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Summary: There's a portal open. Which might explain why Buffy's husband and brother-in-law are claiming to just being her brothers instead. Buffy should really keep her hands away from her not-husband's crotch.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Supernatural > Buffy-Centered > Theme: HumorsupernaturalfanaticFR1311,712061,59028 Jul 0828 Jul 08Yes

Disclaimer: Buffy belongs to Joss Whedon and Supernatural belongs to Eric Kripke

Spoilers: Post “Chosen”

It appeared virtually overnight. Though, according to some, it had been forming for weeks, maybe even months. But what everyone did agree on was that they had no idea what it was beyond being a portal. Those magically inclined couldn’t tell where it came from or what was on the other side.

“So why exactly are we guarding it?”

“We don’t know what’ll come out of it. Lisa, did you pay attention at all?”

Rolling her eyes, Lisa huffed, “When the witches start talking, I start daydreaming.”

Rachel gave her own eye roll at her sister slayer. “They can’t guard this all day since there are so few of them, so it’s up to us. And look at it this way, if something comes out, we can kill it.”

“There’s the magic words,” Lisa smirked, holding her axe closer. “Maybe if the witches were more bloodthirsty like us slayers, I’d listen to them.”

“I think it’s only you and few choice others that are bloodthirsty about this job,” Rachel sighed. Glancing at her watch, she lowered her other arm, which was carrying a crossbow. “Our shifts over, let’s go get relieved.”

If portals could imitate humans, this particular one would be laughing at the retreating forms of the slayers. Before the next shift started, the portal came to life, casting a bright blue glow. Growing bigger, the portal shimmered, throwing two bodies out. The glowing ceased as the portal shrunk to its normal size, floating above the ground.

One body stirred, groaning as he stood on shaky legs. Looking around, he spotted the portal he and his companion were thrown out of. Seeing the second body, he rushed over, shaking him. “Dean, you alright?”

Shoving the hand away, Dean rolled over on his back. “That’s the last time I listen to Buffy.”

“She actually said to not follow the demon through,” Sam reminded his older brother. “You pushed her aside and jumped.”

“And why are you here, then?” Dean snapped.

“Making sure you don’t do anything stupid,” Sam glared. Holding a hand out, Sam pulled Dean off the ground. “The portal is behind us, but this looks exactly like where we left.”

“So where is everyone?” Dean asked, cracking his back.

“Maybe we were gone longer than we thought?” Sam suggested. “Wouldn’t be the first time we all dealt with a portal like that.”

“None of this would be happening if we hadn’t met up with the Council,” Dean reminded Sam as they set off toward the headquarters.

“True, but then we wouldn’t have met our sisters,” Sam threw back. “Regret doing that?”

“Where’s the hubby and bro..bby?” Willow finished, lamely.

“Brobby?” Buffy smirked.

“I was going with a theme and it didn’t turn out so well,” Willow defended her word choice. “And you’re being avoidy.”

“I’m not avoidy,” Buffy shook her head. Pointing to herself, “Does this face look avoidy?”

“You’re still being avoidy,” Willow’s eyebrow rose.

“I’m not, really,” Buffy reassured her best friend. “Last I heard Dean and Sam were off on some hunt in Columbus.”

“So no makeup smoochies?” Willow pouted.

“To have makeup smoochies, one would have to have had a fight.”

“A window was broken.”

“His emotions got out of a control,” Buffy shrugged. “It was a tiff, not a fight.”

“A tiff? I’d hate to see a real fight, then,” Willow muttered.

“Yes, well, before a real fight could happen Dean took Sam away to let him take a breather,” Buffy explained.

And that was true. Sam and Buffy were happily married and with one child, a son. The tiff had started because Sam thought Buffy should spend less time slaying and more time being a mother. That didn’t quite work for her and so, voila, a tiff. The window incident came when Sam got a little upset at Buffy’s blasé attitude and his emotions got the better of him and his power leaked out.

Concentrating, Willow sent out a small tendril of power, feeling for the brothers. “They’re outside, coming in.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“Well, wait a while for Sam to get in bed and surprise him!” Willow smiled. “Sex will cure everything.”

“Willow Rosenberg!” Buffy screamed, shocked by her friend’s language. “If Xander could hear you now.”

“Oh Xander can stuff it,” Willow dismissed her other best friend with a wave of her hand. Seeing Buffy’s look, both slayer and witch burst out laughing, no longer able to hold it in. “Now go, find your hubby and make up!”

Pulling off his clothes, Sam dropped in his bed, pulling the comforter over his aching body. He wasn’t sure if the pain was because of the demon they were following, or it was portal did something to him. Whatever it was, if sleep didn’t help, he’d go down to med lab and see if they could help.


