Title: In for a Knut, In for a Galleon… Especially When You’re Hunting Vampires
Disclaimer: I do not own anyone from the world of Harry Potter or Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Notes: Takes place a few years after Chosen for Buffy. And as for Harry Potter it takes place a couple years after the 7th book only Fred did not die.
Prompt from TtH Holiday Exchange:
Crossover Fandom: BtVS / Harry Potter
Characters/Pairings: Xander, Weasley Twins, Any pairings you want
Max Rating: FR21
Three things you'd like to read: The line “5 bucks says we die”, Death of a Santa Suit/animatron, Wacky Muggle “tradition”
What you DON'T want to read: Serious fic
Christmas theme: Yep Kinda necessary for the death of a Santa suite or Decoration
MUST have *both* twins, and have Xander in the fic somewhere.
Prompt for and thought of by: WenchWithAWrench
Hope you enjoy, Merry Christmas!
“This doesn’t look good.” George said as he and his twin appeared in the middle of downtown muggle London. Two nights before Christmas, the streets should have been crowded with people running from heated store to heated store. Instead they were empty, even all of the stores were closed.
“Did we miss something? Some wacky muggle tradition?” Fred suggested as they slowly looked around.
George turned to his brother and raised an eyebrow. “Closing stores before Christmas? A wacky muggle tradition… I knew there was a reason I was in charge of our sales.”
“Of course there is brother dear. You’re the best sales girl we’ve got.” Fred said with a huge grin. George opened his mouth to respond when there was a loud bang and cursing down an alley way. Both of the men pulled out their wands and slowly moved towards the sounds. They had just reached the alley when a man was tossed out of it.
The man was all in black, he even had an eye patch that was black. His hair was brown and shaggy reaching down to his shoulders. He was a belt with a sword on one side and an axe on the other. In his hand was a stake.
“I didn’t know there were pirates in London.” Fred commented quietly.
“Must be the new thing among the kids these days.” George replied.
“Count me—.” The twins stopped speaking as another man exited the alley. It took them a second to realize what the man or thing was. After all they always read their school books even if they didn’t pay attention in class. “Incendio!” The vampire went up in flames and quickly became ashes.
“Aww come on! That was totally my point. We made rules you—” The man stopped in mid sentence as he turned to face George and Fred. “How did you…”
George looked at Fred in alarm. They hadn’t thought about doing magic in front of a muggle, they had just reacted. “Amazing light show.”
“Guy must have ran off.”
“Couldn’t take the heat.”
“Well must be going.”
“Nice meeting you.” Fred and George both closed their eyes so they could apparate. However when they opened them, they hadn’t moved from London. The man was smirking now though.
“So I take that means you teleported here than?” He held up a hand when his phone rang. “Hey Wills.” … “Yeah some wizards or something.” … “Aww but it was so my point. I would have had him. It would have given me ten. Well can’t I—” … “Sweet.” … “See you at sun up. Yeah I’ll bring thing 1 and thing 2. If they’re game.” … “Love you too.” Then the man hung up his phone. “So red fish, blue fish, you want in? Great stakes. Figuratively speaking, not that it couldn’t be taken literally too. I make a damn fine stake. Of course you’ve got your own little stakes or wand thingys. That spell was awesome I’m so going to win but you’ve got to let me get in some punches at least otherwise I won’t get any of the pot.”
George and Fred both reached out a hand to put over the man’s mouth. “He’s worse then Ginny hyped up on sugar.” Fred said.
“Or Hermione on one of her book rants.” George paused. “But he would make a great announcer.”
“He could put Lee to shame.” Fred said before jumping back and pulling George with him. “Ewww.”
“He licked me.”
“Well that was rather rude.”
“I know. Licking is always half way through the second date.”
The man snapped his fingers to get their attention. “Raggity Anne and Andy. Hi. My name’s Xander. Do you guys know why these streets are deserted?”
“No.” George said.
“But I’m guessing wacky traditions.” Fred added.
Xander tilted his head. “Not so much. I’m guessing you guys know what vampires are since you grilled that one. About 200 vampires came up from the sewers when the sun went down today.” He paused and pulled a crossbow off his back. He shot at a vampire that was running full speed towards them. He pumped his fist in the air. “Yes eleven. Anyway we knew about it. And using these awesome new political powers we got now we closed off the streets and put up a ward that allows people to teleport in but doesn’t let anyone out unless they have a pass from our resident witch. We are using this as a training exercise for the girls and watchers.”
“You’re talking about the slayer aren’t you?” George wondered.
“But I thought there could only be one?” Fred asked.
“Nah that’s just immortals.” At Fred and George’s confused looks Xander grumbled. “Stupid nontransferring American television.” Before continuing, “Anyway you’ve got your spells, we’ve got ours. Needless to say, though I guess I do need to say it but that’s besides the point, there are a lot of slayers now.”
“You mentioned something about a pot?” George asked.
Xander smirked, “All paid for shopping spree. It’s mostly for the girls, to get them excited and extra Christmas shopping. But Giles didn’t specify what you could shop for and there are a few girls that require expensive gifts that are a little out of my budget. So what do you guys say?”
The two looked at each other for a moment. George shook his head and sighed. Fred smirked and stuck out his hand. “I say I’m Fred and this is George.” Xander shook his hand and then moved to George who sighed.
“And I say five galleons says we die.”
“First I’m going to assume you meant five bucks says we die and to that. I’ve got ten bucks and thirty slayers plus one wicca on speed dial that says we live. Come on live a little.” Xander wagged his eyebrows.
“Faced Lord Moldyshorts, I can face a few vampires. You’re on Pirate man.” George shook Xander’s hand once more before letting go.
