The End of the World As We Know It, version 2.0 Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter, Voldemort would eat one green, purple-polka dotted apple a day to keep the doctor away. Is he? No. So don’t sue me.
A/N: This is a rewrite of a Harry Potter story I wrote a while back. I recently started watching Doctor Who so I could understand some of my friends a little better, and realized that some characters on the show gave me a more sensible ending than the one I had before. Enjoy!!!
Number 12 Grimmauld Place…
If one had been listening to the conversation happening on July 31st, 1997, in the main room of Number 12 Grimmauld Place, like the Dark Lord Voldemort had attempted to do but failed, one would have noticed a perfectly normal birthday party. A perfectly normal birthday party as in the fact that there was a birthday boy, guests, presents and cake. What was not perfectly normal were the streamers changing color, most of the birthday presents being magical in nature, and the general immaturity of some of the guests, mainly Ron, George, and Fred Weasley, though one could argue that at every party there is bound to be at least one person of that nature.
The party had started as normally as possible with the birthday boy, in this case one Harry Potter, greeting the guests and receiving presents. After that part, the party started spiraling out of control, starting with the spiking of the punch, the odd trend of people turning into animals (when Harry had asked, Fred and George had vehemently denied any participation, but their faces were perhaps a little too innocent), and ending with Ronald Weasley singing an inappropriate version of the Birthday song as Mrs. Weasley brought out the cake (Mmm, double chocolate chunk, sugar, sugar, sugar).
At this point, any observer, even Voldemort, would have ended their spell to listen in on the conversation as it was clear nothing important was happening and their ears would have appreciated not listening to an off key rendition of: Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Harry, Happy Birthday to you
Or, alternatively, in Ron’s case: Happy Birthday to you, You live in a zoo, You look like a monkey, Aaaand, You smell like one too
The whole debacle spiraled into an interrogation led by Mrs. Weasley over who had spiked the punch. Eventually, with the exception of Fred and George who had been kicked out of the room after being found guilty of slipping a potion into the punch, everyone settled down to watch the birthday boy open his presents.
This party had been the first time since Albus Dumbledore’s funeral that most of the members of the Order of the Phoenix had met as a whole. It had been decided that the Order would have its first formal meeting the next morning, with Professor McGonagall as the head.
Harry approached Fred and George's birthday gift uneasily. Actually, Hermione mused, it probably was a good idea in general, but she didn't think Fred and George would try to prank Harry. After all, as Harry had told her and Ron earlier, Harry had given the twins the money to start their shop, and the twins did have enough money to be able to pay Harry back if Harry wanted it.
The box exploded in a shower of sparkles (red and gold, naturally) and all were amused to see a small green apple with purple polka-dots sitting innocently on the remains of its wrappings.
"The apple blows stuff up?" Harry enquired of the twins, who had snuck back into the room, this time without a fanfare of trumpets and explosions of fireworks (again, gold and red; do you think they would go for any other colors?) as had happened the first time they walked into the room.
"No, no, no," Fred replied.
"The wrapping was meant-" George continued,
"-to do that on its own." Fred completed the sentence.
"Actually, we don't know-" (that was George)
"what the apple does. Well, at least we know it does something bad. You see-" (Fred)
The wrapping paper reformed and blew up again.
"-we thought you would appreciate figuring out what it does on your own." George finished with a smirk at Fred whose mouth had been tied up by the exploding wrapping paper, "I take it the wrapping paper wasn't supposed to do that? Well, don't glare at me like that, you were the one who invented it."
As Fred untied himself, with the help of his sister Ginny, he said, “Hopefully it’ll do something bad; we were hoping you would give it to Malfoy, but it’s not our place to tell you what to do with it.”
“Brilliant!” Harry replied, “Dobby!”
With a crack of displaced air, Dobby arrived.
“Oh Great Wizard Harry has called! What can humble servant Dobby do for Great Wizard Harry? Oh dear, did Great Wizard Harry not like the birthday cake his humble servant Dobby made for the Great Wizard? If Great Wizard Harry wishes, humble servant Dobby can make a new cake, with frosting and sprinkles, and whipped cream, and cherries, and-“
Harry cut Dobby off, while certain friends of his were starting to snigger uncontrollably in the background, “No, Dobby, the cake was perfectly fine; it was wonderful. I was actually wondering if you could make sure Malfoy or a Slytherin ate this apple the morning after the Welcoming Feast at Hogwarts.”
“Oh, humble servant Dobby would do anything for Great Wizard Harry! If Great Wizard Harry needs anything he must
call humble servant Dobby!” Dobby chattered on excitedly with hero-adoration shining in his eyes, making him look like a constipated pig (hero-adoration does okay on humans but is a no-no on house elves).
“Don’t worry Dobby, if I need anything I will call you,” Harry reassured him.
With another pop, Dobby disappeared with the green, purple polka-dotted apple, most likely back to the kitchens at Hogwarts. The rest of the room (those who had not already been sniggering) broke out in laughter.
“Great Wizard Harry, what can we do to serve you?” Fred and George enquired at the same time with looks of hero worship on their faces, which actually looked more like a constipated pig than Dobby’s look had been (the twins were imitating Dobby; despite the fact that the looks of hero-adoration did not look good on them, they are
still human, or maybe not) This only served to escalate the laughter in the room. Ginny choked on a chunk of cake and Molly Weasley started, finally realizing the twins had snuck back into the room, then subsided, realizing that it was better that there were here so that Harry hadn’t eaten the apple when he had opened his present.
“Oh, shut up, all of you!” Harry scowled at them, “Dobby was only trying to help.” Hermione and Ginny traded sheepish looks, feeling instant remorse about laughing at Dobby.
Harry shrugged, happy that everyone had stopped making fun of Dobby, and started unwrapping the rest of his presents.
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