Chapter Twenty-Eight: Boy Bad
A/N: Here's the newest update involving "Beer Bad" with a few tweaks. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks to all you wonderful readers!
Dean swept into the Admissions office and drew a smile at the girl behind the reception desk. His mind suddenly drew a blank. Crap, what was her name? Sadie? Sherry? Cindy? Cindy, that sounded right.
“Cindy, how are you?”
“Sandy,” she corrected.
Dean leaned against her desk, “I knew that. Listen, since you were so helpful last time, I was hoping you could pull another file for me.”
Sandy frowned, “I thought you said you only had one student to interview for your case.”
“There’s been a new development and I need to look into it. What do you say? Can you help me out? I’d really appreciate it?”
He winked at her and noticed her hesitation fade away. She spied a look around the office before pulling up to her computer.
“Okay, who are you looking for?”
“Uh, the kid’s name is Parker. Parker Abrams.”
Sandy paused before typing, “Is he in trouble?”
“He will be,” Dean muttered.
“Uh, I just need to talk to him.”
Sandy went back to typing. She brought up Parker’s file and printed a copy.
“You happen to know where his dorm room is?”
Sandy nodded and made a noted on the printout. She was about to hand Dean the printout when she smiled.
“We still haven’t set a date for that drink.”
“Right,” he said. “I’ve been pretty busy with work but as soon as something clears up, I’ll call ya.”
He smiled at her. Sandy handed him the printout.
“I can’t wait,” she said.
“Yeah, me either. Thanks for your help Sandy.”
He ambled out of the Admissions office and glanced at the printout. In the past, he would have been all too eager to hook up with Sandy; however, things had changed and right now he had a lot of work to do.
As he crossed the main quad, he stopped when a post tacked with flyers caught his attention. Phi Epsilon Theta along with two other fraternities were promoting rush week. Dean slowly drew a smile as he ripped one of the flyers off and stuffed it in his pocket.
It was fairly easy to track Parker’s whereabouts during the evening. Dean followed Parker around for two days and the kid seemed to frequent the same places, the Grotto, the campus pub and the Bronze. Tonight, Parker was headed out to the Bronze. The club was quiet with no live band performing and only a few handfuls of patrons. Dean ambled in behind Parker and waited by the service counter. He kept his sights on Parker as he ordered a beer.
Dean drummed his fingers on the counter as Parker pursued a demure looking girl in the corner. After five minutes, Parker walked up to the counter and glanced at Dean.
Dean nodded, “What’s up?”
Parker eyed him curiously. “Do I know you?”
“I’ve seen you around campus.”
Parker feigned recognition. “Oh, uh yeah, sure.”
“Where’s that girl of yours? You know the little blonde with the really nice ass?”
Parker flashed an arrogant smile and laughed. Dean forced a laugh out. Douchebag
“I think her name is Summers.”
“You mean Buffy?”
“Yeah, I knew she had some ridiculous name. Anyway, what’s the story? You two break up?”
Parker shrugged casually as he leaned against the bar.
“It just didn’t work out….she’s sweet and all but too desperate for my tastes….I mean, you just flash her some puppy dog eyes and dish her a sob story and she’s eating out of your hand…or anything else if you get my drift…” he snorted.
Dean chased down the chain of curse words thickening in his throat with a long swig of his beer.
“Oh, so you tapped that till the well ran dry huh?”
Parker chuckled, “Yeah, till it was bone dry.”
“Wow, sounds like you had some real fun.”
“Yeah, totally but then she started getting really needy, always bounding after me like some lovesick puppy….she was like a piece of gum that sticks to the bottom of your shoe, no matter how much you try to scrape it off, it’s still there….”
“Geez, I hate needy chicks.”
“Yeah…it really got a little taxing…she just latched herself onto me and I kept thinking she was going to discuss china patterns and stuff….so I just broke it off.”
“Sounds like you did the right thing man,”
Parker received his drink. “Well, nice talking to you.’
“You too man.”
Dean knocked back the remainder of his drink, completely devoid of any regret over what he was about to do.
