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Thank God For Retcon

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Story

Summary: Jess is surprised when a familiar face shows up in Stars Hollow, leading to a few of his secrets being revealed…

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Dr. Who/Torchwood > Non-BtVS/Ats Stories > Crossover: Other
Television > Gilmore Girls
DemonChildeKyraFR1514,018282,43929 Sep 0829 Sep 08Yes
Thank God For Retcon

Title: Thank God For Retcon

Author: Kyra

Disclaimer: I don’t own them; if I did I wouldn’t be writing fanfiction.

Summary: Jess is surprised when a familiar face shows up in Stars Hollow, leading to a few of his secrets being revealed…

Pairings: Tiny bit of Janto, Tiny bit of Literati, Mentions of past Jess/Jack

Spoilers: Torchwood – Um, None, really. Set sometime after Jack gets back at the beginning of Season 2. Gilmore Girls – Um, After Jess and Rory get together but before he leaves. No real spoilers though.

Warnings: Light SLASH!!!!

A/N: Um, yeah…So I started another one….LOL! But this one is finished! I had this idea in my head for about a week or so, or bits and pieces of it at least, and started writing it during my break at work the other day because I couldn’t remember where I had left off on any of the stories I have in progress and I was bored and wanted to write. The rest of it was thought up during a conversation with Ice_Whisper when I was telling her about it and I pretty much ended up writing most of the dialogue then. Just had to go back and fill it out. Anyway, enough from me…On to the story! I hope you all like it!

A/N2: Banner by me! :-)



Jess made a face as he pushed the body off of him in disgust and made his way to his feet. Once standing, he glared at the unmoving body on the ground and gave it a swift kick, muttering to himself in annoyance.

“Just my luck,” He muttered darkly, “Go to take out the trash and get attacked by a frickin’ weevil!”

Giving the now-dead weevil one last kick, Jess finally turned his attention to the people standing at the mouth of the alley. There was a man with short black hair and a woman with black hair that fell a bit past her shoulders. Apparently, the woman had been the one to kill the weevil as she still had the gun in her hand.

“I’m guessing this is yours?” Jess asked, again kicking the weevil.

The woman nodded slowly, watching Jess warily.

“Why aren’t you screaming or something?” The man asked curiously.

Jess shrugged, absently noting that both sounded British. “Not the first weevil I’ve seen,” He replied.

“Really?” The woman asked and Jess nodded.

“Look, why don’t we stuff this thing,” He kicked the weevil again, “In the dumpster for now. You might as well come inside for a while, there’s too many people still out and about for you to take care of it now.”

The two nodded and followed Jess inside, the woman slipping her gun into a barely noticeable holster and pulling out a phone, punching in a number as they went.

“I’m Owen, that’s Gwen,” The man said, introducing himself and the woman.

“Jess,” The teen replied.

Gwen snapped her phone closed just as they stepped into the dinner. “Ianto said they’ll meet us here,” She said to her companion.

Owen nodded and sat down at the counter, absently picking up a menu and starting to glance over it.

Gwen sat down next to him, ignoring the menu and choosing instead to look over the occupants of the diner. There was a man in a flannel shirt and a baseball cap behind the counter and various customers seated around the place.

“I’m taking my break,” Jess said to Luke as he passed him on his way to the end of the counter where Rory was sitting.

Luke made a vague reply and refilled Miss Pattie’s coffee cup.

Jess leaned against the counter next to Rory and leaned over giving her a kiss in greeting, “Hey.”

Rory smiled, “Hey.”

Jess opened his mouth to say something else just as the bell over the door rang and a familiar voice was heard.

“…No idea why there’s one here; we’ll have to see if we can’t figure it out when we get back to the Hub.”

Jess’s head snapped up and he whirled around to face the door, his eyes widening in shocked surprise as he saw who had just walked in the door to his uncle’s diner. “Jack…”

Jack looked up at the sound of his name and a slow grin spread over his face as his eyes landed on Jess. “Hey, Jess.”

Most of the people in the diner looked up in interest as Jess stared in shock at the man in the greatcoat that had just walked in the door with a small Japanese looking woman and a man in a suit whom Jess assumed was the Ianto Gwen had called earlier.

Rory, Luke and Lorelai looked between the two wondering how Jess knew the stranger, none of them remembering Jess ever mentioning a ‘Jack’.

Jess blinked at Jack in shock for a moment and was pulled from his chaotic thoughts by the sound of Jack’s voice.

“You’re mom isn’t here, is she?” Jack asked, his eyes darting around the diner for a moment.

Jess chuckled and grinned, “No, she’s not here.”

“Why?” Luke asked, “Are you one of her exes or something?”

