Disclaimer: Some folks at Mutant Enemy and Touchstone Pictures own BTVS and "10 Things". Bless their hearts.
A/N: This is a holiday fic for SlowMercury who wanted Kat/Patrick, snark, a tambourine and evil Salvation Army ringers.
"What do you think of this one?" A sparkly, green and red baby jumper dress started to dance in front of Patrick.
A devilish grin appeared on Patrick's face. "Are you
going to be wearing it?"
"Ho. Ho. Ho." A monotone Kat slung the jumper at him.
Patrick wrapped his arm around her, leaned to one side and kissed her. "Isn't your sister knocked up for a while?"
Kat yanked one of Patrick's brown curls. "I know but Dad's been hard on Cameron. He's having him clean the gutters as we speak. They conceived a child in wedlock. The horror! I just want Bianca back to her annoyingly bubbly self."
"I don't think you'll have to wait that long." Patrick gestured towards the entrance at a giggling Bianca and Chastity.
The jumper went back on the rack. Kat stormed towards them. Patrick pulled a big red box from up under a chair and followed. As he passed the jewelry department he overheard a conversation between a redhead and a guy with an eye-patch. It sounded like they said "What do you get for the girl who slays everything?" but that couldn't of been right.
When he finally reached her, Kat had already started. "You didn't even want to leave your house. Chastity calls you and suddenly you're fine?"
Bianca made a "cha" sound with her mouth. "It wasn't a typical phone call. Guess what?"
Chastity opened her coat to reveal a very pregnant belly. "Ta-da!"
Kat gaped. "Tell me that's not who's I think it is?"
"Nope. I dumped Joey after prom. Something about getting his ass kicked by Bianca turned me off."
"I'm sure that X-rated bet he also had about you didn't factor in at all." Kat quipped.
"So," Patrick said trying to break the tension, "Who's the lucky fellah?"
"Chastity! Darling!" A blond man came prancing towards the group giving Chastity a peck on the cheek. "I'm Andrew." He said practically bowing. "I knew the lovely Bianca was going to join us but who are these...?" Andrew looked at Kat and gasped, "Oh my god, you're Kat Stratford! I read your column in Music Weekly all the time. Is Devon MacLeish still crying over your review?"
"Like a baby." Kat mused. "He just wasn't the same after he left the band."
Andrew gave her a proud smile. "This is so exciting! And I didn't have to clean up any blood!"
Bianca's eyes grew as big as saucers. "Chastity, what kind of guy did you marry?"
"I'm a...hunter." Andrew said vaguely. "I hunt things."
Patrick stared at him incredulously. "Really?"
"That's how we met." Chastity beamed. "I was in Rome trying to find myself and stuff--" Kat snorted, "--And this really creepy guy started chasing me. He had really sharp teeth. Andrew tackled him and "poof" he was gone."
"Wow." Bianca whispered. "He's like, a hero."
"Andrew!" Shouted the redhead Patrick caught sight of earlier. And the eye-patch guy was right behind her. Without warning she began tugging at Andrew's ear. "I thought I told you not to go to the mall?"
"Ow! Willow! That hurts. Chastity wanted some earrings. Xander, a little help?"
"Yeah he's a hero alright." Patrick said as Kat put her head on his shoulder, stifling her laughter.
Xander looked at an embarrassed Chastity and shook his head. "Sorry A-man. Rules are rules. Just because the girl wanted some jewelry doesn't mean--"
Willow turned to Xander. "There's not enough time. I can feel them now." Suddenly the sound of thunderous bells appeared. Turning to Andrew she said. "Now you've gone and done it, mister!"
A vacant gaze appeared in Bianca and Chastity's eyes. They started walking past the entrance as if some other force was guiding them.
"I guess I did hear them right." Patrick said to no one.
Kat rushed to her sister. "Bianca, where are you going?" As soon as she touched her shoulder, Kat was thrown against a wall.
In a beat, Patrick was by her side. "Kat! Does anything hurt?"
"Just my body." Kat rose with some help from Patrick and he picked up the red box he dropped.
They followed Andrew, Willow and Xander outside to see the inconceivable. Four men in elf costumes ringing four piercing bells with four boils on their four equally green patches of skin.
Patrick covered his ears. "What do they want, money?"
"No. I wish it was money. I could just max out my credit card and give it to them." Xander pulled out an elixir from the lining of his jacket. He threw it rhythmically at the creatures.
