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This story is No. 1 in the series "Metamorphosis". You may wish to read the series introduction first.

Summary: Xander Harris is about to meet the biggest group of heroes he's ever encountered. And the smallest group of warriors to grace a toy shelf, kind of.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Marvel Universe > TransformersSithicusFR13112,0386299,61213 Jun 0813 Jun 08Yes
Author's Notes: This is a drabble, a one shot. Ok so it's a really long drabble, but hey some of them are right? I was inspired to do this for three primary reasons, first of all I wanted to try and write something that could help me get my muse back. I was feeling a little uncreative. Secondly I wanted to take ShadowMaster up on his challenge, in the series of Drabbles he's done he's also written something using the universe I'm crossing over here. But instead of following what he's built on I was inspired by my third reason. Hasbro's Real Gears. If you don't know what those are don't worry you'll soon get to meet a whole host of them.
Ok, so that's the reason behind this. Also I think this is my first crackfic, I'm not sure if it qualifies as such, and even if it does I might have inadvetantly wrote one up before. But still just fair warning try not to take this too seriously even though I do in the writing.

Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer and all related characters belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy Productions. I am not making a single profit out of this I wrote it for pure fun. I just couldn't get the image of Xander all geared up out of my mind. The Transformers and all related characters are property of Hasbro Inc. Paramount Pictures, Dreamworks and Micheal Bay would like to take full credit at times, but they only get a piece of the pie not the whole plate. I wouldn't mind getting some of that green though, but alas I can't and don't I just get to borrow and expand upon the characters they've created/envisioned/whatever else you want to throw in here. That is all. Enjoy.



Alexander Harris hated his life. Sunnydale was a long ways behind him and he still ran into the weirdness – only this time it was on a scale the former Scooby current Head of the African Watcher’s branch couldn’t believe. It started innocently enough – he’d come to Mission City, Nevada for a little R&R – with a name like Mission City the place had just called to him as sounding ordinary, picturesque, non-demony and the perfect place to relax and recuperate from his recent defeat at the hands of the African demon tribes.

He’d spent a couple of days here shopping – seeing the sights – including the Hoover Dam. And then all hell broke loose. A convoy of military guys showed up with a sweet looking Camaro, a Pontiac Solstice, a massive Topkick and this rescue Hummer that had to be the ugliest color of green he’d ever seen. The next thing Xander Harris knew he was an extra in a major summer blockbuster staring thirty foot tall transforming robots who decided to hold all out war in downtown Mission City.

The Camaro got his legs blown off by an F-22 Raptor. A huge tank robot started blowing buildings apart trying to kill the soldier guys – and then the massive alien looking jet – or whatever it was – showed up and tore one of the other robots in half. Xander thought it was the Solstice, but he was just glad he’d brought both digital camera and digital video camera with him today because his girls just wouldn’t believe this otherwise – especially the honkin’ huge Peterbilt show-off that arrived late to the party.

Unfortunately the ol’ Harris luck decided just being there wasn’t enough he had to participate and get involved too! When this teenager ran past him carrying a weird looking cube and crashed into someone’s car hitting the pavement – four bursts of strange energy shot out of the cube – one of them hit the girl’s car, another one hit a guy who’d just bought a new X-Box and was leaving the store, the third one struck a Mountain Dew vending machine and – true to form – the fourth one hit Xander playing over his entire body and practically bathing him in the stuff.

When nothing immediately happened after the fact he thought maybe his luck had changed, but then he saw the girl run out of her car screaming – the steering wheel hugging her face and trying to strangle her – the guy’s X-Box changed too and smashed holes in the box trying to get at its owner and then it ran off down the street after tearing some poor woman’s dress off – though Xander didn’t complain about the eye candy of seeing her in her undies. She was hot.

After seeing what happened to the Mountain Dew machine Xander swore off vending machines for life and Mountain Dew in particular, but now he began to worry because it was his turn next for whatever was going to happen – to happen technically speaking.

“Ok! Which of you is going to turn into a mini robot from hell and attack me?” he wondered aloud eyeing each of his appliances warily. Xander then felt a strange sensation in his back pocket and before he knew it the MP3 Player he’d been carrying around tore out of his pocket looking like a pint sized mechanical bird.

Both cameras in his hands danced around and then transformed and his cell phone fell out of his shirt pocket before converting into another five inch tall robot – and then as if that wasn’t enough – adding further to his troubles – the digital wrist watch on his wrist trembled and shook. The strap snapping undone and it transformed too. Strangely enough they didn’t attack him and looked almost normal – compared to the obvious alien nature of the other robots he’d seen earlier.

“I’m alive,” the former digital camera stated in a surprisingly deep voice for such a little guy.

“And I’m insulted you’d think we’d attack ya, boss,” the cell phone stated his camera lens now staring up at Xander as an eye – a very disappointed looking eye.

“Yeah! We’re partners,” the digital wrist watch added an all too human look of emotional pain in the glowing optic lenses his new robot mode sported.

“Ok. I’m officially confused,” Xander said. “They attacked everybody practically at once,” he elaborated indicating the steering wheel robot still trying to kill its master and eat her face – her friends were trying to help her get it off and Xander was starting to wonder if he should help too.

“They didn’t have protection and durability spells cast on them like Willow did to us,” the digital video camera pointed out – one of his little clawed hands opening and closing as he examined his new state of living in awe.

“The magic reacted with the AllSpark energy to temper our creation. We’re not barbarians, but fully functional Decepticons,” the MP3 bird elaborated perching its tiny form on Xander’s shoulder. This only served to heighten the similarity to the modern day pirate he had going thanks to his eye patch.

“Decepti-what’s?” Xander repeated blankly – this was all new to him. Plus it was a little disconcerting having to talk down – quite literally – to a horde of five inch tall robots.

“Decepticons, the bad guy robots fighting those Autobot rejects,” his digital camera explained slowly as though speaking to a child – he even showed off a couple of pictures on his digital display for emphasis. “And before you ask, he’s an Autobot,” he added pointing to the Camaro as it raced past on the back of a tow truck – firing assorted weapons at the tank robot. “We’re… I mean… They’re from Cybertron – their home planet – and they’ve been at war for a long time fighting over that AllSpark. Since all technology on your planet originated from Megatron – the leader of the Decepticons – that ultimately makes us Decepticons by default.”

“But nowhere near as power crazed,” digital watch guy said with a shake of his head.

“And you know all of this because?” Xander eyed his devices turned robots expectantly.

“The AllSpark,” the cell phone said. “The cube thing that kid was carrying. It is what gave us life – gave all Cybertronians life. Although I guess technically we’re Terrans.”

“Terran robots! We need a name for ourselves,” digital video camera remarked.

“I know, I know! Let’s call ourselves Real Gears, um, because we’re real robots and we have gears.” Everyone stared at the digital wrist watch. “Um ok then how about this? Because we’re Xander’s gear and we’re really, really cool now?” he suggested lamely.

“Just stop talking.” the MP3 bird sighed.

“I gotta sit down,” Xander muttered moving to sit on the curb. As he did his gaze fell on the hapless girl. “And would one of you get rid of that thing before it suffocates her?”

“With pleasure.” The MP3 bird squawked zipping over to the girl and blasting a laser out of the ear piece now attached to his back at the neck – then Xander was treated to a very odd sight indeed as his five formerly unliving appliances dog piled the larger steering wheel – and proceeded to tear it apart with clawed hands, lasers and sharp beaks in the case of the MP3 bird.

“Vicious little suckers,” he remarked suddenly getting a very amusing mental picture of the five little buggers swarming over a hapless vampire. He had to resist the urge to laugh out loud at the deliciously mischievous thought.

“Incoming call, boss,” the cell phone alerted reverting back to his cell phone mode and flying into Xander’s hand.