Parker strolled along the sidewalk headed toward his dorm when he heard a rustling behind him. He paused and swung around. He turned back and continued to walk until something sprung out from the trees. A masked man leveled a gun at Parker. He widened his eyes in fear and raised his hands in the air.
“My wallet is in my pocket man,” Parker said.
“Shut the hell up and start walking.”
The masked man cocked the gun and pointed behind him.
“You don’t want money?”
The masked man jammed the barrel of the gun in Parker’s back.
“Did I not just tell you to shut the hell up? You want a bullet in your kneecap?”
Parker gulped and shook his head.
“Keep walking asshole.”
When they reached a lonely area of the quad, Parker remained still.
“Please don’t kill me,” Parker pleaded.
The masked man punched him, threw him hard into a brick wall and grabbed him by the collar.
“I told you to – shut – the – hell – up.”
The masked man slammed him against the wall a few more times.
“Oh god, are you going to rape me?”
Parker’s voice cracked in terror.
“You like making girls cry dickwad?”
“What? What are you talking about?”
“Answer the question or you get a bullet in your gut.”
Parker gulped. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I swear.”
Parker felt his jaw crack when the masked man smashed his face into the wall.
“You like causing pain? Well, you’re about to embrace it asshole. Embrace the pain.”
“When the opportunity presents itself, apologize.”
“What? Apologize to who?”
The masked man struck Parker across the head with the butt of the gun. Parker crumbled to the ground and passed out cold.
The next morning, Buffy and Willow spilled out of their dorm room and began to stroll toward the main quad.
“Dean bought you a muffin and then took you on a hunt? That’s almost kind of date like.”
Buffy shot Willow a doubtful look, “Yeah in Bizarro world. He was trying to swing the whole replacement Sam gig but by the end of the night he kind of quit.”
Buffy drew a look of guilt on her face. “Uh, there may have been some unintentional male bashing thrown his way.”
“Oh. I’d quit too.”
Buffy winced, “I apologized like nine times and I totally shared in the vamp killing ratio.”
“So you guys are cool now?”
Buffy waved a hand in the air. “Yeah, cool as ice. We’re going out tonight.”
Willow eyed her curiously. “Oh, like on a date?”
“No, just hanging out.”
Willow rolled her eyes, “Good grief, when is Dean gonna make a move already? Snails move faster than him.”
Buffy chuckled. “That’s a new one.”
Willow nodded with pride. “Yeah, I’ve been holding onto that one in case he kept to his stubborn theory that he can’t date you.”
Buffy studied Willow. “When did you get on board Sam’s train of observation?”
Willow shrugged, “Oh, awhile ago. I just didn’t know how to bring it up. It never seemed to be the right time – until now. I mean, if you want it to be the time.”
Buffy sighed. “I’m really not campaigning for a boyfriend right now. And even if I did, Dean doesn’t really fit that mold.”
“Maybe he could try. He has known you for like – forever – maybe he’ll change his stripes for you.”
“I don’t know. Parker may graze the field in girl chasing but Dean plays the ballpark. Two or three ballparks I think.”
Buffy and Willow exchanged looks when a large crowd gathered in the quad caught their attention. There was wild chatter going on.
“What’s going on?” Buffy asked a girl in the crowd.
When the girl didn’t answer, Buffy pushed her way through the crowd and gasped. Willow followed behind. Buffy stifled a laugh when she looked up and saw a sleeping Parker heavily duct taped to the middle of a telephone pole. He was wearing a feathery pink thong, a long white blonde wig and gold tassels were hanging from his nipples. There was a sign taped to his stomach that said: I LOVE TO EAT DICK. Parker stirred awake and widened his eyes in horror when he realized where he was. He kicked his legs out trying to break through the layers of duct tape.
“Someone let me down!”
The crowd of students pointed, cheered and chuckled. The Dean of the college arrived and frowned at the commotion.
“Alright everyone, get to your classes! There’s nothing to see here! Move it along, now!”
Buffy clapped a hand over her mouth and giggled. Willow blinked and quickly joined in the hysterics as the crowd eventually dispersed.
The campus pub was packed to the walls with students looking to wind down from a full day of classes. A crowd was backed up at the bar as Buffy spotted Xander with a wounded look as he struggled to take orders. She moved through the crowd when she slammed into someone.
