Harry 'Houdini' Potter 2
AN: A lot of people have been asking about my regular stories. The truth is that I am disappointed by them. I know that I could do better on them if I rewrote them and that really bugs me, but rewriting them is a bitch and a half. I already spend so much time on the comp that my girlfriend is getting pretty mean and she scares me, so rewriting all of that might lead to me getting literally tied up and tortured until I beg for forgiveness. I am not kidding.
"I will teach you, Wanda." Agatha Harkness stated, smiling warmly at the unstable girl like a grandmother would her daughter. Her warm eyes turned to ice as they landed on the Scarlet Witch's companion who smiled back at her innocently. "But I refuse to teach that...that abomination."
"Good, I didn't want to learn from you anyway. Now that the matter is settled, a certain jewelry store downtown is calling my name." Harry remarked brightly as he clapped his hands and stood up from the chair, undisturbed by the evil eye he was receiving from the powerful witch. He turned to Wanda. "So, sapphires? Emeralds? Diiiiiamonds? No, wait....rubies! You like rubies, don't you?"
"Do you ever shut up?" Wanda asked him with exasperation, rolling her eyes at the non-stop babbling from the annoying boy that she had been forced to listen to for the last four hours since the escape.
"Nopety, nope, nope, nope. I like talking. It gets on everyone's nerves." He smiled mischievously, pausing to sniff at his uniform and recoiled visibly from the rank smell wafting from it. He turned to Agatha with a mildly sheepish expression. "Mind if I have a quick shower? Normally, they just sprayed me down with a hose at the madhouse. Something about not trusting me, if you can believe it."
"Down the hall to the right." Agatha informed him briskly, obviously disliking the boy though her manners required her to be civil at the very least. She maturely ignored the opening he provided. "There should still be some clothes around your size in the guest bedroom's closet."
"You have just earned yourself something shiny, Mrs. Harkness." He grinned at her happily, making her flinch minutely at the unnatural expression. She knew very well what he was and what he was capable of, enough to want him gone from her house as soon as she could possibly get rid of him. He paused to pet Wanda's shoulder length raven hair like she was a pet. "Now, study hard and be nice for teacher while I'm gone and I'll bring you back a delicious treat. How does that sound?"
Wanda growled and her powers lashed out, tossing him across the room like a ragdoll to slam into the wall. The little cockroach stood up like nothing had happened and pranced from the room with a disturbing giggle left in his wake. "Fucking psycho."
"Oh my dear, you have no idea." Agatha stated worriedly, staring the space Houdini had occupied seconds before. "Be wary of that one, he is not well. Do not be deceived by his fool's act, he is exceptionally dangerous."
"I've noticed. Don't worry, I can handle him." Wanda assured her confidently, not giving a second thought to the psychopath. She had only known him for a short, but with her powers there was not much he could do to hurt her. A mutant he might be, but physically he was just a human, only his mind made him dangerous and no human was a match for her abilities. He was far from her father's level or even her brother's as far as danger goes. His mutation was merely a supplementary one. "When do we start?"
"As soon as he leaves the house, deary. I don't want him listening in on our lessons. He's bad enough now." Agatha said with a frown. "If he wasn't necessary for the future, I would have killed him as soon as I lay my eyes upon him."
"Can't blame you for that. He *is* annoying." Wanda sighed, slumping back into her chair and ignoring Agatha's frown at the unlady-like posture. "But he did get me out of that place, so I can't exactly kill him."
"You may wish that you had before this is over with." Agatha informed her, despite knowing that her advice would fall upon deaf ears.
The two magical ladies discussed chaotic magical theory, the proper way to maintain focus, and other such related subjects until Houdini stepped back into the living room. Wanda wasn't sure what she was expecting from his newly groomed appearance, other than a terrible fashion sense, but to her surprise, he didn't dress like an anarchist at all. In fact, he dressed the complete opposite and his dress sense was an inversion of his mental state. His messy black hair was gelled heavily and combed into a neat style that was parted to the right in the fashion of a business man. Instead of ragged or gothic clothing, he had chosen a tasteful gray three piece suit complete with a faded gold necktie and dress shoes to match. In short, he looked like a lawyer or a stockbroker.
