Things to Do When You're Dead
The Last Temptation of Harvey Dent
I don’t own Batman, Harvey Dent or any of the other DCU characters in this story. I also don’t own Cordelia Chase, Lilah Morgan or any of the other wonderful inventions of Joss Whedon and his Merry Men.
I do own the idea, for whatever it’s worth.
Chapter 1 – Things to Do When You’re Dead
Everybody has an opinion on what happens to you after you’re dead. Some people believe in heaven and/or hell. Others believe in reincarnation. Then there are the really depressing people who think there’s nothing, that once you’re dead that’s it. Game over. Finished.
Maybe it’s different for everybody. Or maybe it was different for me because I’m special – no, scratch that – it’s definitely because I’m special.
I’m Cordelia Chase and I used to be dead.
That was before the Powers-That-Be stepped in and brought me back. Sort of. I’m still dead, technically. And I don’t need to eat or drink or any of that. I can be solid to the touch if I want to be. Or not. It’s pretty cool actually and it comes in handy for the job that the PTB have me doing.
Duh – I’m helping the hopeless.
Get with the program, people.
Okay, they’re not exactly hopeless. They’re on the edge and they need my special brand of charm to wake them up and get them back on the side of the good. It’s not easy, either. Some of these people have done terrible things. A few of them aren’t interested in not burning in hell. Lucky for me I have a lot of time on my hands and even luckier because I can be really, really persuasive.
But here’s the thing about the Universe; for every good, there’s an evil. While I’m trying to save souls, the guys on the other team are trying to corrupt them. And every once in a while I find myself face to face with the opposition.
I should have known something was up when the Senior Partners assigned me to this particular matter. They rarely get involved in recruiting. When I was alive, I avoided recruiting like the plague. Today’s obsequious law students are tomorrow’s backstabbing associates. Why encourage them?
Unfortunately, that’s how I’m being punished. When Lindsey double-crossed the Senior Partners, they stuck him in a hell-dimension where he got his heart cut out on a daily basis. My punishment for trying to team up with Team Angel and/or the Beast after the entire L.A. Wolfram & Hart office got wiped out is being put in charge of recruiting.
I think Lindsey got off a lot easier than I did.
Recruiting means I spend a lot of time going from law school to law school, interviewing interns that will eventually become over-worked little associates. See: backstabbing, above. Every now and again, I get to recruit someone with experience. Someone who’s done something to catch the eye of the firm.
That’s when this miserable little task becomes interesting. That’s when I find myself competing with the white hats. Well, with one particular white hat.
And wouldn’t you know it, she’s the one who killed me.