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Unreal

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This story is No. 3 in the series "The Unavoidable Series". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: What is a General to do when Buffy and Faith come to the Mountain to make good on the Presidents little comment?

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Stargate > General > Theme: HumorIgnotusFR1311,9900199,09628 Jan 0928 Jan 09Yes
Timeline: BtVS two years Post-Chosen and Stargate Season 8. Set a short time after 'Unexpected'.
Summary: What is a General to do when the Buffy and Faith come to the Mountain to make good on the Presidents little comment?
Notes: This little fic was spawned by a throw-away comment I had the president make in the previous story, 'Unexpected'. Then a reviewer wondered what it would be like if the Slayers actually made good on the comment. Another said it would be horrendously out of character for Buffy to ask and I agreed, but I was still curious. So I took the 'Dallas' route with it.
Disclaimer: I do not own any rights nor do I have any type of permission from the lucky people who do. Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel are the property of, the brilliant, Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy Inc. Stargate SG-1, Atlantis, the Goa'uld, etc; belong to Showtime, MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. No infringement intended.



O’Neill threw his pen across the room and haphazardly pushed all his unfinished paperwork into a drawer when his watched beeped, telling him that it was time to go. He had one arm already in his coat when someone knocked on the door. He suppressed a groan of frustration that threatened to escape him.

“What!”

The door opened partially and Walter poked his head in.

“Sir?” he started hesitantly, “There are two people here to see you. They don’t have an appointment but they say it’s important.”

O’Neill hung his head and nearly whimpered. He was so hoping that he could actually leave on time for once.

“Who are they? And what do they want?” he asked.

“Th–They said that they’re with the WCI? And that the President told them they could use the Gate?” he said uncertainly, “The only reason we haven’t sent them away or had them arrested is because they know about the Gate and have a visitor’s card issued by you.”

A muscle in O'Neill's left cheek started to twitch violently. Walter noticed this and carefully started to close the door.

“Walter!” O’Neill snapped.

“Yes sir?” Walter mentally cursed and thought about how close he had been to escaping.

“What exactly did they say?”

“They said that the President gave them permission to, ahem, use the Gate to take a vacation?”

O’Neill noticeably stiffened. The sudden tension inside the office was so thick, Walter felt like he was going to choke. Eventually, O’Neill took a calming breath.

“Bring them down to the briefing room,” he said evenly.

“Yes sir.” Walter closed the door and nearly ran down the corridor to escort their ‘guests’ down.

O’Neill walked back to his desk and picked up the red phone. He had to wait only a moment for the other end to be answered.

“This is General O’Neill, I need to speak with the President,” he said calmly.

After a moment, he was transferred.

“Jack! What can I do for you?” President Hayes greeted cheerfully.

“Sir, those two women from the WCI are back. They said they wanted to go through the Gate on vacation. They said you said they could?” O’Neill said disbelievingly.

“Oh yeah. That’s right. I completely forgot about that. Well then, give them my best wishes and tell them to enjoy themselves.”

O’Neill’s eyes widened and he made a small choking noise. “Sir? Surely you can’t be serious?”

“Of course I’m serious! And don't call me Shirley,” the President chuckled at his pun. “I distinctly remember saying they could use the Gate to go on vacation if they so wished and apparently they’ve decided to do so.”

O’Neill could only stare blankly at the wall.

“In fact, Jack, you sound a little stressed; you and your old team should join them. Just pick out a nice tropical planet and relax.”

“Sir?”

“I can make it an order, Jack.”

“Th–That won’t be necessary, sir. We’ll be… happy, to accompany them,” O’Neill forced out.

“Good! And, Jack. I won’t expect to hear from you for at least three days, understood?”

“Yes sir,” he replied weakly.

He hung up the phone and stared at it unblinkingly. Had the president been compromised? What had those people done to him to get him to do this? He looked up when there was a knock on his door.

“Sir, they’re ready for you,” Walter said.

O’Neill did not bother to respond. He just strode to the door connecting his office to the briefing room and entered. Only to stop dead in his tracks at the sight that greeted him.

The blonde-haired woman, Buffy he remembered, was sitting lazily in his chair twirling around and giggling. The other one, Faith, was sitting with her feet on the table. They were both wearing bright clothes with floral patterns that would not be out of place at the beach, and they both had sandals on. Something in the corner caught his eye and he saw a beach umbrella leaning against the wall with a rather large cooler next to it. There were also two camping packs lying on the floor.

Buffy stopped spinning when she saw General O’Neill.

“General! Good to see you again. You remember Faith?” He nodded. “Great! So when do we leave? I hope you know of a place with a good beach.”

“The President suggested me and my team go with you, so I’ll just be a few minutes,” he said dumbly.

“Perfect!” she replied.

The brunette just smiled and shook her head at the excessively chipper blonde. Roughly an hour later, a thoroughly confused SG-1 was standing in front of the Gate.

“Sir?” Carter asked, “What’s going on?”

“The President said those two,” he pointed to Buffy and Faith as they entered with their gear. “Could use the Gate to take a short vacation. He suggested that we accompany them,” he replied.

“How can they…?” O’Neill cut her off before Carter could ask.

“By order of the President!” he replied tersely. “I don’t get it either, but we should just deal with it.”

Carter nodded curiously and turned back to the dialling Gate.

“Where are we going?” Daniel asked.