"Ahh, feels good to be wearing a suit again." Harry sighed in contentment, stretching out a bit before buttoning the front of his jacket and turning to inspect himself in the mirror on the wall. He turned a bit left, then right, before nodding in satisfaction. "I wish I had a pen for the tie, but I suppose it'll have to do for now."
Wanda did not trust her mouth, so she remained quiet to save face. It was surprising to say the least to see the psychotic, scatter brained Houdini wearing such fashionable clothing. She had honestly expected something with leather or baggy clothing or even jeans and a t-shirt. Not a freaking business suit. Maybe she should have figured that he would go for the one thing that nobody would expect from him, but she hadn't. As he began to turn around, Wanda's mind raced for a snarky comment or something clever to say. "Hmph, it's better than the straight jacket. Slightly."
"Aw, that's so hurtful. I look gooooood. You know, I know it, she knows it." He nodded to the aging Agatha, a smug smirk on his face as he quickly buttoned his cuff links. His eyes went back to his reflection, winking to himself before kissing his fingers and placing it on his reflection's lips. "I want myself so badly right now."
Wanda snorted loudly, shaking her head. "At least somebody does."
"In light of my good mood and blatant sexual charisma, I will elect to ignore that comment. Now, if you'll kindly excuse me, Daddy has to go make dividends." Harry shot back, not looking at her as he made his way to the front door waving goodbye lazily as he did so. "Byyyeee!"
"And I thought Pietro loved himself." Wanda muttered in disbelief. "Unreal, just...unreal."
"Present time!" Harry sang gleefully as he entered Agatha's house with a plain briefcase in hand. He was nearly dancing, moving to a rhythm only he knew as walked through the house in search of his fellow escapee. "I've got diamonds, rubies, aaaannndd chocolate! Come and get 'em!"
Wanda grinned a bit to herself, but hid it quickly before he entered the kitchen. He tossed the case onto the table and slumped into chair as though exhausted, propping his feet up on the wooden table. A quick flick of her wrist knocked his chair back, sending him tumbling backwards head over heels. Funnily enough, a giggle almost escaped her at the sight of his dumbfounded expression but she kept her face annoyed and dispassionate. There was no need to encourage his ridiculous behavior, after all. "Feet off of the table, idiot."
"You could have just said so." Harry mumbled, a small pout on his lips as he lifted his chair back up and sat down in it. He began to dig around the case before withdrawing a handful of pebble-like rubies, lifting them up to the light in order to inspect them. Wanda's eyes followed the rubies hungrily like a lioness who just spotted a hippo with a broken leg. "Not very big, but of decent quality." He gazed at them for another minute before carelessly tossing the gems aside, sending them to the floor where they scattered. Wanda leaped out of her chair to grab as many as she could of the expensive rocks. "What are you doing down there? You know, since you are already down there maybe you could..."
"Finish that sentence and you'll never be able to jack off in front of the mirror ever again, do you understand me?" Wanda growled, sparks flying from her fingertips as lightning flashed in her dangerous blue eyes. Her eyes never left the pretty rubies until she placed them securely in the pocket of her red jeans that Agatha had loaned her.
"Low blow." He winced, wondering how she knew about his, err, recreational activities. Idly, he straightened his tie bringing her attention to the new diamond stud now working as a pin for the champagne colored necktie. She also noted the golden Rolex on his left wrist. "We should have enough to do us for a few months, maybe half a year if we find a good fencer."
"Half a year? Try the next five years." Wanda stated as she opened the brief case, revealing the hundreds of colored gem stones. Her eyes bugged out at how many there were. "Oh. Maybe twenty years."
"Nah, I like expensive living. Besides, the quality isn't as high as you'd think and then there is the whole percentage thing. It all depends on the fence, really. Luckily for us, I might know of a guy in New York who will take these babies off of our hands." He smiled, then frowned as he began to really think about it. "I think I do, anyway. Schizo Jim might have been taking about another personality of his or something. The good news is that if we do visit the Big Apple then they'll have real high quality jewelers and that means more money. Money is fun."
"I've never had money." Wanda said, staring longingly at the brief case. He frowned at her, his lips twitching downward before a fake smile covered it up.
