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Marriage Counseling: Mr. & Mrs. Harris

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Summary: Xander and his wife are forced to see a marriage counselor...again.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Marvel Universe > X-Men > Xander-CenteredTAOFR1833,963208729,5673 Aug 0826 May 09Yes

Exit the Terrible Twins, Enter the Pack

Disclaimer: Don't own them, just borrowing them and having fun.

Okay...I know I kind of abandoned this fic, but I figured I'd at least put a sick and twisted ending on it. Needless to say, we jump ahead several years....and...obviously...Xander and borrow a line from Disney's "Incredibles"...."Got BUUUUUUUUSY!"

Yeah...this probably dumps a little on canon, but hey...since this is set about 18 years later....who knows what's going to happen in the X-Verse?

Emma Frost, one of the most powerful psionics on the face of the Earth, formerly known as the White Queen, and now the Headmistress of the Charles Xavier Academy, massaged the sides of her head, anticipating the migraine that she was about to be assaulted with. She momentarily wished for the days when she was back with the Hellfire club and fighting the X-Men...and not running their school...again.

Oh, when she agreed to take over as Headmistress for Ororo a couple years ago, she looked forward to the job, despite the trials and tribulations that came with it. She should have known better, especially when Ororo announced that she was taking an “extended leave of absence” from teaching and said, “Good, I mean it....good luck.”

She sensed a mixture of tension and a wave of relief from the woman, but Emma dismissed it. However, she did note Logan's snickering at the farewell banquet. It wasn't until a week later that she encountered the two reasons Ororo had decided to take a sabbatical.

AJ and Irene Harris. Twin brother and sister. They had been at the academy for a year under Ororo's watch and had become legendary in their exploits. Light blue skinned shape-shifters, the two had managed to burn down Hank McCoy's classroom, steal (and wreck) Cyclops' prized Mustang, and, along with co-conspirator Danielle LeBeau, blow up the Danger Room. The next two years were a nightmare as the twins and Lebeau caused trouble wherever they went.

On an amusing note, Magneto had actually turned the twins over to the academy after they were abducted by Sabretooth. He also apologized and promised that the twins would not be targeted again. Curious, she asked Eric what happened to Sabretooth...and she saw the man actually shudder, mumbling something about “children with battle-axes”.

Thankfully, LeBeau was on her way to college this year, while the twins were starting their fourth (and hopefully final) year before heading off to college. For once, Emma was happy that human/mutant relations were on an upswing, most mutants now being allowed to openly interact with the general public. Oh...sure...there was still the occasional hot-bed of “anti-mutant” hysteria, but not as much. Yes, the world was a better place...and hopefully the Harris twins would be out of her graying hair (though it was hard to tell since she was a platinum blonde to begin with...but there was gray there...and those two psychopaths were the cause of it).

And now, the two psychos were back...a week before classes started. Apparently, their father and his associates were dealing with some sort of “demonic” artifact that required both parents' attention. So...the Harris twins were dropped on her doorstep...literally and figuratively.

The other student residents stayed clear of the duo as they made their way to Emma's office. She mentally composed herself, preparing to give them the “lecture” that they seemed to brush off every year.

Dammit, they are not going to win!

The knock on the door brought her back to reality.

“Enter,” she said.

The door opened to reveal...Wednesday and Pugsley Addams from the “Addams Family” movies of the early 90s.

Both children grinned at her and waved as they stepped in her office.

“That's enough,” she snapped.

The two “Addams” children began to morph, revealing two blue skinned teens, one male, one female. The male was wearing shorts, running shoes, and a bright Red Hawaiian shirt. The female was wearing jeans and a polo shirt.

“Whoa,” said the girl as she glanced at her brother. “Hold that what I think it is?”

AJ nodded as he tugged at the fabric of his shirt. “Yep...a perfect replication of Dad's 'Magnum' shirt. You know he won't let me touch the actual collection.”


“Hey, I'm over here,” Emma snapped again. Both teens turned to look at her. “Good, now that I have your attention, let's get something clear, shall we?” She paused for a moment as the teens each pulled out a small black book and pen. “What are those?”

“Oh...these?” asked AJ as he held is black book up.

“Little black books,” said Irene.

“For what?” Emma asked.

“Checklist,” the twins said in unison.

“To make sure,” began AJ.

“That you go through the usual rhetoric,” finished Irene.

“Starting with a recap of last year...”

“And your statement about how 'such behavior' will not be tolerated...”

“Followed up with the usual assortment of threats...”

“And ending with...”

“GET OUT!” Emma screamed. “BOTH OF YOU!”

Both twins blinked at her for a moment, saying nothing for a few seconds as they flipped a couple pages.

“Hmmm, wasn't expecting her to jump right to the end like that,” said Irene.

AJ shook his head. “No...wasn't expecting that at all.”

“OUT!” Emma screamed at them again, both physically and telepathically, causing the twins to wince.

“Okay...okay...we're leaving...” AJ said.

Emma watched the teens leave and waited until the door closed behind them before collapsing back in her chair, managing to stifle back an anguished sob.

Just one more school year, she kept thinking to herself. Only one more and they're more Harris more.

Outside the office, the two teens laughed themselves silly as they continued down the hallway.

“Oh god, that has to be a record,” laughed AJ.

“Oh yeah,” agreed Irene. “But it's really too bad she kicked us out before we could warn her.”

AJ laughed and looked down in the main entrance where three identical blue-skinned younger girls with clawed fingers giggled amongst themselves. “Think we should have warned her about Mom and Dad sending the triplets this year?”

Irene shook her head. “And ruin the fun for Joyce, Tara, and Cordy...not a chance.”

The End

You have reached the end of "Marriage Counseling: Mr. & Mrs. Harris". This story is complete.

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