Standard Disclaimer: Joss owns BTVS. Carrie Vaughn owns Kitty Norville. I own nothing and will earn nothing from this.
Author's Note: For those of you who don't know about Kitty Norville, you're missing a series of very good books. She's a werewolf with a call-in AM radio show that had to admit the existence of the supernatural to her audience and then she later had to transform right on TV. This is written from the perspective of a listener, driving along in their car...
"Okay, welcome back, and for those of you who may have just tuned in, I am Kitty Norville, your oh so humble hostess of The Midnight Hour
and for the last segment, we have a special guest in the studio. Those of you that have suffered through the show since the beginning know how rare that is for us, but this is a very unique case. Let me lay this out so everyone will be on the same page. Last week, just before we went off the air, a young woman called in and...she had a strange story, even for this show. To make a short story shorter, she basically wanted to know if anyone in our listening audience had any experience in, and I quote, Cross-Dimensional Portals
. After much arm-wringing and begging, she has agreed to be a guest on the air. So with that, I'd like to introduce Buffy Summers. Welcome, Buffy...lean in to the mic a little, there you go."
"So in your phone call, you said that...here it is, you said that five years ago you fell through a portal into our world and can't find a way home."
"Yes...that's true, I'm hoping someone who's listening knows about this kind of magic. This world really doesn't have a lot magic in it, or at least I haven't been able to find much so far."
"Okay, let's start at the beginning. Why did you, as you said, fall through a cross-dimensional portal?
"Yea, well...umm to start at the beginning we'll have to go a little further back than that. Where I'm from, the vampires are like animals, they kill almost every time they feed and they usually travel in packs and set up nests in mausoleums and old warehouses and places like that. So to fight this problem a champion was created. There's like a whole mantra-thing if you'd like to hear it?"
"Sure, go ahead."
"Alright, here goes. Into each generation a girl is born: one girl in all the world, a chosen one. She alone will wield the strength and skill to fight the vampires, demons, and the forces of darkness; to stop the spread of their evil and the swell of their numbers. She is the Slayer."
"Wow, That's...I have to ask, one girl? One girl to fight all of the Forces of Darkness?"
"Yea, that part sucks. It's ah...well the Slayer is...the slayer usually never has a very long life expectancy. Most girls are called around the age of fifteen and dead by sixteen. It's a lonely, brutal, and hard job, and of course you know that one day you will die alone in a horrible way. So it's not high on the list of fun things a young woman could become."
"So, you kinda hinted in the call, but never actually said it, are you the Slayer?"
"...yea, I was. When I jumped through the portal, there was another slayer to replace me, but I still have all the abilities."
"Wait a minute, you jumped? I thought you said that you fell through?"
"Oh, I jumped. It was ah...a tough situation and if I didn't jump my Sister, who I don't want to talk about or I'll start crying, would have died or the world would have been destroyed. Either one."
"Okay, we have a hard break here, so listen to my sponsors, go buy what they sell and don't change the station, we'll be right back."
"Welcome back, we were talking with Buffy, the Slayer, about her trying to find a way home to a completely different world. You confirmed the abilities for us here in the studio, and I have to say that it's real, at least it's a fact that you are...beyond normal, supernatural. So I have to ask, Aren't you concerned that giving out your name will attract attention from people that you wouldn't want to get the attention of? "
"I've managed to set up a different identity, I don't live under the name Buffy Summers. I only said it in case anyone, for some reason, might have recognized it."
"That's good, would you be willing to take a few calls?"
"Sure, let's do it."
"Okay, I should warn you that this is talk-radio and on late at night so all kinds of interesting people listen and we do get our share of crackpots."
"I think I can handle it."
"Mark, from Clayton, Ohio, go ahead."
"Uhh, she sounds cute, what's she wearing?"
"See what I said? Come on guys, we can do better than that. Richard from Lansing. You're on, Richard...Richard?"
"...Yea! Sorry, I was turning the radio down. Umm, I'm Native America, Navajo descent. My Granddad used to tell me stories about a ritual where you smoked peyote and you could see visions of different worlds and the future and stuff."
"That's interesting, how about Navajo medicine men, Buffy?"
"Been there and got stoned a bunch but never found any useful magic."
"Alright, thanks, Richard. Now, Nicholas from Boston. You there in Bean-town, Nicholas?"
"Okay? Do you have a comment for Buffy?"
"And? Come on, Nicholas, it's not a difficult format. Work with me here."
"I am Vampire. I like to meet, Slayer."
"Right, Buffy, anything you'd like to say to your new vampire fans?"
"Uhh, you really don't want to mess with me. I'll leave all of you alone if you do the same for me and don't..you know, attack any innocents when I'm around."
"Wow, okay, Bob from Tempe. Save us here, Bob."
"Hey, love the show. Long time listener, first time caller."
"Go ahead, Bob."
"I might get in trouble for saying this, but I used to work for a company that contracted with the government to try to harness Quantum Physics for teleportation. Not real top secret stuff or anything but we did have a phenomenon occur that they asked us not to talk about."
"So of course you are."
"Of course. We dug Quantum chambers like a mile down into the Earth, one in Minnesota and another outside of Chicago. We were only trying to get Quantum particles to disappear at one chamber while reappearing in the other. The tests were successful, we did achieve theoretical teleportation. The problem though, was when we did the last test. I was at the 'Sender' site in Minnesota and everything happened like normal but our focusing platform, only a small table really, exploded and a bunch of us...swear that we saw the body of a young woman appear and then disappear in the aftermath of the explosion."
"Ahh...Bob, are you pulling our leg? Because this is dead serious for this woman and I'd like to help her if we can."
"No, I swear on my kids, I was on the team and I could give names of others that saw the body. She had like a long coat on and dark-blond hair pulled back and she looked kind of small, like petite maybe, but it was hard to tell with her lying on the ground."
"Bob, this is Buffy. I'd really like to get a way to contact you. I swear, Bob, I'll protect you if there's any problems. I'll pay for any expenses you have. This is the best lead I've had in five years."
"Bob, how long ago was your test?"
"Right about five years. I'll give my info off the air. I'm just happy to maybe get some answers for myself."
"Wow, you guys might have come through again. I really do have the best audience in radio. Hopefully this will be helpful for our guest. I will keep everyone updated on Buffy's search for a way home and I'd like to thank her for coming in and doing the show. All the lines are lit but we are out of time. I'll be counting the hours 'til next week. Before the Wolf howls, I'd like to remind everybody to go buy my book Underneath the Skin.
It's the first time I've been published and I'm proud of it, and it's available at all finer bookstores and online. Okay, stay safe out there. Kitty Norville, Voice of the Night. Signing out."