“P5Z-78T,” O’Neill replied. “It’s a small tropical planet that is ninety percent water and has three moons. It serves ‘no practical purpose’ according to the people who run this place. Except for when someone wants a little time off.”

The other two joined them at the bottom of the ramp as the gate engaged.

“Ready gramps?” Faith asked.

O’Neill just scowled and made his way up the ramp with his confused team following. They stopped at the event horizon as Buffy and Faith caught up to them, both smiling.

“Come on General! Loosen up a bit. What could possibly happen?” Buffy said.

Faith snorted and rolled her eyes. “Are you sure that was the best thing to say, B?”

Buffy frowned a moment before smiling and shrugging. “Whatever happens, we’ll deal with it.”

Faith didn't look convinced. “You said it, not me.”

All six of them stepped through the Gate and it disengaged.

* * * * *

“Unscheduled off-world activation!”

A mere twelve hours later, six bedraggled travellers stepped through the gate.

A rather irate General O’Neill led the party down the ramp where they were met with blank stares from those gathered in the embarkation and control rooms. The reason for the stares was the state in which they arrived. That is, covered head to toe in an ungodly bright orange gelatinous substance.

And it smelled. Surprisingly, it didn’t smell bad. Just very odd.

“General?” Walter asked carefully.

“Don’t!” He interrupted. “Just don’t ask.”

A med-tech approached to look over O’Neill, only slightly frightened by the General’s mood.

“Sir, what just happened?” Colonel Carter bore a thoroughly confused expression.

“Not now, Carter.”

“Jack, we were just accosted by what looked like the Loch Ness monster! That thing had to have been at least eighty feet long, though I can't be sure. I was a little busy running for my life since it was trying to eat us!” Daniel shouted.

“Actually, the Loch Ness monster is only fifty feet in total length and is an herbivore,” Buffy interrupted. Faith turned to Buffy with a questioning smirk. “What! I remember some of what Giles tells us.”

“The Loch Ness monster is real?” Carter asked. Too thoroughly shocked by what happened to argue against the existence of a supposedly ‘legendary’ creature.

“Yup.” Buffy smiled, not seeming to care the she was covered in just as much… whatever it was, as the rest of the team. Carter nodded dumbly as Daniel placed a hand on her shoulder and led her out of the Gate room, undoubtedly going to the infirmary. Or perhaps the showers first.

“It’s not exactly what I call a vacation, but you have to admit it was kinda fun,” Faith said.

“Well…” Buffy began. “I suppose. We don’t really get much chance to visit the beach. And we did get a few hours of quality sun time before someone disturbed Nessy’s bigger, meaner cousin.”

Jack’s eye twitched. “There wasn’t supposed to be anything dangerous on that planet!”

Teal’c only raised an eyebrow at Jack. “The creature did not engage us until you angered it, O’Neill.”

“It was trying to eat us!”

Buffy interrupted. “Actually, it was sunbathing in the cove when you just had to throw some rocks at it to see if it was alive.”

“Indeed, O’Neill,” Teal’c agreed. “The creature was content to ignore us up to that point.”

With that, Teal’c turned around and walked out of the Gate room. O’Neill glared at the two women left in front of him.

“Where exactly did you get those swords?” He pointed to the gore covered swords the women still held. He couldn't help but ask, as it seemed they just pulled them out of thin air.

“We pulled them out of thin air.” Buffy's mischievous smirk would've made the devil himself jealous.

Noticing the General’s cheek twitch, Faith hastened to explain. “Ever watch Highlander? Always notice how they seem to just pull their swords out of nowhere?”

Buffy picked up the explanation from there. “One of our friends is a witch. She created this…”

“Pocket dimension,” Faith supplied.

“Thanks, yeah, this pocket dimension that we can store our weapons in and have access to at any time and any place.”

“It’s really cool.” Faith loved it actually. She always had access to her weapons. At this point, the med-techs started to usher them out of the Gate room and towards the infirmary. Halfway there, Faith spoke up again. “So, since that planet was a bust, where do you think we should go next?”

“Yeah,” Buffy agreed. “This time though, don’t piss off the local wild life.”

Jack seriously considered retiring right then and there.

* * * * *

Jack jerked awake and scattered the various papers and files littering his desk to the floor. He looked around and saw everything was quiet and normal. He closed his eyes, and rubbed them wearily, while leaning further back in his chair. He took a deep breath and then let it out slowly. He thought back to the dream he had a few moments ago.

“Not gonna happen!” He exclaimed to his empty office. He settled down some and was about to sneak out to go home when there was a knock on his door. Jack froze to the spot as he weakly spoke. “Come in.”

The door opened partially and Walter poked his head in.

“Sir?” He started hesitantly, “There are two people here to see you. They don’t have an appointment but they say it’s important.”

O’Neill paled. It wasn’t possible. It was a dream. Faced with such an impossible case of déjà vu, O’Neill did the only thing he could think to do at the moment: He grabbed his coat and bolted.

Walter picked himself up from where he lay after of General O’Neill’s rushed exit. He understood the general didn’t like dealing with the people from the International Oversight Advisory but he didn’t think the prospect of meeting with the Head of the committee and his aide would prompt such a reaction.

Especially since he hadn’t yet told General O’Neill who wanted the unscheduled meeting.



AN: Yes, it was a dream. You don't think I'd really do that to poor old Jack would you?

The End

You have reached the end of "Unreal". This story is complete.

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