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Failed Reflections

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Summary: Xander reflects on his failures. And gets some powers of his own. Slash to come.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
BtVS/AtS Non-Crossover > GeneralLilJeiFR1521,669082,72418 Aug 0819 Aug 08No


Failed Reflections
Author: Lil_Jei
Fandom: BTVS
Characters: Xander
Rating: PG 13
Word Ct: 500+
Author Notes/Summary: The show and characters are not mine. And as not so happy, this small fic is it was going to be worse. But damn it my muse didn’t want to work with me. I’ve been trying to do a vignette style fic but no no no no this is what came about. Grrr.

Failure. He couldn’t count the number of times that word had invaded his life and set up a dictatorship. Looking back he never could decide which situation or event was worse. First, he’d been a disappointment to his parents. The opposite could also be said, failure and disappointment how sad his life had become. Staring at the bottom of the shot, contemplating everything from the swirls of amber to the local demons that had caused a couple mishaps. He’d been a watcher, hell he’d been the number two watcher for the last 10 years. But what does it all come down to, failure. Again, he’d screwed up, to be fair he hadn’t done the newest nastiness but he’d been one of the ones turning a blind eye.

He’d been in the demon fighting and magical business for almost 20 years and he’d lost a lot to the whole damn war. His eye was inconsequential nowadays because what haunted him to this day was his best friends. Both Willow and Jesse had been lost to the dark. And he was the one to have taken care of them both. Willow over the years had far surpassed anyone’s expectations. But all along, she’d been lying. Neither Giles, Xander, or Buffy had been willing over the last few years to confront Willow. Her black magic had all been cleansed from her body supposedly. But it was an addiction just like any other and it had killed her. Or in most respects, Xander had been the one to kill her.

He had warned her all those years ago, that if she went he was next and boy was it a surprise to still be breathing. When he’d woken up in the middle of Stonehenge, it was all he could do not to scream to the high heavens. Instead, he begged Willow’s forgiveness as he held her and cried. It had been hours since her body had cooled from it’s magical influx. It wasn’t til hours had passed that the slayers found them. Thank god, for scrying spells but at the end nothing would help Willow and him it seemed.

In his heart, Xander could still feel her. That would never leave according to Giles. Due to being bonded on so many levels and through so many spells over the years he’d feel her forever. And forever was what the sentence was to be. It had only been a few nights ago that he’d been skewered by the latest big bad but instead of bleeding out in Giles’ arms he’d healed. No magical sparks via the highlander but still his skin had knitted together in front of everyone’s eyes. Giles had been the one to figure it out, one simple diagnosis spell later and he was declared immortal.

Most people would be thrilled, well most that hadn’t been fighting the good fight for nearly 2 decades. He was shocked and scared and had to be held through the shakes and the tears he couldn’t stop. And now to his never-ending dismay he was being shipped away. Giles, Buffy, and Dawn had all gotten together and decided the best people to help him wouldn’t be the magical humans or mystical keys that loved him; no they’d decided to ship off back to the states and into the undead arms of two men, he had mutually loathed at most points of his life. So once again, he had failed. He had failed his best friends, his love, and most of all failed to stand up for himself AGAIN.
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