Employee of the Month
Harmony was sitting at her desk, filing her nails when a really loud buzz interrupted her.
She scowled at the intercom; it was always buzzing, right at the worst moments. What did Angel think she did all day long? File her nails?
With a sigh, she pressed the button.
"Harmony, could you quit filing your nails and try doing something productive for once?"
"What? How do you—?"
"Harmony, you're on the office cameras, remember?"
"Oh, yeah! I totally forgot. Thanks for reminding me, Angel. You know, you're like, the best boss, ever
. Now about that raise…"
"Forget it, Harmony. Look, I've got some new clients coming in and I'd like you to make them welcome."
"Oh, of course. They'll feel right at home!"
"And Harmony, that doesn't mean inviting them to join the office pool on when Fred and Wes are finally going to sleep together the minute they walk through the door."
"Of course not, silly. I'll wait at least five minutes." She rolled her eyes; how stupid did Angel think she was?
"I saw that, Harmony."
"Oh!" She glanced up at the camera, smiling apologetically. "I forgot, again. Oh, hey, what about the other office pool?"
"Yeah, the one about you and Spike?"
"What? Me and who?"
"You and Blondie-Bear, of cou—" She glanced up, noticing four—no, five—men entering the front door. "Oh, Angel, I think they're here. Gotta go."
She cut off the intercom and made her way out from behind the desk, smoothing her skirt and plastering on her Sunnydale High Cheerleader smile.
At her desk, the intercom buzzed insistently.
"Hi and welcome to Wolfram & Hart. My name is…Ray-Ray!" Her face lit up as she recognized one of them. She ran and threw her arms around him.
"Harmony! Look at you! I haven't seen you since you were this high!" Ray exclaimed, holding a hand up near his waist. "You look fantastic!"
"Thank you!" She grinned.
, do you think you could introduce us to this…enchanting young woman?" the man on Ray's left said, winking at Harmony.
"Oh! Of course! What was I thinking? Harmony, this is Peter Venkman—"
Venkman." Peter interrupted, taking one of Harmony's hands in his own and pressing a kiss to the knuckles.
Peter Venkman, Dr. Egon Spengler and Winston Zeddemore. Guys, this is my cousin Harmony." Ray continued.
"Hey, what about me?" a voice asked from behind Ray.
"Oh, yeah. And this is Louis Tully, our accountant and honorary Ghostbuster."
"Nice to meet you." Harmony smiled at the little man peeking under Ray's arm.
"Oh, the pleasure's all mine, I'm sure."
"Wait a second. Did you say Little
is your little cousin? The one you told us was about eight?" Venkman asked incredulously.
Ray shrugged. "Time flies, Pete. But never mind about that," he said, slipping his arm around Harmony's shoulders and leading her deeper into the lobby. "How have you been doing?"
"Oh, you know. It's all…super." Harmony smiled. "I'm a vampire now."
"A vampire? That's great!"
"You won't mind if I get a blood sample for Egon, will you?"
Harmony winced. "As long as you don't have to use a needle."
"Alright." Ray paused, blinking a moment before continuing. "We can handle that—Egon, can we handle that?"
Egon frowned, his head tilting to the right, slightly. "Not unless you have a scalp—"
"Sounds perfect. Egon, I'll leave that in your hands." Turning back to Harmony, Ray began—once more—walking towards Harmony's desk. "So, you work here?"
"Oh, yeah. Angel would totally fall apart without me. He keeps forgetting—Oh! Hi, Angel. I didn't see you there."
Crossing his arms across his chest, Angel gave her a weird look; she wondered if vampires could get constipated. She'd been one for five years and never had a problem, but maybe things took a while to...build up
? Frowning a little, she made a mental note to pick up some Ex-Lax, just in case.
Angel raised an eyebrow, his eyes flicking to the person next to her.
"Right. Angel, this is my cousin, Ray. Ray, Angel."
Smiling widely, Ray grabbed Angel's hand and began to pump it vigorously up and down. "Nice to meet you, Mr. Angel. We've heard so many good things about you—I just know you can help us out." Finally releasing Angel's hand—which was subtly drawn away and tucked into Angel's suit pocket—Ray held his hands up placatingly. "We only have a little, tiny problem."
A dark hand reached out and grabbed Ray's flailing limb, shaking the sweaty palm firmly. "Charles Gunn. I'm sure we can help." Turning to Angel, Gunn added. "Read the file on this one. Hope you don't mind me sitting in."
Harmony blinked; Gunn had almost come out of nowhere. He was as bad as Blondie Bear, sometimes.
"No—" Angel shrugged, inwardly amused by how eagerly Gunn had soaked up his new lawyeresque personality, "—not at all."
"Great. I've been wanting to sink my teeth into this Gozer cult for months."
Ray-Ray's smile widened at the exchange. Harmony smiled also; it was all going so well—she wondered if she could draw a bonus for bringing in customers. She might even be named Employee of the Month!
"So you're familiar with the Dominion of Gozer?"
"Oh, yeah. Gozer for Dummies
Ray's eyebrows lifted in question. "Gozer for…Dummies?" He looked over his shoulder at Egon. "Do they have Gozer for Dummies
"No, Ray. I believe that was a joke."
Turning back, Ray noticed Gunn's wide grin.
"Just kidding." Nodding towards the stairwell, he continued, "You ready to get started?"
