AN: I came across some concepts that wouldn't fit in my other story Slade, so I decided to do a story that was the opposite of the orderly and evil villain in Slade. I figured if Batman needs Joker, then a comedic, sadistic, and chaotic hero is needed for all those bad guys who plan too much, feel kinda guilty, and with no sense of humor. Then I saw this challenge by Gunsmith, someone whose work I've followed for a while.
The challenge was perfect. Chaos, attempted heroics, insanity, and comedy. What's not to love?
I don't understand all you people. You whine about how you can't think of any good plots, and ignore challenges like this one. You should be ashamed of yourselves. There's so many insane plots like this which are full of potential! Hopefully I can attempt to do some justice to this plot.
Thank you Gunsmith for making this challenge!*Hugs Gunsmith* I love you man!*pulls away from the hug* In a heterosexual way of course.
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters found in this story. They are the property of their rightful owners. I do not own DC comics, Batman, The Dark Knight, Justice League, Teen Titans, or any of the many DC superheroes or supervillains found in this story. I also do not own Buffy, or any of the characters found on that show, or the show Angel and it's characters. I am not making any money from this.
Now that my rant is over with. Enjoy the story.
It had been just a bad day for Xander. He had been possessed by the hyena, tried to rape Buffy, hurt Willow, and had eaten the school mascot. It had just sucked. In one day he had singlehandedly defied every self imposed rule, he had violated his own morals. Xander felt filthy and violated.
'I wonder if this is how a rape victim feels like.' Xander wondered morbidly. And to top it all off the Hyena had apparently decided to stick around. The Hyena and Xander had merged in a way, well, it was more of a compromise really, she got to stay in his body and Xander got the benefits. The downside? She won't shut up, she gets PMS (Xander didn't even know Hyenas got PMS!), he now gets the urge to laugh at everything, and let's not forget the chorus of "Hunt. Eat. Protect Pack, Bitch-Slap Cordelia."
'Actually that last one is probably mine.' Xander admitted to himself. 'And if it isn't then I claim ownership of it as it is thought which is in my head.'
All in all, Xander just wanted to crawl into bed and sleep for a week, with his scrapbook filled newspaper clippings of Wonderwoman, Wondergirl, Supergirl, Huntress, Catwoman, Batgirl, Poison Ivy, Zatanna, Raven, Starfire and Blackfire.
Unfortunately, fate intervened, or it was just really bad timing on his mom's part.
"Alex!" Jessica Harris called out to him from the kitchen, sounding surprisingly sober.
'So much for that plan.' Xander almost cried. But he obediently walked into the kitchen, well, after he didn't hear the standard response from Tony.
"Sit down, Alexander." His mom said to him gesturing to the chair opposite of hers.
'Oh, shit. This is not going to be good.' Xander thought worriedly when he heard her call him by his full first name. He sat down in the chair, licking the sides of his mouth nervously. It was a tick that used to drive Willow up the wall.
"Alex, there's no easy way to tell you this...your adopted." Jessica said, visibly preparing herself for the worse.
Xander's mind just shut down. He just sat there in shock for a moment. "I'm adopted?" He squeaked. She nodded in confirmation.
On the one hand Xander felt like jumping up and screaming triumphantly, on the other hand he felt, well okay he just felt like jumping up and down triumphantly. Then realization hit him.
"Wait a second, don't I look like you and Tony?" Xander asked confusedly. Was this a joke?
"I know. That's what I can't figure out, I mean when you were a kid your mouth and chin were different! The rest, though, hasn't changed. Must be radiation or something." She shrugged.
'Must be Hellmouth thing.' Xander guessed. 'I'll talk with Giles tomorrow. Maybe there is a way to reverse it.'
"There's some thing else." Jessica said hesitantly. She looked very uncomfortable. "Remember when you had to go to the hospital when you were ten? Well the doctor asked us if we would like a blood test done on you. Tony didn't care but I figured you might want to know who your parents were. There wasn't a match on our mother, but there was one on your father."
"Who's my father?" Xander asked eagerly. He wanted to meet the man who had helped bring into the world. He couldn't be worse than Tony Harris, right?
"The Joker." She whispered. Xander froze.
"The Joker? THE JOKER! The crazy clown who's killed more people singlehandedly than there are in Sunnydale! You mean THAT Joker?!?!" Xander was freaking out. 'This can't be real. This can't be real. This can't be real. This can't be real. This can't be real.' He chanted mentally.
"Xander are you going to be okay?" Jessica asked, concern for him in her voice.
"Yeah." Xander said faintly. "I'll be in my room. I just need to think."
Once in his room, Xander felt the shock wear off. The revelations he discovered were playing over and over in his head. He couldn't think. He couldn't breathe. 'Calm down, calm down.' He told himself.
Then he spotted the Halloween make-up that he had left over from last year. He found himself curious as to why his father wore it. 'Well, it can't hurt to find out.' He thought as he picked up the greasepaint and turned to the mirror.
Carefully he applied the make up, trying to match the way the Joker's bleached face. When he was done he looked at his reflection.
'Wow. Freaky. You can't even recognize me. It's creepy as hell. I feel like I'm looking at a stranger.' Xander thought as he closely inspected his face. He was startled by a yell and the sound of flesh meeting flesh. There was a thump then silence.
"Come out here, you little faggot!" Came a slurred yell. Tony was home from the bar. 'He must had gone out sooner than usual.' Xander realized.
Thundering foot steps came down the hall toward Xander's room. Xander stood terrified, when Tony was like this it always got nasty.
'I'm not weak, not anymore.' Xander told himself, trying to work up the courage to face Tony. 'C'mon, I've faced Vampires for god's sake. I can take on Anthony Harris.' Then the door was slammed open.
There stood a drunk Tony Harris, who had a look of rage on his sweaty face. "It's your fault I got fired. It's always been your fault. Ever since I took you in. It's always been your fault." Tony rambled.
"Yeah. It's my fault your a drunk coward, who is so tough to beat his wife up." Xander snarked as he tried to look as confident as he could. He doubted it was working.
"Dressing up, make you a little more brave, boy?" Tony sneered. "Let's see how tough you are!"
Tony leaped at Xander, who dodged out of the way quickly, and tripped over the bed. "Damn Tony! You can't even make it across the room without having to lay down!" Xander laughed, with an odd pitch to his voice. Tony grabbed a rock statue that Xander had made in third grade and threw it at Xander's head, nailing him right on the noggin.
Xander stumbled backward and fell down, as he tried shake the blurriness out of his eyes. Tony walked over to Xander and pulled out a pocket knife. "Funny man, huh? Well, if you like joking and smilin' so much, then why don't we make it permanent."
Tony sliced Xander's mouth with the knife, cutting his cheeks, and giving him a Glasgow smile. But Xander jerked back, and kicked out, throwing Tony across the room where he hit the wall with a sickening crack that sounded throughout the room.
Xander got up, holding a hand to his mouth, to check on Tony. He reached out and rolled Tony over. Checking his pulse, Xander's mind shut down. He would later learn that he had called Giles and told him what happened. But Xander wouldn't remember any of it, he just sat there laughing until Giles came with the police, and escorted him to the hospital.
END OF CHAPTER
AN: Review and tell me what you think.