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Magical Upchuck

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Summary: Xander is temporally turned into a girl by Willow. Before he turns back into himself he meets Chris Halliwell. The Chris from the future and Xander have sex. Now an very male Xander is pregnant with a child from a man that’s not even born yet. Slash

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Charmed > Xander-CenteredMerKatFR151129,501811530,50624 Jan 0924 May 10No

Not real

Title: Not real

Author: MerKat
Fandom: BTVS/ Charmed
Summary: Xander is temporally turned into a girl by Willow. Before he turns back into himself he meets Chris Halliwell. The Chris from the future and Xander have sex. Now an very male Xander is pregnant with a child from a man that’s not even born yet. This idea is from a challenge I read but couldn’t find again. Don’t remember who gave the challenge but I thought it was a great idea.
Archive: Slash. Male on Male. Maybe some het too! Mpreg!

Chris sighs. “Our plan wasn’t perfect but you did get captured and used the flux on Gilly.”

Xander nods. “It would have looked a lot cooler if we were able to fight with the demon before capture . . . oh well. Demon still dead.”

Chris smiled. “Yeah and now that that is a-all done we can-can *YA-CHOO!* talk.” Chris snuffled as he pulled a tissue from his jean pocket.

Xander and Piper frowned. “You have a cold?”

“Did you finish that potion I left for you?” Piper put her hands on her hips.

Chris shifted like a naughty boy. “Well you see . . . I was going to finish the vitamin potion *sniffle* but Wyatt orbbed it out a window! I at least took a drink of it.”

Piper pressed her lips together. “I’ll make more.”

Chris grimaced.

Xander raised a brow. “I’m guessing that this potion is like any good medicine it taste bad.”

Phoebe grinned. “Oh it taste worse then it smells and it smells like old gym socks and boiled cabbage.”

Xander wrinkled her nose. “I think I might be able to fix that. Healing supposed to be my family’s trick of trade.”

*YA-CHOO!* Chris sneezed loudly. Piper clicked her tongue and shook her head. “You should have finished the potion. I brewed enough to last you 24 hours cold free. Did you even stop Wyatt from orbing it?”

Chris sniffled as his cold worsened by the minute, his skin starting to go clammy, and his eyes a little red, his nose runny. “Come on Piper give me a brake.” He whined.

“No. You probably let Wyatt toss the potion. After this next ones brewed I’ll watch you take it just to make sure!”

Chris blushed a faint pink.

Paige laughed. “Yeah we need to make sure our Chrissy-wissy takes his medicine like a good widdle boy!”

Chris looked at the girls with wide eyes the pink in his cheeks now a full blown red. Xander smiled at the sisters and Chris as they all snipped at each other now that the danger was all over.

Picking up a pinch of mint and a small scrapping of unicorn horn Xander gently stirred it into the clear potion. As Xander whispered over it the potion thickened like gravy and started turning white. It looked like cream and smelled like herb tea. “There! All done. Cure to demonic snuffles.”

Piper raised a brow. “That don’t smell like vitamin potion. I watched you put red onions, pickles, pig feet, and snails in it. It don’t smell. And what do you mean demonic snuffles?”

Xander grinned as he poured some potion into a tea cup and handed it to a red nosed Chris. “Whitelighters are rarely sick, very rarely. He must have been rolling around in a demon mud nest or something. Most demons are dirty, germy creatures. So demonic snuffles.”

All the women watch Chris sip at the cup and watched a healthy glow wash over him. He looked better with each swallow. Chris frowns. “This tastes familiar. Someone made this for me before.”

Xander tilted her head to the side. “I don’t think so. It’s a family secret. No ones made this potion for generations.”

“Ok, we so need the recipe.” Phoebe said. “Grams and now Piper ram vitamin potion down our throats when we’re sick and that looks much better.”

Paige nods. “Smells great too.”

Xander frowns. “Sure, I might be able to give it to you. If I can write it down.”

“What do you mean?” Piper asked.

“When I got my family book I got some spells and potions put in my head that are not in the book. Healer stuff. Protected stuff.” Xander grabbed a pen and paper and tried to remember what she just made. She frowned. The memory of the cold potion was in her head but how to make it was fuzzy now that it was no longer needed. Xander sighed. “Sorry. I can’t remember what I did right now.”

Phoebe shrugged then gave the younger witch a bright smile. “We’ll just store what you made and keep it for when were really sick. You made plenty. Does it expire?”

Xander was going to shrug and say she had no idea- “Six years. The magic in the unicorn horn dust keeps it viable for six years to this day and the strength of the potion will wan in power everyday after that.” Xander’s mouth snapped closed and she had to wonder who the hell jacked her voice?!

“Really? Cool.” Paige said happily.

