Targeted 4 Termination: Angel & the Dragon Hunter by JohnnySnowball
Angel felt like a raggy doll in a dumpster that had been dragged around the block by a snotty kid on a tricycle when he came to and realised the heat of the sun was no longer burning against the metal barrel he was hiding in. He moved stiffly and suffered the pain of his ripped skin and growling stomach. He'd seen Passion of the Christ and suddenly felt the urge to change his name to Jesus. He couldn't even muster the strength to climb up out of the large tin.
Moments later, the oil barrel fell over and Angel oozed out of the can like runny baked beans.
He stood, uneasily, and almost staggered into a lake.A lake? What the-?
All around him was forest and water. He sniffed the air for the scent of a nice ripe deer, or a hefty moose. Damn, he could eat a whole heard of mooses. Then he wondered to himself what the plural of moose really was. Meese, he decided. After all, more than one goose were geese.
A squark from high in the night sky signalled the approach of his jolly unwanted dragon friend. Then he thought he caught the scent of a-
Angel spun to see a ragged tramp-like fellow weilding a very old-world sort of weapon. And he looked quite like...
"Get down you oaf!" said the ragged Batman.
The scruffy-bearded chap man-handled Angel under the cover of a tree and pushed him into the dirt.
"Can't you see there's a damn dragon about?" Christian Bale spat.
"You're Christian Bale..." Angel half mumbled in his weakened state.
"What? You're delerious. I'm just a dragon hunter from a distant apocolyptic future where dragons have ravaged the Earth and left humankind scavaging like rats to survive without food, and I travelled back through time using Terminator technology to make a better future. I've slayed dragons with Bilbo Baggins, I've slayed dragons that sounded like Sean Connery, I've even slayed dragons with Matthew Macanonkahey, or whatever he's called (the man looks good with a bald head and on old handlebar mustache, i have to say) and i'm damn lucky to be alive! I'm beginning to think i'm an unstoppable dragon killer!"
With that, Angel opened his fangy mouth and clamped down on Christian Bale's neck, sucking the gypsy dry until he was able to shake off the pains of the day and jump up to see where the hell he was.
"Sorry," said the reinvigorated vampire, "were you saying something?" Damn that blood was good. Like vampire Red Bull! That stuff gives you wing-
Angel lost his train of thought as an unnerving sound behind him caused his stomach to leap into his throat.
He turned in horror as he saw...
Well, I've never done anything like this so I thought I'd throw my ten cents in. Or my ten pence, even.