"Well, then I guess I'll have to show you how to use it. The basics are pretty simple: you want, you buy, you own. There's all sorts of things to do. We can buy fast cars, go to concerts to listen to your favorite bands....you strike me as an Evanescence kind of girl so rock on Amy Lee!" He cheered, clapping his hands together excitably like a two year old on a sugar rush and getting a smile out of her for it. "I'm more of a classical music man myself, so there will be a few concertos in our future. Hmm, dresses. You don't get to buy dresses. Wanna know why?" He asked, but continued before she could say anything. "Because you'll get them made for you and only for you. They'll make a dress *around* you. I'm thinking red. Oh, there's a bunch of fun stuff that we can do."
"Revenge." Wanda interrupted him, having figured out that you had to cut him off or else he'd go on and on and on. "I want to buy revenge. On my father, on Charles Xavier..."
"...On the whole fucking world!" He shouted exuberantly, standing from his chair with his arms raised to the heavens while his heels clicked together like an actor on stage. Harry twirled around once, his heels twisting expertly with him in a movement of surprising grace, but he soon calmed and rubbed his chin in thought. "Um, do you want the revenge bit done with or do you want to do it all personal like?"
"Personal." She growled clenching her fists, mind flashing back to her father's face on that rainy night when the guards dragged her kicking and screaming into the asylum. Behind her a few light bulbs exploded simultaneously, highlighting her point.
"Okaaay, more difficult and definitely time consuming but not undo-able. We'll need more money." Harry said happily, pondering it with a smile. The idea of stealing more only seemed to excite him. "I'm guess your old man is rich and powerful with a bunch of thugs on his payroll?"
"Yeah, he's a mutant like us. He can control metal of all kinds. Something to do with manipulating magnetic fields. He has a whole group of people behind him, all willing to go to hell and back for the 'cause'." Wanda answered mockingly, sneering at the mention of his cause and group of followers. "Xavier's the same type. Think Martin Luther King Jr. versus Malcom X."
"Yeouch. The righteous kind." He flinched in sympathy for her. "So, we are gonna need henchmen. A lot of henchmen. That will be hard. A good hench is hard to find, but if any can be found then it will be in good ole..." He began to sing, "New York, New York, dunna, dun, dun..."
"Where do we find people stupid enough to go against Magneto?" Wanda wondered aloud, mostly to shut him up. She hated make me ups.
"It's New York." Harry stated as though that should explain everything. When all he got was a blank stare, he rolled his eyes and explained, "We just have to look through a few newspapers, jot down a few notes, and wave a bunch of diamonds under their noses. There's millions of people who live there and a lot of them are dirt broke. Superpowers do not equate money or intelligence for that matter. Get me a computer and I'll tell you where to find them."
"Good. Now all I need is some clothes." Wanda stated with satisfaction, crossing her arms over her chest and missing the way Harry's eyes lit up at the idea.
"I'm not wearing this." Wanda deadpanned, looking into the mirror. She felt embarrassed just seeing her reflection, so there was no way in hell that she was going to wear it in public or at any other time.
"What's the matter with it?" Harry asked, sounding honestly confused and very thankful that she couldn't see his lecherous smile from the angle he was standing at. He had already been thrown at a wall once that day and he had no desire to repeat the experience, no matter how fun flying through the air was. "It's functional, won't get in the way during a fight, and you look like a knockout in it."
"It's spandex." She growled in loathing, snarling at her reflection. It was skin tight and revealed everything right down to the muscle. Someone could tell her measurements in a glance if they were practiced enough at it like most mall perverts were. Suddenly, she winced. "And it's riding up my butt crack."
"I know." Came the satisfied response, followed by a thump as she flung him across the dressing room. "I mean, you look great! Very sexy, very much like the strong, confident, and independent woman you truly are!"
"It *is* a bodystocking!" She screeched in anger as she found the specialty store tag on it, followed by yet another painful thumping sound. Wanda took a deep breath, counted to ten, then let it out before she tried to murder her partner.
"Here's another ruby! Just stop throwing me around!" Harry cried out in desperation, tossing her one of the larger rubies that she snatched out of the air. Wanda cooed at the pretty gem, fingering it in her palm in an almost hypnotized state as the anger left her as suddenly as it came.
