Disclaimer: Don’t own anybody…trust me.
Author’s Note: This was written for the Methos bar series. I was going to insert it when TTHM discontinued it.
P.S.: No Canadians were hurt making this Fanfiction (inside joke).
Alexander Harris quietly wiped down the top of the oak bar waiting patiently for the first customers to arrive. Behind him the souvenirs upon the wall were polished to a fine sheen. He had waited for about an hour and then thought to himself this could be a rather slow night. Just as he was about to call up Megan and William the closet door opened and a clatter of tiny feet had entered.
He walked slowly towards the open door and took a glance in, but there was nothing but brooms and mops. Closing the door he turned towards the bar and stopped in confusion. For there sitting on the bar’s hand polished surface was a two foot tall green frog.
“Ummm…welcome to Nights…I’m uhh Xander the proprietor.”
“Huh?” the frog asked.
“Owner...” was Xander’s singular reply.
“Oh…hi! Kermit de’ frog here.”
“Oh…kay…what can I get you?” asked Harris.
Shaking his head the little frog said “Hot coco please.”
That’s when the juke box kicked in with a catchy little tune:
[Television Theme Song]
It's time to play the music
It's time to light the lights
It's time to meet the Muppets on the Muppet Show tonight.
It's time to put on makeup
It's time to dress up right
It's time to raise the curtain on the Muppet Show tonight.
Why do we always come here
I guess we'll never know
It's like a kind of torture
To have to watch the show
And now let's get things started
Why don't you get things started
It's time to get things started
On the most sensational inspirational celebrational Muppetational
This is what we call the Muppet Show
ARTIST: Jim Henson and Sam Pottle
TITLE: The Muppet Show Theme Song
Lyrics and Chords
Nodding his head to the beat Xander slipped the cup onto the counter heard a girlish scream. Looking up as he caught sight of Illyria, who had arrived after Kermit, running from something with too much red hair and a crazy look in his eyes yelling “WO…MAN, WO…MAN.”
“It’s Okay, just Animal.” answered Kermit with an unconcerned look and a slurp of his hot drink.
The front door opened to reveal Rupert Giles just as Illyria had passed by with the short crazy critter following closely behind her. Pausing, he just shook his head and made his way through the clutter of small furry bodies.
“G-man! Good ta’ see yah!” yelled Harris, trying to get over the din.
“Xander, a bowl of chili and my favorite ale please.”
Glancing to his right he looked, then looked again and said, “Umm pardon me but…Kermit, old boy!”
Kermit did a double take and said, “Rupert! Long time no see…”
Xander wide eyed just looked between the two as they did some weird hand shake from their Cambridge College school days in England.
Laughing loudly Giles and Kermit exchanged stories as Muppets, some of which were swinging from the chandeliers, which was an oddity in itself as he never had any chandeliers installed.
“Sorry to be a bother, but did you know that there’s a fly in my chili, Xander...”
“There is? I’m sorry Giles…I’ll be right…”
“On second thought the fly isn’t there any more…just get me another ale if you would please.” as Xander turned to see Giles glaring at Kermit munching on something.
“Sorry…habit...” said an embarrassed Kermit.
Shaking his head Xander headed to the back where Tallyn was cooking.
“Tallyn, we’ve got to…what the hell?”
The cooking area was overrun with talking rats, a cook with a mustache talking in early Summarian or what could be Swedish, he estimated, and a blue monster eating all the packaged cookies.
“Borshki, Boshki…Pigs in the blanket.” the chef said running after some pigs while holding a blanket.
“COOKIES!!!” screamed the blue monster.
Looking flustered as hell even for a Slayer Tallyn just sat on a chair in the back, hair disheveled, t-shirt stuck to her body with sweat and flour and food all over her smock.
“Take a break Tallyn.” Xander said.
As he walked out raised voices could be heard from the back room. A second later a fight broke causing the wards to throw all five Demons out the front door.
The little hairy dude, who was chasing Illyria, fuzzy eyebrows went up and yelled with glee, “Fight, Fight, Fight!”
Illyria confused, watched as her pursuer rushed out the door. She seemed a little dejected and made her way to the exit also.
Xander, who was standing in the middle of the bar stood in bewilderment trying to figure when all these Muppets, as Giles called them had shown up.
"And when did Doctor Teeth and the band get here? Hey! Was that Oz playing bass?"
Shaking his head he heard Kermit say to him, “Takes a little bit getting used too, don’ t it?”
That’s when he heard, “…now for your viewing pleasure. I the great Gonzo will attempt to shoot myself out of this cannon…hitting the door chimes…,” fuse is burning down, “…and break through the little window in the front door.”
Gonzo, the maybe-bird with a hell of a beak, was dressed in a red, white and blue outfit with cape, backing into the open end of a lit cannon.
Dawn scrambled over to just open the door as Gonzo flew through the air ringing the door chimes and out into the street.
Looking around Xander heard someone say to their dance partner, “Did you know that big nose freak?”
Her partner answered, “No…but his face rings a bell.”
Xander slowly sat down at one of the tables when the Slayerettes came walking in after the night’s patrol.
Dawn yelled over the mayhem, “The Slayers are here.”
“One Slayer, two slayers, three slayers…that’s three Slayers…ha, ha, ha!!!” stated a little Dracula reject.
Faith followed the Slayerettes holding a ‘Gonzo’ by the beak. She walked up to Xander’s table sat down dropping ‘Gonzo the Great’, who scampered away, prior to taking a seat.
“Hey aren’t you supposed to be tending…?” asked Faith.
Xander just pointed as she glanced to the bar and watched several rats making drinks and sitting on the bar.
Warren came over and sat down as they saw and heard Kermit playing a banjo and Rupert singing a song about a Rainbow…whatever.
Turning to Warren, Harris asked, “Hey who’s waiting on the tables!!!" Just as three female rats, dressed in semi-revealing outfits (for other rats), each carrying beer bottles hurried by.
Megan, Tallyn, Faith and Xander look at each other and say “Oh?”
On the other side of the room the main door was roughly pushed open and the little hairy dude, Animal, walked in dragging a body of a Blalok demon by it’s hair with a thoroughly impressed Illyria following behind. They soon were seen leaving hand in hand from the same door, all the while hearing, “Wo…man”.