Xander looked at the clock ticking on the wall and smiled at the group before her. “Well I better get. Need to pack up my car and start heading back to the LA area. Get the tail end of my road trip done. I better call Mari and head out.”

Chris stood up fast. “No need to bug Mari. I’ll take you.” Chris grabbed Xander’s arm before she could say something and orbed them away.

Phoebe grinned. “They are so going to go have smoochies.”


They appeared again in a shower of orbs high up on top of the Golden Gate Bridge with their arms wrapped around each other. Lexxy blinked as she took a step back from Chris. “I don’t remember renting a room here? Bet it’s expensive.”

Chris smiled. “I thought we could talk.”

Lexxy raised a brow and smirked. “About what? How neat your charges are? How we kicked butt? How cute and boyish you look when you blush?”

Chris could feel a blush creep up on his face. “Talk about, um, us. About what happened when, you know, before . . . I want to know why you left?”

Lexxy sighed and brushed a hand through her hair. “Like I said before it’s complicated, stud.”

“Is it about magic? Cause that’s out in the open for us now! Me whitelighter. You witch.” Chris said as he brushed a hesitant hand over her cheek.

Lexxy looked at Chris with soft eyes and laid her head against his chest. “Life sucks. I find someone nice who doesn’t want to eat me or kill me and I can’t keep you. That’s just the Harris luck.”

Chris wrapped her in his arms a confused frown crossing his face. “What are you talking about?”

“The complicated thing.” Lexxy muttered against Chris’ chest. “In a week I won’t be around anymore.”

Chris felt his heart thump hard with panic as he tightened his arms around her. His insides felt cold at the thought of her not being around. There were only so many places she could go that he couldn’t follow. Chris swallowed. “Are you going on another trip? Because I can orb anywhere. I want to, um, start something with us.”

“I’m going home Chris. To Sunnydale.”

Chris frowned, why was that name familiar? Then it clicked. “The H-HELLMOUTH!?!”

Lexxy nods with a frown. “A whitelighter no fly zone.”

“Why there?”

“It’s where I’m from. Was born on the hellmouth.”

Chris bit at his lip and wondered if he should leave it at that. Stop trying to get a date with the witch? “We could meet in LA?” Chris asked hopefully only to blink at the sad look on Lexxy’s face.

“No can do, stud. I’m not only going there to go home I’m going there to finish a spell. After that spell no one will see Alexandra Harris again.” Lexxy looked at Chris with big wet eyes.

Chris’ breath caught in his throat. “What kind of spell? Are you d-dying? Can we stop it?”

Lexxy shook her head. “It, um, well, you see the spell . . . I don’t want to stop the spell Chris. Not really. It’s for the best.”

“Y-you didn’t answer my other questions.”

Xander felt like such a heel for putting that kicked puppy look in Chris’ eyes but how does one explain that the person he touched, kissed, and lusted after, is not what they appear? ‘Hey, Chris, I’m really a dude! My cock got zapped off and in a week magic is going to put it back! Are we cool?’ Xander did not want to get punched in the face and did not want Chris to look at her weird. Xander did not want Chris to hate her, soon to be him, because of a messed up spell.

Wrapping her arms around herself Xander looked out at the amazing view of the city. “Yeah Chris, I know.” Xander bit at her lip. Chris wouldn’t want goofy Xander Harris of the loud shirts and donut getter; he wanted Lexxy the sexy bombshell with a slayer attitude. He wouldn’t want Xander and when the spell is done it would be like Lexxy died. No. Xander couldn’t do that to Chris, couldn’t hurt him so she could keep her secret. “I’m not a, I was made this way with magic, Chris. I’m not real-ish. In a week Lexxy will be gone and life will go on.”

Xander gasped when Chris grabbed her up into his arms and locked lips. “I’ll fix this. The Charmed ones can find a spell and make you real. If a witch made you with magic there must be a way to make it permanent!”

Xander shook his head. “I must have not explained so well. I don’t want it fixed, Chris.”

Chris glared. “So you just want to give up and not be real? I know magic constructs don’t feel fear for their d-deaths but Lexxy! Lexxy you can’t! I summoned a cupid and he said I lov-really like you a lot! I wouldn’t like someone this much that wasn’t real.”

“I’m not good at explaining this. Lexxy isn’t real. I’m real but Alexandra isn’t.” Xander brushed her hand through her hair again.

“I-I don’t get it? What?”

Xander bit her lip and hopes Chris won’t leave her stranded here when she drops the bomb. “I’m a man.” Xander closed her eyes and waited for a punch or something. Nothing happened. She opened her eyes and met very confused blue.

“Lexxy . . .”

Xander leaned back at the low and controlled voice. “Yes?”