"Hand me the pants." Wanda ordered as she entered the closet they called a dressing room to change clothes. A pair of scarlet cotton pants were tossed over the door. "And the bustier!"
"You have just made me a happy man." He declared lecherously in a comical manner, likewise tossing it over the door while imagining what it would do to her chest in his mind's eye. "I could die happy, right now."
"Keep it up and you'll die begging me for mercy." She snapped, undressing quickly and rolling up the scarlet pants while silently lamenting the fact they were so tight that she couldn't wear any underwear.
"Hmm, kinky. If you throw in a few leather straps, a chain or two, and a collar for me then you have a deal, honey." He laughed, though he sounded disturbingly eager. For a brief moment, she allowed herself to smirk at the mental imagery his comment provided. The thought did have some merit, after all. "Punish me, Mistress Wanda, punish me *hard*!"
"Just hand me the damned coat. The one that I picked out." She stated with annoyance even as her body flushed hotly at the words, feeling the need to be specific considering the coat that he had chosen for her was more than a little risque. In the privacy of her own mind, she had to admit that the idea of being called mistress was very...enticing.
"Oh, alright. I really wanted to see you in those pants without the coat, though." She could hear the pout in his voice as the red coat was tossed halfway onto the top of the cheap wooden door that the store used. Quickly, she threw the coat and inspected herself in the mirror. The outfit covered a lot of skin while revealing a little bit of cleavage and leaving her midriff bare while being tight enough to display that she was female and in shape. Plus, the coat meant that she did not have to worry about having Harry getting distracted from looking at her ass all day.
"Well, what do you think?" Wanda asked as she stepped out, hiding the insecurity and worry in her voice expertly. Her face heated as Harry stared with a comically open mouth and bugged out eyes in an expression of immense surprise. His mouth worked silently but no sound came out of his throat except for a light squeaking sound.
"I think God needs to get the memo that I'm not a nice guy and to stop blessing me with sights like you." Harry murmured numbly, green eyes still bugged out as he knelt down in exaggerated awe uncaring of the dirt he was getting on the knees of his eight hundred dollar suit. A soft smile appeared on her face at his sincerity. "Either that or the Devil is waaayyy more generous than I've heard."
"Get up, you psychopathic little pervert." She snapped at him without any heat, more to save face than anything. He grinned at her.
"Yes, Mistress. Of course, Mistress. Indeed, Mistress." He mocked, standing up only to receive a quick smack to the back of his head. "Keep hitting me like that and I may get excited, luv."
"Just go grab the damned bags." She sighed, walking passed him.
"That is an embarrassment." Wanda stated in disgust, glaring at the light gray 1976 Cadillac Coup Devil with Chandeliers above the head and tail lights. As she spoke the luxury car's back end sank low to the ground with hydraulics. "Tell me that you didn't spend eighty grand on that piece of shit?"
"Shh, she didn't mean it." Harry comforted the caddy, patting the hood as if to assure it of her insincerity. "Yes, I know you're beautiful. How could you think otherwise? I swear that I wasn't eying that beamer on the highway. Honestly, what kind of man do you take me for?"
"And now he's talking to the car." She sighed in disbelief, rubbing her temples. "Note to self: never make friends in an asylum ever again."
"Isn't she glorious?" He bragged, walking up with a skip in his step. Harry turned back to look at the car with a fond smile. "Her owner gave her to me since he was, you know, kind of busy keep his insides on the, well, inside."
"Where'd you pick it up? Harlem?" She snorted, shaking her head and trying to ignore the fact that he was probably dead serious about the previous owner. "Whatever. Let's just get to Bayville. That is, if your information was right about Magneto skulking around there."
"Oh, it's correct alright." He informed her, an unsettling grin on his face. "His little 'brotherhood' has been causing some trouble around there. It cost me forty grand for that information alone, plus another forty for info on all of his known associates, enemies, and bases of operation both past and present. My rather obese friend knows better than to lie. He's a business man through and through, plus he knows what I can do to his operations with just a laptop and fifteen minutes of time."
"You aren't going to tell me who this 'friend' of your's is, are you?" Wanda asked in resignation, receiving a shit eating grin and a coy shake of the head. "Never mind. So who can we expect to help us take the bastard down?"
