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An Angelic Surprise

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Summary: Once a one-shot, now a real story by popular demand. Watch as a new kind of Angel is born, much to the horror of The Metatron, the fear of the PTB's, the lust of Lucifer, and the amusement of God. With guest appearances from Jay and Silent Bob.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Multiple Crossings > Xander-Centered
Movies > Dogma
TheLaughingManFR1837,0941412322,27723 Feb 0926 Feb 09No

The News

AN: You guys asked and you guys received.


Disclaimer: I don't own BTVS, Angel, any Kevin Smith movie, Charmed, or any other fandom that you will find here. I'm not making any money off of this, this is purely for pleasure. This will be the only disclaimer in the story so read it now. Ye have been warned.



"Not that I'm not grateful, but why the fuck are we here and not burning in the lake of fire?" Bartleby asked impatiently as Loki nodded in agreement to his, what did Jay call it, oh yes, 'hetero life partner'. Then again, Bartleby couldn't say that they wouldn't be gay if they were human. Most would be surprised that Loki wasn't angry at Bartleby for his murder and betrayal. He had been, but when you're stuck in a waiting room for four years until the Metatron would meet them you talk about it. They had known each other since their creation and hadn't spent more than a few hours apart since then. Both were unwilling to give that up just because Bartleby went 'batshit crazy' as Loki put it. That's how deep their bond went, absolute trust didn't even begin to describe it. It was beyond friendship or soul mates. The were Bartleby and Loki, Loki and Bartleby, that's just how they had always been and always would be.

"As much as I would love to never see you two again while being comforted by the thought of you burning in Hell, She has a plan for you two along with," Here the Voice of God's face twisted into a grimace as if he had smelled something particularly bad, "a chance for redemption. Personally, I think we should just slam you two into the pit and be done with it, but She is fond of you and Her word is law."

"Why would God want us back into Heaven when we....when I tried to unmake existence?" Bartleby asked, raising an eyebrow in curiosity. He was honestly baffled. What he had done was far from forgivable when one considered what he'd done to earn his sentence in the first place.

"Do you want to go to Hell?" The Metatron snapped irritably, causing both to shake their heads rapidly. "Then shut up and let me speak for once." He sighed for a moment, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose in order to prepare for the headache that was sure to come of this. "You both know how She likes to experiment, right?" The two former Angels nodded. "Well, She did an experiment around twenty five years back concerning a new class of Angel that she called the Protectors. The Protector Choir's sole purpose would be to protect the Champions and important key figures, possibly even the Last Scion.

This kind of Angel would be unique for several reasons. One being that they would be born, not created as we were. A Protector would come from the essence two Angels while being carried and birthed by a human mother thus gaining certain human qualities. Free will, the ability to consume alcohol, and reproductive organs though they would be unable to have children. All the Angelic powers, including their wings, would be activated upon their twenty fifth birthday if they proved themselves worthy and willing to fight."

"Sounds like somebody is getting a good deal." Loki muttered dejectedly, before leaning forward eagerly as a spark of hope entered his eyes. "Any chance if I get redeemed that I can switch Choirs?"

"I'm afraid not, if there was then I would have requested a transfer already. Lucky little bastards." The Metatron muttered, obviously upset that he couldn't get a chance to drink tequila again. "The Protector Choir plays an essential part in the defeat of the Wolf, Ram, and Hart as well as many other battlefields in the ongoing war against evil. They will be the ones to put an end to the balance and bring about victory in many realities. Thus, the Protectors have enemies that don't want them to come into being. Including, regretfully, some on our own side."

"The Powers That Be and The Elders." Bartleby supplied, nodding in understanding. Loki scowled at the thought of the power hungry groups that he had begged Her to let him judge more times than he could count.

"Exactly." The Metatron nodded. "As long as the balance and treaties are needed they have power and dominion over their respective worlds, but neither they nor their agents can kill the Protectors unless they want to draw Her wrath. Sadly, the Powers That Be have the first and most powerful Protector in their world and they have been doing everything that they can to discourage him from finding something worth fighting for, but when the Slayer arrived in his hometown and he started to fight alongside her they started to get more desperate. They started drawing demons to him as much as they could, mostly the attractive ones as beautiful women have been a proven strategy and weakness in men, but he always survived, mostly due to Her protecting him. It was when the Slayer died that they hatched a plot to finally put an end to the threat.

The Slayer had a friend with enough magical power and arrogance to attempt to bring the Slayer back to life. The spell she used wouldn't have worked if the Powers hadn't fueled the spell. If the Slayer had been in Heaven it wouldn't have worked either, but the Powers have the right to detain a Champion's soul for eight months. The violation of one of the treaties allowed a true demon to appear on that world in intangible form. The plan was to split the group up using the PTSD that the Slayer had from being yanked out of the blissful state with no problems to being back surrounded by problems and the anger she would feel at her friends for doing it. Once divided, the demon would work on their minds until they wouldn't be able to defend themselves from it's minions, then it would try to destroy the world only the Powers would step in stating that the upset of the treaty had been destroyed and send the demon calling itself the First Evil back to Hell."

"It called itself the First Evil?" Loki asked incredulously, then he started snickering. "The Morning Star must have been so pissed off at him that it's not even funny."

"I have no doubt that she was." The Voice smirked, before he turned serious once more. "The plan didn't work. Not only did the group survive but they also activated every Potential Slayer in their world. This allowed the so-called First to escape Hell once more. It hid for a bit, gathering it's strength and now it has enough strength to become corporeal. This breaks the balance just enough to send in two Angels. Your job will be to destroy this demon and train young Alexander as by that time he will have reached his birthday by then. You two are perfect for the job and this is your only chance to get back into Heaven."

"What aren't you telling us?" Bartleby questioned suspiciously, not trusting the Metatron. The Voice sighed. It had been too much to hope for that he wouldn't have to explain this. He could hear Her giggling at his predicament.

"I told you that Protectors are made from the essence of two Angels, right?" The Voice of God asked/stalled, watching Bartleby and Loki nod in confirmation. "Well, as the first and most powerful Protector, Alexander couldn't come from just anyone. He would need empathy, intelligence, and the wisdom to know when to use them. He also needed power, loyalty, and a ruthlessness that you just don't find in the everyday Angel. Add in Her fondness of you two and, well, congratulations you're both daddies to a twenty five year old man."

With that said, The Metatron fled just as She restored Loki and Bartleby to their Angelic bodies. For a long moment Loki and Bartleby stared, completely dumbstruck by what they had just heard. Then, "WHAT!!!"




END OF CHAPTER




AN: The next chapter will be out tomorrow, but until then...REVIEW! Keep this monster growing.
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