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Reason

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Summary: Everyone needs a reason. Faith finds hers.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Supernatural > Faith-Centered > Pairing: Dean Winchester(Past Donor)PaxFR1511,674261,06315 Sep 0815 Sep 08Yes
Disclaimer: All characters belong to someone else who is assuredly not me.
Summary: We all need a reason. Faith finds hers.
Crossover: BTVS/SPN
Pairing: Faith/Dean
A/N: Inspired by Amos Lee’s Sweet Pea.




I like the Rock of Gibraltar

I always seem to falter

And the words just get in the way

Oh I know I'm gonna crumble

I'm trying to stay humble

But I never think before I say



“Five by five.”

Even if it’s not true. She hasn’t been five by five since she was fourteen, since she got a destiny, since she understood that her life will never be her own. But hell, she’ll take what she could get. And he didn’t need the details.

There’s a soft chuckle too close to her and then there’s a short glass in front of her and the familiar glint of amber liquid reflecting light. She turns her head slowly, lips curling back to snarl until she meets a pair of sombre hazel eyes. And no biting remark issues from her mouth, because the eyes are like hers, sorrowful and old in such a young face. He too seems surprised and then, with a crooked smile and a shrug of wide shoulders he lifts his glass to her. They stare for a moment, until she too lifts her glass and in silence they tilt it back and gasp as the alcohol sears their throats, as some warmth crawls into their veins, as they hear their own blood thrumming inside. And her hand fits so perfectly into his and the music is horrible and the singer is wailing about a good man’s love but they both know that does no good, they aren’t looking for love, just the song of flesh and the brief comfort of not needing any excuses. This is better than fighting everything she could find in the dark, because his hands are warm and sure, and his tongue is deft and he doesn’t seem to mind as she slams his back into a wall of his dingy motel room.



-X-



They stayed twined together in the semi darkness of that disgusting room for two and a half days. They learned each other’s names. The evaded meaningful questions, made up plausible answers to the questions that could not be avoided, laughed as they didn’t believe each other for one minute. She learned to laugh again with him, with his hot, pale flesh and his flashing, white teeth she laughed so loudly her throat grew hoarse. He held her through the laughter, and the tears that came afterwards. He talked as he made love to her. Simple words, whispered words, prayers of flesh and bone. The day before she left, she held him inside of her and kissed him like a lover, like she meant it, not for herself, but for him.

She watched him climb into his car, eyes hooded, smile bemused and sad and she waived from the doorway wrapped in the bed sheet that smelled like him.

She climbed back into bed when he left and stayed wrapped in that sheet for another day, until her phone rang and she took a shower and dressed in her leathers and rode her bike to some other forsaken town, to another demon, to another night of seedy bars and bad music.

Time passed and the only way she noticed was the snow that obscured her vision as she rode in Colorado. She stopped on the side of the road and took long hauls of cold air.

It was another couple of days until she found the nest she came to clear, until she stumbled into another trucker bar, hyped after the hunt, hair wild, blood yearning for songs of the flesh.

Then there was a shot glass in front of her and a crooked smile and hazel eyes that asked no questions. She smelled the blood on him and the forest, but nothing mattered and they danced and they fucked and then they made love and they fell asleep in the back of his car, like children, wrapped in a mess of clothes. She woke to watch him sleeping, to stroke the worry from his brow, to wonder how she got here, to this point. Where she didn’t want to run, didn’t need to make up excuses, to a place she could see herself staying at. To a man she didn’t want to abandon.

She snuck out of the car without waking him, wrapped in his jacket, chiding herself for that stupid smile that stretched her lips.



-X-



Sweet pea

Apple of my eye

Don't know when and I don't know why

You're the only reason I keep on coming home



It was a life she understood. Go around, kill some monsters, have a beer, remember you’re alive. Watch the sunrise. She got to do it with him. For a while.

But she had a destiny and he had promises to keep. And both of them had miles to go… But the poetry was not for her.