“Ack!” she said.
Buffy looked up to see Riley Finn eyeing the spot of soda soaking his shirt.
“Most people look before they crash,” Riley replied.
“In all fairness, my neck would really start to hurt if I had to look that far up all the time.”
Riley sighed in sympathy. “Yeah, I guess I’m kind of a freaky giant.”
Riley picked his brain for something to help extend his dialogue with Buffy. When she smiled at him, he smiled back until he realized she was looking past him. Her smile widened and her eyes sparkled.
“Hey, you made it,” she said.
Riley swung around to see a young blonde guy lock eyes with Buffy.
“Xander is tending bar. You think I’d miss this? How is he doing?”
Dean spied a look at the crowd huddled around the bar. He chuckled when he saw Xander’s horrified face as students shouted orders at him from every direction. Dean and Riley exchanged curious looks. Riley extended a hand.
Dean shook his hand, “Dean.”
“Oh, sorry.” Buffy replied. “How rude of me. Riley is a TA in my Psyche class.”
There was a sudden outburst of laughter from the door. Buffy shifted her eyes to see Parker, his face red as a tomato as everyone in the pub stared, then laughed at him. He was sporting a black eye and several bruises on his face. A flurry of whispers spread across the pub.
“I’m surprised he showed up here,” Buffy commented.
“Yeah, he’s either got a lot of guts or is completely shameless,” Riley replied.
Dean glanced at Parker and swallowed his amusement.
“Did the Dean ever figure out who did it?” Buffy asked.
“No but I think he suspects it was one of the fraternities. Rush week promotes a lot of cruel initiation tactics.”
Parker quickly retreated out the door of the pub.
“What was that all about?” Dean asked with feigned innocence.
“Oh, I haven’t had a chance to tell you,” Buffy replied.
Riley felt confident about the rhythm of his conversation with Buffy until she shifted her attention to Dean. Riley sensed a strong chemistry between the two. He saw Buffy lock eyes with Dean as they fell into a comfortable conversation. Riley felt invisible again.
“I’ll uh, see you in class Buffy,” Riley said.
After a long minute, Buffy broke her eyes away from Dean and looked at him with mild focus. “Oh, yeah, see you.”
Riley bailed when Buffy guided Dean toward a table. Maybe another day, he thought.
Buffy slipped onto a seat at a round table near the bar. The rambunctious crowd had finally dissipated much to Xander’s relief. He was wiping down the counter and gave a nod to Dean as he approached.
“Hey Xander, let me see this I.D. of yours.”
Xander looked around before flashing his fake I.D. Dean glanced at it and chuckled.
“Are you serious? How much did you pay for this?”
Dean blinked when Xander spat out a number.
“I hate to tell you this man but you got seriously ripped off,” Dean replied. “I could do a better job blindfolded.”
“What can I get you? Hopefully it’s something sinfully simple? The boss wants me to push the Black Frost.”
Dean grimaced, “That stuff is crap. Anyway, I may have to beg out in a bit. Just get me a seltzer for Goldilocks.”
After Dean returned with her drink, Buffy animatedly recounted the tale of finding Parker in the quad.
“It was like karma came to collect,” Buffy replied.
“Geez, sounds like I missed a real show,” Dean said.
Buffy cocked her head as she thought about something.
“Yeah, except I couldn’t kick this feeling that it wasn’t a coincidence.”
“Maybe some chick he scorned sent her brother to kick his ass.”
Buffy eyed Dean curiously.
“You didn’t have anything to do with what happened to Parker, did you?”
“Are you kidding me? Like I’d go anywhere near a guy’s junk for some stupid prank?”That’s what you make fraternity pledges do.
“No, you’re right, you wouldn’t, I just thought with the black eye…”Yeah, that part was pretty fun.
“Sounds like whoever did it really wanted to teach him a lesson.” he said. “Are there any pictures floating around?”
“Uh, not that I know of.”
“Too bad,” he said with feigned disappointment.
Buffy sighed as her good mood faded.
“What’s the matter?”
She shrugged, “I don’t know. As hilarious and justified as that prank on Parker was, I still feel like…he should be begging me for forgiveness.”All in time sweetheart, all in time.