Xander knew he had to give the guys names – he couldn’t just keep calling them Cell Phone, Digital Camera and MP3 Bird. Uncertainly he flipped open the phone and answered the call. “H-Hello.”

“OhmyGod,Xander,areyouok?Wejustgotavisionfromoneoftheprecogsaboutthesegiantrobotsandyouwherethere.Andthiswierdenergyplayedoveryouandyoualmostdiedorsomethingandthenyougotkidnapped,butanicebigredandbluerobotsavedyouand…”

“Willow, focus!” Xander told his best friend with a roll of his eye – he was surprised she hadn’t dropped everything and teleported to his location if she was this worried. “I’m fine, but… Wait a minute. Kidnapped?” Before Willow could go on with her conversation a huge shadow fell over him and Xander looked up into menacing looking glowing red eyes – the vending machine robot was standing right behind him intending most likely bodily harm to the Xand-man. “This so isn’t my day.”

“That guy’s too big for us,” the digital watch blurted.

“Willow, can I call you back?” Xander requested slowly climbing to his feet so as not to appear to give off any sudden moves.

“Shoot out the eyes!” the digital camera ordered loudly.

MP3 bird dive-bombed the vending machine and blasted at his optics. This proved marginally effective – or at least effective in pissing the former vending machine off.

Xander hastily scooped up his army of pint sized robots and dashed down the street. “Kidnapped! More like attacked. Remind me to tell those pre-cogs the difference sometime,” Xander grumbled as he ran for his life dodging cans of fresh cool Mountain Dew as they were fired at him from the vending machine bot. He ran eight blocks passing his hotel in the process and froze when he saw his room and the entire three stories surrounding it littering the pavement. “Aw no, my twinkie stash was in there.”

“That Dispensor is still chasing us,” his digital watch reminded.

“Apt name,” Xander muttered dashing down an alley and out into a different street where it seemed not much fighting had gone down. Xander spotted a discarded grenade launcher next to a sweet looking dark navy blue and silver bullet shaped motorbike and snatched it up mid-dash thinking he might stand a chance. Of course the way his luck was going the launcher was empty. Dashing down another alley and doubling back Xander picked up the motorbike and gunned her motor racing down another street. Somehow – Dispensor – as his watch-bot had dubbed it kept chasing him. “Why the hell is he jonesin’ for me?”

“I believe he is a she,” his digital video camera said while clutching to his sleeve so as not to fly off the racing bike. “Her manufacturer’s label says made in Honolulu, but I could be wrong – female Cybertronians are rare – a female Terran would most likely be just as rare.”

“Terrific. If it’s a girl that ones up Buffy in the weirdo relationships club. If it’s a guy, even I don’t get that.” Xander was doing his best not to lose his cool or professionalism in the heat of evading the former vending machine – he was only marginally successful.

“Technically speaking I believe you still retain residual AllSpark energy. You were actually bathed in the stuff, unlike the human holding the X-Box – therefore you have become a target most likely because of your status as a former native on a Hellmouth,” his MP3 bird explained. This served to help clarify how it was possible that the AllSpark energy would still be active on Xander’s person.

“Wait! Then doesn’t that mean?” Xander didn’t finish his revelation – or rather he didn’t get the chance to even try as his world suddenly and quite abruptly turned upside down – and then to add insult to injury Xander found himself perched awkwardly on the former front tire of the motorcycle now the back of a very lithe dark navy blue and silver robot who most definitely was a girl.

“Back off, ugly, I saw him first!” a definite feminine toned voice stated as the – once motorcycle – now eight foot twelve inch female robot morphed one of her arms into a crossbow weapon and blew Dispensor to his or her maker.

“Cool, boss, you got the touch of life,” the digital camera said.

Xander was carefully lowered to the ground by the motorbike bot. “Wha? How-How long does this AllSpark juice last?”

“You’d have to ask one of those Autobots,” his digital watch replied. “But for now just don’t touch anymore machines.”

“Awww, I wanted a girlfriend too,” the digital camera complained actually pouting.

“The grenade launcher!” Xander shouted turning to look back down the street worriedly.

“Doesn’t have electronics sophisticated enough, besides you only handled it for a second,” the motorbike femme pointed out with a giggle – her thin five fingered hand played with Xander’s hair and she smiled possessively at him as the red light in her optics narrowed at some of the women standing around them.

“My life is officially way more complicated then it oughta be,” Xander complained before he noticed that a lot of people were staring at them and some were even snapping pictures. “Ok. We gotta find a more private place to do some talking. And serious thinking,” he stated adding the last part under his breath.

“Good idea,” his digital video camera remarked. In a flash Xander’s phone, mp3 player, watch, camera and video camera transformed back into their original forms and either slipped back into his pocket or wound back around his wrist.

Xander couldn’t even begin to understand how they were capable of self-motivation in their alternate forms.

“Hop on, stud,” the motorbike purred sidling up next to him.

“My name is Xander,” he shot back irritatedly. Climbing onto the bike nervously – as he didn’t have a helmet handy – Xander tried his best to ignore the fact that he was ‘riding’ a female robot. The connotations and implications of that statement alone seriously creeped him out.

“And you can call me…” the bike paused in thought. “Flamewar, hot stuff.” She revved her engine and roared off causing Xander to nearly lose his seat.

“Oh no… my life isn’t complicated at all. It’s perfect! I can just hear Andrew now when he meets all of you, UGH, I don’t care how much he begs I’m not making him a robot of his own,” Xander moaned – not for the first time cursing his typical brand of luck – as the bike and rider duo dashed past an alley the little X-Box robot popped out and ran scampering after them.



And miles above the city a Decepticon jet – and the lone survivor of the Mission City battle – homed in on the strange AllSpark signature – and began to follow it. “Perhaps not all is as lost as I thought,” Starscream mused to himself with a dark chuckle. “Barricade, you simpering cowardly opportunist, I know you can hear my signal. Home in on it and follow me, I have detected a possible means of turning the tide back in our favor.”



The Saleen S281 Police Cruiser – which had chosen wisely to remain out of the battle after nearly being run off the road by Ironhide – and decapitated by Prime – began tracking the source of Starscream’s transmission.



Reaching a semi-abandoned industrial district Xander insisted they stop – so Flamewar complied – taking a few minutes to get his bearings after the mad cap ride. Xander ignored Flamewar as she became a robot again – although he did notice that she seemed to be less alien then the larger variety.

He noted for instance that more of her mass was solid – especially her very curvy thighs and legs which ended in stilettoed feet – her torso was wire frames and constantly moving parts like the Cybertronians. Also her head and arms shared a bit of the alien design aesthetic – although he could see her front tire through her stomach acting as a sort of spinal column – her rear tire formed shoulder armor that kind of stuck out a little past her head.

Her chest though was the most disturbing because… well metal wasn’t supposed to look so curvy and sexy and make his naughty bits sit up and take notice. How could you have any kind of sex with a machine anyway?

“Like what you see, Xander?” Flamewar teased sensuously sashaying towards the twenty-odd year old Watcher.

“Ok back off!” Xander said assertively. Pulling out his miniature army from his pockets – he studied them briefly. “I’m still dealing with giant alien robots are real. I can’t deal with giant alien – er – Earth built turned alien female robot finds me attractive.”

“Spoilsport,” Flamewar muttered pulling a large cinder block over and sitting down.

Xander frowned slightly before turning to the Real Gears. “Great! Now my watch has me thinking of them as that,” he thought to himself. “Alright, gang, since I made you – sort of made you – I guess I gotta name you all,” he said crouching down to examine them thoughtfully.

“I was made in Germany if that helps,” his watch said.

“No it does not,” his MP3 stated haughtily.

“Right, so, uh. Do any of you have like special abilities or anything?” Xander asked defusing the fight that might start if he didn’t intervene.