There was an apocalypse coming and she’d had dreams. It was a Thursday morning when Buffy called, it was raining and he was asleep. She answered with monosyllabic utterances and dressed quickly. She took a shirt of his as a reminder, it was old green plaid and it smelled like him. She didn’t leave a note. Only a card, with a number.

It was a full month before she had enough free time to think that she missed him. She drove back to Colorado, she tried to find him, but it was like he vanished. She talked less, she fought more, she was reckless and she knew it. So she left, left to bury her pain knuckle deep in demon ichor, in vampire dust. In something. But it wasn’t any better then either. Everyday was like a trembling string of pain, a low, whining note that would not end. Until her phone rang and she answered in a whisper: “Dean?”



I like the Rock of Gibraltar

I always seem to falter

And the words just get in the way



The silence on the other end makes her ill and she feels bile rise in her throat. She wishes she could go deaf, could blank out this moment, but she’s a tough girl, she’s taken worse. She won’t cry. Not yet.

The man on the other end, the brother, is curt and awkward. She’s trying to breath through her nose.

“He asked me to tell you if…when…” She can hear him exhale and her own breath hitches, but she must remember to breath. They stay silent for a moment before her voice, unbidden cracks through the silence: “Thank you.”

She doesn’t hear the murmured reply.

She’s already lunging for the bathroom, for the cool white tiles, for the glare of the toilet bowl, she retches until there is nothing left, until her hair hang lips and she curls her body into a small ball and sleeps.



-X-



Sweet pea

Keeper of my soul

I know sometimes I'm out of control

You're the only reason I keep on coming

You're the only reason I keep on coming yeah

You're the only reason I keep on coming home



She’s got a cut lip and probably a couple of broken ribs. She wipes the blood from her arm, she got careless, wasn’t paying enough attention. The moon is hiding behind the clouds and she shivers slightly in the breeze, hurrying home along the rooftops.

She drops to the ground a couple of streets away. Tries to wipe as much blood off as possible, to shake out the vamp dust from her hair, to banish the hunger of the slayer writhing under her skin.

The house is a bungalow, small and neat, the grass is plain and mowed and there are even flowers in the baskets hanging on the porch. There’s a car parked in front of the garage and a plastic tricycle treacherously sitting in the middle of the driveway. She runs a hand through the blue tassel as she moves it out of the way. She steps onto the porch and the dim light goes on. She opens the door quietly, trying not to wake up the people sleeping within.

But she’s greeted by a petulant Dawn holding a small child in her arms. Faith moves to take the child but Dawn frowns and sits on the stairs.

“Take your jacket off. No point in the kid breathing vampire dust.”

Faith grins and obeys silently. Dawn hands the kid gently over and Faith sighs a sigh of pure contentment at the small, silky heat of him. She bends to press a kiss to his dark golden hair as Dawn is ushering her upstairs.

“I’ll make you something to eat. Go put your son to bed; he stayed up as long as he could.”

Faith cradles him as she walks upstairs, loving the weight of him in her arms, his calming scent, and his warm breath. He stirs as she lowers him into his bed, and his hand grabs her fingers for a moment and he sighs with full contentment: “Mumma”. She brushes hair out of his face and places a small teddy bear in his arms, which the child clutches, snuggling his little face into worn out green plaid.

“’Night, Sweet Pea.”





Sweet Pea – Amos Lee



Sweet pea

Apple of my eye

Don't know when and I don't know why

You're the only reason I keep on coming home



Sweet pea

What's all this about

Don't get your way all you do is fuss and pout

You're the only reason I keep on coming home



I like the Rock of Gibraltar

I always seem to falter

And the words just get in the way

Oh I know I'm gonna crumble

I'm trying to stay humble

But I never think before I say



Sweet pea

Keeper of my soul

I know sometimes I'm out of control

You're the only reason I keep on coming

You're the only reason I keep on coming yeah

You're the only reason I keep on coming home

The End

You have reached the end of "Reason". This story is complete.

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