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The Smart Way

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Summary: Started as a challenge on the Worst muggles to raise Harry, this follows what would have happened had Maxwell Smart gotten a hold of the little tyke. Follows the TV series with a slight modernizing.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Harry Potter > General > Alternate Universe
Cartoons > Inspector Gadget
Television > Get Smart
chrishillFR13521,96753112,5844 Mar 0928 Dec 09No

Chapter Two

As is normal, children grow, and they learn. For young Harry, this meant that he was getting a good education in things that are not normally thought to toddlers. For example, given that CONTROL had labs full of mad scientist, who invented things that no sane being would invent, it was inevitable that he would wander into a lab or two, and end up listening to scientist babble what should have been incomprehensible knowledge and equations at him to get him to sleep.

This came down to one skill that he had learned, especially since he didn't really get into trouble for it. Disappearing from where he was supposed to be. There were times that the Chief had to have agents try to find the tot in the building as he was scared what the child would do or get into and was sorely tempted to put a tracking chip under the boys skin.

This continued as Max and 99 were out on cases a lot.

Max and Sigfried met a lot more than normal, outside of work. For them, spying was a job and a career with private time was just that. You just didn't mix the two and those who did were considered lesser spies or...(Shudder)...Businessmen.

You see, Sigfried wanted children of his own, but never found that one special woman. Oh he met a lot of ladies, but none of them had that spark or the right amount of professionalism. 99 was rare that way, a modernist spy with a traditionalist background.

Of course, KAOS and CONTROL were the two most unusual spy agencies in the world.

Then again, they were both based out of Washington, D.C. officially speaking.

CONTROL, of course, was created by the American Government. Unfortunately, when the President first created the agency, it had been over drinks with an Admiral who was in the room with him. They had fun creating agency rules. The first rule was that all top secret documents and case files be destroyed as soon as possible for the security of the nation.

By morning, the two of them had come up with over two thousand rules in a hand written book which included such things as how the new agency would recruit people. Neither remembered doing this or the entry in a top secret file of the budget for the fledgling agency or the yearly budget increases. The Admiral, after he woke up the next day, took the joke of a manual as literal he recruited the first agents, as per the manual, and straight out of universities and schools, (Interns, you know), that he let them read the operations manual of CONTROL quickly before destroying it. This was in 1902 when the agency started as Harold Hargrade & Sons, Spies, before the Admiral officially joined the government in 1909.

KAOS had much the same start in 1904, as it was originally a company incorporated in Bucharest and became part of the Nazi organization afterwards. However, KAOS was never what you would call an organization that emphasized the Nazi's regime. It was really used as a dumping ground for dreamers who could not be killed, but were too incompetent for anything else. As both spy agencies grew, they seemed to follow the same rules, both for recruitment and for handling each other. The fact that KAOS shares were available to trade on the Washington Stock Exchange was to blame for this.

Within a few years after WW2, KAOS had hired most of the independent crazies while running several hundred legitimate business'. The take over the world thing was originally just hobbies of the various organization heads while they tried to wheedle money out of people and places and marketed devices and an industry magazine. It was Mr. Big who spun off the most profitable section of KAOS so that he could concentrate on ruling the world.

Still, this meant that the two agencies, while fighting each other and trying for assassinations of the opposites agents played by rules the other agencies didn't follow. They had unions for agents, and both agencies had bureaucrats everywhere. One of the strangest things was the sports teams, where CONTROL and KAOS would play against each other, just for the heck of it.

If it hadn't been for the fact that both these agencies were so old, the others would as soon forget about them. The CIA and NSA tried to do that constantly, even going so far as to ask congress to remove CONTROLs budget. However, with KAOS out there, it was deemed politically correct to keep this agency going. What was not mentioned was that it was now a dumping ground for the people who didn't fit the profiles of other agencies.

This meant that little Harry Smart was actually coddled by both sides. They even had competing savings funds for the boys schooling in the future. Since Max and Sigfried respected each other so much, and were friends in their own way, it could well be that KAOS and CONTROL would be the same agency one day.

Or at least led by the same person playing both sides.

With this in mind, Harry started to receive a lot of covert toys, such as toy guns, snappers, toy hand grenades, etc.

He was being raised to be a spy.

