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You Only Die Twice

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This story is No. 3 in the series "Secret Agent Slayer Series". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: Ian Fleming’s master spy meets old friends and enemies when he undertakes a private mission to find a missing Felix Leiter. Arriving in Sunnydale, this personal mission may prove his most difficult yet. Can you hear the Voodoo drums...? S.A.S Episode 3

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Literature > Action > James BondJohnnySnowballFR15736,3521234,0905 Oct 081 Aug 09Yes

Goodbye, Mr Bond - Hello Peaches

You Only Die Twice

Goodbye, Mr Bond – Hello Peaches / 007

Two days had passed since the battle against Baron Samedi and now Buffy was standing outside her home in the night with Willow watching James Bond, man of mystery, as he packed his case into his rented Saab. The man hadn’t said a great deal since the events of that night. He’d seen too much of her world, Buffy figured. He had called his friend Jack and had Felix’s body taken away. It was now on a private jet (CIA, she guessed) to Los Angeles and Bond was to drive back there for the funeral before returning to his spy job in London.

Last night Buffy had had to go back with Xander and his jeep to tow the sleeping dragon back to the crypt. Giles hadn’t been exactly impressed with her for using the Slobbu as an attack fleet, but it had worked out and he couldn’t deny that. Xander had made a new timber door for the Constantine crypt and he and Giles were there now fitting it. The Buffybot was in a worse state than ever and Willow had concluded it was unsalvageable. She could fix basic problems but the microprocessor was smashed and only Warren had had the skills to replace it.

Xander had been to Willy’s just as Buffy had told him but Willy insisted that Spike was out of town. After some mild persuasion, the snivelling barman had spilled to Xander that they should be more worried about the new boss in town – Mister Blood. They still had nothing on this guy.

“I got through to Station J,” Willow said to her, bringing her back into the moment. “Blade was in Tokyo but they believe he fled over here to the States. I’m sorry, but… current location unknown.”

Buffy acknowledged sadly. Down in her basement under the house on Revello Drive, chained to the wall on the wooden bench there, was her sister, Dawn. The vampire. One of Blade’s kind.

She remembered the last time she’d been down those basement stairs into her sister’s prison. She remembered what Dawn had said…

“I’m still me, Buffy. Can’t you see? I’m still Dawn. There’s no demon in me… my body’s just… different now. I’m just… more thirsty now…”

And then she’d said…

“I need to drink, Buffy, you’re killing me.” She’d tried to break free. “Let me go!”

“I can’t, Dawn. You have to stay here. I will fix you!”

“You’ll kill me!” she’d spat back. “All the years I’ve had to put up with you as a stupid little weak human and now you’re still trying to keep me as your pet! You make me want to vomit! You always did but now I have the strength to say it! Now I have the strength to fight back! I’ll kill you, Slayer! I swear I will kill you!”

And she remembered her own tears.

Bond opened the driver’s door of the Saab and looked back at Buffy as she stood there in the yard. His face said a lot. He’d come there looking for his friend and he’d found him with her help and now he could take him home. They’d been through a lot in just a couple of days, had quite an adventure together. Now he was leaving. And he was thankful to her for everything.

“There’s…something about that man…” Buffy muttered absently.

“A tall, dark, handsome, mysterious secret agent,” Willow remarked. “He’s double-oh-heaven.” Buffy hinted a smile and Will’s eyes went wide. “You…didn’t? Did you?”

“No!” Buffy insisted quickly. “He’s…old.”

“Angel was older.”

James Bond slipped into his car and drove away.

“What now?” Will asked her.

“I have to talk to Dawn again.”

“Don’t do it to yourself, Buffy. No matter what she says it isn’t really her. Not anymore.”

Buffy shrugged. What if it really was?

* * *

“Who’s there?” Dawn leaned forward until the chains at her wrists pulled taught. It was night outside and the basement was black. With her heightened smell she detected something. Death was in the room. And her new improved vision picked up movement in the farthest corner beyond the laundry machines. Someone was definitely there. “Wait… I know you…”

“Lots of people know me,” replied the strong English voice. “Some know me as Mister Blood.” The man in black came forward until she could see his every detail. “But you… you know me by another name, Pet.”


He reached out and caressed her soft hair and smiled down at her.

“Buffy’s here, Spike! She’s trying to kill me! She’s a bitch! I hate her!”

“Shh, shh. Don’t worry about her. Everything’s better now, Peaches. I’ve come to rescue you.”

Dawn’s face exploded into a grin. “I love you, Spike.”

He smiled back and took hold of the chains with his powerful hands. He couldn’t have Buffy… so he’d take Dawn instead!

By the time the Slayer returned to that basement all that was left were the broken chains and an empty bench. Her sister, her love, her hope… was gone.

* * *

James Bond, comfortable in his British Airways seat, looked at the golden gourd on the chair beside him. He was glad not to have to make a false report about his latest adventure to M. Lying to the CIA – that was always easy – but, for M, he had simply been on vacation. On vacation to the theme park of horrors!

The man with the golden gourd buckled himself in and sat back for the flight home.

But there was one last thing Bond had yet to discover…

There is a thing called ‘Sunnydale syndrome’. The unexplainable and bizarre events that regularly occur in that American town had a habit of clouding the minds of the so-called grown-ups there until they become aware only that ‘something’ happened, the details of which lost in the deep dark places of the hidden mind. Bond didn’t know it yet, but soon – by the time he reached London, in fact – he would also fall victim to it.

The S.A.S. Series

Secret Agent Slayer will return… in:

Buffy the Vampire Slayer and the Alien Tripods from Outer Space

The End

You have reached the end of "You Only Die Twice". This story is complete.

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