Jess and Jack both started laughing and Jack shook his head. “No,” He said, “Just wanted to make sure she wasn’t here. I don’t wanna get stabbed again…It wasn’t very fun last time.”

Everyone looked a bit surprised at that and Rory looked at Jess in shock.

“Why did your mom stab him?” Rory asked, “And who is he?”

The small Japanese looking woman turned to look at Jack in disbelief, “Jack, you didn’t…”

Jack’s grin grew bigger as he glanced at the woman. “Yup,” He replied, “And let me tell you, Tosh, his mom wasn’t too pleased when she walked in…”

Tosh’s eyes went wide at that, “She walked in?!”

Jess snorted, “Figures that would be the one time she was sober, remembered I existed and decided to check on me and see if I was home.”

Jack chuckled, “Yeah. It’s a good thing she didn’t walk in five minutes later.”

Rory looked between the two of them in confusion, “Um, what are you talking about?”

Gwen looked at Jack, disapproval written clearly across her face. “Jack! He’s what? Sixteen?”

“Seventeen,” Jess cut in, “Both then and now.”

Luke looked at his nephew, “What are you talking about, Jess? And who is this? How do you know him?”

Jess looked slightly surprised for a second, having forgotten that no one had been introduced. “Umm,” He started unsurely, “This is Jack; I met him when I went back to New York.”

“And what are you two talking about?” Luke asked, trying to get Jess to answer the rest of his questions. “And why would Liz stab him?”

Jess shifted a bit uncomfortably as he answered. “She, uh, didn’t like him.”

“Yeah, we got that, what with the stabbing and all,” Lorelai said from her seat at a nearby table.

“Um, she, uh, thought he was attacking me?” Jess elaborated, not sounding real sure of himself.

Lorelai smiled in amusement, “You don’t sound too sure about that.”

“Oh god, Jack! You really did, didn’t you?” Gwen asked in disbelief.

Jack just grinned at her in reply, “Yup!”

“JACK!” Gwen exclaimed, “He’s sixteen-”

“Seventeen,” Jess corrected.

“Seventeen, then,” Gwen said. “Have you no morals?”

Apparently Luke had had enough of being ignored by that point. “WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT???” He exploded.

Jack, Jess and Gwen glanced at each other, along with Owen, Tosh and Ianto, who all had figured everything out.

The diner was completely silent as Jess and the newcomers looked at each other trying to figure out what they should say.

Finally the silence was broken by Lorelai. “Why would Liz think he was attacking you?” She asked looking at Jess curiously. “You said that you were at home and she went to check on you…If you were at home, why would she think he was attacking you?”

Gwen was glaring at Jack while everyone waited for Jess’s reply. Next to Gwen, Owen was doing his best to keep from laughing out loud while Tosh and Ianto merely shook their heads.

Rory looked at Jess expectantly, as did everyone else. “Jess,” She prompted after a minute, “Aren’t you going to answer my mom?”

Jess looked between Rory, Jack and Lorelai a bit nervously for a minute. “Um…”

Lorelai’s eyes went wide in surprise and realization for a second before a smile slowly spread across her face. “Oh! Oh, I get it,” She said. “Huh…”

Jess’s eyes went wide as he registered Lorelai’s words and the knowing look in her eyes. Before he could say anything, Rory spoke up again.

“Jess!” She again prompted him for an answer. “Why would she think he was attacking you?”

“Um, because if you didn’t know better it might…kinda…maybe have looked like he was attacking me?” Jess answered slowly and unsurely.

Lorelai started snickering at the uncomfortable look on Jess’s face.

“What?” Luke and Rory asked pretty much in unison, both looking completely confused.

“If he wasn’t attacking you, why would it look that way?” Luke asked.

How could it look that way?” Rory asked.

Jack rolled his eyes and grinned as he walked over to Jess. “Like this,” He said as he reached out and wrapped an arm around the younger man’s waist, pulling their bodies flush as he leaned down and slanted his mouth over Jess’s.

Jess moaned as Jack slipped his tongue into his mouth, his arms coming up instinctively to wrap around Jack’s neck as he gave in to the kiss, reciprocating it enthusiastically.

All of the Stars Hollow residents in the diner were shocked into silence and both men pretty much forgot about their audience as Jack pushed Jess up against the counter, pressing their bodies even closer together and causing both of them to moan loudly.

JACK!!!” Gwen yelled in reprimand while Owen snickered and Tosh shook her head.

“Oh, bloody hell,” Ianto muttered under his breath.

