DISCLAIMER: I don’t own BTVS or Xanth and no profit is earned.
AUTHOR’S NOTE: Each new world brings fresh trials for Xander and Faith. Sometimes the only thing tested is a carpenter’s patience. Thanks to Storyseeker for help in editing this. As usual, if you have any comments or preferences, please don’t be shy. RandR.
“Stop that,” Xander snapped irritably.
Faith ignored him. She kept trying as the two of them trudged down a path on yet another world. This was one of the strangest they’d been to yet.
“Please?” Xander tried again.
“Who’s doing that,” Faith wondered aloud, peering around as if hoping to spot the culprit hiding behind one of the bizarre bushes or insane-looking trees.
“That’s getting on my nerves, Faith.”
She ignored him and tried again while Xander ground his teeth in frustration.
“What kinda sissy g-rated dimension did we land in?”
“Don’t know, don’t care. Let’s just find this Humphrey guy we were told about and hope he can get us home. Stop that,” he finished irritably, as Faith started to test one of the more bizarre features of the world they were visiting.
“How’re they doin’ that?”
“Magic?” Xander offered sarcastically. “Seems harmless. Just let it go.”
“Oh, give it a try,” Faith wheedled. “Maybe it can’t keep up with both of us.”
“I don’t care if it can,” he told her for what seemed the hundredth time.
The developing argument was interrupted by the sound of something huge coming down the path toward them. There was no good place to hide on the path and they had already learned the hazards of wandering from it the hard way, so they stopped and readied themselves for a fight, just in case. They had seen other monsters since their arrival, but for some reason the creatures had not ventured onto the path. The dragon they had seen hadn’t even tried to breathe fire at them. Still, neither of them was willing to trust in luck or apparent rules.
Around a bend in the path, a few yards from where they had stopped, came a creature quite unlike anything either of them had seen before. It was roughly humanoid, but nearly three meters tall. Dressed in filthy hides and carrying a huge club, it was easily one of the most formidable looking creatures either had ever seen. It was also one of the hardest to look at.
“Never seen so much ugly in one place before,” Xander muttered, backing up. The notion of fighting something like that was enough to make both seasoned demon hunters hesitate.
The thing paused when it saw them, then made a burbling sound that was probably laughter and raised its club in anticipation. The two backed away faster, and Faith swore colorfully. At least, she tried to. The result distracted Xander from the imminent pounding, and he shot his traveling companion a dirty look.
“Enough of that,” he snapped. “Just bleeping
stop the bleeping bleep
dumb bleeping bleep
censor bleep, bleeping bleep!
Both Faith and the monster stopped and stared at him. The Slayer looked mildly impressed. The monster looked scandalized and for some reason, slightly singed. It had raised its club, but suddenly seemed unsure what to do with it. Xander focused on it and opened his mouth to say something more. The creature broke and ran.
They stared after it, too startled to react. “Well, bleep
!” Faith said after a moment.
Xander nodded. “You can say that again.”