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This story is No. 9 in the series "Jurassic Park Is Frightening In The Dark". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: Angel left Sunnydale never to return, he was a year earlier. Watch as the lives of Angel & Doyle begin in this series of Ficlets.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
BtVS/AtS Non-Crossover > Comedy > Cast: Angel InvestigationsSithicusFR721,929013,10110 Feb 0924 Feb 09No

Outside Interests

Author's Notes: Unlike other stories this one hasn't garnished as much attention as I would have thought. Although classified as a non-crossover and in general there won't be any crossovers at all if I stick to my guns for a change I was appalled to discover that as far as my searching revealed, not a single author has ever attempted to cross over Angel/Buffy with the 1992 film Death Becomes Her staring Merryl Streep and Goldie Hawn. For shame. So in my overzealous need and having recently re-watched the film on cable t-v I decided that this chapter just had to be written.
That being said, I hope you'll enjoy.

Disclaimer: All characters belong to their respective owners, Lilah Morgan and Wolfram & Hart are both property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy Productions. The characters of Madeline Ashton and Helen Sharp belong to Universal Studios. Possibly others I do not know their names. The character of Harry Tophet as portrayed by George Burns and who has a brief cameo in this story belongs to Warner Brothers last I checked. The author of this work of fanfiction makes no claims otherwise and if did so would soon be hunted down like a fox in jolly old England or something. So yeah, that is all please enjoy and hopefully this time I'll see a review... Oh right one last item of note, the company of Ingen and the character John Hammond belong to Micheal Crichton predominently.

Lilah Morgan sat drumming her fingers on her office desk while reading the latest file on one Lisle von Rhoman an individual who was with the firm for some odd three hundred plus years who secretly took control of a large group of celebrities by offering them immortality. What the woman failed to stipulate in her seductive ways was that the immortality in question came with a high price, not only could the body not age, but it also could not die unless Lisle decided to end their life by devouring their soul. It was an interesting little ploy and many fell for her charms, the woman had once claimed she was seventy-one years old, in truth she was much older as the records of the firm indicated.

“Lilah the two clients have arrived to discuss their options,” her secretary informed via the intercom.

“Send them in then,” she instructed closing the file on Lisle. Her clients probably wouldn’t be so inclined to believe her if they knew she was a half-Succubus and something Lilah couldn’t even pronounce, some soul eating ghoul from a dimension five sectors removed from their own. Plastering a fake smile on her lips she greeted both women as they shuffled awkwardly through the door. “Good evening Miss Sharp, Miss Ashton a pleasure to meet you,” she greeted reaching out to shake the closest woman’s hand.

“I’m sure,” she returned coldly.

“We don’t shake, as a principle,” the red head informed.

“I see you’ve managed to do wonders with your current forms,” Lilah returned.

“Yes well painting stopped being effective around the end of the nineteen eighties. If not for certain conditions which we agreed upon with a client of yours we wouldn’t look as good as we do now,” Miss Sharp returned with a rare smile.

“It was they who informed us that you might be able to help with our, condition,” Miss Ashton added. “I haven’t been able to enjoy sex since this happened,” she muttered under her breath with a scowl.

“Yes well I’m afraid the individual in question was a little bit hasty in ensuring we could assist you, rejuvenating corpses is tricky business and generally we don’t get involved with that sort of black magic.” She flicked through the pages on the file.

“Archduke Sebassis was quite insistent you could help us,” Miss Ashton snapped, “he charged us far too much for his services as it is and has assured us that it is only a temporary solution at best.”

“We’re desperate enough to sign over our souls if need be,” Miss Sharp added covering up for her friends rage.

“Ah well you see there is the problem, technically your souls are no longer yours for the selling as it were,” Lilah revealed with a chesire cat like grin.

“Then what is the point of this meeting?” Miss Ashton demanded almost slamming her hand down on the desk before managing to stop herself. “I’m not picking up the pieces again,” she cursed under her breath.

“There is one option that we may be able to help you with if you were willing to do us a favor, it isn’t exactly legal, and there may be complications in executing this plan.”

“We’ll do it, anything to be rid of the constant threat of falling to pieces,” Miss Sharp exclaimed a haunted edge creeping into her tone. “I’m still not sure I’ve got all the parts back,” she added in a somber tone.