---

Just after his second birthday, 99 announced that she was pregnant. Again, there was a cessation of hostilities by the Vice-President of KAOS, and both agencies kept going by taking out the worst of the bad guys and doing research and development. Sigfried by this time was more of a family member than an actual enemy, and took his turn in babysitting the Smart children at times when his parents were away on missions. Of course, he did take them to the office. It took Harry to introduce him to his eventual wife, or at least the new one. His last wife tried to kill him after he took of his wedding ring to clean it.

“Unca Siggy! Unca Siggy! Come meet this nice woman!” Harry said as he ran up.

“Harry, I can't go so fast with Zachary and Anna,” Sigfried replied as he pushed the double carriage.

“But Unca Siggy, she's nice!” Harry said as he pulled at his uncles hand.

Sigfried smiled, “Yes, I'm sure of that.”

They came up to a young woman who was calmly eating lunch. Smirking slightly, Sigfried greeted her, “Hello, my nephew wants to introduce us.”

“He's a nice boy. So, what do you do for a living?” the woman smiled.

“I? I work in public relations.” Sigfried answered.

“Public relations? With what company?” said the woman, now intrigued.

“I'm Vice President of Public Relations for KAOS.”

At this, the woman's face lighted up. “Then I want to talk with you. My name is Katrina, and I'm head of lobbying for Microsoft.”

Sigfried's eyes lit up in recognition. “Microsoft? We've had a lot of people quit for your company. Oh, my name is Sigfried.”

“Yes, the benefits package alone makes people want to join.” Katrina replied.

“What would you like to talk about?”

“You joining us. We are an up and coming company.”

“Ah. But you are not in the same business we are!”

“Actually we are. Microsoft will one day rule many countries.”

“Now This I'm Interested In.” Sigfried replied.

It was a start of a beautiful relationship.

---

When Harry was four, he started to ask questions about what his parents and uncle Siggy really did for a living. Well, it was more that he was noticing that the friends he had in the neighborhood didn't get all of the neat stuff he did, and they were asking where to get all the James Bond stuff. For as long as he could remember, his parents claimed they worked in the greeting card industry, but they also did all sorts of part time jobs, some only lasting half a day. This was a mystery that he had to solve.

Unfortunately, his older cousin, Penny, refused to help him with it saying he was too young. She did give him that neat computer that looked like a book however.

Since his family wouldn't answer questions, he decided to ask the one person who would know. His uncle Chief. Uncle Chief would never say what tribe he was the Chief of, but he would get that answer one day.

He decided to ask some questions which had been bugging him first, “Uncle Chief, if this is a greeting card company, why do you have so many guns?”

The Chief coughed into his hand, “Well Harry, the greeting card business is very hard. Our main competitor is Hallmark, and they would do almost anything to get hold of the next seasons writings.”

“I can't see why you would need guns for that,” Harry replied, his face scrunched up in confusion.

“Son,” the Chief said, “There are some business' that are worse than the Mafia. The greeting card business is one of them.”

“So my parents really do work as greeting card people?” Harry said disappointed.

The Chief smiled, having dodged the questions for the time being. “That's right. Why were you asking anyway?”

Harry shrugged, “Well, CONTROL has more equipment than MI6, and a lot more neat gadgets, so I was thinking they were spies. Do you think I could get a shoe phone and a multi purpose briefcase like my dad?”

The Chief started to rub his head. Trust a Smart to be both clueless and right on the money. It looked like they would have to start training Harry in how to keep secrets.

---

By the time Harry started school, he had amassed a collection of gadgets from all over, thanks to his family and their friends. Special watches, shoes, backpacks with some interesting linings, and his favorite toy, the computer book which was filled with games and other goodies which had not been wiped from the hard drive.

For the magical side, he had already received a wand, the purpose of which was to keep Harry's magic from acting like his fathers. It was hoped that this would keep the young boys abilities in check, or at least prevent the usual blunders. A large part of the reason were the observations that Mr. Shepard had been making since the child had been left with the Smarts:

---

A two year old Harry was wandering around without a keeper. Again. No matter how many precautions they took, Harry always found a way to escape the crib, and escape a sealed room. Currently, he was headed towards an interesting door. Walking in, he watched as a man was playing around with those things with juice like mommy always had. He was fascinated as the juice kept changing colours as more was added.

