the sky and the fruit. And there was the pretty ice stuff without the inconvenient Yukon thing. Don't cringe at me!"

"Do you need to pack a bag?"

"Yeah. Let me make a call, too. Mustn't let my sister wonder."


"Okay, no answer. Probably just marathon sex with her Immortal boyfriend. So gross."


"Yeah. Whatever. Oh! It's Dawn. I can't get a hold of Buffy. I know she and Adam are in LA, but no dice. Can you let her know I'm gonna be gone for awhile?"

The End

You have reached the end of "Of Boxes Blue and Kathetralan Swede". This story is complete.

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