Title: Driven Under
Disclaimer: I did not create nor do I own the characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I only own the story line and borrow the characters.
Summary: Spike reflects on his relationship with Buffy.
Pairing: Spike/Buffy We have to succumb to the feelings we can never face
I need you. I breathe you.
I can’t go through this all again.
We have to succumb to
the feelings we can never face I need you.
I breathe you. I can’t go through this…
“Driven Under” by Seether
Spike could feel her presence in the cemetery as soon as she entered the gates. He knew it would only be a matter of time before she would be kicking down to the door to his crypt as she searched for something Spike wasn’t so sure she would ever find anymore. At least she wasn’t going to find it with him. While Spike had found himself falling harder for the blonde slayer he knew that she felt nothing for him. He was just there so that she could feel something in the dark life she lived ever since she had been brought back from heaven. Spike couldn’t have cared less why Buffy had first started to come to him, but now as he realized that these feelings were growing stronger it was killing him. Every time Buffy was around it broke his heart because he knew that while he had her physically almost every day he would never completely have her. All he wanted was for Buffy to realize how much love that he could give her. But he knew that would never happen.
“Stupid feelings,” Spike growled as turned on the television hoping for some distraction in his favorite soap opera.
However, not even his favorite soap opera could give him the comfort that he desperately sought. He would not be able to find any comfort not with the slayer so close by. Spike growled as he almost wished the stupid wench would just come and get their nightly ritual over with so he could find some peace. He needed peace even if it was for only a moment. He thought about dusting himself for a moment but then he caught the scent of her aroma in his nose. He knew that no matter how much he hated what she was doing to him he would never be able to stop the cycle. He was addicted to her and even Buffy knew that. He did not know what feeling Buffy felt when they were together but he knew she felt something. He was not sure if it was love or if it was pain, but he knew that these feelings they had would never come to the surface. Spike would never breathe a word to Buffy of how much he loved her and she would never breathe a word of what feelings she had when she was with him. The door behind him opened with a bang and Spike didn’t have to turn around to know who it was.
“Bloody hell,” Spike exclaimed as he got off his chair and turned to face her, “Do you always need a dramatic entrance?”
Buffy had never answered that question and tonight was no different. She stood there for a moment. Spike realized that he needed Buffy just as much as she needed him.
“You’re using me,” Spike said finally speaking the truth.
The words surprised him and he knew they surprised Buffy as well. He figured that Buffy thought that just because he was a vampire without a soul that he wouldn’t have any emotions. That he wouldn’t care if she was using him as long as he was getting something as well. But even after Spike had been turned from the innocent poetry writing William to William the bloody he had never completely lost his emotions. He had loved Dru after all. He had never taken joy as the rest of his vampire family had in the killing or the hunting.
“I know,” was all Buffy could say.
Spike wanted to stop the cycle so much, but he knew it was useless. He was addicted and it wasn’t the type of addiction he could let go so easily. It had been easier for him to stop drinking human blood.
“What are you going to do about it?” Buffy asked quietly.