“I can edit anything I record to make a perfect playback and my sight is capable of seeing up to twenty-five feet in any direction,” his video camera stated almost proudly.

Xander grew pensive for a moment and then smiled. “Then we’ll call you Zoom Out 25X,” he decided.

“Crude, but serviceable,” Flamewar commented with a playful smile.

Zoom Out puffed his chest forward and smiled.

“I possess sophisticated hypersonics which allow me to distort any audio signal, and I mean any,” his MP3 player informed with that same haughty toned know it all voice. “I can also create white noise static to jam any communications and can playback my distorted sounds at ten times their original decibels if necessary. But my jamming is limited to within five feet,” he admitted disappointedly.

“Hmmm, well I think Booster X10 will be a good name for you,” Xander announced after weighing all the options.

Preening his razor sharp looking wings Booster exuded pride.

“You’ll like this, boss,” the watch proclaimed.

After a second of nothing happening though Xander blinked in confusion. “What?”

“I can speed up, reverse and stop time up to ten minutes. Go ahead see for yourself,” he insisted converting back to watch mode and displaying the time.

Xander was officially impressed as he watched everything around him speed up like someone had hit the fast-forward button on a VCR. “That’s pretty damn useful,” he said. “But I’m a little stumped about what to call you so I guess in the mean time.”

“That’s perfect,” the watch exclaimed.

“What is?” Booster asked.

“Meantime,” he replied. “Call me Meantime.”

“Ok, well how about you two?” Xander asked the phone and regular digital picture camera.

“Aside from ordinary phone abilities I can tap into any communications signal, interrupt it, replace it with a fake call or reroute it to other phone lines,” his phone replied. “Oh yes and I can operate anywhere in the world, no dropped calls. Plus I’m an expert code slicer, not just phone calls, but computer signals too – the whole nine yards.”

“Halleluiah,” Xander praised wishing he’d had the little guy three weeks earlier when he’d been lost in the Congo and separated from Riley’s spooks during that whole Gnarl fiasco. “Wire Tap. Uh, Wire Tap V20, just because you’re like the twentieth phone I’ve owned since moving to Africa.”

“That doesn’t sound encouraging,” Wire Tap commented his lens optic swiveling around.

“Hey losing the first nineteen wasn’t my fault, I didn’t trust Willow’s protection spells to do the job right at first considering all the times magic has gone wonky around me. And in a way I was kinda right,” Xander admitted sheepishly.

“Right,” Wire Tap said in a disbelieving tone.

“You want fool proof doctored photos I’m your bot, I can even fake nude celebrities just take a pic of them and my flash takes care of the rest. Perfect for making spare change on the side,” his digital camera spoke up shoving Wire Tap out of the way. “I can store over five thousand pics in my memory and my flash doesn’t just x-ray celebs, it’s got a thirty-four watt bulb – I can blind anybody with that. Oh and did I mention I can see in the infrared and night vision spectrums too? My lenses have special sensors too that can analyze weaknesses in any structure,” he rattled off slyly as though pitching a sale to Xander.

“That’s, ah, a lot of skills,” Xander admitted thoughtfully. “How about Photon-T-34 for you?”

“Perfect! I dig it, boss,” Photon exclaimed happily smiling. “But what’s the T stand for?”

“Type,” Xander replied bluntly. “Ok! Naming is done. Now do I need to worry about you being Decepticons? I mean you said they were the big bads of this interstellar war.”

“Hey, being bad isn’t a crime,” Flamewar argued with a sultry smile and a wink. “Besides it’s not like we’d ever go out of our way to team up with those losers when we’ve got such a cutie like you to be with,” she added with a very disturbing expression of lust in her glowing red optics.

“We’re your gadgets, boss,” Wire Tap reminded. “Autobot, Decepticon it makes no difference to us.”

“Without you we’d just be mindless berserker barbarians like the others,” Zoom Out added.

“Fighting vamps and demons with you is better then getting stepped on by the Energon guzzlers,” Booster chimed in with a shudder.

“Energon?” Xander repeated curiously.

“It’s what fuels Cybertronians,” Photon explained.

“Does that mean you guys could run out of gas?” Xander asked worriedly he’d hate to think his new little friends could run down and die if they lost all of their Energon – it was amazing how fast the little creeps were growing on him.

“For robots our size?” Meantime blurted and all five began to laugh their heads off.

“The batteries you had in us before the change were changed by the AllSpark energy, boss,” Wire Tap said. “We soak up the sun’s rays every day and we’ll never run dry, your girlfriend on the other hand will probably need to refuel on fossil fuels just like a real motorcycle,” he added snidely.

“Hence the term Energon Guzzlers.” Zoom Out laughed dryly.

“Someone’s asking to get stepped on.” Flamewar snarled converting her arm into that crossbow again and pointing it at the Real Gears.

“Whoa! Everybody just calm down.” Xander held up his arms in a placating gesture. “Flamewar, please don’t toast my, ah, Real Gears,” he requested hesitating on using the name for the group because it sounded like a bad cross promotion for a toy franchise. “For one thing I still gotta call Willow back before she flips.”

“Then tell them to take back the Energon guzzler crack,” she insisted.

Xander turned to the robots.

“Fine, we’re sorry,” Photon apologized with reluctant sincerity before his owner had a chance to verbally chastise them.

“Ok,” Flamewar accepted their apology with a wary smirk and converted her weapon back into an ordinary arm.

Xander had to find out how she did that, but later. Wire Tap leapt at Xander who caught him in mid-air after his transformation. Intending to dial he was stopped by the sound of maniacal laughing and the next thing he knew the X-Box bot was scrabbling all over his back tearing at his clothes and either trying to strip him or kill him – he couldn’t be sure which.

“Hey! Get off of him you Tonka toy reject!” Zoom Out shouted launching a laser beam from his left optic.

Xander howled in pain as it stung his flesh instead of hitting the X-Box.

“Watch your aim,” Booster chastised strafing the X-Box and forcing it to leap over Xander’s head and into his lap.

“No stinging, X-Bot be good,” it said in a scratchy toned voice large almost child-like optics looking up pleadingly at Xander in a fair approximation of Dawn’s patented puppy-eyes.

“Oh great. We’ve picked up a stray.” Flamewar snorted in disgust.

Xander examined the X-Bot for any signs of treachery. The little thing was kind of cute – for a homicidal dress-tearing robot – plus he’d always wanted an X-Box. “You promise, no more trying to kill or hurt people, or, ah, strip them?” he demanded as though speaking to a highly intelligent pet.

“X-Bot promise, be good, play videogames too. Want play games with X-Bot?” it asked hopefully wagging the X-Box controllers in front of Xander.

“Maybe later,” he said pushing one aside.

Without warning the controller jerked in his hand and broke free from the self-dubbed X-Bot.

Xander and the rest stared dumbly as it transformed into a little five inch tall robot just like the others.

X-Bot seemed stunned.

“Play time, play time, play time.” The controller grunted twitching about uncontrollably. “We play lots of games, lots, almost four hundred and fifty-one available titles. All for you, creator, life giver, play with me, play, play, play!” it shouted leaping all around like a hyped up kid on sugar.

“That’s vile,” Photon complained.

“Little bug,” Zoom Out agreed.

“Mine, came from me, my friend,” X-Bot snapped pulling the controller to his chest protectively.

“Prime! Keep him,” Booster retorted dismissively. “He’s no use in the field.”

The controller almost smiled at that – well it would have if it had a mouth – a shrewd cunning gleam in his optics.

Xander groaned “I’m still AllSpark energy guy,” he complained frustratedly.

“Twitcher, Twitcher F451,” X-Bot dubbed his little friend who seemed content with the name.

“Why couldn’t he have become a cute femme for us?” Meantime complained frustratedly.