“I see, well in that case allow me to be quite frank. As you are currently you are what some would term the walking undead, though not as mindless or decayed as a zombie you certainly don’t fit the bill of a vampire. Many of our staff had a hard time finding a new classification for you, since you also don’t resemble ghouls or other similar creatures. Therefore finding a solution to your problem proved most troublesome, until we looked outside of the mystical side of things, there is a company operating primarily out of San Diego who has rumored to have cloned dinosaurs.” Lilah pursed her lips and paused in the telling of her solution. “I have assurances that this rumor is in fact quite true, evidence out of Sunnydale suggests that Velociraptors have been spotted operating as part of a demon hunter’s entourage, if you can believe that, if it is possible for this company to clone dinosaurs then what’s to prevent them from taking the next step?” The two women stared at Lilah with a glint of hope in their eyes, smiling secretively she knew she had them, now came the hard part. “If you are prepared to sign an exclusive contract with our firm to allow us to study your cloned bodies in an attempt to unlock the secrets of this process we will manage to get you in to see a certain individual currently employed at Ingen who is also a spy for our firm.”

“I assume these cloned bodies would age,” Miss Ashton remarked with a sigh.

“No, the potion you took at Lisle’s is fused in your blood. What little of it remains congealed as it is in your current bodies, your cloned forms would essentially be just that, cloned bodies with the immortality intact minus the deceased state.” Lilah chuckled. “I’m sure were you to agree that this time your petty jealousies wouldn’t rear their ugly heads, and perhaps you can avoid getting yourselves killed again.”

“Damn straight,” Miss Sharp agreed. “Your tests won’t kill us will they?” she demanded.

“It would hardly be proper for the firm to go about seeing to your case and then erasing all of that effort, if we did that how long before our other clients chose to seek alternate representation?” Lilah wondered. Both women shared a look and then Miss Ashton burst into a broad smile that would have cracked her delicate paintwork if she hadn’t managed to replace it with one of the Archduke’s little colonics. Or whatever it was, Lilah hadn’t bothered going to deep into that part of the file knowing that Manners wouldn’t approve.

“You’ve got yourself a deal,” she declared, “where do we sign and how soon can we expect to undergo this cloning process?”

“Provided the parent company doesn’t discover our plant and doesn’t notice your cloning session, you can expect a brand new living body within seventy-two hours if not sooner,” Lilah guaranteed producing the two contracts. “If you’ll just sign here.” She smiled broadly as both women took up pens and jotted their names down, everything was proceeding nicely for a change, the only way anybody could mess this up now would be if that incompetent plant were to wind up getting himself killed on that accursed island, which was highly unlikely giving that Mister John Hammond himself would be going there personally in the next few days. Once both women left Lilah closed the files and picked up the phone.

“Yes Miss Morgan?”

“Please have Lisle von Rhoman notified that two of her missing feasts will soon be ready for her dining pleasure, also have we recovered that vial yet stolen by Doctor Menville?”

“Yes ma’am, Gavin Park was in charge of the retrieval personally.”

“Gavin,” Lilah said with venom lacing her tone, “very well I trust he knew to be discreet about it.” She sighed and shook her head. “Send my next appointment in, in precisely twelve minutes.”

“Yes ma’am.” Hanging up the phone Lilah began sorting all the files together along with the contracts and placed them securely in her desk before pulling out a second file. As soon as she saw the name on the file she rolled her eyes, it was just like Manners to give her the difficult cases. And this one wasn’t going to be as simple as the last one.

“Ahem, forgive the intrusion madam, but as you can see I have a lot of work to catch up on.” A voice stated from the doorway startling her.

“Quite true Mister Tophet, my apologies for keeping you waiting, but it isn’t every day I meet the devil himself, although I thought you preferred hanging out in your own dimensional plane?” Lilah questioned thoughtfully.

“Indeed I do Miss Morgan, but a matter of some urgency has come up which requires your firms expertise, mind if I smoke?” he asked holding up an unlit cigar.

“Not at all,” she returned with a broad smile. Fire sprouted from the man’s thumb and he lit his cigar before blowing it out. “Now then how can we at Wolfram & Hart help you?” she asked. “By the way has anyone ever told you, you look just like George Burns?” Harry Tophet smiled pleasantly and took a seat.

“All the time Miss Morgan, all the time,” he replied puffing on his cigar and blowing smoke out of the side of his mouth.

The End

The End?

You have reached the end of "Twisting Los Angeles JP style" – so far. This story is incomplete and the last chapter was posted on 24 Feb 09.

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