Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who. If I did, I'd be cruising through time and space right now. Also no money is made from this.
Summary: The thoughts of Rose at the Bad Wolf Bay.
He was never gonna say it. Not ever.
He loved her, she could see that, his eyes nearly screamed it. But he would never tell her. He’d keep pushing her away, no matter how desperately he’d want to do otherwise.
She could see it now.
He was being ripped apart in inner struggle. His hearts ached for her, but his mind told him to get away from her. Away from future pain.
She’d spent every waking hour trying to get back to him, to spend forever with him.
Stay with him till the day she died.
He would not allow her that. He was the one that always left others behind.
It was the only way he knew how to bear the pain.
In the End, in Death, they left him.
All of them.
Ultimately he was the one left.
Alone in the TARDIS.
Had he planned this? This Double of him, his mortal Image?
Only he would give her that. Only he would be selfless enough to give her a Doctor she could grow old with.
Only he would be selfish enough to think of that.
To wash away the guilt of stealing her life, to make it easier for him to loose her, knowing she was loved. By him.
Should she fight him on this?
Could she give Him, the real real Doctor and the traveling trough time and space up?
After all she’d done and seen, could she live ‘normal’?
With a Him that would say the words, but never truly be all that he was?
Essentially they were the same, she knew that, but…
This choice was nearly too much.
Fight and stay with The Doctor, Doctor Who, the man who saved the universe, the loneliest man in all of time.
Or not fight and do the normal thing with the mortal Doctor.
The man who would finally say it, the one that would stay?
So she asked her question. The last test. Would he say it? Would she see something in his eyes that would keep her fighting?
But no, he was determined. She could see that now.
All that love in his eyes, all that pain.
But she’d suffered too.
She was tired, so tired. After all she did to find him again… He was still pushing her away.
And as she asked the mortal one, as she heard him whisper the words she’d longed to hear, Rose Tyler broke inside.
She knew the truth then. No matter how much the true Doctor longed for her, he would keep pushing her away, always dreading her departure from him.
And she knew it would break them both beyond anything mendable.
He was giving her a gift
A life as equals, a journey that would end.
As everything in her screamed to kiss the Time Lord into submission, to vow anew to stay her whole life with him, she didn’t.
She took his gift and kissed the mortal man, the image and a part of her died right there.
He didn’t say goodbye.
There she stood hand in hand with her Doctor, yet half her heart was ripped away, had left with Him and Donna.
Rose knew she’d never be whole again.
But, she surmised looking into the eyes of her very own mortal Doctor, but maybe she could still do happy.
She would never forget nor ever cease to love the one in another universe.
The one who was always left behind.
The one she loved first.
This was truly the worst and the best day of her life.
I truly didn’t know how to feel at the end of the last episode. In my estimation Rose would never give up on the ‘real’ Doctor. I know that this End was the best way they could wrap of the romance between Rose and the Doctor without cutting off a lot of potential for the series, but still… Gaaaaaargh.
Poor Doctor. Alone again. Just not fair it is…
P.S.: Still going to continue the ‘Golden Future’ Universe, just haven’t worked out where to pick up.