I was laughing the whole time I was writing the first part of this. It still cracks me up whenever I read it. Hope you like it too. Enjoy :)
Disclaimer: Say it with me now, I do not, nor will I ever, own any of these people, places, or things, just the ideas that pop into my pretty little head.
They could tell that it was the First because it still looked like Buffy. It ran to them, flinging Itself at their feet and clinging to Angel's legs.
"Thank you," It said. "Thank you for coming. Please, you have to get me out of here! They won't. Stop. Singing!"
'They' being a large group of animals, all cartoons like everything else in this world, and they were indeed singing. The merry tune stopped as the animals caught sight of the new arrivals. A little cartoon bird fluttered over to them and landed on Buffy's shoulder.
"Hello," it said in a high voice. "You look like our new friend. You're very pretty."
"Erm, thank you," Buffy replied, putting a hand up and the bird hopped onto her palm. She held it up to her face. "Do you like your new friend?"
"Very much. She's really funny but I don't know why she keeps running away."
"I think she's just playing with you," Buffy told the bird then grinned evilly at the First. "Why don't you guys go play some more?"
"Okay," the bird chirped and took to the air. "Come on guys!"
The happy animals all clustered around the First and began to pull It away as It screamed.
"No! Don't leave me here with them! You can't! Nooooooo!"
As the group disappeared over a hill Buffy turned to the others.
"I think the First will be fine here."
"Damn B, now that's just evil."
"Well, that was rather anti-climactic," Spike said, then turned to Angel. "So Gramps, what say you get me an' Xan back home? We've got a siren to turn."
"Yeah," Faith added. "I really need to get back to Sage, he's kinda clueless when it comes to kids. Rose and Mary probably have him tied to a tree by now."
Buffy nodded, a hand on her rounded belly.
"Bar's probably freaking out."
"I need to get back to the ship," Anya said. "I don't trust Jack not to spend all of our money on rum and I don't like the looks that Scarlet woman was giving him."
"I rather agree with Anya."
This from Giles. At the odd looks from the others he rolled his eyes and continued.
"I wouldn't put it past those ruffians not to run roughshod all over my cabin."
“You guys… wanna go back?” he asked. “All of you?”
“Angel,” Buffy said, laying a gentle hand on his shoulder, the other perched on her distended belly. “I’m married, Faith has kids and everybody else…”
“We’re happy where we landed, is what she’s trying to say,” Willow finished for her friend. She smiled around at the group. “Don’t get me wrong, I miss everybody every day, I’m sure we all do…”
“But, you can’t all be happy,” he interjected and turned to Robin. “You, at least, couldn’t wait to get out of that world. Am I right?”
“It wasn’t that bad but personally, I prefer indoor plumbing and electricity. Andrew seemed happy enough though.”
Angel nodded, happy that at least someone agreed with him. He turned to Xander next.
“You can’t tell me that /you’re/ happy where you are?” he said challengingly. “Stuck with Spike and a bunch of monsters.”
“It’s not that bad,” he admitted. “I mean, sure, at first I would have done anything to get back home but, stuff happened.”
He glanced shyly at Spike and sidled close to him, their shoulders touching.
“It’s my home now and I think it’s where we belong.”
Unable to shake any of them off their chosen paths, Angel agreed to send each pair back to the dimension they’d been sent to after the Hellmouth blew. Cordelia had gripped his hand tightly and smiled up at him. He grinned down at her and pressed a kiss to her forehead.
After returning to the castle and reporting that the First would no longer be a nuisance to anyone, the vampire and seer turned Higher Power set up the spell to return the Scoobies to their chosen planes of existence. With one last teary goodbye all around the whole off world group was swallowed up by a white light. When it faded, the courtyard was empty.
Xander and Spike reappeared where they’d first been dropped off by the blast over a year ago. Anita’s kitchen fared better this time around though, mostly because the two men were the only ones in the whole house. Breathing a deep, cleansing breath Xander and Spike locked gazes, and entire conversation taking place in complete silence in the time it took for Xander’s heart to beat and then they were moving toward each other, hands reaching out, grasping cloth and caressing flesh as their lips met. They knew they’d made the right decision. This was home.
Spike pulled away and grabbed Xander’s hand, dragging the willing Were toward the bedroom Anita had set aside for them upstairs.
“What about Thea?” Xander asked as the vampire pulled him up the stairs. “We did kinda disappear on her.”
Spike’s blue gaze locked on Xander’s face, an as yet unnamed emotion shining clearly within their depths.
“She can wait,” he said and pulled the young man to him again. Xander went willingly.
“Mommy!” twin cries of happiness greeted the two Slayers as they reappeared in the middle of the Great Hall, seemingly only moments after they’d been whisked away. Rose and Mary plowed into Faith’s legs. The dark haired Slayer bent to sweep her daughters into her arms, almost glowing with happiness. She rose to her feet as Sage followed behind their girls, raising up on tiptoe and pulling him into a hungry kiss, her hands gripping tight at the base of his wings.
“Buffy,” Barinthus questioned softly. “Are you well?”
She slowly smiled up at him and nodded, leaning into his strong arms and finally let the past go.
“You know,” she said. “I think I am.”
Anya pounced before the retina searing glow had faded, tackling the pirate captain back against the mast and planting a forceful passionate kiss on his surprised lips. After only a second’s hesitation Jack wrapped his arms around the ex-demon and spun them, Anya’s back meeting the wood hard enough to force the breath from her lungs. She grinned up at him through her lashes.