Gwen’s yell broke everyone out of their stupor. Lorelai started laughing so hard she nearly fell out of her seat. Babette and Miss Pattie started whispering to one another, Taylor looked scandalized and Kirk was staring wide-eyed like a little kid getting a peek at one of their dad’s dirty magazines.

It seemed that the only people Gwen’s yell hadn’t disturbed were Jess and Jack, as the two were still kissing hungrily, Jack’s hands slipping down and sliding into Jess’s back pockets.

Ianto sighed and rolled his eyes. “Bloody hell,” He muttered again before raising his voice, “JACK!”

Jack reluctantly pulled away from Jess, both men panting for air. “Yeah, Yan?” He asked his eyes locked on Jess’s.

“Could you possibly stop snogging the minor before you get arrested?” Ianto asked with another sigh.

Jack grinned over his shoulder at the Welshman, “Aw, you jealous, Ianto?”

Ianto rolled his eyes again. “Of course I’m jealous,” He replied, “My boyfriend is snogging another guy.”

Jack pulled his hands out of Jess’s pockets and slowly sauntered over to Ianto. He stopped right in front of the younger man and leaned down to kiss him softly, yet passionately. He pulled back after a moment and locked his gaze with his boyfriend’s. “You know it didn’t mean anything,” He said, “I love you.”

Ianto nodded, “Yeah, I know…Doesn’t stop me being jealous, though.”

Jack grinned. “And you’re so cute when you’re jealous,” He said before leaning in and kissing him again.

Rory and Luke were still staring at Jess in shock.

“Y-you…” Rory managed to stutter out, unable to get any further.

“Had sex with a guy?” Jess finished for her questioningly. “Yeah, multiple times.”

“And your mom walked in on you?!” Lorelai asked as she finally got her laughter down to a more manageable level.

Jack pulled away from Ianto as he heard Lorelai’s question. “Yeah,” He answered for Jess, “And let me tell you, she was not happy.”

“She didn’t see anything,” Jess said. “We were both still fully clothed…Okay, mostly clothed…And there might have been some hands in interesting places…”

Lorelai started cracking up again, all control over her laughter disappearing once again.

“Apparently, kissing Jess warrants getting stabbed,” Jack added then turned to look at Rory, “So I’d be careful that she doesn’t catch you two,” He said told her.

Rory looked at Jack in confusion, “Huh?”

Jack!” Jess exclaimed.

“What?” Jack asked innocently, “I just thought she should be warned…Wouldn’t want her getting stabbed, too.”

Jess merely rolled his eyes at the older man.

“Since when are you…” Luke started before trailing off unsurely.

“Gay?” Jess asked and Luke nodded. “I’m not. Jack’s the only guy I’ve ever been with or even kissed or been attracted to. And it was just fun; nothing serious…A way for us to burn off some excess energy after...” Jess paused for a second as he tried to find an appropriate word. “After work,” He finished.

“Work?” Luke asked in confusion.

Owen’s eyes lit up in comprehension. “So that’s how he knew,” He muttered to himself before turning to look at Jack. “You told him?”

“Kinda had to,” Jack replied with a shrug.

“And why is that?” Gwen wanted to know.

“Well, when he gets attacked by one, it’s kind of hard to pretend they don’t exist,” Jack explained.

“And you didn’t Retcon him because…” Gwen asked.

“He’s hott?” Jack offered with a grin.

Tosh giggled and Owen snickered at the reply, but apparently Gwen didn’t find it as funny.

“Jack!” She exclaimed in exasperation.

Jack rolled his eyes. “I didn’t Retcon him because it would have been a bit hard to explain his injuries when he couldn’t remember getting them,” Jack told her. “And trust me, they were the kind you’d remember getting. After that he insisted on knowing more.”

“And you told him?” Tosh asked.

Jack nodded, “Taught him how to fight and take care of himself a bit better too.”

“Then I started helping,” Jess added. “Didn’t want Jack out by himself, not when I’d experienced what those things could do.” He paused and turned to Gwen and Owen, focusing on Gwen, “Thanks for the save, by the way. Can’t exactly carry around here without people freaking.”

“Carry?” Luke asked, “Carry what? You better not be talking about a gun!”

“Yes, a gun,” Jess replied, “Don’t worry; I’ve never so much as pointed one at a human before.”

“Save?” Lorelai cut in, “What save? From what?”

Jess looked around the diner full of people before turning back to the others. “Maybe we shouldn’t be having this conversation in front of everyone,” He said.

“Oh, so now he thinks about that,” Gwen muttered, fighting the urge to throw her hands in the air.

“Oh, like you aren’t going to Retcon them all anyway,” Jess retorted.

“He has a point,” Ianto said, knowing that was exactly what was going to happen.