“We’ve had sex.”

Xander’s eyes get wide, is this when Chris hits/yells at her? Would their time together at anytime be counted as gay? Does Chris not like guys? “Yeah?”

“We had lots of sex that night. You’re definitely a woman. Is this some sort of joke or some elaborate way to tell me to take a hike?”

“What? No! I’m a guy! My name is Alexander Harris and I’m like this because of a spell.”

“The spell you need to fix?”

Xander nods. “So you see? Complicated. You can’t date me because in a week there will be no me to date. Well there will be a me but you won’t want to date him because that me is . . . um not like me now. The real me is goofy and before this spell I wasn’t magic guy I was construction worker donut guy. We’re not real, I’m not real Chris. We shouldn’t even try.” Xander muttered softly at the end and shook her head.

“Damn.” Chris said softly.

“Yeah.” Xander said just as softly.


Throwing her stuff in her bag Xander checked out of her motel room and hit the open road. She didn’t want to see anymore sights she just drove and drove trying to get space between her and San Francisco. ‘LA here I come.’ She could stay with the LA group for a while.


In the attic of the Halliwell house Chris sat on the floor with the Book of Shadows in his lap. Absently he flipped through pages. “For a guy that should be back from making out with his girlfriend you seem upset?” Page said as she orbed in.

“Leave me alone.”

“And grumpy.” Phoebe said as she walked into the door.

Chris frowned at his aunts. “You two are taking this ‘I’m your nephew’ thing too far. What if Piper comes in a sees you two being all worried?”

Paige shrugs. “She cares about you too. She would be smacking you in the back of the head and asking what was wrong but she’s tucking in Wyatt. So I’ll do it. *Smack* What’s wrong?”

Chris glared and rubbed at his head. “Nothing.”

“Can’t lie to an empath. What’s wrong?” Phoebe said with a frown.

Chris sighed and started muttering under his breath. Paige frowned. “I must be getting old because it sounded like you said Alexandra’s a man?”

Chris frowned at the book and nodded. Phoebe blinked. “Ok, that’s new. It wasn’t drag. A glimmer? Spell?”

“A friend of her-his blotched up some women empowerment spell. Lexxy said she’s not real and in a week Xander will be back. She made it sound like she was going to die.”

Phoebe bit at her lip as Chris’ sadness washed over her. “Oh, honey.” Phoebe sat down by him and hugged him. “Would Lexxy being a guy matter to you? Does it make you uncomfortable?”

Chris shrugged. “Not really. I love girls but I have . . . you know experimented as a teen. And there was a guy a long time ago for before Bianca and I got together.”

“Time travel girl? The one you wanted to marry? I don’t think I liked her much what with her trying to force you back to the future.” Paige made a face.

Chris shrugged. “I loved her but if Lavelle hadn’t been killed by W-the Big Evil I’m after I probably would have stayed with him. He was a great witch.”

Phoebe patted Chris’ shoulder. “So what’s the problem? If you don’t mind her being a him why not try dating?”

Chris sighed. “She err Lexxy doesn’t want anything to do with me when she changes back. At least that’s the vibe I got. She *sigh* he doesn’t even want to try.”

“That sucks.” Paige said.

“I think we have chocolate ice cream in the freezer.” They all look up at Piper in the door way. “I can make cookies? Sweets is good for the wallowing.”

Chris gave her a small smile.

A very long drive, many pit stops, and a couple of naps later Xander sat with Cordelia on her couch in her apartment. In a soft voice she told her about her trip and a whitelighter she really liked. Really liked. Cordy shook her head. “Only you Xander Harris.” Cordy mumbled as she got up off her couch and headed for the kitchen. “Do you want chocolate syrup and sprinkles on your ice cream?”

Xander nods and snuffles. A box of tissue slides across the table making Xander smile. “Thank you Dennis.” Xander grabs a tissue and wipes her nose.

Cordy placed two big bowls of coffee and chocolate ice cream on the table. “Only you would find prince charming and dump him. I want a prince, hell I’d settle for a royal window cleaner as long as he’s charming.”

Xander chuckled sadly. “Yeah.”

“So when do you become dork boy again?”

“Three days.”

“Good.” Cordelia said as she sat down with her own small bowl of chocolaty goodness.

Xander looked at Cordy through narrow eyes. “Why is that good?”

Cordy pointed her spoon at Xander. “You owe me. You took my dress and stretched out the chest with your oversized water balloons! Till you go back to Sunnyhell you’re my bitch. We’re gonna do girl stuff. I’m thinking spa day and shopping.”

Xander groaned.


The End?

You have reached the end of "Magical Upchuck" – so far. This story is incomplete and the last chapter was posted on 24 May 10.

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