“Mmm,” she purred happily. “Can we go have sex now?”
“For you pet?” he asked. “Anything you want. Mr. Gibbs!”
“You have the helm,” he looked to Giles. “Find a heading, Mr. Giles,” he said, tossing something to the other man.
Giles caught the compass easily.
“I’m sure I can come up with something, Captain,” he assured.
“Good,” Jack proclaimed then swept Anya up in his arms and strode purposefully toward his cabin.
Giles shook his head as the door slammed behind the pair. Finding the eyes of the crew upon him the ex-Watcher opened the compass. He thought he’d rather like to continue the search for the Fountain of Youth; it would be quite an adventure if nothing else. The needle settled and Ripper smirked.
Dawn and Willow stepped out of the shimmering sheet of Ever After behind the church, finding Ivy and Jenks both waiting for them. Ivy rose gracefully and Dawn smiled at the way the two women tried to restrain themselves from running to the others’ arms. Jenks had no problem tossing risqué comments at the oblivious witch and living vampire though Ivy did send him an especially dirty look before a swarm of his kids descended on Dawn, their happy cries drowning out anything else their father might have had to say.
Laughing, surrounded by a shimmering cloud of pixy children, Dawn was happy. Life was good.
In a bookshop (1) in Soho, an angel and a demon sat in the back room, sharing a pot of tea (2), when, suddenly, the air was split by a massively loud noise and a blinding flash of white. The two man-shaped creatures glanced at one another then at the three men who had appeared beside them.
Wesley recovered first and peered around, his eyes immediately settling the two seated at the table across from their little pile and groaned.
Gunn stirred enough to utter a pained, “Ow,” to which Robin responded, “I couldn’t agree more,” before the three men attempted to disentangle themselves from each other.
Crowley peered at the three over the top of his ever-present sunglasses then flicked his yellow-eyed gaze to his drinking partner.
“Expecting company, angel?” he asked as his counterpart immediately sobered himself with a thought and set about helping the three strangers to their feet.
Aziraphale ignored him in favor of addressing the man he was pulling to his feet.
“Are you quite all right?”
“I’ve got to say that I have been better,” Wesley replied, accepting the hand-up.
Gunn grunted as he pulled Robin to his feet, muttering under his breath, “I told you guys Angel didn’t know what he was doin’. Where the hell are we?”
“Soho,” Aziraphale supplied. At the man’s blank look he went broader, “England.”
“Great,” the man grumbled as the third perked up.
“Really?” he asked. “I’ve always wanted to go to England.”
“Congratulations,” Crowley dead-panned.
Robin glance at the man in black (4), then did a double-take as Crowley’s shades had slipped down while he observed the spectacle and he hadn’t gotten around to righting them. The former principal sighed.
“You’re not a vampire, are you?”
Crowley arched an eyebrow. He’d been called a great many things in his six thousand years (5) on earth, but vampire had never been one of them.
“Some of yours, angel?” he asked then peered closer at Wesley, sensing a faint taint on his soul. “And perhaps one of mine.”
Wesley grit his teeth.
“Bloody Wolfram and Hart.”
(1) More a giant bookshelf, really, seeing as how very few books ever seemed to leave the premises.
(2) Liberally dosed with a very nice Scotch whiskey; it had been one of /those/ weeks (3) again.
(3) Not as bad as the Apocalypse-that-wasn’t but still quite dreadful.
(4) Not /the/ Man in Black of course, though the demon cut quite a dashing figure if he did say so himself. Enough to give Mr. Cash a run for his money at any rate.
(5) Give or take a few centuries where he was either back in Hell or had decided to sleep through it.
Angel landed hard and Cordelia landed on top of him, knocking the unneeded air from his undead lungs.
“Sorry,” Cordelia mumbled as they sat up where they’d landed.
They were in the middle of a street, deserted but for two guys, three women, and a whole bunch of Hellhounds. Without even thinking about it, Cordelia began to glow. The Hounds and one of the women immediately cringed away from the pure light, the Hounds whining, tucking their tails and cowering by the woman. No, now that Cordelia had had a chance to really look at the dark haired woman she could see beneath the human face to the swirling blackness beyond.
“What are you?” the thing demanded. “You’re not an angel…”
“It doesn’t matter what I am,” Cordy declared, silencing the thing. “What really matters is that if you wanna keep calling this world home you’ll pack up your freaky puppies and get the hell away from these people before I count to three. One, two…”
The thing disappeared before she even finished the second word, taking the Hellhounds with it and Cordelia breathed a sigh of relief and turned off the glow before turning to Angel, only to find three shot guns and a pistol aimed at the two of them. Blinking a bit she pasted on her most winning smile.
“Hi,” she said. “I’m Cordelia.”
Author’s Notes: And that’s the end of that. It’s been fun, even if the muse did crap out on me for a little while there. The last two parts are crosses with Good Omens and Supernatural (S5 E10) respectively, neither of which I own. GO belongs to Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman and Supernatural belongs to Eric Kripke et. all.
I don’t think I’ll be writing beyond these but if a bunny strikes feel free to run with any of the story lines I’ve started, just let me know in a review ‘cause I’d love to visit the grand-bunnies ^_^
Anyway, thanks again for reading, hope you had as much fun as I did.