Pride Goeth Before the Fall
I don’t own the Buffy verse or Harry Potter. Do not sue.Author’s Note:
This is a series of Drabbles and Ficlets. I sort of lifted a table of prompts from somewhere, although I fail to remember where. I write them whenever I take a notion and I don’t really pay attention to lengths so they vary by a lot.Pride Goeth before the Fall
Severus Snape spun at the slight sound of someone coming up behind him in the deserted corridor that housed the door to his chambers, holding his wand up defensively. Rupert Giles stepped out of the shadows, a sardonic smile stretching his lips. He pushed in close to Snape, causing him to lower his wand. Rupert pressed a hard kiss to Snape’s lips before saying, “Let’s continue somewhere a little less public, shall we?”
A couple of frantic hand jobs later, the two older men sat close together on the couch. Anyone else would have been accused of cuddling. These two men, however, weren’t the cuddling type. Their relationship, they had found, worked best as purely physical. Although both had a habit of stopping one in a semi-private area and warning the other that their charges were going to be up to something or especially testy that day.
Rupert snorted. “You should be warned: Faith’s found out that Dawn’s mooning over Draco. She’s decided to take up matchmaking. If she just doesn’t break his legs for making the girl cry first.”
Snape sneered. “The girl should be more concerned with her own love life than others. If she continues to toss aside the Wizarding World’s finest, there aren’t going to be any left.”
Giles sighed and covered his eyes for a moment before saying, “Buffy and Willow have decided to kill four birds with one stone. They’ve decided that the reason Faith never sticks around is because she gets bored, which is actually sound logic. So they’ve decided to scrap monogamy for Faith and go the polyamorous route.”
“And the Dark Slayer’s just going along with it?” Snape asked, astonished. “She’s just letting them run her lovelife?”
Giles shrugged. “The girls are all fairly close since Sunnydale fell. And Faith has decided she likes the consistency of being in a lasting relationship.” Giles smiled a little. “Says Robin ruined one-night stands for her. About the only good thing the great pillock did do right. He and Kennedy deserve one another.”
“So who have the Golden Slayer and the Red Witch decided will be in this little threesome?” Snape asked, ushering them away from the raw spot that was Robin Woods’s betrayal. Kennedy, Giles had expected to make a muck of things, Robin had been a nasty shock.
“Foursome, actually,” Giles said, humor returning. His children were all just so gloriously bizarre. ‘If monogamy doesn’t take, we’ll try something else. Honestly,’ he thought.
“All right, foursome,” Snape said, intrigued. Rupert’s children were some of the weirdest almost-Muggles Snape had ever met. Unfortunately, the dour Potions Master couldn’t honestly say he disliked any of them. Thank Merlin he was a superlative liar.
“Faith, of course,” Giles said, grinning a little. “Xander because the girls are positive that there was something going on between them in Africa after Wood and that’s why Xander’s become quite so proprietary of her. They can’t explain why he’s almost exactly the same with them, Kit, Dawn, and a few of the SIT’s. But they swear there’s romantic feelings there for Faith.”
Snape snorted. “Of course they do,” Snape murmured. He had to admit he’d seen the sparks between the two. And Snape would be glad if the relationship worked out. The one-eyed carpenter known to much of the side of the Dark as the White Knight worried him. He couldn’t put his finger on why but the boy did. “Who else?”
“One Charlie Weasley,” Giles said with a snort of laughter. “They’ve decided that a man that wrestles dragons can handle Faith. Plus, they keep mentioning his bad people skills. Figure they’re doing the boy a favor by handing him off to Faith.”
Snape couldn’t help it. He cackled with delight. Despite what most thought, he honestly liked most of the Weasleys. Molly Weasley had a habit of popping in to feed him. And Arthur Weasley went out of his way to always speak to him. The oldest two Weasley sons were distinctly perfect for their occupations. They were strong, intelligent wizards. Percy Weasley had issues. The twin Weasleys were two of the best potions students he’d ever taught. Creative and insightful. They didn’t just think outside the box, they demolished the box for spare parts. Ron Weasley, with a little seasoning, would become an excellent tactician. And the girl Weasley had a fire tempered by kindness.
“That’s perfect!” Snape exclaimed, still cackling.
“Yes, I’d thought you’d say that,” Giles smirked.
“I can’t wait to see Molly Weasley’s face when she finds out just who her wayward son is involved with,” Snape said. He liked the woman, really, he did. But the Slytherin in him rejoiced at the trouble this whole situation was going to cause. “Who’s the last?”
“Last but not least,” Giles drawled, grinning mischievously, “is Marcus Flint.”
“What?” Snape asked dangerously, all humor leaving him.
“Hmm,” Giles murmured, a smile playing around his lips. Snape was quite protective of any Slytherin that had chosen to fight for the side of the Light. “The girls have decided he’s the last piece of the puzzle. Faith’s fire and passion. Xander’s good humor and loyalty. Charlie’s sweet cluelessness. And Marcus, brutish, angry, sullen Marcus. They’ve decided that somewhere in there is the perfect relationship.”
Giles watched as a tick developed right below Snape’s left eye and had to stop himself from laughing. Snape would hex him. Snape’s face pinched and his nostrils flared and Giles became a little afraid. Nostrils weren’t actually supposed to do
Snape finally flapped his hands as he said, “You must…They can’t…He’s-”
“First,” Giles said, fighting off a grin, “Please tell me you weren’t about to suggest that I must control my children.” At Snape’s defiant lift of the chin, Giles snorted. “No one, including the Higher Beings of this Universe, has found a way of controlling them. Second, Buffy and Willow aren’t just pulling this out of thin air. They’ve watched how he reacts to her, to Xander, and to Mr. Weasley. Buffy was studying to become a psychologist, once upon a time, you know. And Willow was raised by two. They are really very good at reading people. If they believe he’d fit will, he probably will. And third, it’s not so funny when it’s one of your own, now is it?”
“You don’t understand, you don’t have-,” And Snape cut himself off. That was the most ridiculous statement he’d ever almost uttered. Giles had charges running out of his ears and, to a one, they treated him how children usually treat parents they’ve met after puberty.
Giles went stone still. “And that’s where you’re wrong,” he said quietly. “I have two children in this equation. And if you think I’d have initially chosen Marcus Flint or Charlie Weasley for either of them, you’re wrong. Marcus, while being a good man, still tends to the darker end of the scale. And Charlie, he’s just…too normal. But, if you think on it, it fits. Pairing them up would be disastrous but making them a set…that’s genius.”
“And how does your Mr. Harris feel about being nominated to enter into this…this mess?” Snape sneered, standing to pace.
“First, Mr. Harris was a drunk who didn’t see fit to remove himself from Sunnydale when the evacuations occurred,” Giles said with menace. “And Xander
has yet to be made aware of exactly what the girls have planned for him. I’m sure he’ll react a lot like you are right now. Astonishment and panic. Actually, I don’t think even Faith knows who exactly the other two have chosen for her, just that there’s more than one.”
Snape seemed to calm a bit. “So…”
“So it could all fall down around their manipulative little ears, yes,” Giles said as he stood and stretched. Snape watched with glittering eyes. “And now I believe it’s time I bid you goodnight. And quite possibly goodbye.” Giles marched to the door and yanked it open before turning to see Snape gaping slightly at him. “I believe you’ve insulted my children in a way I can’t ignore. And, as you keep telling me, this is only a fling.”
“Bugger,” Snape muttered to his empty room.