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Faith Never...

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Summary: A series of things that Faith never did or never happened to her.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Multiple Crossings > Faith-Centered > Ficlet Collections
Television > Numb3rs > Faith - Centered
BugeyedmonsterFR18912,02201912,6827 Sep 082 Mar 09No

...A Fed Say "Call Me"...

Title: "Faith Never Had... a Fed say 'Call Me.'"
Author: Bug Eyed Monster
Rating: Teen- for censored swear words and insults.
Category: General
Spoilers: End of TV series for Buffy; None for Numb3rs.
Warnings: none
Summary: Faith has a conversation with a federal agent in a park. BtVS/Numb3rs crossover. Mild crossover with Early Edition. I don't own anything. I would love to own Edgerton though. This fic also contains a slight reference to "But It's Pretty, Pink and Flowery!" You really don't have to read that to read this.

"Let me talk to her, sir." the rookie Buffy Summers said and then dashed off before Special Agent Don Eppes could deny her permission.

"Hey, Faith."

Lehane turned, and glared. "What the f*ck ya' doin' here, Summers?"

"Shoe shopping. What the f*ck are you doing in L.A., Faith?"

"Who the f*ck made you Guardian of the City? Cheerleader." Faith spat out the word "cheerleader" like a Death Eater saying "mudblood."


"Prude!?" Summers looked offended. "I am not a prude!"
"Are too."
"Trailer trash."

Lehane laughed. "I'm straight out the trailer!" Buffy Summers laughed as well and the two hugged like junior high school girls. "Ya lookin' good, B. How's little D?"

"Good. She finally got her doctorate. Speaks 14 languages now. Can't remember how many dead ones she reads, and who wants to read musty old books anyway?"

"She does, and I bet she keeps her musty old books far away from you."

Summers rolled her eyes. "It was only one old musty book. Giles has a ton of them. I swear, you ruin one priceless old book, and no one lets you forget."

"Sh*t. I wouldn't have used it for a coaster. Now a spanking paddle, yeah, that I would have." The two laughed.

Lehane suddenly turned serious. "You talk to Hobson in Chicago or Cooper in New York?" Summers shook her head, and said, "But Giles told me about it."

Lehane sighed. "It's sort of the same here. I've got bits and pieces of some traffickers. They're selling kids, B. Picking 'em up in the outskirts of China or Myanmar or where ever and bringing 'em here. I don't have enough info."

"Willow told me about Linda. You do realize that you probably shouldn't be buying kids?" Summers had a look of concern on her face.

"Sh*t, B. Who am I gonna' tell?"
"How about the feds?"
Lehane snorted. "Like the feds are gonna' listen to an ex-con."
Summers gave a shy smile. "I'm a fed."
Lehane laughed. "What about that gym you burned down?"

Summers looked affronted. "That was in my juvenile record. Besides, the fire marshal said it could have been mice."

Lehane raised an eyebrow.

"Mice smoking cigarettes?" Summers suggested. Lehane laughed, "It sure ain't close to any of the sh*t I got up to."

Summers expression softened. "I mean it when I say you can call me." She perked up and told Lehane. "Oh, I got a high score on my marksmanship!"

"I ain't surprised."
"My last day I did better than my instructor, and he was a RECON sniper in the Marines." Summers piped up cheerfully. Yeah, Don remembered hearing about that from Edgerton. Ian had been happily buzzed on finding a student who finally surpassed the teacher.

Lehane laughed. "Ya' shoot like a girl, Summers."

"Of course." Summers said.

"Cause girls kick a$$." The two said in unison and laughed.

Lehane looked at Summers' feet. "Shoe shopping." She shook her head. "What a pitiful excuse. Those have got to be the plainest shoes I've ever seen you wear."

Summers pouted. "It's the ankle holster. It limits my shoe choices. But I really mean it when I say call me." Summers pulled out her card, and handed it to Lehane with an excited squeal. "I mean it, call me."

"Okay." Lehane said. "I'll catch you later."

"Bye. Call me." Summers called after Lehane as Lehane waved at her.

As soon as Lehane was out of sight, Summers ran over to Don Eppes. "See, sir. Easy as pie. As in the pie you eat not the pi in math 'cause I could never get that pi-"

Don crossed his arms and glared at Buffy Summers. "You're this friendly with someone who kidnapped your little sister and tried to kill you?"

Buffy sighed. "Look, I've done shit I shouldn't have, and she gets along with my sister now. She was going through some stuff then, Faith, I mean. Okay, so the kidnapping of my little sis was of the bad, and I've forgiven her for trying to kill me."

"Besides, Dawnie's told Faith that she'd tear out her intestines and use them for Christmas tinsel if Faith tried to hurt me again. And I gave Faith the shovel threat if she tried to hurt Dawn, so we're all good now."

Don had to hear the shovel threat. "Shovel?"

Summers nodded like a perky cheerleader. "Death by bludgeoning with a shovel. 'Cause it takes you longer to die, you can get a shovel most anywheres, and they're easier to get rid of. Plus you've got something handy to bury the body with." She rocked on her ankles and bobbed her head from side to side, that silly blonde!ditz grin on her face.

Don imagined Summer threatening an ex-con with death by shovel. He chuckled.


Okay, so it's not really finished... this bunny has been talking to me.
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