Drunk and Disorderly(HP/BtVS)
Disclaimer: I don't own these, either.
“I bet he has an ass you could bounce a knut off of under those robes,” Luna said dreamily.
Xander choked on his butterbeer and looked wide-eyed at the blonde. That statement just sounded so wrong. He wasn’t even certain how he’d gotten enough gay man points to be here, since he’d never been seriously involved with anyone but women. But Snape had asked, in his round about way, that he come and make sure the bar survived the twelve women who were drinking to their fallen friends.
His trysts with Snape weren’t really known much beyond these women, anyway. And how they’d gotten on the topic of men’s behinds, he didn’t know. He did know Ginny was gonna get it for bringing Snape into it, though.
After the Activation spell, nine Slayers had popped up at Hogwarts, eight students and one professor. Xander, Dawn, Kit and Rona were automatically shipped off to train them. Xander wasn’t positive why he got to go somewhere where he’d be the only non-magic user around but he had an idea. Giles had flicked a nervous gaze towards Willow when assigning Xander to the magic school. Willow’s experimentation with magic had started back up after the successful casting of the Activation spell and no one wanted her trying to experiment with Wizarding magic. Wicca and Wizarding were like apples and oranges. Both fruits but from different trees.
Xander glared at Ginny who’d gone red in the face from silent laughter. “You should ask Ginny how Malfoy’s is. She’s been spending enough time in the broom cupboards with him to know.”
Ginny gasped and kicked out at him. “You traitor.”
Pansy cackled. “So that’s where the little princeling’s been getting off to these days. Or should I say getting off on?”
Xander groaned as Ginny dived over the table, tackling Pansy into the table behind them. Aberforth gave a yell as his startled patrons started to flood out of the Hog’s Head. This was exactly what he’d been meant to prevent. Millie reached down to separate the two and got kicked across the room by a stray blow. Luna and Hermione exchanged glances before diving into the pile. Poor, sweet Hannah kept repeating a dismayed, “Oh, dear,” as she watched her fellow Slayers slowly wreck the entire bar. Padma daintily sipped her butterbeer even as she watched the ensuing violence with interest. Susan dodged out of the way with an irritated shouted.
Tonks leaned over and asked him, “Aren’t you supposed to be putting a stop to that?”
Xander sighed and gave her an aggrieved sigh at her smirk even as he reached back for the bucket of water he’d asked Aberforth for earlier in the evening and tossed it on the battling Slayers. They sprang apart with a startled shout and Xander knew he’d pay for it later but now, he just sipped his drink.
“If you’re done trying to get yourselves arrested, the rest of us would like to finish our drinks,” Xander said.
They each sat like ladies. Dripping, calculating ladies. He was doomed, definitely