“Never mind that. I think I really should find one of those Autobots,” Xander said concern in his tone. “I can’t keep bringing every machine I touch to life, do you have any idea what kind of chaos that could cause?” he asked.

“My kind of chaos,” a new voice answered causing the entire group to leap to their feet and turn to regard the large hulking robot standing on top of the warehouse nearby.

“Decepticon,” Photon exclaimed.

“Hmf, not as good looking as my Xander though,” Flamewar commented dismissively.

“Ah shit,” Xander cursed under his breath. “So – why aren’t you as dead as your pals huh?” He tried one of the Scoobies tried and tested methods. Taunt the villain to distract him.

“Because, fleshling, I’m simply smarter than them,” the Decepticon informed.

“Got a name?” Zoom Out wondered noticing that Wire Tap was still in phone mode forgotten by Xander during X-Bot’s attack – and covertly dialing a number. If Willow could miraculously teleport Xander and everybody around him out of here they might stand a chance. Decepticons didn’t know about magic – at least not the ones from Cybertron.

“It won’t save you to know it, scraplet, but you may address me as Lord Starscream of the Decepticon Battle Fleet,” the Decepticon declared as if it should mean something to those observing him.

“Typical villain spiel,” Booster remarked in a bored tone.

“I’ve been meaning to ask, how do you know so much about what I’ve been doing before you came to life?” Xander wondered completely ignoring Starscream so as to deal with a problem that had been nagging him since the first one of his appliances spoke.

“World Wide Web instant access. Plus Willow’s spells,” Meantime answered.

“Oh, well. Willow I could use a fast teleport spell right about now,” Xander called loudly finally noticing what Wire Tap was up to.

Starscream leapt from the warehouse just as Xander felt the familiar sensations of the spell overtaking him – in a flash Xander Harris and his entire entourage vanished from Mission City leaving behind a very angry Decepticon. “Rah!” Starscream shouted loudly.

The Saleen S281 Police Cruiser rolled to a stop near Starscream’s current location. “Something wrong?” he asked casually.

“Not yet, Barricade, I believe it is time we retrieved someone else missing from our party,” Starscream told his fellow Decepticon. “Report! Specifically, Frenzy’s last known location, one avenue may elude me, but there are always contingency plans.”



Magic is unpredictable at the best of times when intermixed with Earth technology. Throw in one Alexander Harris covered in a blanket energy field of residual AllSpark energy mix well with a gaggle of newly created robotic entities – all of whom are still newly touched by the self same energy – and you get an unexpected, unprecedented, temporal event.

The Powers that Be conveniently blame the existence of a time manipulating Earth made Decepticon known as Meantime – however the AllSpark is ever changing and despite the fact that the cube itself was destroyed – its energy had to have gone somewhere. However – for simplicities sake we shall focus on the events immediately proceeding Xander’s mystical teleportation to the primary unit designated Alexander Harris.

What happened to him in laymen terms was simple. Xander Harris and his entourage vanished on the day of the Mission City battle as part of a teleport spell intended to take them to Watcher’s HQ in Cleveland – instead they reappeared three days later on a hillock overlooking Tranquility – at sunset – in front of four Autobots, two humans and the last surviving shard of the original AllSpark. Coincidence? Highly doubtful.



“I am Optimus Prime, and I send this message to any survivors of my kind who may be taking refuge among the stars. You are not alone. You have a home here, among others of your kind. We are waiting.” Prime finished his transmission and looked to the setting sun wondering if any others would come – being in robot mode was not exactly dangerous now that Megatron was gone, but it was dubious considering how well Humans reacted to his presence.

Suddenly and without warning a small flash of light attracted the great Autobot’s gaze – and standing where none had been before – was a young man and what appeared to be a group of Cybertronians.

As usual Ironhide reacted instantly converting to robotic form and training his cannons on the group.

Ratchet also transformed in case of trouble.

But Bumblebee could not with Sam and Mikaela on his hood in the positions they were.

“Ok, not where I was expecting to end up,” the young man remarked almost casually a strange reaction from any human to be sure.

The lithe looking female unit trained a crossbow on Ironhide. “Autobots,” she said possessively touching the human with her free hand.

“X-Bot not want trouble,” one of the smaller robots exclaimed leaping behind the human in fear.

“Stand down, Ironhide,” Prime ordered eyeing the group curiously, aside from the femmebot Prime doubted any of them could actually hurt them.

“But, Optimus, she’s a Decepticon,” his weapons officer protested.

“Yeah, well so’s the rest of us,” a very small robot stated defensively – glaring up at Ironhide and looking almost comical – a five inch robot staring down the thirty odd foot tall weapons officer made for a funny sight indeed.

“Quite, considering human technology is derived from Megatron it stands to reason those devices given life by the AllSpark would be Decepticons,” a small bird robot stated.

Prime and the others were surprised – animal-like Cybertronians similar to Scorponok rarely exhibited the ability to speak. Cybertronian scientists still were unsure why that was.

“Which is of course debatably a bad thing considering,” the bird said ruffling its mechanical feathers.

“But how? I don’t remember any of you,” Sam spoke up as he and Mikaela hopped off of Bumblebee. “Well except the X-Box there,” he amended.

“You’re the kid that was carrying the cube,” the young man realized.

Now Prime had some idea as to why this human hadn’t reacted more upon seeing them if he had been in Mission City he would have already bore witness to them.

“Thanks a lot for being so clumsy and making my stuff come to life,” he told Sam sarcastically, “I’ve always wanted a gaggle of pint sized robotic kids, but you know the missus was dead set against it,” he added in jest. “Meantime why didn’t we go where we were supposed to go?” he asked addressing one of the smaller robots with a watch for a chest.

“Why are you asking me, boss?” he shot back defensively. “Like I’d know, it was Willow’s spell. Use Wire Tap and give her a call.”

“At least we’re all here except for that creep Starscream,” the young man muttered dialing a number into his cell phone – this of course only served to attract the Autobots’ attention and not all of it appreciated.

“Why was Starscream after you?” Ironhide demanded suspiciously.

“Gee I don’t know, maybe it’s because for some totally insane reason that AllSpark energy the kid over their caused to grant life to my effects stuck around resulting in my inadvertently granting life to Flamewar here,” the human replied grumpily turning back to his phone with some obvious concern. “Come on, Wills, what’s with the ‘nobody home’ deal?”

“Er, would it help if I said I was sorry?” Sam asked softly.

“Impossible,” Ratchet blurted. “No organic could hold the energy of the AllSpark, it would destroy them,” he proclaimed.

“You want a demonstration? Try me – anything I touch becomes another one of you guys. That’s how Twitcher F451 here came to life,” the human declared indicating one of the smaller robots that was mostly green and looked a little like a gorilla. “Don’t ask, X-Bot named him. He was one of his controllers before I made him a Real Gears after all,” he added with a sigh and a frustrated shake of his head – his face flushed a little. “My watch came up with their collective name,” he mumbled with a tiny nervous looking smile.

Ratchet ran a quick scan of the human and shared an astonished look with Prime. “It’s. It’s true, Prime, I’m reading residual AllSpark energy in the man and it doesn’t appear to be dissipating,” the chief MO informed in stunned disbelief.

“But that’s impossible,” Ironhide blurted. “Isn’t it, Prime?”

“Apparently it is not, but I can not begin to explain how such a phenomena has occurred,” Optimus stated approaching the human non-threateningly. “My name is Optimus Prime. This is Ironhide my weapons officer, Ratchet my chief medical officer and Bumblebee guardian to our friends Samuel James Witwicky and Mikaela Banes,” he introduced by way of greeting.

“Great, no one’s picking up.” The man sighed and finally hung up. “The name’s Xander, Xander Harris and this group of. Companions of mine are Photon-T-34, Meantime, Zoom Out 25X, Booster X10, Flamewar, X-Bot, Twitcher F451 and Wire Tap V20.” He finished by holding up his phone which promptly transformed into another robot. “The rate I keep gaining new ones I’ll probably have thirty little ‘cons running around by Friday,” he added sourly.

