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The Smart Way

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Summary: Started as a challenge on the Worst muggles to raise Harry, this follows what would have happened had Maxwell Smart gotten a hold of the little tyke. Follows the TV series with a slight modernizing.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Harry Potter > General > Alternate Universe
Cartoons > Inspector Gadget
Television > Get Smart
chrishillFR13521,96753112,4904 Mar 0928 Dec 09No

Chapter One

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters used in or associated by Harry Potter, Get Smart, or Inspector Gadget. This story is done without malice and without profit from it. It is simply for the enjoyment of the readers.

Things on Privet Drive were not going well.

This was because the people who lived in this area of Little Whinging were, for the most part, unrepentant snoopers who did everything they could to try and one up one another. Prudes for the most part, they couldn't stand anyone sticking up and tried with community derision to pound that person back down. After all, their glorious community depended on things being hidden away from others as to not fash themselves.

Too bad the residents of Number Four Privet Drive didn't hear, or care, about this.

People put it off to them being Americans, and cursed the day the Dursleys moved out.

The carefully catered oppressive feeling of the whole neighbourhood was being undone, especially with some of the accidents that the husband got into, or did in his yard. And the friends the guy had were not normal either. They came and went at all hours of the day or night, not even paying attention to the snuffs or put downs that the neighbours gave. This was simply not done in a residential neighbourhood of their standing!

If Vernon Dursley ever came back, they would have words with him!

Alas, that was hardly likely.

This was because of the actions of one man, who, when told that he would have an all expense paid vacation in the US for the next six months, if he agreed to rent out his house for that time, leaped at the chance, with the possibility of buying the house in the future at three times market value at a later date. To his mind, the two Americans, whose parents were obviously paying for all of this, could have the place. They were obviously rich ne'er do wells, probably never having to work a real job in their lives.

So it was a sunny September first that Mr. and Mrs. Smart took possession of 4 Privet Drive.

Which, of course, led up to the happenings of November first of that year.

An old man in a strange bathrobe was walking down into Privet Drive. Unknown to him, and a cat sitting on the fence, the entire neighbourhood had new ways on spying on others. This included close circuit television cameras.

Of course, they don't work so well when all the lights were removed one by one leaving darkness, but that was well caught on camera. From many different angles. This would become a problem in the next week, but not that particular night.

However, there was still enough light for the cameras to catch what happened, if not who.

While no conversation could be heard, many things were caught, including a cat which turned into a woman with a tall pointed hat and a motorcycle which flew down from the sky with a giant on it. There had been a short discussion between them and they left a basket on the doorstep of Number Four, home to Mr. and Mrs. Smart. This one small fact would have rumours circulate, and a new underground rumour surface.

But that was for another day.

When the lights returned, all that was left was a basket on the stoop of Number four Privet Drive.

---

The door to Number 4 Privet Drive opened and a short, thin man in pajama's and a robe stepped out to look for his paper. Unfortunately, someone had left a basket and a toddler on the doorstep, with the result that he ended up in a heap on the front walk. The toddler gave his appreciation of the show with a laugh.

A pretty lady with long black hair appeared in the doorway at the noise.

"Oh, Max! Look! A baby."

"I can see it's a baby, 99. What I want to know, is why is it on my doorstep where the paperboy can't seem to get the newspaper."

99, meanwhile, had picked up the child and was reading the attached note.

"Oh, the poor thing! His name is Harry and he's an orphan!"

"We'll have to call the authorities, you know," her husband said, pulling off his slipper and dialing the local police, as he walked into the house. Unfortunately, the basket was still in the way and the spy ended up tripping back into the house.

"If they can't find any relatives, can we adopt him?" 99 asked, ignoring his "ooofff!" as he hit the floor again.

Sighing at her husbands usual self, she picked up the basket and headed inside. That was when she noticed the letter and read it. This child turned out to be the son of two heroes in her opinion and she knew that the villains would be after him. "Max, forget the police. Call the Chief, we need to leave today."

"99?"

"Max, we're adopting him." 99 said, the decision made without her husband. "Harry needs to be protected, and the only way we can do it is if we train him. The only way to do that is to have the Chief on board with this."

Maxwell Smart, Agent 86 of CONTROL sighed to himself. It seemed a short honeymoon would have to do. "What about the house?"

