Disclaimer; All things BtVS belong to Joss Whedon, et al. All things Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of MGM. I own nothing.
Beta-ed by the marvelous Azriona.
Dawn surreptitiously looks around, then mutters the spell to open an inter-dimensional portal on the other half of her closet. She started doing it her first year in college; dorm rooms just don’t have enough room, and she needed more space. So she stated experimenting. Being the living Key of binderies between parallel worlds and planes of existence did have some benefit. Portals were ridiculously easy to use once you made them. Everyone needed more closet space. It took some experimentation to find the right place; some of the atmospheres were horribly aging on her clothing. But this weird abandoned alien city was perfect. She just had to install a few portable clothes racks and then a shoe rack, but the place is the perfect addition to her closet. Really, dorm rooms were too small to contain the essentials.
Three years later in the Pegasus galaxy....
“Hmm.... Sir?” Lorne says over the radio.
“Yeah, what? Did you find something?” responds John Sheppard. His voice is a little short but Rodney’s been whining all day about the city exploration taking up all his time. John really just wants to go flying or play golf and not deal with this insipid stream grumbles anymore.
“We found... Umm,” Lorne cleared his throat, “it looks like a closet sir.”
Really, the ancients having closets. Who would have thought it? “What’s in it? Something dangerous?”
“Hmm. It’s more like a girl’s closet. There’s a pair of Prada shoes. And some clothes, jeans and stuff. You should probably come look at it, sir, it’s weird.”
“Right, on my way. Pack up, guys. Rodney, we’re going to look at Lorne’s closet.”
Cadman holds a pair of shoes when they get there. “Hey, Rodney, do you think these would fit me?” she says, waving them in Rodney’s face cheerily.
“Busy now,” Rodney snaps, already muttering to himself and circling the room, taking energy readings.
“It’s someone closet,” John says in disbelief. Really, he thought this was a joke or an exaggeration because someone turning an Atlantian room into a closet is just wrong. John wanders around the room looking at the clothes and shoes. It’s weird, just weird and wrong.
“Colonel, the energy readings are changing, they're spiking. I think we should leave now,” Rodney orders. The air sparks green and purple then a round hole appears in one of the walls. Every gun in the room turns to face it. Cadman dropped the shoes she’d been holding. A young woman wrapped in a towel walks through, takes one look at them, and screams.
The portal flashes again and a guy wearing an eye-patch rushes though. “What the!” he exclaims looking around the room.
The portal flashes once more and petite blond woman rushes though carrying a battle axe. She takes one look about the room and says, “This is not home. Dawn Marie Summers, what did you do?”
“So we’re not planning on killing each other, are we?" the one-eyed guy says to them looking narrowly at the guns.
“Not planning on it, no,” John responds, still pointing his gun.
“Good! Xander Harris,” he says as he extends his hand.
“Lt Colonel John Sheppard.” John didn’t shake hands.
“Do you know what kind of a security threat this is? The petite blond woman starts yelling. A gateway to another dimension and... Oh my god! Those are my pants! You stole my pants and took them to another dimension!” The blond woman waves her axe in the air. Xander ducks under the axe's ark, then steps out of its range.
“That’s Buffy Summers and Dawn Summers.” He gestures half heartedly towards them. “So this isn’t going to cause some kind of inter-dimensional dispute is it? Because I was really trying to making though the month without a diplomatic problem.” He looks hopeful.
With a sigh, John waves for the others to put up their guns and settles in to watch the argument taking place.
The portal flashes again and a red-haired women steps though. “Oh Goddess!" she says, her eyes widening. “What is this place?"
“Dawn’s Closet,” Buffy answers, hands on hip. Her axe had vanished into thin air when she stopped touching it.
“What?” says Willow.
“The inter-dimensional extension of Dawn’s closet.” Buffy glares at Dawn who folds her hands over her chest, still clutching the towel.
“Those are sentient life forms, right?” Willow gestured gestures towards John and Cadman. “Because I thought we agreed…”
“Yes,” Dawn mumbles to the floor, “but I needed the space.”
“I thought you were only going to extend the closet to dimensions with no sentient life.”
“Wait you know about this?” Buffy interrupts.
“Buffy, how did you think we got stuff past airport security?”
“You know, Dawn, when you said remodel the closet I thought you meant put up some shelves or something,” says Xander.
“No one tells me anything. And I’m taking back my pants!” Buffy grabs them. “Dawn, go get dressed, then we will sort this thing out.”
Willow looks around the room, noting for the first time the solders holding guns. “Hmm... Guys, they’re holding guns,” she says in an undertone to Buffy and Xander that still manages to carry to the rest of the room.
“It’s okay, Willow. We already agreed not to kill each other.” Xander puts a comforting hand on her shoulder, patting her.
“Besides, we did just walk into their dimension,” Buffy adds.
“Yes, yes, we’re all fascinated by the men with guns. What kind of technology did you use to get here? Can I see it?” Rodney clutches his equipment to his chest with a dreamy, expectant look on his face. Visions of power sources dance though his head.
“Major Lorne, what are the strange energy readings from your section of the city? Life-signs keep flickering in and out.” Colonel Carter’s voice echoes though the radio. “Could you apprise me of the situation?”
“We have inter-dimensional travelers, Ma’am,” Lorne said says
“What?” says Carter. “Inter-dimensional travelers?”