“Still…” Gwen said before giving up with a shake of her head.

“Okay, everyone OUT!” Luke yelled, ready to get some real answers from his nephew instead of listening to him and this Jack character and the people with him talk in riddles.

Everybody slowly and reluctantly left the diner. All except Rory and Lorelai, both were still sitting where they had been when it all started.

“No way am I missing this,” Lorelai said incredulously when Luke glared at her.

“Jess is my boyfriend,” Rory said when Luke turned his glare on her, “I’m not leaving either.”

Luke sighed in defeat. “Fine, let’s go upstairs then so that they,” He jerked his thumb toward the door where everyone who had been inside was pressed against the glass trying to eavesdrop, “Can’t hear.”

The nine of them made their way upstairs to the apartment above the diner.

Once everyone had made themselves comfortable Lorelai spoke up once more, “So?” She asked, “Save you from what? And what does it have to do with whatever Jack told you about in New York?”

“And what’s this about you carrying a gun?” Luke added.

“From a weevil,” Jess said answering Lorelai’s first question.

“A weevil?” Lorelai asked, “What’s a weevil?”

“An alien,” Jack replied.

ALIEN?” Luke and Rory asked incredulously.

“Aliens don’t exist,” Luke stated and Rory nodded her agreement.

Jess shook his head at them, “Yeah, they do. And weevils are just one kind.”

“Really mean buggers, too,” Owen added, “Like to tear out your throat.”

“You’re kidding me right?” Rory asked, looking at Jess plaintively, “Jess?”

Jess shook his head. “Nope,” He replied, “Sorry. Aliens are real.”

Lorelai just tilted her head thoughtfully for a moment. “Huh.”

Luke looked at her incredulously. “‘Huh’?” He repeated. “That’s it? That’s all you got? ‘Huh’?”

“Well…What do you expect?” Lorelai wanted to know. “I mean, why not?”

“Because this is insane!” Luke exclaimed. “They’re all obviously nuts!”

“You just called your nephew nuts,” Lorelai pointed out calmly.

Luke paused for a second before shaking his head, “Well, he can’t honestly believe this…” He looked at Jess, “Can you?”

Jess nodded his head. “Yeah; I can,” He replied. “You get attacked by one of those things, you don’t forget it…” He stopped for a second and glanced at Jack, Ianto, Owen, Tosh and Gwen. “Well, okay, you might; but not on your own.”

“What?” Rory asked, not understanding what her boyfriend was saying.

“We have something called Retcon,” Ianto told them, “It’s an amnesia pill.”

Owen nodded. “None of you will remember this conversation come tomorrow morning,” He added.

“Thank god,” Jess muttered.

Owen grinned at him, “What are you more thankful that they won’t remember?” He asked, “The aliens? Or the whole you-fucked-a-guy-that’s-way-older-than-you thing?”

“Owen!” Tosh exclaimed.

“What?” Owen asked, “It’s a legitimate question!”

Tosh just shook her head at him.

Luke glared at Jack. “You know, I can see why Liz stabbed you,” He said. “I’m tempted to do so myself.”

“Please don’t,” Jack said, “It’s not pleasant.”

“Yeah, please don’t,” Jess agreed. “The blood is a bitch to clean up.”

Rory looked uncomfortable and avoided looking at Jess, instead looking to Ianto. “He’s your boyfriend, right?” She asked motioning to Jack, waiting until she saw Ianto nod before continuing, “So why don’t you seem to care that he was with someone else?”

Ianto shrugged. “We weren’t together at the time,” He replied.

“But you’re together now,” Rory said, “And down in the diner…”

Ianto just shrugged again. “Jack’s Jack,” He said, as though it explained everything; and for anyone who knew Captain Jack Harkness, it actually really did.

“You don’t care that he was making out with someone else?” Rory asked in disbelief.

“Oh, I care,” Ianto told her. “But I also know it didn’t mean anything. I’m the one he goes home to at night; the one he shares his bed with-”

“Though we always have room for a third,” Jack cut in with a grin, sending a leer Jess’s way.

Jess laughed, “Let me guess; Naked Hide-And-Seek?”

Ianto grinned at Jess conspiratorially. “He cheats,” He told the younger man.

Jess laughed and nodded, returning the grin. “He always cheats,” He agreed.

Jack and Lorelai both started laughing at the exchange between the two youngest men while Rory and Luke looked horrified. Tosh and Gwen just shook their heads and Owen snickered for a moment before joining in on Lorelai and Jack’s laughter.

“As fun as this conversation is,” Gwen said, her tone indicating that it really wasn’t all that fun, “It’s getting late and we still have a weevil to dispose of. We can’t exactly leave it in the dumpster.”