“If Parker accidentally fell into a tunnel that was home to man eating demons, I couldn’t really be held accountable for his death, right?”
Dean chuckled, “Sounds like you’re not quite done thinking of revenge scenarios.”
She drew out a breath, “I don’t know, maybe he’s suffered enough.”
Dean felt his cell phone vibrating in his pocket. He fished the phone out and eyed the number on the screen.
“It’s dad. I’ve got to take this.”
Dean wandered outside to find a more private setting. After a minute, Buffy looked up when a guy approached her.
“You’re not just drinking that, are you?” he asked.
Buffy eyed her almost empty seltzer.
“My friends and I are buying beer for all the pretty ladies in the pub tonight.”
He slapped down a large glass of beer and smiled. Buffy hesitated until she glanced at the group of boys in the corner chugging beer and having fun. Oh, why not? Buffy gripped the beer glass and took a long sip.
Dean walked back inside and was a little stung to find his table empty. He shifted his eyes around until he saw a familiar face in the corner, drinking beer with a bunch of boys. Buffy dropped her empty beer glass on the table and picked up another.
“I see you made friends,” he said.
“Mmm, these are my beer buddies.”
“You’re not old enough for beer.”
She narrowed her eyes on him, “Are you really going to read me the riot act on the legal thing to do Mr. Fake Badge?”
Dean was taken aback by her boldness. She was going through a hard time and if she needed a drink or two he was going to have to look away. After all, she was right. He was not a model citizen for living a legitimate life.
“I just wanted to say bye. Dad needs help with something so I’ve got to go.”
Her eyes flashed with disappointment. “Oh, when are you going to be back?”
“I’m just driving a few hours out of town. I can swing back in tomorrow night if you want.”
Buffy helped herself to another beer. “Yeah, let’s hang out.”
“Okay, I’ll see you. Don’t drink too much.”
Dean walked over to the bar and flagged down Xander.
“Make sure she gets home okay?”
The next evening, Dean tried calling Buffy in her room but she had not answered. He headed out to the campus and ambled toward Stevenson Hall. When he rounded the corner, he spotted Xander and Giles hanging just inside of Buffy’s room. He walked over and noticed them watching in fascination as Buffy sat upside down on a chair, spinning and giggling. She lifted her leg up, tipping the chair over. When she fell off the chair, she frowned. Her hair was a wild mess and her face was blank.
“Uh, what’s going on?” Dean asked.
Xander updated him on Buffy’s strange behavior after drinking an excessive amount of beer loaded with warlock magic.
Dean blinked in amazement. “What? The beer turns people into Neanderthals?”
Buffy crawled over to the television sitting on her desk. She stared intently at the blank screen. She tapped on the television.
“Want pretty people,” she replied. “Where pretty people go?”
Dean felt a tickle in his throat as he belted forward and burst into laughter.
“There are no people when the TV is off,” Giles replied slowly.
“Me want people!”
Dean continued to laugh as Buffy resembled a two year old throwing a tantrum. She smacked the TV screen with the back of her hand.
“She doesn’t really seem to be any danger to herself or anyone,” Giles deduced.
Giles regarded Dean.
“Would you look after her?”
Buffy took notice of Dean and slid up to him. She sniffed him curiously.
“Boy,” she said.
“Smell nice. Nice smelly boy.”
Dean’s amusement faded when Buffy intrusively buried her head in his neck and started inhaling him. He grabbed her by the arms and gently nudged her away.
“Good grief,” he said. “I think we need to find the other chuckleheads and make sure they’re not causing any trouble.”
“Perhaps you’re right. Xander, you said the effects of the beer only last for a few days.”
Buffy perked up.
“Buffy want beer!”
Giles replied sternly, “You’ve had quite enough beer.”
She hardened her face into an intimidating glare.
“Buffy – want – beer,” she grunted.
Xander eyed her increasingly hostile behavior. “Giles, it’s probably not a good idea to make Buffy the Cave Slayer mad.”
Buffy curled her fists and bore into Giles.
“Want beer. Want- beer- now!”
In a flash, Buffy charged out of the room, throwing Giles and Xander down. Dean bolted out of the room, looking over his shoulder.
