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Marriage Counseling: Mr. & Mrs. Harris

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Summary: Xander and his wife are forced to see a marriage counselor...again.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Marvel Universe > X-Men > Xander-CenteredTAOFR1833,963208729,5663 Aug 0826 May 09Yes

Not your average session...

Marriage Counseling - Mr. & Mrs. Harris

Author's Note: I was bored and caught part of Mr. & Mrs. Smith, and got this really weird idea. This is basically just an experimental drabble. If it works and people like it, I might flesh it out and make an actual story out of it (and start over with the initial "woke up in Vegas" plot).

Oh...and this pairing is all Lucinda's fault....yes Lucinda, you read that's ALL YOUR FAULT!!! :-p

This takes place after season 7, mostly ignores virtual season 8 (Because I haven't read any of it)

Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy. I don't own Raven Darkholme. They are owned by Joss and Marvel Comics respectively.

Leonard Davis sighed as he looked at the couple sitting across from him. According to them, they had been married for almost a year and they were now having problems.

A year!

He tried not to shake his head and managed to keep his manner neutral. After all, he was a marriage counselor and they were paying him by the hour...but still...a year? How could their marriage had fallen into trouble so quickly? Then he looked at the couple again and remembered who he was dealing with. Alexander and Raven Harris...they made quite an interesting pair.

Alexander Harris was a strange looking man, in his mid-twenties, obviously on good physical shape, despite the loss of his left eye which was covered by an eye-patch. The image he presented and the way he carried himself made Davis suspect the young man was obviously ex-military of some sort. Dressed in jeans and plaid shirt worn like a jacket over a t-shirt, he looked like a construction worker which probably was not far off given the calluses on his hands.

Raven Harris appeared to be a couple years older than her husband and was dressed professionally in a light gray business suit consisting of a conservatively cut skirt, blouse, and jacket. Her long black hair was tied back in a pony-tail and, compared to her husband, looked like a CEO of some corporation.

Yes, a mismatched pair, and yet Davis could see in their eyes something that almost sent a chill down his spine...the look of two predators who were now studying him as if he were their next meal.

"Quit glaring, honey," said Mrs. Harris. "I think we're making him nervous."

"Making him nervous?" repeated Mr. Harris. "I'm the guy with one eye, I should be the self-conscious guy."

"You're hardly self-conscious," scoffed Mrs. Harris. "You can't even dress nice to see the therapist."

"Well, excuse me for not having that NATURAL ability to dress nicely. I actually have to buy these clothes, I can't simply make them like you can."

"Well given what your employers pay you, I would think you'd splurge on yourself once in awhile."

"I did splurge on myself...I got myself a new line of Hawaiian shirts."

Mrs. Harris rolled her eyes. "A waste of money if you ask me."

"Hey, I'll have you know that those were from the Magnum collection."

"Gee, why didn't you get a Ferrari to go with it?"

"Because your 'friend' Erik would probably trash it and then threaten to kill me because you didn't marry someone with the right genetics."

"Actually, Erik doesn't care either way about you, it's Victor who wants to kill you."

This time, it was Mr. Harris who rolled his eye. "Yeah, well, it's not my fault you had a past crappy relationship."

"Oh you're one to talk...shall we count off the loves of Xander Harris?"

"Whoa! Okay, time out you two," Davis said, surprised at how forceful he sounded. "Fighting won't resolve anything."

Both Harris' looked at him with puzzled looks on their faces.

"Oh this?" said Mr. Harris as he gestured between him and his wife. "This is nothing. To be honest, we really didn't think there was anything wrong with our marriage."

"It sounds to me that you two might have issues."

"Well, of course we have issues," said Mrs. Harris as she gave him an annoyed look. Davis wasn't sure, but he could have sworn her eyes flickered to a yellowish color for a moment. "Every marriage has issues and we're no exception. Whenever Xander and I have a real fight, we usually beat the hell out of each other in a Dojo."

"Or the garage," said Mr. Harris. "We usually work our frustrations out after awhile. She's got this really cool kick that's kind of sexy...until you get hit with it."

Mrs. Harris blushed and, again, Davis saw her eyes flicker and, for a moment, it was almost as if her face rippled. "Yes, well...we don't need to talk about THAT, dear. He really doesn't want to know about that."

"True," said Mr. Harris, nodding in agreement. "But I have to tell you, even Faith would be impressed."

"Who do you think showed me that trick," she said, giving her husband a mischievous grin.




"Girls night out about a week after we got married."

"Damn...what was I doing that night?"

"You were dodging bullets and looking for that antique dagger in Brazil."

"Oh yeah...we got in a fight the night I got back, didn't we?"

"Oh yes...and it was very good, had me screaming for several minutes."

"Must have been an ugly fight," said Davis. "What were you yelling at him about?"

"Oh, we're not talking about the fight." Mr. Harris gave Davis a sheepish grin.

"Then what are you talking about?"

"The make-up sex," the couple both replied in unison.

"Whoa, hold on!" Davis unconsciously rubbed the side of his head. He could feel the start of a headache coming on. "You mean to tell me that you have sex after every fight?"

"Well, yeah," replied Mr. Harris. "It's kind of our way of foreplay. Given the life we live, we always have a constant flow of adrenaline and danger going."

"What exactly do you two do?" asked Davis....oh yes, that headache was starting to build up, he could feel the pressure behind his eyes.

"Demon Hunter."

"Mutant assassin."

The migraine suddenly exploded and Davis flinched slightly, but he managed to keep his composure. "Excuse me for a second," he said as he got up from behind his desk and exited the room, leaving the couple by themselves.

A few seconds later, the Harris' jumped in surprise when they heard the almost inhuman shriek "WHY ME!" followed by whimpering.

Xander looked over at his wife and grinned. " think we broke him?"

Raven Harris' body suddenly began to ripple, her skin darkening to a deep blue color, her hair lengthening and becoming it's true shade of red. Her glowing yellow eyes flared slightly as she began to laugh. "I hope so...but I thought he would outlast the others. It was almost too easy."

"Yeah, I see what you mean," said Xander as he got up out of his chair. "I just wish Buffy and the others would stop trying to send us to these counselors. Our marriage really isn't that bad."

"I know," sighed Mystique as she walked up to her husband and slowly wrapped her arms around him before resting her head on his shoulder. "But still, it is kind of fun messing with the heads of the various shrinks they makes us see."

"I think they still think you're a demon and not a mutant."

Mystique's form suddenly shifted again, and when she spoke, her voice had taken on a familiar Boston accent. "Only in the sack, boytoy," she chuckled. "Only in the sack."
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