A few minutes later, the man left and harry decided to see all the pretty colours. After a few minutes of doing this, Harry got bored and left the room to find something else to do. Dr. Carlson came back in and continued to mix his ingredients carefully. One wrong addition at the wrong time, and a stable plastic became an unstable bomb.

Needless to say, the lab explosion was spectacular, but didn't do much more than cover Dr. Carlson with soot.

---

Larabee had not been able to get out of it.

His mission of the day was the one which all of CONTROL tried to avoid.

He was babysitting the Smart kids.

Now, you have to remember that children were curious. They crawled about, got into things they shouldn't, and did things no sane adult would attempt. Harry somehow had this multiplied.

When the Chief arrived at the Smart apartment later on as Max and 99 would be out for at least another day, he came upon his third best agent tied up, in a net, and covered with pie and cake. There also happened to be an enemy agent, not one with KAOS, who was trapped on the wall with all sorts of knives and forks. All Larabee would admit to was waking up like that.

No way would he admit that following Harry into the kitchen was the cause of this, especially when Harry pulled the silverware drawer a little too hard.

---

Harry had gone into a toy store when he was four and was trying to find a Mr. Action figure. He had seen one on the back of one of his fathers old comics and thought he would be perfect as Mr. Action was all super heroes rolled into one. Unfortunately, he couldn't find the toy anywhere. Due to his frustration, his magic reacted and unknown to him, a set of super hero figures got to work trying to find the 'missing' Mr. Action.

The 'Super heroes' went into the back room through a vent and thinking that the 'Giant' was the cause of their 'friend being missing' they attacked. Somehow, they toys managed to push off a rather heavy package above the man, and when it fell, it knocked him out. The store manager called the police about one of his employees being attacked by unknown persons a half hour later, having noticed the man tied up with packing twine. He had been taken to hospital where among his effects was found top secret plans.

The toy heroes had taken off to find if Mr. Action was hidden anywhere in this world of giants leading to stories by children of the helpful super elves.

Harry never did get the Mr. Action toy.

---

And these were only a few of the incidents that had occurred over the years.

And, to add to that, Harry Smart was the first agent to be added to the Children's division of CONTROL. To that end, they were teaching him to read, write, do coding, use various toy weapons, etc. It was a lot to put onto the shoulders of a barely five year old, but the consequences of Harry blabbing out everything were worse. Being the child of CONTROLS two top agents, the trainers were expecting big things, so Harry's head was usually overfull trying to remember everything everyone was telling him with telling them what he knew.

This ended up creating a sort of absent-minded child that wandered around the place while trying to remember what he was supposed to remember and not what he was supposed to remember, as he put it. Everything that he was learning was, most of the time, very over his head, yet he wanted his parents to be proud of him, so he tried to memorize everything he was told and read three or four different instruction manuals at once. Unfortunately, being as young as he was, everything was jumbled together in his young mind in a sort of incoherent blob of information.

The various trainers, being used to adults, took this absent-minded distracted look as being young Smart was just as brilliant and wise as his parents.

A perfect example of why child educators were vastly different than adult ones.

---

By the time Harry was eight, he had settled into a sort of routine.

He'd wake up in the morning, check on his younger siblings, check his PADD for his day's agenda, and get going.

If he was going to school that day, all he would do is grab backpack four, put on his dress shoes as he, unlike other kids, preferred that his phone was available to him. He put on his watch, which had a laser blaster built in, and took his computer book with him, got the lunches ready as he liked to make his own sandwiches, and made sure everyone got onto the bus.

Embarrassingly he overlooked that a regular cell phone would be less likely to call attention, especially when it went off and that a normal looking laptop, much less one that was in what looked like a book, would be something that would stand out. Most of the kids he went to school with just went with the flow as young Mr. Smart was somewhat clumsy and they figured that his parents got these things so that they wouldn't break. Clumsiness made a great excuse as to why he was away from school quite a bit.

The teachers, on the other hand, had a bit of a headache with him.

Oh, Mr. Smart was able to answer all his tests, although some of the answers were out there. The fact that some of the answers were, while not completely wrong, challenged the views of their reality was one of the reasons that they believed that he was either a young eccentric genius, or a complete waste of space, depending on which one you asked.