“You guys find her furry friends. I’ll fetch Pebbles.”
Dean ran across campus and cut through a wooded area. He came out to a clearing and paused when he spotted Buffy looking around, confused and lost.
“Hey cave girl, you lost?”
She blinked at him with a blank stare.
“Want – beer. Where beer go?”
Dean could have made a crass remark but bit the urge back.
“I’m so going to milk this when you sober up.”
He hooked a hand over her arm. She frowned and jerked her hand away. She growled low under her breath like a taunted animal until she perked her head up. She sniffed and looked off in the distance.
“You’re like a cave hound now, huh?”
He followed her line of sight and saw smoke billowing in the air.
“Well I’ll be damned, you are a cave hound!”
“Fire! Bad - fire.”
She raced down the street toward the source of the fire as Dean charged after her.
Buffy perched outside the door of the Grotto. Clouds of smoke snaked out from the cracks between the objects blockading the inside. Buffy kicked through the blockade. Dean flanked her and threw his arms up over his face as hot flames poured around them. Dean took notice of his surroundings and saw the group of cave boys scurrying about in fear. He saw someone with a shock of red hair sit up slowly.
Buffy ripped a fire extinguisher off the wall and studied it with great curiosity. Dean was about to take it from her when she tossed it straight into the fire. His eyes widened with astonishment.
“What the hell did you do that for?”
Buffy eyed the fire and walked straight toward it. She reached a hand out and touched the flames.
“Yowww!” she yelped.
Dean swatted her hand away. “Don’t do that!”
She cowered back from the flames and nursed her hand. Dean glared at her dramatic behavior when he heard a voice behind the fire. He suddenly remembered the flash of red hair he had noticed earlier. Buffy climbed onto a chair and launched herself into the air. She soared through the flames and landed gracefully at Willow’s side.
The group of cave boys noticed Buffy and encroached upon her with leering eyes. Buffy broke off a table leg as the cave boys lurched toward her and tried to manhandle her. She growled and suddenly snapped swinging the table leg around to chase the cave boys away.
“Boy bad! Buffy – hate – boy!” she growled.
Dean stepped back a few feet and yanked a velvet curtain that miraculously escaped the flames. He tossed the curtain over a section of the flames and stomped down on it, making a small break in the fire for him to cross through.
He ducked as Buffy swung a table leg at his head.
“Boy bad!” she grunted.
She came at him again with her bat. He dodged her attack, snatching her arm firmly.
“Hey! Remember me? Nice smelly boy? That means no hit!”
She looked at him for a second before turning on another cave boy. Dean spotted an unconscious Willow and scooped her up. His eyes and lungs burned with smoke. He whipped his head around, searching for an escape route.
Buffy dropped the table leg and watched the flames dance around her. She lunged toward the ceiling and hooked her hands on an exposed group of pipes. She propelled herself toward another section of pipes until she reached a window grating. She kicked the window grating, smashing it through the window.
The cave boys perked and grabbed a couch, angling it against the wall. They climbed along the couch and spilled out of the window. Buffy frowned and picked up the table leg. She beat back several of the cave boys.
Willow stirred slowly. Dean set her back on her feet and helped her out the window. He glanced over at Buffy who was still beating a cave boy. She tripped over a body and continued to chase the cave boy, whacking him on the head.
“Quit hitting him!” Dean yelled as Buffy skated past him.
She paused at the body on the ground as the last of the cave boys escaped through the window. Dean stepped behind her as she looked down at Parker, returning to consciousness. Parker looked around and widened his eyes in panic. Buffy cocked her head and gripped the table leg.
“Oh no, what do we do? We need help,” Parker cried.
Buffy looked at Dean expectantly. Dean regarded Parker’s bruised face and for a fleeting moment thought: maybe this kid has suffered enough
Parker coughed and did not acknowledge Buffy. Dean rolled his eyes. Oh what the hell
“Yeah, him you can hit.”
A spark flashed through Buffy’s eyes as she slammed her club into Parker’s head, knocking him out cold. Dean watched as she dragged Parker by the hair and proceeded to climb out the window. Dean was the last to crawl through the window after making sure all the people had escaped to safety.
