Title: And then along came Groo
Disclaimer: BtVS and Angel folk created by Joss Whedon, Dusk till Dawn’s characters created by Robert Kurtzman and Quentin Tarantino. I do not own, please do not sue.
Timeline: Set in the summer when both Angel and Cordelia were missing in between Ats seasons 3 and 4.
Pairings and warnings: Heroines and their sexual rewards are never allowed to die in my stories. In this story the heroines are Kate and Fred, and their rewards are Groo and Gunn. Coarse Language
American English spelling.
Summary: This story is a light hearted action romance between Groo and Kate, set in the fictional Mexican village of El Ray, the legendary sanctuary for criminals.
Nineteen year old Kate Fuller was having a shit ass morning, and it had nothing to do with the fact her pert nose shone, or her long dark hair was lank and disgusting right now.
This time last week she’d been a wholesome, pretty, apple pie type gal, enjoying touring around Texas in a Winnebago with her dad and kid brother. The Fuller family explored Texas on an extended vacation to emotionally heal after the unexpected death of Kate’s momma in a car accident earlier that year.
Today Kate didn’t have any folks whatsoever, courtesy of Mexican vampires and her family being kidnapped in El Paso the day before by bank-robbing, prison-escapee fugitives. She was now a fucking orphan and lost in the middle of fucking northern Mexico to boot.
Kate pulled the RV she was driving to the side of the road. She grabbed her father’s much thumbed through road map off of the vehicle's dashboard, and tried to work out where the hell she was exactly.
If the Titty Twister bar where her family got slaughtered last night was to the west of wherever she was at the moment, then that must mean that El Paso and The States lay north or east.
Overtiredness was Kate’s problem; she had been awake for over thirty hours straight. Taking a nap seemed too risky at present. What if she got hijacked by bandits? If vampires existed for real, what the hell else was out in the desert waiting to make her their lunch? What Kate needed was a church to doze in.
Back two miles or however many kilometers (the mysteries of metric conversion contributed to Kate being lost) nestled a tiny Roman Catholic church in the shadow of cliffs.
Bethel’s Baptist Church was where Kate’s dad had been a pastor for the past twenty years, but Kate knew Jesus and her open minded dad (surely currently in Heaven looking down upon her) weren’t going to give a crap where she sought refuge this morning.
Cacti and boulders seemed to fly by her window in the dusty desert landscape as Kate drove back to the adobe Church of Santo Domingo.
After she’d securely locked up the Winnebago outside the church, Kate entered into the incense scented dimness that was the tiny Roman Catholic place of worship.
The church was empty apart from a praying widow lighting a candle by the altar. Kate found a pew in the very back of the old building. For a pillow she used her duffel containing a thousand bucks given as a parting present to her that morning by her ex-kidnapper Seth Gecko.
God, Seth was a convicted criminal and everything, but for some reason fighting for her life against vampires beside him last night had given her a serious case of wet panties for him. Apart from having too many tattoos, and being too old for her, and proving himself too damned ready to fly off the handle at the smallest perceived insult, Seth was a stallion Kate wanted to ride.
Hopefully it could be written off as trauma and crap, but Kate woke up four hours later from climaxing in a sex dream featuring the tattooed bastard. She’d come in the Lord’s house, it was real bad of her.
”Are you alright?” a muscular man in his mid-twenties dressed in twill shorts and a pale blue polo shirt was filling a huge water pistol with holy water from the baptismal fountain by the doorway of the church. “You were moaning in your sleep. Have you food poisoning?”
Quickly Kate righted herself from her pew. The time on her wrist watch showed it was midday, “Montezuma’s Revenge? Naw, just a bad dream - nightmare really.”
The brown haired stranger looked as if he’d emerged from the summer edition of the Abercrombie and Fitch catalog, in contrast to Kate’s blood, smoke and sweat stained white t-shirt, and grime covered jeans.
“Did you encounter vampires?” the stranger inquired.
“Uh, yeah,” Kate nodded, she re-knotted around her waist the filthy flannel shirt she’d used as a temporary blanket over herself in the pew. “Prevalent in these parts are they?”
“Very,” the stranger took aim at Kate with his giant water pistol and squirted her in the face with it.
“Mister,” Kate wiped the water off her drenched face. “I ain’t a vampire. I can understand your paranoia, people turn real quick after the cocksuckers bite them, but I ain’t been bit.”
“I beg your forgiveness, fair maiden, er I mean, my bad, Miss?” the stranger put down his water pistol and held out his hand in friendship.
“Fuller, Kate Fuller, just Kate huh?,” Kate shook the stranger’s hand. “And you are?”
“Pettigrew Slugg,” the stranger had a firm and honest grip, “Please call me Groo.”
“Sure thing,” Kate glanced down at the bulging water balloons stockpiled at Groo’s feet by the baptismal fount and a sheathed broadsword. “So is that stuff for protection or attack?”
“I’m a monster hunter, I act as a champion for weak and harmless cows,” Groo refilled his water pistol.
“You’re into animal rights?”Kate blinked confused.
“I said cows instead of humans again, didn’t I?” Groo shook his head ruefully. “I come from somewhere far away and American is not my native tongue.”
“You speak it real well,” Kate hastened to assure him.”Y’know, I thought you must be English or something, what with a name like Slugg. Are you from Europe?”
“Pylea,” Groo began to shoulder his pack bag.
Kate whose geographical ignorance would make any National Geographic journalist weep with frustration, assumed Pylea was part of the country featured in the “Sound of Music”, Switzerland or Australia wasn't it?, “Oh, Pylea
, you have awesome alps, right?”
“Correct, my home dimension is very beautiful.” Groo smiled at her pleased. “It’s been a pleasure to meet you, Kate Fuller, I wish you safe journeys, I need to depart now for the village of El Ray and my bus leaves outside this modest temple in five minutes. Although alas, I have found the information in Mexican rural timetables is not to be depended upon.”
“Wait,” Kate clutched Groo’s bare bicep, “you’re going to El Ray? Are there vampires there too?”
“No, a chapter of the demon biker gang called the Hellions are on their way to terrorize El Ray now. Normally the criminal denizens of El Ray would not be on the top of my to do list when it comes to saving cows, but I need to rescue a friend’s parents who are vacationing there in ignorance of how filled with evil doers that village is," Groo replied.
“Shit, I have a friend heading there, well he’s kind of my friend.” Kate had no one left on the planet to care about or answer to, so she took a deep breath and took a big risk. “Can I give you a ride into El Ray? I want to warn my friend about these Hellions.”
“How fortuitous,” Groo beamed cheerfully. “I accept your kind offer.”