When Mr. Smarts shoe rang, teachers tended to wince, as he asked to leave or just went to a corner and took his shoe off to answer it. Not only did it distract the class, with other kids wanting a phone like that, it was painfully obvious that Harry's parents indulged his fantasy's a little to much. James Bond was a film, after all, and no government agent would actually use such a thing to communicate with someone else. Still they had learned their lesson and had not bothered him about it after one particular incident. One of the teachers had actually had enough and bought him a new set of shoes, so that they could switch them when gym class came around, but that particular woman had to also spend a day in the hospital after she was shocked. It turned out that the shoes had a taser built into them and people wondered how Harry was not shocked every time he put them on.

As to fights in school, Mr. Smart never started them, which was a relief, but when a bully tried to do something to him, or when he noticed one doing something to one of the others, well that was when things went wrong. Harry's idea of confrontation was to try and talk with the individual in question and try to get them to stop doing 'evil things'. Then he would get distracted , or he would notice a coin or something on the ground or elsewhere and the bully would end up hurt due to missing Harry when they tried to attack. In one particularly memorable fight, Mr. Smart had gone down to tie his shoe as the bully punched at his head, only to hit the stone wall behind Harry. He stood up as the bully failed to kick his face and fell over, and then the bully rolled onto the street just as a school bus was passing by.

The bus travelled over the boy without injuring him, but it did have half the school, and several teachers, screaming.

Needless to say, that bully didn't try anything ever again as he was too scared. Harry's only comment, which drove the teachers crazy was to hold up his fingers an inch apart and say, “Missed him by that much.”

The principal, kept having headaches with the young man. There was nothing that Harry actually did that was wrong, or that was against the rules or anything else, other than missing a few days of school here or there. In fact, most of the time Harry was the poster boy for a hard working student of his age. Still, all the questions that Harry answered when asked about incidents was often frustrating and was driving the man to drink heavily, making him tempted to remove him from the school for the sake of his liver. He couldn't do that, however, as his mother not only brought in a note asking him not to do so, but he received a federal government order preventing it.

That, and the donations of computer equipment were dependent on Harry remaining in the school.

It had to be Mrs. Smart that had the connections since her husband Max took after Harry, and anyone like that would drive anyone in power mad after a few days.

---

Then came Harry's ninth birthday.

Max sat beside Harry as he placed a package on the table. "Son, it's your ninth birthday, and as I promised, I'm going to teach you about guns. In the spy business, it's not the most essential tool. . . ."

"The ability to blend in, no matter what, is the second most important skill a spy has. The first is to think on your feet," Harry recited, as he opened the box his father had put on the table and pulled out the gun closest to him. He disassembled it and put it back together as his father was talking about gun safety.

"The first thing to do is make sure your gun is in working order," Max said when he noticed his son was finishing his third gun, a sniper rifle. Harry was peering through the scope.

"Er, right," Max said, trying to find his rhythm again.

"When are we going to the rifle range?" Harry asked, excitedly. Uncle Siggy had made him promise not to show his father his Marksmen medals. But that wouldn't matter if he could show him.

He vaguely wondered what his father would let him blow up once he was eleven. Uncle Siggy and him had destroyed a car, boat, and a house. He really looked forward to sharing that with his father.

“Harry,” Max said, suspicion in his tone, “When did you learn how to put weapons together like that?”

Harry shrugged, “We have the military manuals in the library. I read the ones with the Xanth series on the cover.”

Max nodded to himself. He had though he had put those away, but apparently not, which meant that Zach and Anna would also have read them. “What else have you been reading?”

“Well, the bomb defusing book, with the cover of a National Geographic atlas as well as the entire shelf with the Winnie the Poo series on it.” Harry replied as he double checked the clip for the three way pistol.

Max thought about that for a second. “So you read up on pen and cell phone guns as well then.”

“That and how to use a shoe gun.”

---

Meanwhile, things in England had changed quite a bit.

Pilgrimages from far and wide were common to New Camelot, as Little Whinging was now known, and to the front of the house where the boy king had been left. Millions of people felt that a new age was about to begin, and they wanted to be on the good side of a legend. Companies saw this as opportunity, both for now and the future and came up with the perfect good will gesture. A gesture that could well put them on the ground floor of a movement which could take over the world.

