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The Corruption of Uzumaki Naruto

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This story is No. 1 in the series "Konoha Mysteries". You may wish to read the series introduction first.

Summary: What makes Naruto, Naruto?

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Anime > NarutochrishillFR733,43821116,14314 Sep 0814 Sep 08No

Drinks for the lady!

In Konoha, there was a mystery which had no answer.

It had been discussed, argued, fought over, and was something drunken shinobi talked about in low voices so that the people they were talking about wouldn't hear about this.

The discussion in question touched on everything from the two people being related, to their being evil. The antics of Anko, and Naruto since he was about six, were disturbingly similar. Both were loud mouthed, had an obvious favourite food, were annoying, played pranks in their own ways, and tended to scare or piss off the general population of Konoha.

Of course, these discussions were before Konohamaru also started to act in the same manner, and after only one conversation with Naruto, much to Ebisu's everlasting horror.

With these things happening, people were worried about their behavior catching. After all, if the Grandson of the Sandaime Hokage caught this, then none of them were safe from being infected. The only question was how the infection was spread since Naruto had not met Anko until the Chunin exams.

Well, that's not exactly true.

You see, they met, it's just that neither of them remembered it.


Anko, as had become a habit with her recently, was completely blasted. She did this for several reasons, the public one being to forget the past. The real reason, she always kept to herself.

The thing was she had just arrived back from a mission in which she had been lucky to procure several different brands of sake as well as several other samples of alcohol. Unfortunately, the debriefing had gone on for a long time, and she, as was normal, left her possessions in the tower while she went on a short drinking binge. The tower, however, was closed for the night so the question was how to get at all that yummy sake!

Giggling to herself, she decided to do the expedient thing, and climb up the side of the tower and try to find an open window.

ANBU, of course, saw her, but she had done similar things in the past, and being sort of a nasty drunk, they didn't want to risk her pulling out aKunai. She was important to the village after all, and as soon as she found her sake, then she would take it and start to drink on the way home, probably sleeping through the next day.

At least the day would be quiet.

Anko managed to find an open window on the top floor so she went in. Bumbling into a desk, she started yelling out swear words and waking up the lone occupant of the office.

“Unn...Who's there?” a young voice asked.

Anko, swaying slightly, blinked and said, “I am.”

The young voice snorted. “Be quiet. Want sleep.”

Given the usual reaction of the people in Konoha to her, and what they seemed to tell their children, this brought a moment of wonder to the inebriated shinobi, and she drunkenly went and found the light switch.

Naruto started to blink and complain, “I wanna sleep!”

Shaking her head, Anko just left the room to find her stuff. When she did, she went back up and then looked at the kid. Now why would a kid be in the tower so late at night? Especially alone in an unlocked room?

Naruto was still blinking and rubbing his face when Anko got a look at the whiskers. She knew this kid from somewhere. Something about people hating him almost as much as her.

Looking around a bit, she dragged the coffee table over to where the kid was, got some glasses from the washroom, and poured the kid a drink that didn't really taste of alcohol. Hell, old enough to be hated, old enough to drink. “Here you go kid.”

Naruto's eyes opened slightly and he took the offered drink which tasted like orange soda. “Thanks lady. Why you here?”

Anko smiled. The kid had guts. “I had to find my pack. Why are you here so late at night?”

Naruto, having drunk the entire glass of orange drink grinned a bit. “I'm gonna be Hokage!”

“Hokage! Can you handle the job?” Anko asked while pouring him another drink.

The five year old nodded, already being affected by the drink. “'Course I am.”

“How about I give you some advice then.”


Anko then started to teach him the ways of keeping the villagers away from getting close, while always being able to see what was going on. She talked for over an hour on different subjects, such as making a set of 'unbreakable' habits, how to talk loud, how to swear, and most of all, how to stand out in a crowd. She imparted her wisdom, and as she wasn't drinking very much in order to keep talking, she became slightly more sober.

The kid finally fell back to sleep, but she noticed that he had been making notes. Sloppy notes, but notes on what she was saying. Deciding to help him out, she quickly wrote out the main points of what she talked about.

Have a constant habit, preferably with food. That way everyone thinks they really know what you're thinking.

Dress with flair! Be outstanding and don't be afraid to tell people off for dissing the clothes. It was a way to make sure you knew where the people were looking.

Always have a weapon of some kind around. If not that, then have a set of escape routes planned out. The more people you could escape from, the better you were.

Be loud and creative, and swear a lot. (A list of swear words followed this.)

Being Hokage means being remembered for something you said. Find a saying and make sure people around you hear it a lot.

The list being complete, she staggered to the window, and climbed down to head back to her apartment. Thanks to getting her bottles back, and drinking once more, she would never remember the influence she had on an impressionable young boy.


The next morning, Naruto woke up, tasting something not nice in his mouth that had the taste of orange soda. Looking around, he saw some notes he made, and remembered something about some fairy lady that came to give him some advice. He couldn't remember her clearly, and a lot of what he wrote, he couldn't read, but then found what the fairy lady wrote for him to remember. He smiled. The fairly lady said that doing these things were important, so he would do them. Wondering what to do first, he decided that clothes would be a good start, so after brushing his teeth, he went over to the old man's office. “Hey old man! I wanna get some clothes! Can I!”

Sarutobi smiled. It wasn't often that Naruto asked for something like clothes, so he would indulge him. A t-shirt of some sort wouldn't cost that much. “Of course. Let's go.”

Keeping in mind the note, and the taste of the orange drink the fairy lady gave him, Naruto decided that his colour would be the same as the drink she gave him. This way he would always remember her. Now, what kind of food should he begin to eat a lot of?
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