"We're keeping it, but under cover names. We'll need a place for when we come back." 99 said from upstairs where she was already packing.

"99?"

"Read the letter on the table, Max. It will explain, and it will also explain why we need the Chief."

Max shrugged and read the letter, then a fire came into his eyes. No child should have this happen to them, and if adopting Harry and training him was required, then he would do so. Maybe he would follow his footsteps into CONTROL, or better yet, become CONTROLs youngest agent.

- - -

Within a couple of hours, the two had packed up, received instructions for airline tickets, had their local contact with MI5 whip up a passport and new identity for little Harry Smart, and were in the air. The photocopies of the notes that were left with little Harry causing a stir with MI5 and the Ministry of Defense in Britain who had been unaware of this private war. A war which, when confirmed, now had people watching certain places and areas as well as devoting a good amount of satellite time.

In America, where the security agencies had a little more contact with the Wizarding World, since there were many, outside of the ladies who attended the Salem Institute, who had integrated well with the rest of the population, many people had started investigating. First, no one was going to question the motives of Albus Dumbledore, who had apparently found Harry's relatives, and given that they were CONTROL agents, would well be able to keep little Harry safe. It was when they came to Maxwell Smarts family tree where things went, as was normal for his family, wonky.

It seemed that Max had been descended from a family of magic users, although, for some strange reason, none of his family members ever attended the schools when asked. It seemed that the letters were received, but never acted on. Then there were the living family members.

For some reason, every female relative was smart, well co-ordinated, never had accidents, and were able to solve crimes and cases. Another oddity turned up that was even more odd. Every male member of the family since moving to America was also smart, but bumbling, seemingly idiotic, lucky, and most amazingly, solved crimes and cases without realizing it.

Max's cousin, code named Inspector Gadget was a prime example of this as was Max himself.

It was for this reason that the American Government agents who were also Magicals easily believed a baby that was a little over a year old could have had a hand in defeating Voldemort as their cousins across the pond were saying.

Needless to say, Max was going to be tested for magical abilities as soon as he got back to Washington.

---

On November 2nd, the entire world, and especially Britain and the scandal sheets were talking about the possible return of Merlin and that the Pendragon had been reborn.

You see, all of those silly tapes that wizards didn't know about from Privet Drive had been sold quickly to the news agency's and tabloids, especially with the disappearance of Mr. and Mrs. Maxwell Stanton. Within hours, pilgrimages were taking place to the area, and enterprising individuals had all sorts of souvenirs ready. One enterprising resident at Number 8 had even gone so far as to print t-shirts with Albus' face clearly visible.

On November 3rd, Albus was called to the carpet in the Wizengamot, both for leaving a baby there, as well as suddenly letting the world know that magic existed. The Grand Mugwump of the International Confederation of Wizards had broken the Statute of Secrecy in a way that would be impossible to deny. With this, and the fact that it was Harry Potter that was left on a doorstep all night, and the fact that the wizarding world was now watching events in Britain, Sirius Black actually got a trial and was proved innocent. All over the wizarding world people were now casting spells first at rats least they be the latest victim of Peter Petigrew.

Albus barely escaped prosecution himself and almost lost all of his vaunted titles. In the end it was decided that Harry was now with family and since they were in hiding, taking any possible threat against the boy seriously. The headlines also had the effect of preventing the Lestranges from visiting the Longbottom family.

Albus was tasked with taking better care of any children under his care. This meant several things, such as updating the Hogwarts curriculum to include things such as a better idea of muggle technology and a careful canvasing of the teachers at Hogwarts.

It also meant that Severus Snape had to be nice and unbiased to people in Hogwarts, much to his disgust.

---

"You have one of the most powerful wizards on your staff that I have ever seen," said the new Wizarding liaison to the Chief.

"What do you mean?" the man behind the desk asked.

"Well, I know that Agent 86 was not told about his being tested for magic, so we left him in a room with a wand. After ten minutes or so, he took it up and looked as though he was conducting an orchestra while humming to himself." Conrad Shepard said as he shook his head, "Instead of the standard list of tasks being completed in that room, he completed them in another room. This was before we even got to doing any practicals, as someone was still looking for a written exam for him to write."

"How much damage was done to your building," the Chief asked, resigned to having another bit of his budget blown on a 'Smart' situation.

