Large PrintHandheldAudioRating
Twisting The Hellmouth Crossing Over Awards - Results
Rules for Challenges

The Final Agony: Reflections

StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking

This story is No. 4 in the series "The Final Agony". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: Xander thinks upon the children that changed his destiny and the one whose loss took his sanity.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Multiple Crossings > Xander-CenteredCaliadragonFR1511,464063,6778 Jul 088 Jul 08Yes
Title: The Final Agony: Reflections
Author: CaliaDragon
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, CSI: All Versions, Highlander, NCIS, Riddick, the Mummy, and Supernatural.
Characters: Xander Harris, Kat Harris, Ella Harris, Toby Jenkins, Pamela Jenkins, Cordy Jenkins.
Part: 1/1
Category: AU, Age Regression, Time Manipulation
Warnings: Angst, Mild Slash, unbeta’d, OFC, OMC
Rating: FRM
Feedback: caliadragon@gmail.comor on list.
Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine if you know them.
AN: This is not just an excuse to get Xander naked. This will end up a slash series. Xander will be paired with a man. Others in the series are involved with their own sex. If you have a problem with same-sex relationships you probably won't want to finish this series. I have no idea who Xander will end up with yet.
Summary: Xander thinks upon the children that changed his destiny and the one whose loss took his sanity.
Series: The Final Agony Series. Previous parts can be read here:


Xander sat on the back porch sheltered from the sun by the canvas overhang and the trees that lined the house. He sat quietly with his legs crossed his mind focused on his past and the two young women that brought him to this point.

Three days had passed since he had come to this new old world. Since his awakening he had been unable to tolerate clothes on his body. They felt harsh and unnatural to him. He felt weighted down; his skin didn’t feel like it belonged on his bones. No one had stopped him from stripping down and staying that way, he thought that perhaps they understood how odd it was to wake up different, yet the same way he once was.

His mind drifted beyond his body’s strange reaction to clothes and on to his two miracles and their loss. His oldest daughter Ella was born in the middle of an apocalypse on the battle field. His wife Katrina was a witch, fighting the infusion of demons coming in through the hellmouth in a small cove in New Zealand. They had only been married a year when Kat became pregnant.

When Xander met Kat his heart nearly burst from his chest, she was just that wonderful. He and the core Scoobies were once again drifting back together. Xander had returned from Africa, Willow from Brazil, and Faith from Cleveland, Buffy and Dawn from Rome, all of them back to their Librarian Giles in London. When they gathered it only seemed natural for them to live at the Slayer school together.

Willow was gathering magick users to help in the fight, while Buffy and Faith were teaching Slayers with Xander acting as both back up and support to the whole group. Giles continued to run the council and Dawn acted as his assistant after Andrew became their seer in a way that still gave him nightmares.

Life was routine, battle, teach and live. Then the day came that Kat arrived and took Xander’s breath away. She was tall, beautiful, strong and mouthy, everything Xander looked for in a woman. The Scoobies had even joked that Xander would end up asking her out and they had been wrong. Xander never got a chance to ask Kat on a date, she told him they were going out and amused and a little flattered Xander agreed, they were married six months later.

Kat had died as she gave birth to their child and it had broken Xander’s heart, but he had loved his daughter with all that he was. When Ella turned 13, she woke up that morning and crushed the handle on her door as she tried to open it. Xander had been horrified and he wasn’t the only one. Buffy had actually cried when she learned that their baby, and Ella was everyone’s baby, was a slayer.

Ella had taken to her training with gusto; she had a leg up on most of the slayers as she was around slayers her whole life and had taken some of the training to combat her hyperactivity.

Three years later Xander watched in horror as Ella, Buffy, Willow, and Giles were killed trying to stop a demon opening a portal to its natural plane, a plane that would have burned the earth away into nothingness. The death of his daughter, his father, and his two best friends had shattered Xander. Learning that he had comeback from the dead had fractured his mind. It was only because of Faith, Andrew, Dawn and his nephews from both girls that Xander was able to keep going.

Then three years later all that Xander had left was the kids his friends had and a mirror where Andrew was trapped giving visions. Nearly three hundred years would pass before he had another child. Cordelia had been born to a friend quite by accident.

Xander’s husband was killed in a fight with a vampire army; they had burnt his magick out of him with a talisman. It killed Toby instantly. That night for the first time in a century Xander got rip roaring drunk. It was with Toby’s sister Pam and some time in the middle of their drunken mourning they had sex. Three months later they realized that Pam was pregnant. Neither of them could think of any reason why Pam shouldn’t have the child. Xander had no idea that Cordy would be a slayer. However, on her 13th birthday it happened. He and Pam had wept and cursed the Powers for making their angel a slayer. Both had been hyper protective of their daughter, but knew that to keep her from her destiny would only endanger her.

Cordy had lived longer than her older sister, she was the pure example of a slayer, feral, beautiful and dangerous. Cordy was a slayer for ten years before she died and Xander lost his mind. Thankfully Pam never knew that their daughter lost her life, Pam was killed in the same battle. Xander and Pam were only ever friends, they never had sex but the one time, but they were both devoted to their child and Pam often commented that she was glad that Xander would be around to nag their great-great grandchildren, but that was not to be.

Xander had gotten his revenge and he reveled in the killing then and now. He felt no remorse for killing those who took everyone and everything from him. He had lost his family, his lovers, and his children to the Powers and they deserved the pain that he inflicted upon them.

When he was more lucid he had asked about Spike and Angel. The two vampires had died trying to protect Faith, Connor, Dean, and Sam from death; they had done everything in their powers to save them and died painfully for it. Xander had staked them simply to ease their suffering. It had hurt him to do so as he had cared a great deal about both vampires and had come to see them as more than reluctant allies. For a short time he and Angel had a relationship, Angel was in fact his first male lover. Spike and Faith had had a wild, reckless relationship friendship that worked for them and amused everyone else.

Xander sighed and curled up onto his side, both Angel and Spike would be together in this life, but thanks to his fellow Guardians they were both Souled when the gypsy cast the curse on Angel. They had been together for years as lover and childe. Angel didn’t have the loneliness that had haunted him for centuries and Spike had companionship that did not include an insane Sire/lover.

Xander wished them well as he wished all of his friends well, he could only hope that they were given the love and adoration in this life that they were denied in the last life.

Doyle, whom Xander had only met once, was a wonderful man and was doing his best to help Xander through the changes he was facing. Tara had arrived earlier in the day with Eric, who had explained what was happening with Xander. Instead of being horrified or shy, Tara had merely hugged Xander gently and moved her belongings into her room in the house. The pair had then explained to Xander that Tara was carrying Cordy. Eric had then told him in a gentle voice that Dawn was carrying Ella for him. Both children would be born at the same time making them twins. Xander had broken down and cried, after a while he had needed to retreat from everyone and come out side and think about his children and their mothers.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. While his children would be reborn they would be different this time around and he would not expect them to be the same. He would mourn who they used to be and embrace who they were now. It was all he could do in this life and he hoped to continue to live by that motto.

The End for Now

The End

You have reached the end of "The Final Agony: Reflections". This story is complete.

StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking