Chapter One Brain's Gone Missing
Ok, in response to the summer challenge thing I wanted to respond to a few challenges because they were inspiring. This one in particular was tricky though, at first I tried two more serious approaches the problem with them was I was taking them way too seriously and I just couldn't force myself to write them because I knew they'd be bad. Plus usually when I write something it flows freely to the paper those two just didn't do it. So then I hit up on this third idea, going with the more comical approach and being totally cracked, so to speak. I didn't go into too many details about the violence of Zombie Slayer because I figure it's best to use your imagination, but I did have fun. And I will hopefully have the main protagonists meet in Chapter Two. I'll try to limit this to a four or five chapter story because anything longer probably wouldn't sustain itself. And now on to the disclaimer.Disclaimer: I being of sound mind and body do hereby declare that I don't own any one of these characters. Buffy the Vampire Slayer and crew belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy Productions. The other group from Inspector Gadget (Why be subtle about it?) belong to DIC which also belongs to Disney I think or at least Wikipedia said Disney baught out DIC so, yeah. That about covers it, hope you enjoy and I hope it's funny enough MarcusRowland.
The two men snuck into the graveyard in the dead of night carrying shovels, the leader was short and a little scrawny looking the other was large and bulky. Together they made their way to a headstone in a secluded corner and began to dig, without warning a ringing sound caused the short one to fumble and drop his shovel.
“Um, Slim here Doctor.” He stated speaking into a video monitoring device.
“Have you gotten my brain yet?” A dark voice demanded.
“Almost Doctor, we’re digging up the corpse now.” As he finished talking his companions shovel connected with something solid.
“Excellent, do not fail me in collecting her brain or you two will be feeding my pet.” The dark voice growled dangerously and ended his call.
“Hurry up.” Slim exclaimed nervously wiping his brow his partner nodded and hauled the casket out single handed, popping it open he looked down at the body of their target.
“How do we get her brain out?” He wondered. “We’re not licensed medical practitioners.” He said. Slim sighed and pulled out a funky looking machine that looked like an overgrown bike helmet.
“The Doctor gave us this; now keep an eye out for anyone while I lobotomize this corpse.” He grumbled activating the helmet; it blinked an odd sequence of lights and then caused the body to shudder, plucking the helmet off the body Slim smirked at the sight of the green bars. “Now to get back to headquarters.”
Three months later her friends cast a spell to allow her to come back to life because they foolishly and selfishly believed that she was suffering, the problem is without a brain the resurrection proved incomplete as the Scoobies were about to discover. The hand clawed its way out of the ground and she burst out eyes dully looking around incapable of grasping their surroundings, sounds attracted her and she jerked towards the source of those noises. Running into the night she began to stalk and hunt, her instincts still being intact she at least knew what she was, she was Slayer and her Prey were out there in the night right now.
“Sykes is it done?” The Doctor questioned angrily as he barged into the lab, the nervous scientist jerked back from the body lying on the table and dropped his screwdriver on his left hand.
“Oh yes Doctor. Definitely.” Sykes rushed out with a nervous laugh trying not to scream at the pain in his hand. “As you can see the arsenal exceeds expectations, the brain graft has taken and as soon as I’ve made the last adjustments you’ll have the ultimate weapon to deal with. Him.” He said his eyes darting around the lab as he carefully made sure not to utter the hated name, the Doctor chuckled evilly and ran his metallic gloved hand through the hair on the body on the table.
“At last I shall have my revenge, not even my hated nemesis can resist the charms of the feminine form.” He stated darkly, Sykes grinned and quickly got back to work.
She tore the head off the creature trying to kill her and watched as it turned to dust almost satisfactorily then she turned to the hysterically screaming girl who kept calling out a name in her direction, she was annoying. She growled and reached for her only to stop as the instinct inside of her changed. She was to protect this one; grabbing her wrist she dragged the girl with her as she stalked into the night.
“Buffy killed Spike.” Anya stated bluntly.
“And kidnapped Dawn.” Tara added with a tiny frown.
“I don’t want to say I told you so, but we so should have consulted Giles before casting a dangerous and dark magic spell to bring Buffy back to life.” Xander said turning to eye Willow.
“Um, I can fix this.” She countered hastily looking for a spell in her book, Xander shook his head.
“Willow.” He said softly gently taking the book out of her hand. “Giles, Help, Now.”
“Oh fine.” Willow pouted and together the group left to find Giles before Sunnydale completely went to hell with a zombie Slayer running around killing anything that so much as made a move towards her.
Metro City the next morning bright and early the birds sang and the sun shone brightly and in his house the phone began to ring, picking up the receiver he smiled.
“Hello.” Nobody answered. “Hello.” He tried again.
“Uncle Gadget that’s the Top Secret Gadget Phone.” The blonde eleven year old reminded, blinking the man in the trench coat and fedora-like hat chuckled and twisted the top of his thumb around until an antenna popped out.
“I knew that Penny.” He said “Hello Chief, you’re where?” Inspector Gadget opened the fridge as he spoke
“You have a new assignment Gadget in Sunnydale.” He revealed.
“I see.” Gadget murmured plucking the note from the Chief’s hand. “Sunnydale under attack, stop. Rampaging zombie terrorizing locals, stop. Suspect M.A.D. involvement, stop. Investigate zombie attacks and determine if Doctor Claw is responsible, stop. This message will self-destruct.” Gadget read aloud. Nodding he crumpled the note in his hand and tossed it behind him. “Don’t worry Chief. Inspector Gadget is always
on duty.” He declared supremely confident.
“Oh no.” Chief Quimby exclaimed as Gadget shut the fridge door just as the note landed at his feet, it exploded causing the door to open and Quimby to collapse in a smoking heap. “Every time.” He groaned. “I’ve got to stop getting the self-destructing messages and maybe I should spend more time with my wife.”
“Pack your bags Penny we’re going to Sunnydale.” Gadget declared ignoring the still smoking man who signed his paychecks lying in a heap on the floor.
“Really Uncle Gadget I get to come with you this time?” Penny asked perking up at the thought she got to leave on one of his cases with her crime solving uncle.
“Of course Penny, it’s the weekend and this assignment shouldn’t take long at all. Really, zombies, ha, ha, ha there’s no such thing.” Gadget scoffed and stepping over Chief Quimby he headed off to the garage.
“Success Doctor Claw, she’s ready.” Sykes proclaimed as the body twitched and suddenly sat up at a perfect sixty degree angle.
“This time Gadget you’ll be finished at last.” Doctor Claw laughed evilly and stroked the back of his feline companion who almost seemed to be snickering alongside his master. “State your name.” Tilting her head to one side the red head smirked maliciously and hopped off the operating table.
“I’m Buffy. Buffy the Gadget Slayer.” She stated as the palms of her hands popped open and twin flamethrowers shot out singeing Sykes’ hair and burning off his eyebrows.
“Oh I knew I should have gone with the freeze blasters.” He complained tiny puffs of smoke rising off his head with each word.
“You stupid, selfish, irresponsible, foolish little girl.” Giles spat as he paced back and forth angrily in his living room. “Do you have any idea as to the consequences that are involved?” He demanded.
“I had to Giles. Buffy was suffering in a Hell dimension somewhere.” Willow defended. Giles sighed and took a deep breath to calm his nerves, it had taken a lot of time just to get them to stop beating around the bush and tell him what they’d been doing behind his back.
“Willow you couldn’t possibly have known that.” He pointed out.
“She was suffering.” Willow stubbornly countered.
“Can we please not fight about that now?” Xander pleaded. “I mean I get we made this totally irresponsible decision, but Dawn’s still out there with Zombie Slayer and I don’t see Jake Ryan anywhere to help us out.”
“I. Wait, what?” Giles blurted at a loss.
“I knew you watched that show.” Willow squealed in delight.
“Focus people.” Anya snapped. “Remember Spike’s dead.”
“But why did Buffy come back as a zombie in the first place?” Tara wondered. “The Urn of Osiris doesn’t work that way.”
“That’s a very good question.” Giles began. “Are you sure it was the, um, genuine Urn?” He asked. Willow nodded and Giles proceeded to wipe his glasses thoughtfully.
“Somebody took her brain out.” Anya declared as if it should be obvious. “That’s why she came back as a zombie kidnapped Dawn and killed Spike, am I the only one who cares he’s dead, well dead of the undead kind of dead anyway?”
“How could you possibly know that?” Tara wondered.
“Instinct, zombie Slayer was running off of it. That’s why she’s been pretty much killing everything in sight and killed Spike.” Anya stated in typical Anya fashion. “Why doesn’t anybody care?”
“Didn’t we deal with the Frankenstein wanna-be two years ago?” Xander asked. “I mean why else would anyone steal Buffy’s brain, unless it’s because she’s the Slayer and, oh.”
“That makes sense.” Willow said. “The scary kind.”
“Hold me.” Xander joked.
“Not now.” Giles snapped. “Bloody Americans.” He muttered.
“How do we find Buffy’s brain?” Tara wondered.
“And more importantly can we put it back in her body?” Xander added; everyone glared at him including the silent Buffybot they’d recovered although she wasn’t really in a position to talk considering she’d been drawn and quartered. “What?”
“I’ll explain it later sweetie.” Anya consoled patting Xander on the head like a lost puppy. “And we are going to have a funeral for Spike.” She added shooting everyone The Look.
“Uh, Spike’s dead?” Giles asked.To Be Continued