“How can you trust Decepticons?” Sam asked incredulously. “I mean even if they’re as small as these are, aren’t they like, you know bad and stuff?”

“Oh I wouldn’t go so far as to say that, some of my best friends have questionable pasts. Besides they were my stuff before they were ever Decepticons and they’re completely loyal to me. Well all except X-Bot and Flamewar I didn’t own them, but Flamewar’s a whole different brand of weirdness. Still I can trust her; I mean she saved me from Dispensor and his or her awesome cannons of Mountain Dew dispensiveness,” Xander quipped with a smirk.

“You named the vending machine too,” Sam blurted.

“What vending machine?” Mikaela questioned finally venturing to speak. “What happened exactly after we split up, Ladiesman?”

“Huh, oh, well the AllSpark kind of brought this vending machine to life and um that X-Box, Xander’s stuff apparently and I think some girl’s car or something in the car,” Sam explained rubbing his neck nervously a sheepish expression on his face.

Ratchet was still fascinated by the interaction of the two teenagers he was watching them intensely.

“Steering wheel,” Xander elaborated with a shudder. “Her steering wheel came to life and tried to suffocate her, we, uh, destroyed it too. I mean who needs a transforming steering wheel of death in their car? Maybe some James Bond type or Andrew, hey yeah now there’s a good Christmas present idea for next year.”

“Perhaps we should continue this discussion in a more secure location,” Optimus stated before the humans could continue on this tangent. He and his fellow Autobots reverted to vehicle mode.

“Lead the way, big mac,” Xander said. “I’ll…”

“Ride with me,” Flamewar cut in pawing the human affectionately.

Sam’s eyes bugged out as he watched Xander blushingly get away from the female bikerbot.

“I, ah, did mention she and I had this weird thing. I don’t exactly get why, but she’s, ah, jonesing for me,” he explained embarrassed. “Although you know I’ll be the first one to admit it’s an improvement over my usual would-be girlfriends. At least she isn’t trying to sacrifice me or mate with me to perpetuate her species,” he added with a lopsided grin and a shake of his head as he realized he might have said too much.

“X-Bot you ride with Sam,” Booster said while the rest of them reverted to gear mode and secreted themselves on Xander’s person.

“Reminds me of Soundwave,” Bumblebee commented opening his doors so Sam and Mikaela could climb in. X-Bot leapt into the back seat and transformed into his console mode with Twitcher joining him studying the Autobot intensely.

“Don’t even start, kid,” Ironhide said revving his engine. “A human version of Soundwave, that’s a nightmare to even think about.”



Xander Harris was blown away at the sight that greeted him. For a race of robots who could hide in plain sight they sure got the concept of disguise down, what had at first looked like an ordinary vamp nest paradise turned out to be the biggest – most sophisticated looking state of the art secret headquarters he’d ever seen. With equipment he couldn’t begin to place. Lights flickered all along one wall and some kind of recharge berth lay flush with the other wall.

“Pretty impressive huh?” Sam asked with a big grin.

“Kid, that’s an understatement and a half,” Xander returned.

“And it ain’t even half done yet, since they don’t need sleep like we do they can get a lot done in seventy-two hours,” Mikaela remarked squeezing Sam’s hand with a smile.

“I can believe that,” Xander returned. That was when Wire Tap started vibrating. Answering the call quickly he turned aside from the teens so they wouldn’t be able to hear everything hopefully. “Yeah?”

“Xander Harris! Where the hell have you been?” the familiar voice of senior Slayer Buffy Summers demanded.

“What?” Xander shot back, he had yet to realize that he was the first human to time travel successfully due to his AllSpark infection, the use of Willow’s magic and the presence of Meantime. “Buffy, what are you talking about? One minute I’m about to get grabbed by this ultimate big bad style villain – you might even say uber bad – and you won’t believe what he is, the next I’m on a hill somewhere with the good guys watching the sun set,” he revealed.

“Xander, you’ve been gone for three days. Andrew was about to send out global search parties for your corpse,” Buffy revealed sounding like she was trying not to break down into sobbing tears.

“Three days!” Xander repeated nearly dropping Wire Tap in his shock. “Ok, I think Willow really needs to learn more about that teleport spell.”

“Spell as in magic?” Sam asked.

“Xander, who was that?” Buffy asked over the phone. “Please tell me you haven’t started picking up guys ‘cause Andrew would probably be so jealous and I can’t take his whining as it is.”

“Buffy, focus here, I just traveled through time. Kind of more important you know because – correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think you know who can just open one of those old musty books and look up time travel,” Xander pointed out trying to hide his fear at the discovery and ignoring Sam’s question.

“Point taken, Xand,” Buffy said. “Well what’s this big bad, who do I have to slay this time?”

“Ah, actually this isn’t exactly in your field, Buff,” Xander replied deflecting her question to one side. “Just let everybody know I’m ok and, uh, don’t worry I can handle this one on my end,” he said quickly hanging up before Buffy had the chance to push him for answers. He’d have a lot to explain when he got back, but now wasn’t the time. “Wire Tap screen my calls,” he requested.

“Sure thing, boss,” the phone said.

“Ok, I know you said spell,” Sam cut in determined not to get ignored again. “Are you going to spill or what?”

“I don’t think so, kid, you’ve got enough on your plate with your giant alien friends there. I can’t in good conscience let you know about what I do for a living,” Xander stated in that ‘end of discussion’ tone he’d perfected so well with Anya and his Slayers.

“I say we take his word for it,” Mikaela urged.

Sam looked between his smoking hot girlfriend and the one eyed AllSpark generator and decided to listen to her advice.

“So, uh, Optimus. How do we fix it so I stop bringing appliances and stuff to life?” Xander questioned turning to look up at the towering Autobot leader.

“That is a fair question, Xander Harris, perhaps, Ratchet, you’d care to answer it,” Prime suggested deferring to his MO.

“I can think of no method of dissipating this energy, from what I’ve seen it appears to have become a permanent fixture,” Ratchet began. “However it may be possible to transfer the energy into something else,” he elaborated.

“The surviving shard of the AllSpark,” Prime guessed.

Xander had been told what happened in Mission City while he was being chased everywhere by Dispensor, apparently Sam murdered this dude called Megatron by shoving the Cube into his chest and wound up destroying the thing too. From everything he’d been told concerning Megatron he would have made the same judgment call if given the choice Sam had been.

“Then maybe Cybertron isn’t dead,” Bumblebee said his hopeful thoughts being shared by the others.

“The amount of AllSpark energy is not near enough to restore Cybertron,” Ratchet admitted somberly. “But it could restore. Our fallen.”

“And by extension those of the Decepticons as well, a veritable prize indeed I can see now why Starscream would covet Xander’s unwanted gift,” Prime mused.

Ironhide glanced down at the human with narrowed untrusting optics. “I say we test the doc’s theory out first,” he stated semi-bitterly.

“Huh?” Xander wondered dumbly.

“Come on, Optimus, better that we find out now rather then get our hopes up.” Ironhide ignored Xander and turned to confront Prime who seemed to be debating the merits of such an act.

“What’s the big guy getting at?” Xander asked Sam out of the corner of his mouth.

“They think you’ve got enough AllSpark energy in you to revive Jazz,” Sam explained.

“The Solstice that big scary Megatron dude tore in half?” Xander asked.

Sam nodded.

“Well, lead the way. I’m all for helping a friend out, especially one I haven’t met yet,” Xander insisted with a wining smile.

Prime eyed him thoughtfully, and nodded. “Very well, Xander, we shall try.”

