This little beauty is a creation of too much free time spent watching classic Pink Panther cartoons and an overwhelming need to have Buffy encounter the characters from those shorts. It's pretty straight forward written without the use of dialogue except for the end scene since the character of the Pink Panther is a pantomime type character.
I classify this as a ficlet because I don't see it becoming a full blown story thing. If the rating needs to be changed then by all means let me know, I really don't think there's anything wrong with it.Disclaimer: Buffy and all related characters belong to Joss and Mutant Enemy Productions. The Pink Panther and all related characters, I.E the little man with the big nose and moustache are the property of MGM studios created by Blake Edwards, Friz & Freling. And all those other people whose names escape me, I think I might have messed up on Friz and Freling too. Anyway the point is I don't claim anything to be mine, this is purely a work of fanfiction for the readers enjoyment.
Buffy thought she spotted a vampire ducking into the crypt while on Patrol, taking her stake out she followed after him through the door only to find that the crypt was empty, her Slayer senses told her something was up though. Taking a few steps she glanced around looking for any possible other exits, when she was about ready to give up she stumbled across a hidden door she’d missed on her first search through. A rusted over door that looked like it hadn’t budged in years, still if there was a vampire around she had to stake it to protect the innocents of Sunnydale.
Grabbing the handle she wrenched the door open and peered inside, it was way too dark to see, whatever was beyond this door was carefully hidden. Frustrated she reached for the flashlight she’d brought with her just in case, suddenly someone behind her pushed her into the darkness beyond the door. The door slammed shut.
Flicking on the light Buffy was confused when she couldn’t find the door again; turning around in a full circle in the pitch dark she couldn’t make out anything with the pitiful beam of her flashlight. Grumbling about tricky Vampires she started to walk down what appeared to be a long corridor.
As she walked she thought she heard footsteps behind her, pausing she heard nothing and continued walking. There was the sound again. Spinning around to try and catch her pursuer she found nothing except curiously enough a door handle, when she’d just past that section of the corridor and there had not been one before. She staked her life on it. Grabbing the door handle out of a need to be free of this dank and dark corridor she yanked it open.
Buffy found the cemetery was on the other side of the door, but for some reason she couldn’t put her finger on it looked out of place, as though someone had taken a big broom to the gravestones and re-organized them scattering them about haphazardly.
Really mad now she stalked off into the night hunting her quarry, halfway through the cemetery, while she was keeping her eyes to the left and right she walked straight into a wall. Rubbing her nose in pain she wondered where the hell this had come from.
It was a little shack in the middle of the cemetery with a big sign above the door which read ‘All your Slaying Needs, Half Price!’, curiously she walked up to the door and pulled it open. Inside was a veritable smorgasbord of weapons, swords, axes, katanas, stakes, crosses, holy water vials, crossbows, wooden arrows, old fashioned long bows, a few nunchakus and a long wooden bo staff with sharpened ends. Buffy’s eyes lit up like a kids’ in a candy store.
Behind the counter a strange little man with a big nose and black moustache smiled up at her and picked up one of the crossbows from the shelf holding it up for her to admire, he pointed to a sign. ‘All crossbows marked down to 3.50$’. Buffy couldn’t believe it, grinning she took the crossbow in her hands and tested the weight, sighting through the window she spotted someone looking in; it looked like it might be a vampire. Scooping up a handful of arrows and slapping down her allowance she rushed out after the vamp.
The proprietor counted the money and made change, then he ran off after Buffy to give it to her, he found her in front of a staircase leading down with a confused expression on her face.
After thanking the little man and pocketing the change she headed down into the dank cavernous underground feeling memories of The Master’s lair coming back to haunt her, she really didn’t want to go down here but this is where her quarry had gone to ground.
She still didn’t understand what was going on, but she followed, she was going to slay this difficult vamp no matter what for making her run around like a novice.
Underground she found nothing at first except a cave that looked remarkably similar to the Master’s lair, except there wasn’t a half destroyed church in the vicinity and no puddles of water for her to drown in. Which was something.
