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Advertising Night

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This story is No. 2 in the series "Contemplating the Gecko". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: A 'Tales' Story for Methos' 2202. There's a marketing convention a few blocks away from Nights and when Xander opens his doors they just start piling in.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Miscellaneous > Commercials(Current Donor)ShieldageFR1331,808083,93616 Jul 0810 Aug 08No

Community Chest

Nights created by Methos in Tales of the Barman, BtVs in general by Whedon & M.E., GEICO's commercials by a really neat creative group. BOB FM's mythical product line reported in one of the station's commercials.

Star Wars by George Lucas and the parent companies. Yoda's here representing the bar's nature, see Dragonhulk's #162 and my #241.

The bit about Odin's contract is from Douglas Adams 'Long Dark Teatime of the Soul'. Spoilers ;)

Jones Soda is a real company. Yes, they do have the holiday special sodas and donate much of the proceeds from the weird flavors to charity. Some people like the odd flavors, others... not so much.

Xander drummed his fingers on the countertop, waiting impatiently for Willow to arrive. He was vaguely worried that the gecko would decide to leave too soon.

"So," he asked, swinging back to the reptile's side of the bar. "How's it going?"

"Oh, I'm getting along nicely enough. Just explaining the merits of GEICO's comprehensive plans to my new friend here."

"Aware of them now I am," Yoda said to the gecko. "Happy, will I be to join."


Faith and Illyria strolled into the bar. The blue god-king dropped a case - marked 'Jones Holiday Pack' - with several drink bottles in it onto the bar, while the dark-haired Slayer fished a small perfume bottle out from her bag.

"We've been to the marketing convention and we brought back souvenirs," Faith said, giving her arm a little spray of perfume. "Here, smell this."

"Huh," Xander said after leaning forward. "I can't really place it, but I guess it tingles nicely. What is it?"

"Well, like it says on the label, BOB FM."

"Oh, that's the company?"

"No, the radio station is authorizing Synaesthesia Corp to distill the product."

"What product?"

"The radio station," Faith said with a wide grin. "Can't you tell?"

Xander closed his eyes to think and connected synaesthesia with that Trivial Pursuit game and the ability/disorder involving hearing colors and tasting speech.

"Faith," Xander said, turning to look at her. "That is the weirdest thing I've heard in... nearly two days. Remind me to head over there tomorrow and buy some shampoo."

"Have one right here," she smiled, passing it over. "Let's face it, X. I know you."

"Hmph," said Xander as Illyria reached over for one of the sodas. "I... Wait. What did that label say?"

Illyria lifted up the case containing unopened bottles labeled Cranberry Soda, Mashed Potato & Butter Soda, Green Bean Casserole Soda, and Fruitcake Soda.

"You're kidding me."

"I do not kid," Illyria said as she popped the top on the one marked Turkey & Gravy Soda. "I am simply pleased that humanity has finally caught up with my refined tastes."

"Ewww..." Xander verbalized as she downed it one gulp. "I'm used to, well, I have a slug slime cocktail mix in the freezer ready for any sluagh to come by. But, for that to go mainstream?"

"Ahhh," Illyria breathed as she set the empty glass bottle on the counter and slid it over to Xander. "I would like you to add this to the Wall as an example of how quickly the mundane world at large is changing. Maybe someday soon they'll see us for what we are. Real and worthy of respect."

"Thank you," Xander said, taking the gift. "I'd be honored to put it in place as the symbol it is and hopefully I'll never have to smell it again."

"Good," Faith said. "Oh yeah, also of note was a quiet memorial service for two prominent advertising executives. You know, the ones Red was going on about?"

"Wait... No. Really? The ones Odin sold his soul to? Just so he could appear in commercials?"

"Yep. Plane crash in London. Apparently someone locked a fighter jet in a kitchen and it got angry enough to break through a wall and crush their car. They're calling it an act of god."


"Anyway. The contract's been rendered null and void and," she said, breaking off mid-sentence, recognizing the gleam in his eye. "Sorry, Xan. His son tore it to shreds. No chance of anyone bringing it in here. So," she said as she slid to her feet. "There's something I've been putting off doing since I came in here."


Faith strolled up to one of the cavemen, while his friend was at the counter ordering food.

"Hey," she said, grinning. "Couldn't help but notice you."

"Charmed," he said, surprising her by reaching out and taking her hand.

The light touch of his lips on her skin sent a thrill through her body.

"Wow," he breathed. "I've never met anyone before who smelled like music."

"Want to dance to it?" she asked with a smirk.

"Oh, I have moves," he said, grinning back.

"Heh. If we're going there I - Oh, wait! Is that the GEICO gecko over there? I have his motorcycle insurance. Oh," Faith said, turning back to the caveman and the expression on his face. "Yeah, that broke the mood. I'll just walk over and get his autograph."

"Figures," snarled the caveman as he sank to his seat and rested his head on his arms. "Why is it that the cute ones always fall to the Dark Side?"

"Too lightly, using those words you are," Yoda said firmly, hobbling up on his new apple-wood cane. "Do not."

"AAAAGH!" yelled the shocked caveman. "Yoda's real and he doesn't like me!"

"Oh great," murmured the gecko from his perch across the room. "Now the other hairy fellow is making a ruckus too. Hmph. Seems someone needs to give them a good talking to. Might as well be me..."

The End?

You have reached the end of "Advertising Night" – so far. This story is incomplete and the last chapter was posted on 10 Aug 08.

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