“Do or Do Not. There is no Try.” Xander couldn’t stop himself from uttering the words – strangely enough the Autobots seemed to understand the quote. Of course if they had total access to the World Wide Web looking it up was probably a matter of seconds.



The Autobot they called Jazz was lying in a room filled with medical equipment – his two halves partially reconnected – obviously Ratchet hadn’t wanted to give up on him despite the dire diagnosis he’d given after the battle.

Xander had no idea how to trigger the AllSpark energy all he knew was he had to touch Earth built machines to bring them to life. As far as he knew restoring something back to life should be something similar – so he approached the table and eyed each of the Autobots thoughtfully. “Mind giving a lift?”

Ratchet bent down and picked him up so that he was standing on the edge of the table – it was a little vertigo inducing to be honest, but he wouldn’t be off the ground long. “Well, here goes nothing,” Xander said placing his hand on the closest part of Jazz.

At first nothing seemed to happen and Sam, Mikaela, Bumblebee, Ironhide and Optimus looked downcast while Ratchet appeared thoughtful. And then Xander let out a startled gasp as the energy tingled through his body and played across the Autobot lying prone before him – he watched in fascination as the energy touched damaged circuits and wires and pistons and slowly repaired them.

The lower half of Jazz’s body reconnected itself fully and Xander blinked as the energy faded away confused at the cessation of flowing power – it felt like he’d lost the energy at last, which didn’t make sense. Ratchet said it was permanently part of him, but maybe the Autobot had been erroneous after all he’d never encountered this kind of thing before.

A groan escaped from the damaged though no longer critical Autobot and glowing blue optics lit up. “Ugh, what hit me, Prime?” Jazz asked as he sat up and glanced around the room.

“Jazz!” Bumblebee exclaimed joyfully rushing up to his friend.

“Hey, ‘Bee, you can talk again,” Jazz stated with a chuckle. “Sorry about not helpin’ ya when Starscream blew your legs off, ‘Bee. I just. Moonracer man ya know?”

“Yeah, I remember,” Bumblebee said solemnly.

“Jazz! you ornery little mech, guess it’s true. They can’t keep you down,” Ironhide grumbled with a good natured gruff looking smile.

“It’s good to have you back, Jazz,” Prime spoke up approaching Jazz and resting his hand on his shoulder.

“Optimus, I’m afraid the AllSpark energy has dissipated,” Ratchet announced.

Xander shook his head still confused. “I don’t get it, why now?” he asked.

“The AllSpark has occasionally operated in contrary and mysterious ways, Xander,” Prime explained. “Perhaps you were only ever meant to return one of our own.”

“Gee that’s a little anti-climatic,” Sam muttered.

“Not really, I’m kind of used to Fate making me the guy to break down all the conventional rules. A friend of mine almost died once too a long time ago, if I hadn’t come along when I did and used CPR you could say she was destined to have,” Xander revealed with a wistful smile wishing he could go back to those simpler days of his youth. “Oh great, that Starscream guy still thinks I’m mister AllSpark Battery Charger,” he groaned.

“I’ve missed a lot,” Jazz commented a little confused.

“I’ll fill you in later,” Bumblebee promised. “What are we going to do about Starscream, Optimus?” he asked.

“That is a difficult question to address. I doubt Xander would appreciate being constantly under our protection,” Prime mused.

“Flamewar too for that matter,” Xander muttered disquietly.

“Couldn’t one of you go with him back to his home?” Mikaela wondered. “I mean Bumblebee still guards Sam,” she added.

“I kind of live in Africa at the moment for my job. This was supposed to be my vacation,” Xander explained with a frown.

“Our forces are too limited as it stands, Optimus,” Ironhide pointed out.

“Yes, until other Autobots answer the beacon I sent out and then there is Barricade still at large to consider.” Optimus thought about every possible option and scenario – none of which seemed very promising.

“Maybe there’s something my friends can do, I mean what we do is pretty important for the planet. If I was to introduce them to one of you and explained things maybe they could figure out some way to stay one step ahead of that jerk Starscream,” he suggested helpfully.

“So what you’re like Green Peace or something?” Mikaela asked.

“Kind of.” Xander was non-committal in his response – he was still not going to tell either of the two teens about vampires and the other evil that walked amongst them practically hiding in plain sight at times – he had a feeling they’d have enough on their plate just being friends with the Autobots.

“Cool,” Sam said with a smile.

“I don’t know if that would be a wise move revealing our existence to more humans could endanger us and them,” Ratchet remarked.

“Hey, my friends can take care of themselves and trust me we know how to keep a secret,” Xander argued with a glare.

“I see no way of not telling his companions,” Optimus rebutted. “They will no doubt learn of his… Real Gears and Flamewar in time. Better that they understand everything,” he pointed out.

“Then who’s going to accompany him?” Ironhide demanded clearly opposed to the idea of being the one to go.

“I shall go myself,” Prime decided.

“But, Optimus, what if Starscream attacks on the way there?” Bumblebee demanded.

“You did that on purpose,” Ironhide accused with a glare.

“I would be honored if you would join me, Ironhide,” Prime returned with a mischievous light gleaming in his optics.

Grumbling incoherently Ironhide left to get ready.

“Where are your friends located?” Ratchet asked.

“Cleveland, Ohio,” Xander replied fishing Wire Tap out of his pocket, “I’d better call ahead to make sure they’ll all be ready,” he added quickly dialing the number. “Well maybe not Andrew,” he added under his breath with a weary sigh.



Xander vowed never to go on a road trip again especially not with Ironhide and Flamewar – since it was such a long trip to reach the Watcher’s HQ Optimus had insisted Xander ride in Ironhide and Flamewar ride in the back of the Topkick. So he’d been stuck listening to the two of them bicker the entire way and grew increasingly disturbed at the one track mind the Femme had concerning him.

It was the only thing Ironhide and he agreed on. Flamewar’s love for Xander was borderline April, Warren’s old sex-bot. He was just grateful Sam had been willing to take X-Bot and Twitcher off his hands temporarily – he was going to have enough on his plate without having to worry about an almost psycho video game console constantly begging to be played with.

“Boss, are you sure she won’t try to slay me?” Photon asked a little nervously as Watcher Central drew closer in sight.

“Yes, Photon, I’m sure.” Xander sighed. “Buffy isn’t going to wreck my gear it’s expensive to replace you guys, besides sentient equipment is ten times better than non-sentient equipment. If I get into trouble you guys can warn, I mean, get help,” he elaborated tired of answering the same question over and over again.

“You humans must be nuts to go out every night and fight those things,” Ironhide grumbled. “We ran into something similar on Hydrus Four, you couldn’t bribe me into tangling with them again,” he stated nervously.

“Earth vampires are different from alien vampires. Your cannons alone would fry them in a millisecond,” Xander argued. He’d told the Autobots everything during the trip to save time on explaining. Surprisingly it hadn’t been difficult to convince them about the supernatural – apparently their millennia long search for the AllSpark led them to a lot of crazy encounters on alien worlds. At least Prime had agreed Sam and Mikaela shouldn’t be told about it all, they had enough to worry about with Decepticons.

“We are here,” the voice of Optimus Prime informed over the radio.

Xander glanced out the window at a very welcome sight, Slayer Central. It was an old Victorian style home off the beaten path and not actually inside the modern area of the city, Buffy had insisted they build it as far away from the active Hellmouth as realistically possible to keep the Mini-Slayers safe.

Good thing too because it meant his guests could transform unobserved from any prying eyes, Defense Secretary Keller had been adamant about that after Prime contacted him regarding the Xander situation, and how cool was it that he’d got to speak to the Defense Secretary or that the man knew his name.

“Several humans are approaching,” Ironhide alerted nervously.

“Relax, they’re just my friends,” Xander reminded calmly.

“I am relaxed, now get out of my cab and take that, that trollop bike with you,” he barked popping the driver’s side door open.