Suddenly a hand clamped on her shoulder and Buffy spun around grabbing at her attacker, she flung him over her head and into the wall, when she turned to stake him she froze in complete shock. Lying on the floor with little stars floating around his head was a six foot tall panther, a six foot tall Pink Panther to be precise. He shook off her attack and climbed to his feet dusting himself off; plucking the stake out of her hand he studied it momentarily and then nodded. Beckoning her forward she found herself inexplicably following the highly animated character.
The Pink Panther lead Buffy through a tunnel and into a massive crypt filled with coffins all of them marked with a peculiar bat symbol, he then proceed to fling one open revealing Xander lying prone in the typical Dracula pose, his eyes flew open and he hissed revealing fangs. Going for her neck Buffy backed up in shock, her crossbow went off and Xander was dust. The next coffin held Willow and Tara intertwined with a distinct absence of clothing and in the process of making out, glaring daggers at Buffy Tara tried to kill her while Willow watched. Both of them were dust in seconds as once again her crossbow fired without her even having to pull the trigger.
Terrified she tried to stop the panther from opening another one only for Giles to come leaping out with a dagger in one hand and a book in the other. She dusted him too without pulling the trigger and then in a panic tried to run away, only to find the panther standing watch over the door with a shake of his head. Cordelia, her mom, Harmony, Spike, Angel, Drusilla, Jenny, Jonathan, some girl she’d never bothered to learn the name of who was one of Cordelia’s Cordettes, they all turned out to be in that room and before they could kill her she was killing them. Kendra. Faith. Mayor Wilkins. The little short guy with the big nose who’d sold her the crossbow, she didn’t even think she had this many arrows. In tears now as she stared up at the panther who had led her into this gristly nightmare she heard the lid to the last coffin open.
Dawn stepped out game face on, she shot Buffy an accusing look and then charged her, instead of dusting this time Buffy threw the crossbow to the floor and whirled on the silent panther intent on ending this dream. She leapt at him and grasped his neck, together they both fell to the floor rolling in a tangled mess of limbs, and then Buffy was up once again surrounded by coffins only this time when they opened each and every one of them held a Pink Panther vampire who hissed and bit her neck, one after the other.
Silently screaming Buffy collapsed to the floor feeling like she was going to die; her neck was covered in her own blood, pink blood.
Back in the crypt the rusted door flew open and Faith appeared reaching down she pulled Buffy out of the dark room, blinking confused she tried to make sense of what had happened. Faith carried her out with a grim look and Buffy suddenly realized someone had to have drugged her, probably with a very heavy dose of some kind of hallucinogen.
Buffy woke up in the hospital several hours later with a splitting headache, her sister and Giles were in the room with her.
“What happened?” she asked.
“Druggy vamp got you with something, heavy overdose, if it wasn’t for your Slayer metabolism you would have died.” Dawn wrapped her arms around her and hugged her tight.
“Faith got to me in time,” she wondered trying to remember.
“What? Buffy Faith’s still in a coma remember,” Giles said.
“But… I saw her.” Buffy’s expression became confused.
“Probably a result of the drug Buffy, we found you outside of the crypt muttering something about Pink Panthers,” Dawn explained.
“But, I was locked in the crypt,” Buffy argued. “I tell you Faith saved my life.”
“Actually Doctor Erickson here saved your life,” Giles corrected as the Doctor walked into the room. Blinking Buffy stared at the doctor, he was covered with a mask and the full surgery gown thing, plus some gloves, Buffy had to take a very hard look at him because she could swear he looked just like that damn panther for a second.
“You were lucky to pull through; do you have a history of substance abuse?” Doctor Erickson questioned.
“No, someone jumped me and tried to kill me,” she retorted angrily.
“Oh I see, well I’ll tell the detectives outside then.” The Doctor turned after checking her chart and started to leave.
“When can I get out of here?” she demanded.
“I suppose that depends on how much longer you keep seeing your little friend there,” Doctor Erickson replied pointing to an empty corner of the room. Buffy didn’t want to turn, but she did, seated in one of the chairs was indeed a six foot tall Pink Panther who waved at her and shot her a little wink.
“Oh fudge,” she said flopping back down into bed with a groan.The End?Author's Post Words:
I leave it up to you whether or not The Pink Panther is really there at the end, also if Faith didn't get Buffy out of that Crypt, maybe our friend Pinky did? Hint, Hint. :D