"One Raven Darkholme aka Mystique is particularly annoyed with your dear old daddy. She'll likely help us at first then betray us before we can do any real damage to him, so she's a probational candidate. We'll have to play her, then lose her the first chance we get." Houdini began, reciting the information he had memorized earlier that day as he opened the passenger side door for her. Wanda slipped into the car and sat on the sinfully comfortable leather seats, sighing minutely in hedonistic pleasure. "We might be able to manipulate the Juggernaut into attacking the Brotherhood and a few of Mag's bases, but our best bet for quality henches is to wait until there's a breakout at the Vault. Some damn fine supervillains are locked up there and they'll need money when they get out. I was thinking: Rhino, Venom, and maybe Electro. Shocker is already in and has been paid a retainer of ten grand."
"Good. He should be useful for taking out a few of my father's stooges." Wanda smirked, watching as Harry slipped into the driver's seat and started up the car. Her smirk turned into annoyance as the car's back end lifted up as 'bump and grind' music began to blare out of the massive speaker system. (1)
"And there's always the Morlocks. Poor bastards are always starving so dropping a few diamonds down the drain should make us some new friends." He mentioned, pulling out of the parking space and heading for the interstate that led to Westchester County. "But until the breakout or, at least, till Bullseye makes his way back to the States we are at a worrying low amount of competent mercs. I put in some requests to my tubby buddy, but most of the good ones are doing some kind of war zone work on the steps of Russia. We picked pretty much the worst time to hire out."
"I am in no hurry. We can wait...for a while, so long as I get payback." Wanda said, gazing out the window at the passing buildings. "What about my little twerp of a brother?"
"Pietro is enrolled at Bayville High and he has a high attendance record. That alone points to Mags being in the area. I'm guessing Mystique is probably posing as a teacher or a student there to keep an eye on her merry band of morons." Harry relayed, flipping off one idiot who tried to change lanes without glancing in the mirror. "Lance Alvers is their little leader. He's hot headed, dim witted, and controls seismic discharges, so par for the course as far as minion materiel goes. His second in command should be Pietro, but it's actually some weird frog boy with personal hygiene issues. Their heavy hitter is the Blob, a guy whose only threat is that he might either sit on you or eat you."
"If we can't get to Magneto yet, then what about Xavier?" Wanda asked, figuring she could get her secondary target if nothing else.
"Not a good idea. That guy is better protected than the Queen. He has an army of mutant students, all with abilities that vary and his own personal hitsquad. I've never seen a mansion with so much security in my life. I can hack into it, but the guy who wrote the programming was a bleeding genius, so it may take a little time unless I can hook directly into the system." Harry remarked lightly, frowning in thought as hundreds of different tactics and strategies flowed through his mind like a rapidly put together jigsaw puzzle. "Hitting them at the mansion is out. Our best bet would be to either set up a trap or wait and take advantage of a situation, even then we'll have to stock the odds heavily in our favor. Of course, that's assuming you get queasy about just blowing up the entire place with students and all."
"Let's keep the collateral to a minimum. I don't want a hundred bodies. Just two." Wanda shook her head in the negative, uncomfortable with sacrificing that many lives just for the sake of her revenge. Humans she didn't mind killing so much, but mutants were different. They were her own kind and relatively innocent. "Let's just kick the bush and see what comes running out."
"If that's how you want to play it. Personally, I'd just blow them all up. Explosions are very thorough." Harry shrugged easily, cruising along the interstate. "But it's your call. Of all the people in the Brotherhood, your brother is the one most likely to go running to Daddy if something goes wrong. Feel like picking on your little brother a bit?"
"I'm always ready to torment Pietro. I am his big sister, you know." She smirked, leaning back in the seat as she adjusted to lay farther back. "How are we doing cash wise?"
"Oh, that reminds me!" Harry exclaimed, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a credit card which he handed to her. "That's hooked up to your new Cayman Account. You have a little over one million in there right now, after expenses."
"How in the hell did you manage *that*!?" Wanda questioned, her eyes bugging out slightly at the amount while her mouth watered at the zeroes. As a girl who had very little, money meant a great deal to her. Some might call her greedy and she would call them a few choice words.