The fire department and ambulances arrived at the scene a short time later along with a few police patrol cars. Several medics tended to the patrons inside who had suffered smoke inhalation.
Dean sat impatiently in the bed of the ambulance truck as an EMT examined him. He watched Buffy as she combed through Willow’s hair like a monkey. She plucked a leaf from a strand of Willow’s hair and stuck it in her mouth, crunching down on it without hesitation. Dean belted over and laughed hysterically until his stomach started to hurt. He wiped tears of amusement from his eyes. The EMT shot him an odd look as another team of medics escorted Parker into the ambulance next to him.
“Okay, you’re good to go,” the male EMT replied.
Dean hopped down and eyed Parker as EMT disappeared inside the ambulance. Parker let out a series of coughs as Dean stopped in front of him and did a double take.
“Geez dude, somebody really did a number on you.”
Parker massaged the back of his head. “I guess I’m having one of those weeks, I uh, got mugged the other day and tonight….I don’t really remember what happened….”
“Wow, that’s unfortunate. You look like you’re in a lot of pain.”
“Uh, yeah, I am,” Parker replied softly.
“Well you know sometimes when you’re feeling like that, the best solution is to just…embrace the pain.”
Parker froze in fear when he glanced at Dean with recognition. Dean shot him an evil look before pivoting and walking away. Parker watched as Dean joined Buffy, Willow and Xander across the street. Buffy picked up her table leg and dragged it behind her as the four of them headed back to campus.
A short time later, Buffy turned when she heard someone call out her name. Parker raced over to her and gulped when Dean regarded him with steely eyes. Parker rambled through a long and sincere apology, begging for forgiveness. Buffy stared at him for a long time before she brought her club in the air and whacked Parker across the head. He crumbled to the ground.
Dean looked at an unconscious Parker. That wasn’t quite the result I wanted but oh well.
Everyone eyed Parker before casually strolling back to campus.
The next morning, Dean stopped by Stevenson Hall to check on Buffy. When she opened the door, she was still in her pajamas, a haggard look on her face.
“Hi,” she said sleepily.
“Hey. I just wanted to check on you before I head on out. How are you feeling?”
She pivoted back into the room and sat on the edge of her bed. “I’m still pretty tired.”
“Well, you’ll be happy I brought you some breakfast.”
He handed her a brown paper bag and smiled.
Buffy eyed him curiously as she opened the bag and dug into it. She pulled out a clump of leaves crawling with little black bugs. Dean burst out laughing.
Buffy groaned, “Oh ha ha, so not funny.”
She flung the handful of leaves at him.
“Oh come on, that was hilarious monkey girl.”
He continued laughing as she slumped down onto the end of her bed.
“I don’t suppose you could suddenly come down with amnesia and forget what you saw last night?”
“Are you kidding? I already wrote a book about it.”
She pouted for a moment before asking, “You coming back soon?”
He shrugged, masking his own hopes. “I’m not sure.”
“Okay well, don’t be a stranger.”
Dean headed back to the door. “Yeah, see ya Pebbles.”
His laughter echoed in the hallway. He stepped out of the building and drank in the feeling of contentment swimming through him. He couldn’t remember the last time he had laughed so hard. Probably not since Sam had been around. He paused for a minute and drew out a breath as he thought about Sam. His mind quickly flashed on Buffy eating a leaf, freshly picked from Willow’s head. He erupted in a fit of laughter again. He burned the image to his brain and stored it away.
When he reached his car, he popped the glove compartment on the passenger side and fished through the contents: fake badges, a Glock pistol with an extra magazine, a black ski mask, a thinned out roll of duct tape and a Polaroid picture. He retrieved the picture and looked at an unconscious, stripped to the bone Parker, surrounded by three fraternity pledges and chuckled. He tossed the picture back in the glove compartment, gunned the engine and laughed for another half hour. Things were looking up.
FEEDBACK WELCOME. Next: a two chapter update combining a little "Wild at Heart" and "The Initiative" as Riley gets the scoop from Willow on his chances with Buffy; Dean continues to poke fun of Buffy's cave girl antics as they spend more and more time together.