"What is happening to my sister?" Kat demanded. Bianca was now kneeling before the monsters along with Chastity. The nearby patrons walked into the mall. The scene before them was blocked from their eyes,
"Well y-you see. "Willow stammered. "These guys are demons. Fiern Demons. They get lonely for the holidays. The possessing of souls by donation isn't enough. They get cravings...for babies. And pregnant women are just dandy for them."
Kat gasped. "What better way to draw their attention than with annoying ringing and charity?"
Willow summoned Bianca and Chastity's purses. "Fierns especially don't like watchers."
Xander stood in front of Bianca and Chastity, dousing the screeching creatures with the elixir. "Because the one thing I've learned from demons is that they like their privacy."
Willow's face turned dark, ignoring Xander. "Which is why I told Andrew not to bring his pregnant wife to the mall!"
Andrew squeaked. "Wil, you weren't specific."
"I don't care if those creepy things hate peeping toms! Will you guys just help my sister!" Kat demanded.
A think cloud surrounded the group. Patrick pulled Kat close and clenched his fist ready for anything. Willow's eyes dilated beyond belief. "Impaler, your underlings are not of this world. Send them back from whence they came! And let those of honor in!"
The Fierns began gasping in pain, sinking onto the sidewalk.
"Aren't they supposed to vanish?" Andrew asked while hovering over Chastity.
Willow's eyes returned to normal. "Maybe it wasn't the right text?"
Xander shook his head. "I texted that thing all night long."
Patrick leaned over the steaming demons wincing. "Are they dead?"
A Fiern lunged at Patrick. A flying toolbox stopped the attack. The green demons faded underneath the ground.
Bianca was taken out of her spell and looked at their saviour. "Cameron!" Bianca started kissing his face. "What are you doing here?"
"Is that what you say to the man who saved your life?" Bianca pouted. "Your dad sent me to the hardware department. Apparently his desk needs repairing."
Patrick slapped Cameron on the back. "He'll come around man."
Cameron blinked, realizing what he just saw. "What were those things?"
Bianca spoke before Willow could. "I'll tell you all about it baby. Just please take me home."
Cameron said goodbye to everyone and guided Bianca to their car.
Kat and Patrick took a moment to register what just happened. "Everybody's welcome to come to my pub. Drinks on me." Patrick pointed at Willow and Xander. "Even you two."
"Well that's nifty." Willow said. "Usually after a spell all I get is lightheaded."
"I've told her about eating before spelling but she never listens." Xander joked.
Kat clapped her hands. "Well I think we all should head off. Until something else nasty tries to flay us."
"Not all flayers are bad people. Honest."
"Yeah. I definitely heard you guys right earlier."
Chastity finally snapped out of her daze and began pounding Andrew on the chest. "You told me that guy in Rome was a magician!"
Chastity ran to her car and sped off, leaving Andrew behind. Xander motioned him over to him and Willow, offering him a lift. As Andrew climbed into his backseat, Xander nodded at Patrick and Kat. "It's been a blast. Let's not do it again sometime."
"Drinks still on?"
"You bet. Just follow Kat's car. I can't believe I never knew about this stuff."
"Consider yourself lucky." Xander gave a chuckle that turned into a mock cry. "Hey. Any cute girls at this pub?"
Kat shrugged. "The only single girl I know is doing Shakespeare in the park...and sometimes the play."
After Kat spoke to Bianca on her cell phone, being told in a variety of ways that her sister was fine she unlocked her car and pulled Patrick inside. Patrick started tapping on the big red box on his lap. "What?"
"After all the scary craziness of today, I think I want to give you your Christmas present now."
The big red box went into Kat's arms. She opened it without fanfare and took the gift out. Kat laughed. "A tambourine?"
Patrick grinned "Shake it."
Kat looked down at herself and smirked. "My tambourine?" Patrick looked sincere so she did. Instead of a jingly bell sound it made a "clunk". Kat raised an eyebrow and open the top. Inside was a small, velvet box. Kat opened it and saw a wedding band. "Patrick..."
"Will you? You said that after school, after we got the jobs that we wanted--"
Kat cut him off by tackling him and kissing him. The motion caused the mistletoe on the dashboard to land on his lap. Patrick laughed. "Is that a yes?"
"Yes." Kat glanced at the new location of the mistletoe and gave a mischievous grin.
Patrick couldn't believe he had to turn her down. "Kat, Miss Bippity and Blue Beard are supposed to be following us."
Kat rose, ideas forming in her mind. "To be continued?"