"None."

The chief was open mouthed and blinked, "Are you sure you're talking about Maxwell Smart, Agent 86?"

"Yes."

"And there was no damage, at all?"

"Well, there was damage."

The Chief nodded for the man to continue. At least there was something to say that Max was in the vicinity. Now it was a question of how much repairing everything would cost.

"The damage was minimal and easily repaired, but it was when we tested him afterwards that it occurred."

"What do you mean?"

Conrad rubbed his chin for a moment, "As you know, the family profile shows all the Smart males to be bumblers, smart, but at the same time idiotic and prone to damaging themselves in some way while solving things with accidents. The question I have for you is if it is an act."

The Chief snorted loudly at that, "No. I've known him a long time, and Max has always been like that. It isn't an act, it's how he lives. Sometimes I really wonder how he, and I, survive given that he's my best agent."

Conrad coughed, "Well, I'm not sure. It may be a learned behaviour."

A pair of eyebrows shot up suddenly, "With Max?"

"...Ah yes." Conrad stumbled into the words, "You see, when we tested him in person, he wasn't able to do a single spell right. When he was observed in person, everything went wrong, almost purposefully wrong. When we observed him from a control room, everything went perfectly. He has the fasted reaction time to constant spell usage I have ever seen. When he was asked to relax as he would be taken to the firing range next, we left him, and he played with the wand again."

Now the Larson's eyes shaded in a bit of awe in remembrance, "Every spell we were going to test him with on the range was demonstrated while he 'conducted' again, this time on the range. Perfect bull eyes. He cast spells that normally cannot be cast unless directly from the wand to target without being in the target room at all, and with all the walls in the way. It was impossible, yet he did it. Yet when we were with him, he wasn't able to do anything but cause spell misfires. The man is an absolute genius with an array of spells that we will be researching for years, possibly centuries."

The Chief laid his head in his hands. He did it again. Somehow Max's luck had made him a hero to another group of people.

Then again, given how Max was, luck was probably his greatest skill.

---

"Sigfried, how did you find me here?" Max said to his old enemy after answering the door.

"Ah Schmart! Your address in in the phone book! I just wanted to congratulate you on having a son!" Sigfried said as he presented a gift basket with bottles of Campaign and some cigars.

"You will not go after him," Max hissed.

"Of course not!" Sigfried replied, offended. "You know, if you had let me know about 99's pregnancy, I would have ceased hostilities. As it is, hostilities between us are over for the next year to two years. You need to get used to being a father!"

Max grunted, but let Sigfried in. His enemy was his enemy, but one with a code of honour and his own way of conduct. He could be trusted for a little while. "So why tell me this now?"

"Schmart, relax! You're a father, and our jobs shouldn't get in the way of the celebration of a new life."

Max took the gift basket and gave a cigar to Sigfried while gesturing towards the back door, "99 doesn't want me to smoke inside with Harry around."

Sigfried smirked, "I would be honoured if you would consider me his uncle. We may be employed on opposite sides, but can be civilized for the boys sake."

Max shrugged, it would be the best he could get out of him, "Fine. But no guns until he's nine, and no explosives until he's eleven. If you can time your vacations, we could get together so that he could see his uncle."

Sigfried smiled at that. A little boy to teach the intricacies of the spy business, and how to plant explosives. It would be wonderful.

The two men ended up drinking for a couple of hours before Sigfried had to head back to the office.

The Smart homes were now untouchable by KAOS.

---

Within the week, young Harry was introduced to the people at CONTROL, and the Chief had to get improved ulcer medicines, which Conrad was glad to provide for the chance to actually observe the Smarts.

You see, Harry was just having some fun in the Chief's office, and had somehow crawled into the Chiefs chair while he was in the washroom.

He also found the button to the Cone of Secrecy.

It had trapped Harry on the chair, and he wasn't happy.

So he started to cry.

As per the usual incidents with the Cone, instead of the ideal passing of information, the cry came out amplified.

It also caused several alarms to go off in the building.

And was transmitted on every frequency.

In a way, it was pure luck. Control had a chance to fix the error before the next time it was used, and it prevented what would have been the biggest security breach in CONTROL's history. It also gave Conrad the shivers.

It seemed that Harry Smart was just as accident prone as his other male family members.

This would definitely bear watching.
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