Xander rolled his eyes and hopped out moving to get Flamewar down. “Don’t transform until I’ve softened the blow,” he whispered.

“I don’t have to be told twice, tiger,” she cooed making Xander sigh with exhaustion.

“Sweet ride, Xander.” Faith was the first one to speak. “Mind if I take it for a spin later?”

“Ah, I’m really not the one to ask,” Xander replied shooting both vehicles a nervous look. “Everybody’s here?” he asked eyeing each of the faces in the group, Giles, Faith, Dawn, Buffy and a few baby Slayers were present, but Willow was strangely absent.

“Just about,” Buffy greeted with an icy look at her best friend.

Xander didn’t get why she was behaving so distantly even over the phone she’d seemed upset with him for some reason.

“Willow had to contact Andrew and get him to L.A. seems Angel discovered a Slayer. Pretty messed up one too by the sounds of it.” Buffy studied Xander closely looking for any signs that her best male friend was in any sort of trouble – after a while she’d gotten used to reading his moods – she could tell there was something bothering him, but couldn’t figure out what.

“Oh.” Xander couldn’t get any more out as Dawn tackled him with a hug.

“We were so worried about you when you disappeared,” she exclaimed. “Did you really travel through time? I mean when we heard about that we thought you’d lost it, but then Willow pointed out that she’d detected something wonky when she cast the spell.”

“So where are these new friends you wanted us to meet?” Kennedy demanded impatient to get this over with – she was one of the reasons Xander preferred staying in Africa. Her attitude alone was enough to make him loathe staying in the same room with her for more then an hour let alone a whole year.

“Yes, Xander, spill, what’d you get involved with this time?” Buffy questioned almost angrily.

Xander felt that he might have alienated Buffy just a bit, but once she met the Autobots he had a feeling she’d let him patch whatever fences needed mending. “That’s complicated on so many levels,” he said. “Guys, ummmm there’s no easy way to say this, so. Allow me to introduce Optimus Prime leader of the Autobots and his weapons officer Ironhide.” Xander moved back and smirked as his friends watched the Autobots transform for the first time, it was actually still pretty big as far as awe inspiring sights went. He had to give it an eleven on the scale of cool, or maybe a thirteen.

“Greetings,” Optimus stated.

“Good Lord,” Giles blurted instantly tearing off his glasses and wiping them cleaner then they probably were ever going to be.

“Andrew is so going to be pissed he missed this,” Dawn told one of the new Slayers – Xander thought it was Carly, but it could have been her twin sister Heather.

“Oh.” Buffy managed to get out and then – in a surprise to all – the oldest living Slayer – she who had envisioned the creation of a Slayer army to scrunch The First, she who came back from heaven because her friends were selfishly naïve, she who had died twice in the line of duty – passed out.

“Man, Xander, you broke B,” Faith said with a laugh and a wink.

“Xander, you didn’t introduce me,” Flamewar snapped glaring at him with murder in her optics.

Ironhide chuckled at Xander’s discomfort.

Dawn eyed the bike bot curiously. “Geeze, Xander; only you could attract a girl robot,” she said with an air of disbelief and a shake of her head.

“Kill me now,” Xander pleaded to the heavens, but no one was listening as usual.



Buffy knew she was never going to live the humiliation down even before regaining consciousness – the big bad longest living Slayer fainting at the sight of giant robots. She couldn’t help it though – they’d just transformed so quickly and were so tall. She thought she’d seen everything in her life, but they’d topped the list of weird and strange encounters. It was just too much of a shock to her thoroughly exhausted system and it was all Xander’s fault!

If he hadn’t gone and disappeared for three days and then had the nerve to tell her. Her one of his best friends and sort of protector, that he could handle it on his own and didn’t need help, well obviously he’d gotten into something that was a whole big thing.

Glaring across the table they’d set up in the backyard to better talk with Optimash Prime and Ironside she willed Xander to lose his cool and Faith to lose her smug smirk – unfortunately they didn’t and so she locked gazes with the big red and blue guy who was doing his best not to piss anybody off by stepping on one of them. “So! You’re these alien robots and you came looking for your Ollie Spark or this big Cybernet Space Cube thingy – because in order to keep it from this Megatoaster guy – you launched it into space,” she bluntly repeated everything they’d said purposefully mangling the names to get a reaction.

“And I thought the teenagers had horrible verbal skills,” Ironhide muttered rolling his eye things – optronics they called them.

“Oh trust me this is nothing compared to how they were in High School,” Giles said eyeing the Autobots in fascination. “Sadly I’ve gotten used to it,” he added with a little sigh.

“Ok I just gotta know,” Faith blurted. “If Autobots stands for Autonomous Robots then what does Decepticon stand for?” she demanded.

“Nothing,” Optimus Prime replied. “Megatron coined the term based on the word deception for purposes too complex and immaterial to our current predicament to get into,” he elaborated.

“Well, now I can sleep tonight,” Faith said with a small smile.

“Xander, when you step into something you go all the way,” Buffy grumbled in dissatisfaction.

“Hey! I wasn’t the one who pushed for this vacation,” he shot back defensively. “At least I went somewhere normal, how long were you in Rome this time?”

“That was so not called for,” Buffy snapped.

“I’m sorry. I’m just still a little stressed out,” Xander apologized with a sigh. “And then you get on my case with this whole attitude thing, what did I do to make you so mad?”

“You’re screening your calls and totally brushing me off for one,” she returned.

“Huh?” Xander pulled out his phone. “Wire Tap, what have you been doing to screen my calls?” he demanded and much to Buffy’s horror and surprise Xander’s phone became another of those robots – a cute looking five inch tall robot, but still a frigging robot.

“Nothing, boss, I just sent them to voice mail,” it replied. “Uh, but I might have told her to stop acting like a mother hen and that you weren’t married to her,” he added with a sheepish tone of voice.

“Oh terrific! Why’d you go and pull a bonehead play like that?” Xander demanded angrily.

“Well, we know everything from those Watcher Diaries you made up about Sunnydale. The stuff in there, some of it kind of made me a little sore at how she was treating you,” Xander’s phone admitted apologetically.

Buffy eyed the thing hurt, that stuff was the past and she’d learned from those mistakes. And who was it to judge her anyway? It was just a pint sized little robot that used to be an ordinary phone – Xander hadn’t even told them about this. “And when were you going to tell us about that?” Buffy demanded rudely indicating the phone. Xander had the decency to look chagrined.

“That has a name,” the phone stated irritatedly.

“Actually Wire Tap isn’t all,” Xander revealed pulling out a digital video camera, digital camera and an MP3 player. “That AllSpark thing kind of brought all my stuff to life, Zoom Out 25X, Booster X10 and Photon-T-34, plus Meantime my watch,” he introduced them by name and each one transformed into a different mechanical form.

They were all unique – the phone had stocky legs, two thin arms ending in clawed appendages and this huge big eye that was the camera lens from the phone form. It had an ordinary sized nose and mouth under the massive eye looking way out of proportion with the thing.

The photographic camera had thicker arms and thinner legs also with twin clawed appendages for hands, his face was one of the most normal with little glowing red eyes a nose and a mouth. Buffy had to wonder though if it could still take pictures in this form.

The MP3 player was a cute little bird – it was red and black in color with thin razor edged feathers made out of the crystal LCD display screen. It had a little beak and beady looking eyes and the earphone piece stuck to its neck looking suspiciously like a weapon.

The video camera had broad shoulders due to its design, thick fat feet and thin little arms that almost appeared too short. The display screen was perched on its back partly split open to the sides looking kind of like a pair of miniature wings, the head was regular enough, two eyes, a nose and a mouth, but the left eye was bigger than the right one and kept spinning around in the socket elongating and contracting as he or she examined everything and everyone.