“Yes, ma’am. They turned one of Atlantis’s rooms into a closet.”
“Dawn needed the extra storage space,” Xander said says with a shrug.
The air flashes green and purple again and Buffy tosses her leather pants though the portal as Dawn returns dressed in jeans and a t-shirt that reads ‘leprechauns are a myth’.
“Wait, do that again,” Rodney commands as the portal closes. “I need more energy readings.”
“Dawn, this is your inter-dimensional problem. Fix it,” Buffy orders. “Xander and I have an appointment. Is time moving at the same speed in here as at home?”
“Uh Hun huh,” Dawn says. “So, I’ll just pop you back home, okay?”
“Right,” Buffy says. She turns to survey the soldiers in the room. “If you harm her I will hunt you all down and make your worst nightmares a reality. Dawn, we will talk later.” A new portal appears and Rodney frantically takes another energy reading. Buffy glares at him over her shoulder and with Xander, disappears into the wall of purple mist.
“So this is the time when we say take us to your leader,” Willow says. “Maybe we can work something out. You know, a lease or something for the closet space.” Willow smiles hopefully at them.
“Right,” John says. “Let’s take the nice, inter-dimensional travelers to our leader. Rodney, you can interrogate them on our way. Lorne, Cadman – let’s go.”
“So, those shoes where did you get them?” Cadman said says on the side to Dawn. “They're nice.”
“Inter-dimensional travel, how do your people do it?” Rodney demands of Willow. “I mean obviously you use it all the time, so what machinery do you use? What are your power sources like?”
John sighed. The Pegasus galaxy was out to get him. Conversations involving the importance of pocket dimensions and the best places to buy shoes in demon dimensions surrounded him. He exchanged a look of long suffering with Lorne.
The first thing Carter says is, “I thought you were joking about the inter-dimensional travelers.”
“Yeah, not so much. This is Dawn, owner of the clothing closet, and Willow, her teacher. They want to lease the empty room for continued extra closet space,” John responds.
“It has good atmosphere for storing clothing,” Dawn says earnestly. “I’m sure we can work something out.”
“Please. All we need are weapons against life-sucking space vampires,” Rodney says.
“Oh, we can arrange something, right, Willow? I mean, vampires are totally our thing.” Dawn looks happy at the prospect.
“Dawn, we are not committing forces to fight an inter-dimensional war so you can have more closet space. Offer something else.”
“Power sources,” McKay states.
“Like batteries and stuff?” Willow asks.
“Or your technology for dimension hopping,” Carter suggests.
“We are bargaining for closet space. Let’s be reasonable,” Dawn interjects.
“Coffee. Send us coffee. Your dimension has coffee, right?” Says Rodney.
John sits up straight. “What? You have got to be kidding.”
“Sure, little bean things, grows on bushes? Contains caffeine? We have them. “
“This is perfectly reasonable. With the gate bridge down we will run out of coffee soon and this would give us an alternate supply. It’s perfect.” Rodney beams, pleased with himself.
Dawn nods. “What about 15 pounds a month?” She offers.
“Shade-grown or sun? Do you have a preference?” Dawn asks. “I could also get you organic or fair-trade.”
Across the table John and Carter exchange a look. Carter suspects that they are having the same thought: Rodney is willing to compromise Atlantis’s security for fifteen pounds of coffee a month. Carter clears her throat. “I am afraid that having a hole to another dimension is a security risk. You are going to have to move your closet,” she tells Dawn.
“But I’ve had it here for three years it hasn’t had a problem yet and…”
“Dawn you’re just going to have to move your closet. We are not having an inter-dimensional incident over this.” Willow stands up. “We will be going now. It was nice to meet you. Dawn, how long will it take for you to pack up?”
“But, Willow it’s the best closet I ever had, Dawn says. She visibly wilts.
“No inter-dimensional disputes this month,” Willow responds. “Pack the closet up.”
“I can just throw stuff into my room, so ten minutes or so. Are you guys sure about the coffee? Because I could get the good stuff.” Dawn shoots a pleading look at Rodney.
Rodney looks tempted. John envisions inter-dimensional armies marching though the closet and says, “Yes, yes, we are sure.”
At the same time Carter says, “I don’t think we can justify the security risk for coffee, but if you are willing to offer something more, I am sure that we could come to a compromise."
Willow says, “Why don’t we just move a pocket of atmosphere from here to a different dimension and then separate it in its own pocket of space?”
“Could we?” Dawn says excitedly. “Because this atmosphere is perfect.”
Twenty minutes later all traces of the closet are gone and the room is just another empty space, except for the bag of coffee that Dawn leaves for Rodney.
Rodney and Carter are already going over the energy readings to see if they can learn how to duplicate the portal. "But the energy expenditure is too high for us to do anything with so it’s purely speculative," Rodney says over lunch.
Uh huh,” John says, wondering how he would write this one up. He can see the report now. 'Living being capable of bending the dimensions co-opted empty room in Atlantis to expand closet space; upon learning that Atlantis had sentient life forms in it, she offered to deliver coffee as a payment of rent for the closet space.' There is no way this wasn’t going to sound stupid. Though technically Major Lorne was in charge of the mission, so he should write the report. John smiles.
“This is not funny. If we could figure out their energy source then…” Rodney drifts into silence.
“You’ll figure this out, McKay, you’re a genius.”
“Well, of course I am,” McKay says, looking pacified.