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The Voice

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Summary: Being Gods Errand Boy Really Sucks Sometimes....

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Movies > Dogma(Past Donor)chaoseternusFR1532,6991109,52717 Jul 0817 Jul 08Yes

Chapter One

The Voice
By Chaos_Eternus

I do not own nor do I claim ownership of any non-original characters and / or concepts contained within


He looked in on StarGate command often, as He did all of Her champions. This time was different however, this time He was worried about what He would find. One of the champions time on Earth, had come and passed, and He was worried they were not taking it well. He ghosted through the base, watching and listening carefully. He signed, just as he had expected. He could he supposed, arrange an easy victory, something to raise their spirits or something similar, but he felt these ones were worthy, and they needed the personal approach.

------

Hammond and Sg-1 were sitting around the table, in theory they were being briefed on there next mission, in reality they were exchanging stories about Doctor Frasier, about the good times, even Hammond had joined in.

“…and remember what happened when Makepeace tried to chat her up?”

Small half smiles appeared on there faces as they remembered the incident in question, SG-1 had got back from a boring mission off-world, i.e. one where they didn't get shot at, to find Makepeace and his team receiving their jabs, having just returned from a mission themselves. Apparently the natives had given Makepeace a drink which left him… Amorous, to put it mildly.

O'Neill chuckled,” Didn't know a needle could move that fast”

“We heard the scream up here, how do you think I got to the infirmary so fast?” Hammond added.

Before SG-1 could reply, flames burst into existence at the foot of the table, apparently, from which a voice cried;

“All Hail The Metatron, The Voice Of The One True God, All Hail The Metatron, The Voice Of The Almighty, All Hail… BLOODY HELL!?! What is wrong with you people!?!”

SG-1 lowered their fire extinguishers in surprise at the sheer volume of outraged scorn in The Voices voice. Metatron scowled as he brushed the chemicals off his expensive Saville Row suit;

“Everywhere I go its either sprinklers, those bloody chemical extinguishers, a bucket of water or a soddin' hose! It's getting pretty old”

“Who the hell are you and what are you doing on my base!?!”

“Technically, that's Her base, and as I already said, I am the Metatron”

“The who?”

“The Metatron, supposedly the Voice of God, mentioned several times in the bible, practically…”

Metatron interrupted, “Yes, Yes, Nice as it is to find someone who actually recognises me, I don't have all day so I'll make it brief, I am the Voice Of God, whenever someone says they have talked to God Herself, they have in reality been talking to Me, or themselves. Mortals who hear her true Voice tend to have there heads explode”

“Err, excuse me, Heads explode?” O'Neill asked.

“Her voice is too awe-inspiringly powerful for mortals who hear it to survive”

“Could be a form of sonic weaponry….” Carter muttered.

“No, Her Voice is not a weapon, of any kind”

“Wait, did you say HER voice?”

“Yes, I did”

“Ahh!” O'Neill says waving his finger in Metatrons face “Everyone knows God is Male”

“Well then everyone is wrong then, aren't they?” Metatron said, exasperated, “I don't know, find out there's life on other planets, and what happens? It not as if they needed more ego-enhancement”

“Mister Metatron, If you do not tell me exactly why you are here within the next 30 seconds I will have you arrested and thrown in jail” Hammond roared, quite fed-up with the 20-questions approach.

“That's easy, She” The Voice said, pointing upstairs “is worried about you guys, as she worries about all her champions, you just lost Frasier and…”

SG-1 had Hammond rose to their feet with a roar of protest.

“What the hell do you know about that!?!”

“What did you have to do with Frasier's death?”

“If you were involved in Fraiser's death, I will be forced to hunt you down and kill you”

“QUIET!!!”

Everyone looked at Hammond surprised, even Metatron looked impressed by the volume of that bellow.

“Mister Metatron” Ice dripped from Hammonds words “You appear in the middle of my base, attempt to set fire to the place, come up with some ridiculous story about people whose voices are sonic weapons and now you start talking about the death of a friend as if you had something to do with it, now give me one reason why I shouldn't just have you thrown in the rig?”

“Well, for a start because it wouldn't hold me” Metatron replied, sarcastically, this was not going how he had planned.

“Oh, really? Colonel!”

“With Pleasure”

O'Neill and SG-1 moved to grab Metatron, who disappeared with a soft pop.

-----

“Well, that went well” The Voice said sarcastically to himself, as he brushed the last of the extinguisher chemicals off his suit. A soft giggle made him look up, God was there, her hand over her mouth, and eyes dancing with laughter. She shook her head, and pointed over to a large projection of him in the Briefing room, getting extinguished, the projection was surrounded by at least 50 lesser angels and muse's.

Metatron sighed, “Perfect”
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