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An Unusual Deity

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Summary: Challenge Response. Andrew gets mistaken as a god.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Star Wars > Andrew-CenteredColdhandsFR151725071,86323 Sep 0823 Sep 08Yes
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I do not own Star Wars. I am
making no money from this.

Challenge response to laoshi, Challenge #3815, Option # 2: The Scooby God.

I read the challenge, and this plot bunny wouldn't stop biting me until I wrote something.

The witch screamed and the world shook as if her agony were rending it apart piece by piece. The gates she had opened to summon her demon slaves rippled angrily. The little yellow demons that had been flitting from one side of the room to the next, clawing and biting to distract the Slayers in a vain attempt to protect their mistress suddenly froze. Then, the expressions on their little faces one of the Slayer-sponsored witches had called cute screwed-up in puzzlement for moment and turned into wild-eyed hate. As one, they dove for the screaming witch the council had had so much trouble with over the past few months. She had evaded every agent and captured several until the council set a trap. The mystic underworld really needed to stop kidnapping Dawn.

Andrew smiled to himself, chuckling in what he hoped was a masculine way. Then ducked as an axe went flying over his head, embedding itself in the wall. “Watch where you’re throwing things, Katie!”

“Sorry!” The young Slayer shouted gleefully over her shoulder from the thick of the fray, not sounding sorry at all.

They really needed to start teaching the girls battlefield etiquette. It just wasn’t right to have swords and crossbows and Buffy-knows-what-else tossed around in a fight. Someone could get hurt. And that wasn’t saying anything about the Slayer’s attitudes. So few of them gave battle the respect it deserved. Seriously; they were in an underground chamber in the heart of – he didn’t actually know where because that was when Xander accidentally pushed him into the pantry – but it was damp, and gloomy and cool. Why couldn’t anyone else understand that?

He sighed, and stepped back as another demon collapsed where he had been standing.


Andrew looked around. He’d thought he’d heard someone call his name.


He whipped his head to the side. Buffy was waving desperately at him from the other side of the room. He grinned and waved back. He saw her sigh and place a hand on her forehead, then point behind him. Andrew glanced that way and saw what she meant. He’d been pushed dangerously close to one of the witch’s portals. In her death throes the witch could not control the powers she had summoned any longer. The scenery on the other side fluctuated, switching from hillsides to mountains, night to day, one sun to five. He stuck up his thumb to show he’d heard her and stepped away-

Straight into another portal.

On the other side of the room, Buffy swore to herself that next time she got her hands on him, she was going to stick a locator beacon so far up his ass he’d be coughing up smoke signals.

Andrew loved it here.

Sure, no technology, or Starbucks, and it did get pretty cold at night, but he had finally found an audience with the proper attitude about conflict who revered his dearly gained wisdom of battle.

“And then, when the witch had gathered all her demons, and all her powers, that was when I fought her, since without those things it would not have been a fair fight. For all her power she could not withstand me, for I have fought many witches and vanquished each, such as Dark Willow the Red, whose powers were far greater than this foe. So I destroyed her with spells of purple flame.” Andrew finished his tale with a bit of magic for special effects, summoning a bit of the fire he’d just described and holding it out in the palm of his hand.

His audience cheered, and began conversing with each other in their chirpy voices.

“Dee fratta ekla azar powa.”


They seemed to come to an agreement. Getting down on their furry little knees, they began bowing, over and over again as they chanted something lowly in worship. Andrew grinned. He owed that dead witch a thank you. He would never have discovered his true purpose in life without her.

Hail! Andrew, God of Ewoks!

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Ewok speech translations:
Dee fratta ekla azar powa = That’s big magic power
Chak = yes/yeah

The End

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