“Alright Stooges 1 and 2 let’s find us some vamps.” Xander said before running off down the streets with Fred and George right behind him.
They were up to about 40 vampire kills. George and Fred were taking a break and letting Xander fight the current one they were facing. He was having a little trouble. He fell onto the ground and shouted, “Could use a spell guys.”
Fred shot a stunner into the vampire’s chest that sent him careening into a dumpster causing it to crash onto its side. The vampire growled as it began to get up. George lent a hand to help Xander. He moved forward to fight the vampire when he stopped. “What the hell?”
The vampire scoffed, “Yeah right that’s the oldest trick in the book. Like I’m going to fall for that.”
Fred and George moved to stand next to Xander. “I know you muggles can be weird but that’s just plain…”
“Insane.” George chimed in.
The vampire quickly glanced behind him. Then he stopped and slowly turned around. He screamed and threw himself against a wall. Behind the vampire was a mime. Only this was no regular mime. It was a mime in a Santa suit that was bright and cheery and seemed to glow in the dark.
“Why is a mime wearing a Santa suit?” Xander wondered aloud. “I suppose it could be worse it could be a clown in a Santa suit.”
Fred began to speak, “So this isn’t—”
“Normal then?” George finished off.
The vampire screamed again as the mime moved closer to him and mimed giving him a gift. “You guys are suppose to be the good guys! Slay it or something!”
“I can’t slay a mime.” Xander protested. “Plus he’s wearing a Santa suit that’s just mean. He’s totally trying to compensate for his evil-mime-ness.”
“One must wonder though.” George said thoughtfully.
“Why is a vampire afraid of a mime in a Santa suit?” Fred said in the same tone.
“Oh maybe he’s a circus vampire.” Xander said suddenly.
The twins shot him a look, “Circus vampire?”
“It makes sense if you think about it.” Xander grumbled. “Willow would get it. So would Dawn.”
Suddenly the vampire launched itself at the mime and began clawing, biting, and punching in the general direction of the mime. The mime ended up on the ground his costume in tatters. The vampire was swearing in French when the mime stood up again with his costume whole and shiny again.
“Wow.” Xander said.
“Resilient little thing.”
“This mime is the sturdy kind.”
The mime walked toward the vampire while miming tears running down its face. Then it smiled showing sharp teeth. The vampire screamed again. Fred, George, and Xander walked to stand next to the vampire. Suddenly the mime changed. It still had the Santa suit but now its face had no eyes and his body was misshapen plus it had a mermaid’s tail.
“It’s a bloody boggart!” George exclaimed.
“I’d recognize that mermaid’s tail anywhere.” Fred nodded.
The vampire was about to bite Fred, but he looked up at that, “You’re afraid of mermaids? And I thought I had problems.”
“Hey I had a traumatizing experience. And you know what? Incendio!” Fred said as he stepped back to do the spell.
Xander clapped a hand on Fred’s shoulder, “It’s alright man, I used to be afraid of preying mantises.”
“See he gets it George.” Fred said grumpily to his brother.
George meanwhile had his wand out, “Riddikulus!”
Fred looked back at the boggart and laughed, “Ah perfection my dear brother.” The boggart now had on a blonde wig, a ton of makeup on its face, as well as a sign in each hand. One said Go Gryffindor, the other said Merry Christmas.
“A startling resemblance to Malfoy, don’t you think?”
Xander laughed as he pulled out his phone and took a picture. He then sent it to everyone with the text, ‘Santa’s let himself go in a completely opposite direction’. The boggart disappeared with one more laugh from the twins.
Xander looked at his watch, “So boys how much points do you think we got with that kill?”
Fred and George shrugged, “One?”
Xander smiled, “Nope unidentified demon counts as 30. Gentlemen we are officially at 71 points.”
“Well let’s not stop when we’re ahead old chaps.”
“Right you are, vampires to kill,”
“A pot to win,”
“And slayers to meet.”
The three men chimed in with the last line, “Charge!” Then they ran screaming into the night.
The sun was coming up and Xander motioned for Fred and George to stop. “Hold my hands guys.”
“Oh Xander,” Fred pretended to swoon.
“We knew you couldn’t resist our manly charm.” George slung an arm around the taller man.
“Not for long anyway.” Fred threw his arm around Xander as well.
Xander glared at them. “Save your charm for the slayers. And let me warn you, you better ask ages. I see you coming on to any slayer under the age of 18 and we will be having a private discussion. You two. Me. And a shovel. Got it?”
Fred and George looked at each other before nodding seriously. Then with a burst of light the three disappeared and reappeared in the slayer complex along with fifty other people, most of which were girls.
Fred and George looked around eagerly. “Pinch me I’m in heaven.” Fred said before running towards a black girl with dreadlocks.
George turned to Xander who was smirking. “I guess I owe you ten bucks, whatever those are. Unless you meant deer. Though what a bloke could do with ten deer…” He trailed off thinking.
“Tell you what, buy me a beer and we call it even.” Xander said.
They turned at a loud scream. “What do you mean Xander won?!” All at once 38 pairs of eyes fixed on Xander and George.
“You remember that teleport-y thing you where trying to do earlier? I really think that would work now. In fact if you use it now and take me with you, I’ll buy you a beer.” Xander whispered as he edged closer to George. “Fred will be fine. Rona likes him. She’ll make sure he stays safe.”
“Alright mate, just make sure you bring me and Fred when you go shopping. Hold on tight.” George grabbed hold of Xander and thought of the street outside of the Leaky Cauldron. The last thing they heard before they reappeared was…
“Xander I want a pony for Christmas!”