Disclaimer: I don’t own Buffy or Firefly
A/N: This is a Wash Buffy humor fic—hope you enjoy my sense of humor today!
Wash stared up at the window, there were few things in all the worlds that could make him gape like a dying fish, this happened to be one of them. He swallowed his mouth suddenly unbearably dry. Jayne and Mal stood just behind him, their attentions similarly drawn to the shiny glass.
Wash let his head roll to the side ever so slightly, “Aw, can I have her?”
Mal’s eyes were wide, “One fine specimen, Wash.”
Wash tore his head from the gorgeous blonde in the hardly there doctor’s uniform, “Big word for you, Mal?”
“Sight like that makes a man feel eloquent.”
Jayne snorted still leering, “Well then you ain’t a man Mal, a man would be thinking other things—far from eloquent.”
Wash turned back to the window but smiled at the merc’s statement, “Ah, that’s the Jayne we know and—tolerate.”
Mal snorted, “Yeah, next thing we know he’ll be racing to his bunk. Though, if I wasn’t so afraid of Preacher-man’s special hell I’d be right there with him.”
Inara quirked a brow and slunk towards her three companions, “Right there with him,” she queried with all innocence.
Mal swallowed and struggled to hold the blush down, “Well, no, not right there, I meant—oh, ‘Nara, you know what I meant.”
Jayne scowled, “Yeah, I wouldn’t have him even if he offered.”
Wash whimpered at the window again, “What I would do with her—oh.”
Jayne swatted at the pilot blindly, “Hey, she’s mine, I saw her first. Sides, I’m bigger ‘en you.”
Wash frowned, “Nuh-uh, I called dibs!”
Mal scratched the back of his neck, Inara watching the growing pissing match with amusement.
“Hey, I’m the captain, sides, Wash you’ve got herself all entangled already, and Jayne—I’m the captain,” Mal intoned.
A tanned hand shot forward and connected with a sharp thwack to the back of the pilot’s head, “Oww!”
“That’s damn right,” Zoë smirked, “I best be the only thing you’re looking at, husband.”
Jayne snickered and Mal barely covered his own laughter with a cough. Inara smiled her secret little smile.
Wash turned to look at his wifey, he smiled sheepishly, “Lambytoes. I was just trying to stop the Captain—and Jayne from…”
Zoë couldn’t help but laugh at her more than flustered husband.
Jayne quickly lipped his lips and brushed the palms of his hands on his pants before ducking into the shop.
Mal only spotted their trusty—er-untrusty mercenary had slipped away when the girl in the window giggled and really smiled.
“Holy mother of ai-yah tyen-ah! Look at what the overgrown monkey is doing!”
Four heads whipped to stare at the admittedly large man and the petite woman. Both were smiling and Jayne had one hand on her arm and the other was stroking her free hand.
Wash was openmouthed, “Chùsheng xai-jiao de xiang huo,” he sputtered when he saw Jayne lean into the woman. “He moves fast!”
A moment later the woman was back to smiling and looking pretty for the customers, and Jayne was practically waltzing out of the store.
Thumbs hooked in his belt, he grinned, “I got a date—and she’s bringing her puppy!”
He winked at the girl in the window and she waved prettily despite the rather sinful glitter in his eyes.
Mal stamped his foot and gave a small jerk of his head, “Damn, what’s her name?”
Jayne kept eyeing up his treat, “Buffy.”
Wash whimpered again, and stared at the blonde Labrador retriever cradled in the, albeit, very gorgeous blonde woman’s arms, “Do you think she’ll let me play with her puppy?”
All eyes snapped to him.
“Puppy,” Mal asked, “I though you were staring at the girl like Jayne and me.”
Zoë watched him expectantly, “Wha—I’m a married man! I want a puppy!”
The whine that issued from Wash was all to amusing and everyone, including Jayne dissolved into laughter—well except Wash who was pretty much salivating on the window.
Ai-yah. Tyen-ah----merciless hell
chùsheng xai-jiao de xiang huo----animal fucking bastard
Please Review—if there is a great demand, I might to a sequel short fic-hehe. This was just a few random things that went---holy crap what would happen! Ahahah that is pure evil.