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Enter the Merc

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This story is No. 3 in the series "Chronicles of a Freak". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: Almost a year has passed since Halloween, and since I've gotten my lazy butt to write something.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Marvel Universe > DeadpoolEarthDragonFR1844,98121612,10210 Mar 0916 May 10No


Disclaimer: You know how this goes I'm a broke bum who doesn't own squat Buffy Marvel or even DC but what I do own is what my mind thinks of while I....insert funny thought.

AN: Hey everybody it's your favorite creepy uncle here saying that the muse I used to have is back for some reason, and I'm gonna milk for as long as I can. Here we go.


It's been nearly a year since that day. The day I found out I had cancer.

Ever since that time, I've spent most my time reflecting on my life and how unfair it's been and how I would only think this if I were some kind teenage drama queen....BWAHAHA

Oh jeez it's been a while since I had a laugh like that. You really think me, Xander Harris, would be the new brooding wonder? Well think again. I may have gotten cancer on the day following Halloween, but I got something as equally life changing. What is it you may ask? Is it super powers? No. Is it a new costume? No, but those things and more may come to me in time. We just have to wait till the guy with the keyboard thinks of what's gonna happen next. What I got, though, was the sense of humor that belongs to a certain schizophrenic trigger happy merc with a mouth the one the only, Deadpool.

Not getting it so far eh? Well you should read the first part of the series then. That's right I'm Xander Harris and I break the fourth wall, at least in my conversations with you folks.

"Hey little butt monkey, quit stalling the recap page and get on with the story already!"

"Deadpool, what did I say about invading my mind while I talk to the imaginary people?" What is that behind his back?

"Remember to bring Twinkees, which I did. CATCH!"

"OOOF," Sheepzooka that shoots twinkies should have guessed it.

"Hey folks, everybody's favorite walking scab factory here. Let ol 'Pool here get you all caught up in the happening of a certain place where people stop being polite and start getting real. That's right Sunnydale the land where god lost his or her jelly beans."

"That hurt. Wait why did that hurt? We're in my head."

"Shut up and let me get on with it."


"Good, so where was I?"

"After Halloween and the cancer thing."

"Right right. Since the whole Halloween thing was pretty early in the season.."

"Whoa, hold up there buddy,"

"What is it now cancer boy?"

"Hey! You have cancer too. Besides that, you just can't say stuff like season. It'll ruin the story for the people who haven't watched the show."

"People who haven't watched the show? How dumb are you kid? This is a fanfiction, only the folks who've watched the show would take the time to read this thing. Now shut up and let me do the talking."


"Finally, now as I was saying. Since Halloween was early in the season a lot of things turned out the same. There was the mess with Buffy's old friend Billy. The thing with Eyghon. The kid over there getting some action from that brunette. Some thing with an order of some rank amateurs who called themselves assassins. Yadda yadda blah blah."

"Don't forget to mention the part where your list came in to play."

"That's right. The list is something I etched into the kid as I was vacating his twinkee filled noggin. You people out there may think "hey wait a gosh darn minute Deadpool, you don't have psychic powers," which I happily reply "I'm Deadpool baby, I make shit go boom."

"How does that even relate to what you just said?"

"Shut up, it sounded cool. Back to the point, one of the main things on the list was "STOP BEING A TOTAL WIMP!" which he has improved on by the training regimen that's he will probably going to be doing until he can't move no more, but hey he's still no me."

"You say that like it's a bad thing."

"Do you really wanna get hit with the Sheepzookah again?"

"Shutting up now."

"That's what I thought. Actually that's pretty much it. The kids got some skill with guns I'll give him that much."

"Don't forget about the other feebs."

"Pssh they're not even worth my time."

"Come on, it's been awhile since we've been on and I want to keep going."

"Alright alright. You all know about the whole costume off of the defect rack right? And how that Ethan guy left that statue over there and that being the whole why the kid got some of the things that makes me me inside of him, right? Well some other cheap losers decided to grab some costumes from it too."

"What really sucks, is that almost all the people who dressed up as villains they kept everything about that villain. Just the other day I saw on the news this thing about a bank robbery, and get this the robber got away by turning into sand. Three guesses on which spidey loser that was."

"Not just Marvel losers, but those DC mooks too. Just the other day I saw a guy in a purple and green suit laughing it up while he threw a fish at some old lady...Ok that was a pretty funny thing to see."

"Only you would think that was funny. I thought it was horrible...Until the cats started to maul the lady now that was funny."

"Thats enough of that. Now we're done." And like that he was gone.

This is the end of the recap page hope you enjoyed. You know what I think tomorrows Buffy's birthday I wonder what I'll get her.


For all of you insomniacs out there I say to thee ROCK ON!!!!
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