The others all nodded and everyone headed back downstairs, Rory and Luke avoiding eye contact with Jess and Lorelai giggling to herself the whole way.

As they stepped out into the front of the diner, Luke let out a groan at seeing everyone still waiting outside the front door, a few new additions in the crowd as well.

Jack and Ianto had a brief whispered conversation before Ianto moved toward the area behind the counter and Jack stepped up to Jess, pulling him quickly to the center of the room where everyone could see them and kissing him once more, instantly catching everyone’s attention.

Jess quickly returned the kiss, knowing that it wouldn’t matter what he did come morning, as no one would remember a thing. He wasn’t quite sure how Jack would manage to Retcon everyone that had seen anything, but he didn’t doubt that it would get done.

A few minutes later, Jack pulled back from the kiss and leaned in to whisper in Jess’s ear, “Don’t drink the coffee.” He pulled back and gave the teen a wink before heading over and opening the door and letting everyone in. “Maybe you should let everyone have a free cup of coffee,” He suggested to Luke, “For having to wait outside.”

Luke grumbled but could tell by looking at everyone that they wouldn’t let him off without the free coffee after hearing Jack’s suggestion. He headed over and started pouring cups of coffee for everyone before taking one for himself.

Jess, Jack and Ianto watched as everyone drank their coffee, small smiles on their faces.

“Pretty smart way to make sure everyone gets a dose of the Retcon,” Jess said as he looked at the other two.

Jack grinned down at him, “What did you think of the distraction? Fun wasn’t it?”

Jess laughed but had to agree.

A minute later Gwen walked up to them, a fresh cup of coffee in her hands.

“I wouldn’t drink that,” Ianto cautioned as she lifted the cup to her mouth.

Gwen looked at him curiously, “Why not?”

“How do you think everyone’s getting their Retcon?” Jess asked, raising an eyebrow at the older woman.

Gwen’s eyes widened a bit and she set the cup down on a nearby table. “Owen and Tosh are already out back,” She said, “We should get the weevil and get out of here while everyone one is distracted with the free coffee.”

Jack and Ianto nodded and Gwen headed out the door, Ianto giving Jack a quick kiss before following her and letting his boyfriend have a moment to say goodbye to Jess.

“Maybe we’ll see you around,” Jack said with a smile.

“Maybe,” Jess agreed, “It was good to see you again, Jack. Things are never dull with you around, that’s for sure.”

Jack leaned down and gave Jess a soft kiss before backing away toward the door. “See you around, Jess.” That said he turned and made his way out the door and toward the alley where the rest of his team was waiting, Jess watching him go with a soft smile.



The next morning Jess stepped into the diner and had to bite back a smirk at the sight of most of the people of Stars Hollow apparently nursing hangovers, fighting the urge to smirk even more as he caught bits of conversations about how none of them could remember the night before and how they didn’t recall drinking. He made his way over to the coffee pot and glanced up as a shadow fell over the counter in front of him.

“Refill?” He asked as he saw Lorelai standing in front of him.

Lorelai nodded and handed Jess her cup, watching him pensively for a moment even after he handed the full cup back to her.

“What?” Jess asked.

Lorelai leaned against the counter and tilted her head slightly as she continued to study Jess, an odd look in her eye.

“What?” Jess asked again. When she didn’t say anything after a moment, he turned his attention back to the counter, starting to clean up a spill with a nearby rag.

A moment later Lorelai finally spoke up. “Any idea why I have vague memories about you making out with a guy, a discussion about the existence of aliens, and something about Naked Hide-And-Seek?” She asked, watching Jess closely for his reaction.

Jess’s head snapped up at the question, his eyes wide with surprise and a hint of panic. It only lasted a moment before the teen managed to school his features into something resembling amusement.

“I don’t wanna know what kind of freaky dreams you have…” He told her.

“Now you see, that’s just it,” Lorelai said. “I don’t think it was a dream. See, I also remember something else, a mention of something called Retcon?” She paused and watched as Jess’s eyes went wide again. “I don’t think your little amnesia pill worked so well on me…”

“Well, shit…” Jess muttered, still staring at Lorelai with wide eyes.

Lorelai sat down on the stool directly in front of Jess and after a quick glance to make sure no one was listening to them, she looked at the teen with a grin. “So…Aliens, huh?”



DONE! I really hope you liked it! I had a lot of fun writing it! I’ve already had a request for a sequel and/or prequel and will probably do both eventually, but I want to get at least a couple chapters done on some of the other stories I have going first.

Anyway, please review and let me know what you think! Reviews make my world go ‘round!

~ Kyra

The End

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