While Privet drive was still there, most of the land in the neighborhood had been bought out and behind the Smart house was a path leading to a large castle, which was still being built. Part tourist attraction, part gift, it had the backing of several companies that were waiting for the boy king to reappear. More than a billion pounds had already been spent on getting the land and then building and equipping the castle with all sorts of devices that the once and future king might need.

As far as anyone knew, the boy was currently in hiding to protect his life, but he would be back someday. And when they were, the companies planned to be there as advisers to a boy that would have followers from all over the world. And if they could talk with Merlin as well, that would be a bonus for all sorts of magical devices to be released to the public. At a price, of course.

In the Magical sections of the country, the furor hadn't died down either, as people learned about the castle being built. Going out there and seeing both knights in armour training and jousting competitions that they had only heard about previously with modern equipment being used to build the castle and the amazing viewing screens they had certainly changed how they perceived muggles. That all of this was being done for a boy that their world had basically abandoned shamed them, and even the purebloods that had followed Voldemort were trying to make amends so that they could disassociate themselves with their past actions. This had them start their own castle project. A truly fitting home for the Boy-Who-Lived and his family when they came back from wherever they were hiding.

The Goblins seeing a good thing, as well as numerous magical races, were the main force behind this project. By backing this and ensuring that the control of the castle was under a group, they were able to force many political changes which eased a lot of tension. The Wizengamot, of course, was populated by humans, but no longer were they looked at as the seat of power in Magical Britain. With so many races being involved, humans were numbered as a large minority, and they now had to deal with the Council of Races in order to do much of anything in terms of the magical world.

For those not involved in the castle project, they took themselves off to New Camelot to ensure that magical protections of all types were there, as well as putting in several magical conveniences that would be overlooked by the non-magicals. A new age of imagination had begun to take hold of the human magicals, and the common people who had never been listened to wanted to ensure that there voice was heard. Many of the disaffected magicals who didn't really have a place, such as most muggle born and half bloods, had started their own company and were contributing a lot of man-power and resources to the New Camelot effort. It also led to several new ideas in combining muggle equipment and magic, but that was a headache that the Wizengamot was trying to ignore.

Not to be outdone, Minister Fudge had to get into it, and he almost buggered it up completely with his listening to Dolores Umbridge. Thankfully, Madam Bones was in charge of the Aurors, and so was in charge of making sure that magical happenings stayed hidden as long as possible. She didn't have any illusions that as soon as Mr. Potter came back from wherever he was, Magic would be out in the open within a few years of his majority, so was working, privately, with some people from the Prime Minister's office to help ease the transition of the magicals back into the world.

With the help of the Prime Minister and his trusted advisers, Aurors had managed to get on site by making a company that consisted of 'anachronisms' and that they were willing to be 'local colour' while providing some security. Their main job was to make sure that 'magical' additions were kept hidden for as long as possible and to take the measure of the public so as to know how people viewed magic and wizards. To their surprise, the muggles wanted closer ties to the magical world and were hoping that the Once-And-Future-King would do so.

Harry Potter, it seemed, was a prophesied child to them.

---

Finally, it came time to go to Hogwarts.

99 took in the mail, as was normal and then seeing an envelope, called, “Harry, there's a letter for you.”

Coming down the stair, Harry looked up and smiled, “Who sent it?”

“A magic school in Britain. We're going to have to go back there for a while.” 99 replied as she opened up the letter.

Harry's eyes lit up, “Does that mean that I can get all of those things from CONTROL's new section?”

99 paused for a moment thinking of some of the damage her children already did with magic and what they could do with those items. Was it really worth the effort of protecting Harry with them rather than get him the normal school equipment? Would his safety mean more than the safety of the rest of the world?

That was a 'no brainer'. They would have to get to CONTROL and outfit all of the children at once. In no way was she allowing them to go into any situation without the proper equipment. And it would mean that Sigfried would have to be told so that he could hold off anything that was occurring in that region. “Of course Harry. Get your coat and we'll go meet your father.”

Unknown to her, several others were also informed of Harry receiving the letter.

---

“Penny, could you come to my office for a moment,” the Director of WOMP said into the phone.