Turning over, he saw his Buffy walking in the room, hesitant.

“Hey, Buffy,” his attempt to smile was stopped. Even his face was hurting.

Okay, he didn’t appear to be angry at her anymore. If anything he seemed really happy. Deciding to take a chance, Buffy walked closer to the bed. Pulling the comforter back, she slid in, all with grace. Seeing that his expression still wasn’t angry, she began talking, hoping he wouldn’t get upset again.

“I don’t want this to turn into a fight,” she explained. “I get where you were coming from, I do, but you have to know that’s not me.”

“Buffy--” He was cut off by Buffy’s hand over his mouth.

“I know how you feel about me still slaying now, but you know it’s something I have to do.”

Taking her hand away, Sam frowned. He wasn’t aware they were fighting, especially over something like this. He knew that being a slayer meant she couldn’t just stop fighting. He understood that the moment he first saw her fighting demons. Why would they be fighting about that now? He said as much out loud.

“Well, you wanted me to stop, remember?” Buffy frowned. “Because of Jesse? You didn’t want to take the chance of him growing up without his mom.”

“Mom?!” Sam yelled. Since when did Buffy have a son? Who was the dad? When did all this happen? She had to have been joking. “Buffy, what son? Are you serious? Was it mystical?”

“It was all normal, Sam. And why would I be kidding?” Buffy frowned. Not wanting to get into another argument, Buffy moved closer to her husband, hoping to take his mind off things with a well placed hand.

Eyes widening in shock, Sam practically flew out of the bed. Hands were in places they should never be in. Ever.

“Buffy, what are you doing?”

“I’m trying to have make-up sex with the father of my child. You know, my husband,” Buffy nodded before moving forward again, her lips aiming for Sam’s. She wasn’t expecting him to fall backward out of the bed and continue to scoot away, only stopping when his back hit the wall. “Sam, honey, what’s wrong with you?”

“Me? Buffy, is something wrong with you?” Sam asked. This couldn’t have really been happening right now.

“Why would something be wrong with me, you’re the one pulling away from me?” Buffy shot back, a little hurt.

“Because you’re my sister and this is not happening!”


Okay, something was really wrong here. Before Buffy could investigate, the bedroom door opened again.



The Sam at the door smiled softly at his wife before taking notice of the man on the floor. A man who looked exactly like him.

Willow had been up to her neck in a mystery. Soon after she felt Sam and Dean returning to headquarters, she felt Dean and Sam returning to headquarters. And yes, that sounded weird, even to herself when she thought it, but she immediately solved how that was happening. There were two Dean’s and two Sam’s on the grounds. She wasn’t sure why, or even how, but she was going to figure it out. But first she had to find them.

She had found the Dean’s first, which lead to a very awkward situation involving Faith.

“You guys just stay right here, I’m gonna go get the Sam’s and Buffy.”

“Lemme get this straight,” Dean started. “Sam and I went through that portal only to wind up here, where the only difference so far seems to be Sam is married to Buffy instead of being our sister.”

“So far, yes,” Willow nodded.

“And we ain’t dating,” Faith glared at the Dean who had come from a different dimension. When she found him the kitchen he attacked her mouth. Or, tried to anyway. With one good shove she had him on the floor.

“Do you think we can get back through?” Sam asked. It was a little weird seeing himself. Even weirder seeing himself holding someone who was his sister in his own world.

“I’ll get on it in the morning and have some of the witches take a look. Maybe try finding a scientist or something,” Willow shrugged. “You might be here for awhile.”

“You know what would be weird?” Dawn asked after staying silent. She had been reading a book when the five of them barged in the living room to talk. She took the extra Dean and Sam in stride. “There are so many dimensions out there and we happen to get you two. What if another Dean and Sam came through somehow?”

“Like one where Dean and Buffy are married?” Faith smirked. “Can’t see that working.”

“You and me both, sweetheart,” both Dean’s spoke at the same time.

“There’s that,” Dawn shrugged and with a straight face, she continued, “Or maybe there’s one where Dean and Sam are lovers.”

Holding back a shudder, Sam, Buffy’s husband, Sam, assured her, “We’d probably still be brothers, Dawn.”

“I know,” Dawn smiled, still reading her book.

“I think I’m gonna be sick,” Dean, Buffy’s brother-in-law, Dean, gagged.

Just a little idea I had. Does this mean warrant me having to add a secondary category with Buffy - Real Family Theme, or? Whatever, I guess. Maybe I'll have some others drop in... Perhaps a Sam/Dean lovers pair? Ha, who knows.

The End

You have reached the end of "Crap". This story is complete.

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