Lastly came the watch – Buffy was no expert, but she felt that it was the tallest. It had wide brimmed feet, long legs, arms that actually ended with five fingered hands and seemed the closest to human as far as body types went. His or her face however didn’t even have a mouth, or if it did it was hidden behind the solid looking faceplate – it had very vibrant glowing eyes though that covered the entirety of its face like a visor and had a round little button-like nose.

“She looks like she’s going to pop,” the video camera remarked backing away from Buffy out of fear.

The senior Slayer grinned viciously at last some robots she could intimidate.

“She tries jumping us can I shoot her eyes out?” the MP3 asked maliciously.

“Try it and die, birdy,” Buffy snapped pulling out a knife and twirling it around in her hand threateningly.

“Buffy, they’re my, ah, friends, equipment? Whatever, you’re not killing any of them,” Xander shot back encircling the five of them protectively.

“They’re kind of cute,” Dawn spoke up reaching out for the bird. It hopped into her hand and she examined it curiously feeling the wings. “They aren’t sharp,” she exclaimed in surprise.

“They are made to look dangerous, but I can render them as sharp or as pliable as I need them to be,” Booster informed pleasantly.

“Cute she says,” Photon grumbled. “She hasn’t seen X-Bot yet,” he added with a snicker.

“Ok play time is over,” Willow spoke up. “We’ve got to figure out how to keep Xander safe from this Starscream person without interfering with his duties in Africa, he’s needed over there,” she pointed out.

“That’s easy,” Buffy countered. “We find this guy and slay his sorry ass.”

“And how would you propose to locate Starscream?” Ironhide scoffed. “He’s probably off planet by now getting some reinforcements, and trust me, Slayer girl, you wouldn’t stand one second against an army of battle hardened Decepticons,” he added with a chuckle.

“They’ve underestimated me all my life, the bad guys, but I’m still standing and I’ve saved the planet seven times now,” Buffy shot back glaring up at the weapons officer.

Ironhide shook his head. “Protecting this planet is simple, child’s play. You think you and your friends know what it means to fight a real war?” Ironhide demanded. “Your kind are nothing compared to us, we’ve lived for over four million years, and a good portion of that time was spent dealing with the Decepticons. If you ever want to know what that’s like maybe you should let all those demons run loose for a little while,” he said angrily turning to leave.

“Ironhide,” Prime called. “Don’t judge these Humans, I told you they have much potential.”

“Maybe so, Optimus, but if Starscream comes back with forty or more I doubt very much these little organics will last very long even with their precious Sabot rounds.” Ironhide dismissed the group and walked away.

Optimus turned back to the others with an apologetic expression. “You’ll have to excuse Ironhide, we were a peaceful race once, but the long years of war have taken their toll. On some more than others and I fear it is difficult for them to adjust especially now that our mission has come to such a devastating end, our very way of life may be over for without the AllSpark our very home is doomed to perish,” Prime remarked somberly.

“Hey no big, big mac,” Faith spoke up for the group. “We may not be able to relate completely, but we still dig ya know. Now seriously what are we going to do for Xand-man?” she asked getting them all back on track.



Buffy wasn’t a hundred percent happy with the solution, but at least Xander wouldn’t be taken out of the fight. Willow had convinced Xander to let her cast a spell on him that would mask him from the sight of anyone who wished to do harm to him or use him for an evil purpose – theoretically it should work, but they wouldn’t be able to exactly go out and test the thing.

Optimus Prime had also given Xander a special beacon thingy – if any Decepticons came looking for him all he had to do was activate it and the Autobots would come running. For all the good it did him with them being here and him being an ocean away, it wasn’t like they could exactly drive to Africa.

Buffy had decided to get some rest. She needed it after the last three days. She just couldn’t explain even to herself why she’d gotten so upset about Xander – it wasn’t like they were dating or something.

“You can lie to yourself all you want, Slayer,” a familiar voice whispered in her ear. “But you can’t lie to me, remember I am you and I can see so much clearer. You got a thing for the one who sees – problem is you can’t let yourself come to terms with those emotions because secretly you still pine away for Angel. Oh Angel this, Angel hold me, Angel touch me,” the incorporeal bitch mocked with a laugh.

Buffy whirled to confront her, but as always she was gone. “That’s right you better run,” she muttered, but a part of her felt small – insignificant – no one else knew about this. She couldn’t tell them, it was too soon after Sunnydale. Collapsing onto her bed she cried hot tears, The First was supposed to be dead and if she couldn’t even kill it who could? Buffy knew better then to wish or even think the W word, but desperately she hoped that somehow someone that could kill the First once and for all would just show up and do it for her because she didn’t think she could.



The Laurentian Abyss – only just yesterday the remains of four fallen warriors had been dumped like so much garbage. Bits and pieces of mangled robots sent to a watery grave. The problem was Humans really didn’t understand Cybertronian science despite analyzing the captured Megatron for years, and not even the Autobots could predict what would happen once the Decepticon claimed the AllSpark.

Just as they couldn’t have predicted what happened to Alexander Harris – as Megatron at last came to a stop on the bottom of the sea floor the collision triggered an event that defied all explanation. A wave of energy spread out all around and at first nothing seemed to happen, but then the remains of his soldiers began to slowly crawl towards each other and bit by bit began to rebuild themselves.

And Megatron woke up. “I still. Function.”

The End



New Epilogue:

Before Time Began there was the Cube – Cybertronians knew not where it came from – however the AllSpark, just as its creations – was more than meets the eye. Upon coming in contact with a nexus being similar to itself – the human known as Alexander Harris – new awareness filled it.

Realization came to it. Sensation was quick to follow. And then – the energies were exposed to a new source of power – the arcane abilities of the natives of the planet Earth itself.

This resulted in a fracturing of the AllSpark’s newfound awareness. One portion of the AllSpark’s depleted energies was currently with the Autobots – a broken and twisted shard of a once mighty construct – the Cube.

One section remained with Alexander Harris – the human who had come into contact with it and who would soon be experiencing further adventures with the Transformers.

A third aspect of the AllSpark was currently working tirelessly to repair the fallen Decepticons of Megatron’s regime – however it’s fate would be revealed at a later time.

The last aspect of the AllSpark – that which had formerly been also attached to Alexander Harris – was sent elsewhere via the strange event known as the Temporal Fold. This aspect of the AllSpark used its powers to create a new physical form for which it could interact with its creations – basing the personality on Xander’s own – it managed to create a new Cybertronian.

A new Cybertronian who currently found himself in a heap of trouble.

The surface of mars was the current sight of an intense battle between the Decepticons and a small team of Autobots led by the warrior Arcee – and apparently they were in the midst of being slaughtered by Thundercracker and the new self-named Lord Starscream.

The AllSpark in it’s new form was standing on the surface of the planet watching as the Decepticons abandoned the decimated Cybertronians and felt a strong desire to help them, but it could do nothing unless… Tapping into its connection to the other aspects of the AllSpark currently on Earth it drew the power of restoration back to itself from the human form of Alexander Harris.

As Starscream abandoned the deactivated Autobots on Mars – the AllSpark made his way as carefully and quickly as possible towards its fallen creations. But – just as he reached them – a stray blast attracted his attention from somewhere to his right.

A tall gangly looking robot was currently standing there with a smug smirk on his robotic lips – beside him was a female unit of indeterminate capabilities – her arm twirled reverting from cannon mode to regular arm form.

“Well, well, a chance to score some new upgrades and what appears to be a potential hostage,” the male unit observed shrewdly.

The AllSpark was uncertain what it should do, but it knew a threat when it saw it. The question was – how could it help restore the fallen Autobots and avoid alerting this Decepticon to his potential so that he wouldn’t be fought over again in this new form? Currently the answer eluded him, but hopefully he would figure it out before the Autobots life essences left them completely.

To Be Continued…

The End

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