“Of course, Director. I'll be right there.” Penny Gadget replied.

Hanging up the phone, he looked at Chief Quimby. “You and the Gadgets will be reassigned to Britain for a while.”

Quimby frowned, “What is going on in Britain?”

The Director looked at the man, waiting to see his reaction. “It seems that Penny's cousin, Harry Smart, has received a letter from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He's going to be a student there.”

Quimby swallowed the smoke from his pipe into his lungs and had a coughing fit. “Are you mad?! This has to be a MAD plot! Gadget is bad enough, but letting anyone in his family have control of magical equipment! You want to ensure we die!”

The Director smirked. Quimby's reaction was all he was hoping for. “Well, Inspector Gadget has been needing a refit of his equipment for a while now. This will just make it easier to do without his protests. As for magic, well Penny has been having a few lessons from a US branch agency, it's time she put them to use.”

Quimby held his head in his hands and groaned.

---

“Shtarker, I have an assignment for you!” Sigfried said.

“Ya, what is it Sigfried?”

“I need you to go to England and get a house ready. My family will be moving there for a while, and I need to make sure certain people do not harm them or my extended family.” Sigfried ordered.

“But doesn't your wife need to be here to help control the government?” Shtarker whined as he really wanted that new experimental computer that Lady Katrina was going to get him.

“Shtarker, This is KAOS! We don't Whine Here!”

---

Harry arrived at CONTROL and went to the Magic Reconnaissance and Research section, where they were waiting for him. After years of his father's bumbling, and knowing how Harry took after him, they were not taking any chances of an 'accident' happening. In all of CONTROL, they were the ONLY ones who believed that the Smarts were brilliant at hiding their capabilities.

“Ah, Harry. Welcome. We have all of your equipment here in this trunk,” said Professor Messinger.

“So, what do you have for me?” Harry said as he walked over.

“Well, the trunk seems to be a standard one area trunk, but if you notice, there are several decorations around it.” The professor said as he pointed them out. “The main section contains your normal school books and potions equipment. If you press the 'S' in your name, you get your wardrobe, the 'M' will get you your standard weapons kit, and the 'A' will get you your magical kit. The 'R' is a training and practice room and the 'T' is a library filled with every magical book we could get our hands on and copy.”

The professor then pointed to the left upper corner, “If you press this, you will get the potions lab, and if you press the other side, you have an apartment.”

“Just one question.” Harry said as he put his hand on the trunk and tried to lift the lid, “How do I open it?”

The professor opened his mouth then closed it. “I knew we forgot something. Well, we'll fix that later. Now, for your standard equipment that you will carry with you, give me your shoes.”

Harry quickly handed them over, “What's going to replace my shoe phone?”

The professor smiled as he handed the boy a new pair of shoes, “We managed to make a new shoe phone that will work in magical environments, and your other shoe is a shoe flue. It will enable you to talk with others in the magical world and allow you to transport small items. Flue powder is hidden in the heel.”

He then handed over a pack of toothpicks. “These are mini-wands. Each wand is good for many spells, but too much power through them will cause them to crack and burn. We haven't been able to solve that problem as of yet. There will be replacement packs in your magical kit, and they are untraceable through most methods used to find magic.”

He was then given a belt. “This belt is designed off of the spells used by brooms that are common in Britain, and will allow you to fly. It also has anti interference charms so that you will not be affected by most spells that could crash a regular broom.”

“Finally, we have this,” the Professor said as he opened up a rather large package, “A replacement for your computer book that will work in magical environments. We managed to get it from WOMP when we requested it, and it has all the standard communication protocols. Unfortunately, we haven't been able to develop a credit card computer which will stand the EMP's around Hogwarts as of yet.”

“Any other equipment we'll get to you as we develop it or as is needed.”

“I think those are great gadgets.” Max said as he came into the room. “Can I have some of them?”

99 responded quickly, “Actually, can we get copies for the entire family.”

The professor nodded, “Of course. Anything for your family.”

Max turned to Harry, “You know what is going on over there, and what could happen to you. You will face enemies, people trying to kill you, fans, and other nefarious dangers. Do you think you're ready?”

Harry nodded, “As always dad.”

“Good! Well, it seems that the Smarts are ready to go back to Britain!” Max said with a smile.
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