"That sounds great!" Ray moved away from Harmony to follow Gunn. She was concerned for a moment that she'd been forgotten, but after a few steps Cousin Ray paused and looked back over his shoulder. She grinned, winningly.
"Hey, Egon—you still have the paperwork?"
"Right here." Egon held up a manila folder.
Ray raised his eyebrows and jerked his head towards the upper floor. "You guys coming?"
Harmony watched as two of the other Ghostbusters followed up the stairs, slumping in disappointment. She jerked when an arm slid across her shoulder.
"Nah, you guys go on ahead. I'm gonna stay here and keep an eye on Ray's cousin."
Glancing to the side, she saw the Ghostbuster who'd kissed her knuckles before—Peter? He winked before steering her towards the hallway.
Ray's voice floated after them: "Be careful—she bites!"
Angel watched as the group slowly disbanded, sighing contentedly at another public relations success.
"So you're a vampire, huh?"
Angel started at the voice; he hadn't realized the little guy was still there.
Louis nodded, a thoughtful look on his face.
"I was turned into a dog, once."
"So, what do you think?" Venkman asked, smiling flirtatiously.
"Uhm, you're kinda old." And kinda oogie-looking, Harmony thought, but didn't say so since Angel had been talking to her about tact and not saying what she thought, even when people were gross or were wearing clothes from like, a department store or something, but still…
"Harmony, sweetheart, haven't you ever wanted to date a man with experience
"Well, yes, but I like pretty
men with experience."
"I'm pretty." Venkman pouted, batting his eyes.
Harmony giggled at the face. "So, you're really that good?"
"Good." Venkman chuckled. "Good." Sliding his arm around her shoulders, he threw his head back and laughed. "Honey, we've gone way past good and are approaching…incredible
, I kid you not."
"Well, I did date Spike, and he's like…a hundred years old or something."
"See? I'm not nearly that
"Yeah." Harmony's brow furrowed. He was pretty old, but he smelled nice…all that lovely blood pumping through his veins…
She blinked as he pulled her closer—she had to admit, the body heat felt good—and spoke again. "Alright. If it helps, I can always bring out the blindfold."
"Now," she squeaked as he pulled her into his lap, "how about Dr. Venkman showing you a little magic, huh?"
Harmony's eyes widened. "You're a warlock, too?"
Venkman shrugged. "I've been called worse."
"It's really an open-and-shut," Gunn explained, dark eyes roving over the complex legal documents with ease. "According to the Inter-dimensional Congress Act of 1974, any inter-dimensional dispute that takes place after
1975 must incur Fifty-thousand Bezorian bethas of damage before it can be taken to the Trans-dimensional Civil Court. Now, looking at the current exchange rate and the estimate from the Gozerian Embassy—we will
get a second opinion on that—I think you're going to be well under."
Angel's brow furrowed. "So, it's not a valid suit?"
Gunn grinned wickedly. "Not in this
"So we're good?" Ray leaned on the edge of his seat, awaiting the answer.
"As far as I can see." Gunn paused, flipping a few pages and re-reading a section before glancing up again. "There is the slight
possibility that the case will appealed, but the Trans-dimensional Appellate Court is booked…for the next two hundred Earth years or so, and—barring any transformations to your persons, either on the cellular or atomic level—you'll all be dead by then."
Ray turned to Egon, chuckling wryly. "Never thought dying sounded so good."
Egon nodded, sagely. "I agree. I assume that you've considered—"
The doors flew open as Venkman strode in, dragging Harmony behind. "Break out the champagne, boys. I've got good news." Pausing in the middle of the room, he spread his arms and threw his head back dramatically. "I am now a vampire."
Egon winced. "This could be bad."
"Venkman? You're a vampire?" Ray rose from his seat, striding forward to poke Venkman in the ribs.
Gunn frowned, flipping through his papers again.
"Yeah, well, I thought I'd try it on a while…see how it fits." Venkman leaned closer to Ray, sniffing, then wrinkling his nose in distaste—Ray smelled like slime.
"Try it on?" Angel stood, stalking around his desk. "You can't try it on. It's permanent. It's a curse!"
Finally finding the codicil he was looking for, Gunn began, "In that case, the appeal might go through, but I wouldn't worry too much about— And no one's even listening, are they?"
Venkman smiled. "That's not what I hear. I figure when I get tired of this shtick, I'll just pop in a soul, save the world, and badda-bing! Human again." He smirked, glancing down Harmony's top. "And you guys thought I didn't have a plan."
"Hey! That's my
prophecy! You can't—He can't do that, can he?"
Wesley wrinkled his lip, shrugging a little. "Well, the prophecy wasn’t all that specific…"
Venkman plopped down into one of Angel's squishy guest chairs, pulling Harmony into his lap and getting in a nice grope on the way down. "So what do we do for fun around this place?"
Angel rubbed his forehead. "I need a drink."
Tossing his papers aside, Gunn stretched and yawned before replying, "I could go for one, myself."
"I don't suppose you know a place that serves essence of cheerleader?" Venkman asked, scratching his chin lightly.
"What? A man's got to eat."
"Hey guys, I've got it!" Harmony piped up; she had the perfect solution. "Karaoke!"
She beamed at the surprised look on Angel's face.
Maybe she'd even get a new parking spot.FIN
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