Title: An annoying Feline
Pairing: Not yet decided but most likely Xander/Horatio
Rating: NC-17 just in case for later chapters
Disclaimer: These characters are not my property; BTVS belongs to Mutant Enemy, Joss Whedon etc… and CSI Miami belongs to CBS etc... I do NOT own, I just play with them.
Summary: This is a sequel to Here Kitty, Kitty.
Horatio stood outside of the bathroom door shaking his head in frustration. Calleigh and Alexx were on their way and he needed the boy to come out of the bathroom so that they could discuss their course of action. But sadly, he was being stubborn and refusing to open the door. Of course Horatio tried to pick the lock, he was a cop but not without some tricks up his sleeve.
He couldn’t fathom how but the boy had managed to somehow barricade himself in the bathroom. No matter how hard he pushed, the door never budged. He did a mental inventory of his bathroom, trying to determine what items in the bathroom could be strong enough to block the door and came up blank. Short of moving the tub in front of the door, there shouldn’t be anything big or strong enough to prevent him from going inside.
When he realized that brute force would not work, he tried to reason with the frustrating boy but nothing worked. Threats were met with indignant responses, cajoling led to him being mocked, he patted his hair nervously, he was definitely not going bald. Resorting in irritation tactics, he tried to instigate the boy to come out but all that happen was him becoming more and frustrated and running towards the phone to call Alexx and Calleigh.
At this point, only Alexx’s stern and slightly threatening words prevented him from shooting the door open. He sighed once more, clutching his forehead in defeat and moved to the kitchen hoping that he would be inspired with something there.
Xander stood in bathroom naked, hand on one hip glaring at the door. ‘There is no way he’s going out there, nuh uh. He’s staying right here where it’s safe or make that safe-ish,’ he thought, sending a death glare at the annoying little cat that managed to somehow, come in here with him.
Xander looked at the door in trepidation, hoping that it wouldn’t open. When he ran to the bathroom intent on scrubbing that stupid note off his butt, he had the foresight to grab some shampoo bottles from the shower and shove them in the gap beneath the door. After spending at least ten minutes stuffing ten of them there, he was hoping that it would remain closed.
Xander turned and sent a vile glare at the cat that was cleaning its paw but the animal ignored him, not bothering to even glance his way.
Hearing the slam of the front door, Xander perked up thinking that maybe the red head had left. He wrapped one of the towels on the shelf around his waist and struggled to remove the bottles from beneath the door. After tugging for a few minutes one popped out, making it easier for him to ease his finger in the space and pull the others out.
He twisted the knob and eased the door open slowly wincing at the slight creak. He froze for a moment but there was no movement in the opposite rooms so he tiptoed towards the exit.
He peaked outside checking all the room and sighed when there was no sign of the man so he hurried towards the phone, knowing that whatever this was, Willow would know how to fix it. He dialed her dorm but he got a disconnected message telling to try the number again, so he dialed Tara’s but it was the same thing.
Xander tried the number for Buffy’s dorm but there was also the same annoying message and he slammed the phone down, becoming more and frustrated by the bored automated voice. He took a deep breath and dialed Giles house and bounced when it started ringing.
As soon as the voice said ‘hello’, Xander didn’t even bother listening to the woman as she introduced the name of the facility, which had he bothered he would have known that it was clearly not Giles house.
As soon as he heard a voice, Xander began babbling, “G-man, you got to help me. I’m stuck in this lunatic’s house and he put some kind of tattoo on my butt and then he followed me to the bathroom. What kind of maniac tattoos their name on some stranger’s butt that must be unethical…?”
Xander would have rambled more words but the stern older and feminine voice on the other end stopped him cold, “Young man, stop. I think you have the wrong number child.”
Xander frowned annoyed, “Who are you?” he asked, “Why are you picking up Giles’ phone. Wait what are you doing in Giles’ house,” he pursed his lips, “Are you some kind of thief? You’re a cat burglar aren’t you? The ones that they talk about in the news those that tries to steal from unsuspecting people.”
There was a shocked silence over the line as the older woman tried to wrap her head around those accusations, “What is your name, child?” The voice asked trying to calm the young man.
“Why do you want to know?” Xander replied. “I’m going to call the police.”
The woman sighed, “Young man, I am not a burglar. I would like to know the name of the person whom I am speaking with.” She paused a bit waiting for an answer but when none came forth she continued, “My name Bertha, what is your name?”
“Xander,” he responded suspiciously, “Giles will be back anytime?” he warned, “If you don’t get out of there and stop stealing his things, he’ll go all Ripper on you and I’m sure you won’t like it?”
The woman’s deep calming breath could be heard through the phone, “It’s alright,” she assured him, “We won’t let death come and get you. I’m sure you called us for help and if you tell us your address, the Theresa Brigham Asylum will be there soon and you’ll have nothing to fear.”
Xander choked, “Asylum?” and moved the phone from his ear and stared at shocked. He grimaced and brought it back to his ear and asked, “Umm, this isn’t G-man’s house is it?”
The woman oblivious to his growing panic just calmly responded, “There’s no need to speak in any sort code child, you have nothing to fear, we will help you.” She paused and asked her voice still calm, “What is your address?”
Xander shook his head vehemently then realized she couldn’t see him so he spoke, “No, no ma’am, um I’m fine. I just, um,” he chuckled hysterically, “I have the wrong number.”
“Of course,” she agreed clearly to placate him and added, most likely attempting to be sly, “So, are there any significant landmark near you.”
Xander squeaked and threw the phone in the vague direction of the hook and watched as the glass table beneath it shattered. He bent down horrified and started picking up the pieces, only to cut his palm as the door opened startling him.
‘Oh god’ he thought, ‘I should have locked the door.’
He straightened abruptly and turned towards the door and his towel loosened a bit at the sharp movement. He recognized Horatio by his wild red-head but the two women with him were new. Their eyes widened at the sight of him and the towel finally gave up and fell at his feet. He meeped as three pair of eyes bulged at him, two with surprise and one with interest. Xander turned and hightailed back towards the bathroom.
He locked the door and glared at the questioning ‘meow’. The cat ignored his scowl and purred, and Xander slammed his head against the door over and over, hoping that this was all a terrible nightmare.
**A/N: So, um, any thoughts?**