Disclaimer: Characters and concepts belong to their owners who I'm too lazy to list.
For the TTH Nazis... er, I mean Moderators
: It's BtVS/Alien Nation/Robocop.
"Summers," Buffy's new partner began as they took cover behind a
still intact Ford, "does this sort of thing happen alot in
"What? Getting shot at?" As if to punctuate the sentence, a burst of
machine gun fire shredded the windows and roof. "Nah, most of the
perps around here like it up close and personal." They were usually
demons or zombies or something supernatural, but she wasn't about to
tell him that. She brushed shards of glass from herself as she said,
"You're from LA, Francisco. I thought you'd be used to getting shot
"Maybe," Francisco said, "but not by something like that."
"This is a stick up!" bellowed the perp's mechanical voice. "Throw
down your weapons and valuables! Hand over your money! Noncompliance
shall be met with lethal force!"
Buffy sneaked a peak over the hood of the car. "I think Eddie there
has turned gone back to...oops!" Buffy ducked, just in time to
avoid the rocket that sailed through the space where her head was.
It crashed through a sporting goods store's display window and blew
a hole in the rear wall. "Guess not," she said sheepishly.
"This is a stick up!" the perp bellowed again. "Throw down your
weapons and valuables! Hand over your money! Noncompliance shall be
met with lethal force!"
"Geez, can't that thing get any new dialogue?" Buffy muttered. "My
toaster has a bigger vocabulary."
"ED-209s aren't exactly noted for their intelligence," Francisco
said dryly. The big robot blared its warning again. "I wonder how
it got here from Detroit?"
"Right now, who cares?" Buffy cocked her head, listening to the big
robot's footsteps. It headed there way. "Speaking of intelligence,
you're a Newcomer. Aren't you guys like, supposed to be stronger and
smarter than us mere humans?" Buffy had fought one of the Tenctonese
aliens once. Even though he was twice Francisco's size, the Slayer
barely had the edge in strength; but she was much faster and
certainly a much better fighter.
"What has that got to do with 'Eddie'?" Detective Buck Francisco
asked while reloading his pistol. Pretty useless against an ED-209,
but maybe he'd get lucky. He got lucky before when his slave ship
had landed on Earth way back in 1995. Otherwise, he'd would still be
some anonymous slave toiling away in the guts of some starship.
"Eddie" bellowed again. It was getting *close*.
"Figure out how we can beat that bucket of bolts!"
"Ahh..." Francisco's mind blanked. How would his father handle this?
He had come to Sunnydale to get out of George Francisco's shadow.
And on the first night, *this* happens.
"Never mind, times up," Buffy whispered, looking up. The ED-209
towered over the remains of the car, looking for a clear line of
sight to the two detectives.
"How about we run?" Buck suggested. "You break left, I go right."
Buffy nodded seriously. "Sounds like a plan. That way..." Eddie
bellowed. "That way Eddie only shoots one of us."
"Well since you put it that way..."
"On three," Buffy instructed, "One..."
Eddie bellowed again, then added, "You have three seconds! One!"
"...two..." Buffy went on, unperturbed. Her mind fully concentrated
on the task at hand...or feet in this case.
"Two!" the robot interjected.
"THREE!" the two detectives shouted simultaneously. On cue, they
sprinted in opposite directions.
"Targets aquired," the ED-209 said in monotone. Unfortunately, the
poor excuse for an AI that was the robot's brain discovered a new
problem. "Priority Target conflict." It's targets were moving in
opposite directions. Being near their start point, its torso
swiveled back and forth for precious seconds while it tried to
figure out who to shoot first. It made its decision. "Priority
Target: Tenctonese. Targeting." It's torso swiveled toward
Upon hearing this, Buffy braked to a halt. She couldn't let that
thing shoot her new partner! In one smooth motion, Buffy drew her
gun and fired. The bullet pinged off the robot's armor.
"Priority Target Update: Human, Armed," the robot said as it swung
its torso around to shoot at Buffy. At this point, she figured she
was going to be swiss cheese. Here she was, in the middle of the
street with no cover handy. Stupid, Summers, she berated herself,
Another bullet pinged off the robot. Francisco had stopped, too.
"Priority Target Update: Tenctonese, Armed," the robot said again,
turning back to Francisco. Buffy had an idea. Experimentally, she
bounced another bullet off of "Eddie". As the robot turned to aim
at Buffy, she hoped like hell that Francisco would catch on.
He did. He bounced another bullet off the robot. Then Buffy fired
again. Between them, they kept the ED-209s torso swinging to and fro
like a Wimbleton referee's head. They were into their second ammo
clip, when "Eddie" made a mistake. It loaded its rockets.
To launch a rocket, an ED-209 has to move one from an internal
storage bay to an external mount. This leaves the rocket very
exposed in the short time before launch.
As a Slayer, Buffy Summers was a master with just about any hand
weapon. Buck Francisco was a crack shot. The ED-209, for all its
design flaws, made a rather pretty explosion.
What remained staggered around like a drunk chicken before
collapsing to the street.
"Hey, Summers," Francisco called as they both walked up to "Eddie"'s
remains, "You okay?" He could hear sirens in the distance and shook
his head. Backup was even worse here than in Los Angeles.
"I'm fine, Francisco," Buffy said as she nudged a burnt section
of "Eddie"'s waist assmbly.
"Call me, Buck."
Buffy smiled. "Okay, but only if you call me Buffy." They were going
to be great partners. Now, how to introduce him to Sunnydale's
Buck's eyes widened in surprise. "Your first name is really Buffy?"
At Buffy's nod, she could just barely hear him mutter, "And I
thought the Immigration Service gave *us* bad names."