"Easily. I am a criminal mastermind, you know." He smugly informed her, preening a bit. "The security at the Museum of Natural Art is a joke, so I liberated a few choice paintings, maybe a bust or five. The point is that we can enjoy our champagne and caviar to our heart's delight with enough left over for one hell of a cocaine night."
"I don't do drugs. Had enough of them shoved down my throat." Wanda shook her head, not wanting to get into anything like that yet.
"Okay, enough left over for one hell of a cocaine weekend." He continued easily. "Now, if you don't like the occasional escape from reality then may I suggest Six Flags? Or Panama? Ooh, ooh, I know....Jamaica!"
"Jamaica." She answered quickly, sighing as she imagined white sandy beaches and tropical drinks with the melody of accents surrounding her. Wanda noticed Harry reaching under the seat and watched as he pulled out what appeared to be a tire iron. He rolled his window down.
"Jamaica it is, then, honey." He agreed with a smile, nonchalantly tossing the tire iron out of the window and looking into the rear-view mirror with hungry eyes. Wanda turned around to see what he was up to and watched as the tire iron hit the asphalt then bounced into the undercarriage of the Humvee behind them causing it to swerve and suddenly flip over. The sound of screeching tires, screaming people, and Harry's insane laughter echoed in her ears as a fifty car pile up happened right before her astonished eyes. His laughter died down into a series of unstable giggles, even as he wiped the tears of laughter from his eyes. "Oh, you got to love the interstate! Only way to travel in my opinion. The entertainment factor alone is worth it!
Wanda felt sick to her stomach as she saw the bloody figures of adults and children being flung from their cars to hit the road, sliding along and leaving bloody smears as they went even as her companion's chuckling echoed. "Pull over."
"Car sick?" Harry asked, sounding worried as he pulled over to the side of the road. Wanda unbuckled her seat belt and opened the door just in time to spew her lunch onto the gravel, heaving badly. He patted her back the rubbed it soothingly. "You okay?"
"Okay! Okay?! You just killed over a dozen people because you thought it was funny!" Wanda screeched at him, heaving again as vomit poured from her mouth at the imagery.
"Well, it was." He defended, snickering again at the memory. "Wanda, Wanda, Wanda, those people don't matter. People die. It's their thing, it's what they do. There's no need to freak out about it. I mean, people die every single day. What does it matter if a dozen or so check out a little earlier than expected?"
"It's sick!" Wanda spat, dry heaving now. She couldn't understand how he could do that and not be bothered by it in the slightest. "Those were innocent people."
"Says who? You? So, you get to choose who's innocent or guilty? C'mon Wanda, don't be so ordinary. You murdered over two hundred people when you burnt that hellhole to the ground and pissed on the ashes! I didn't see any tears or vomit that day, all I saw was a smile. Stop acting like you are any different from me." Harry smirked, enjoying himself far too much. "People aren't innocent or guilty, they're just people. A species that is far too common on this mudball of a planet in a dust spec in the corner of some forgotten galaxy of the universe in which there are more people than galaxies. They..don't...matter! And calling me sick? Well, I don't remember ever saying that I was mentally well and I really shouldn't have had to. You did meet me in an asylum, just in case you forgot that."
"It's just....there was no reason for it." Wanda said, her stomach calming enough for her to shut the car door. She turned an accusing glare on the amused Houdini. "Killing them served no purpose at all."
"Of course there was. I was bored and killing them entertained me. That's as good of a reason as any." He shrugged, handing her a breath mint as he began to resume his drive down the road. "I don't see why you are getting so worked up about this. I'd never kill you or anything like that."
"I guess I still have the remains of something called morals." Wanda sneered, glaring out the window. Harry flinched and swerved badly as he scooted away from her, a look of comical fear on his face.
"Well, keep the hell away from me then. I've heard it's contagious!" He shouted in panic, waving a hand in a gesture for her to stay away. As strange as it was, as sick as it was, Wanda couldn't help but laugh for the first time in his presence. That laugh led to an all out hysterical laughing fit that went on until tears were running down her face.
(1): Barricade, from John Carpenter's Escape from New York also known as the Duke Arrives.