I don't own Buffy the Vampire Slayer
. They belong to Joss Whedon and Eric Kripke. And I obviously don't own the Olympians.Warnings:
This is kind of cracktastic. I played around quite happily with Greek gods and goddesses and their personalities. Spoilers:
None for SPN. For Buffy, it's post-Chosen. With Spike thrown in.Notes:
Written for Nebula for her birthday and for Taming the Muse (prompt: entice).
“Did Buffy say why she wanted us there?” Sam asked, glancing over as they pulled into the large driveway. Dean shook his head.
“Nope. Just said that she wasn’t sure how much longer she could handle it. Then she practically ordered me to get here.” He grinned. “Sounded like all hell was breaking loose in the background.” He paused off of Sam’s look. “Yeah, with them, you just never know.”
“Exactly. So try not to joke about it. Last time, hell really was
breaking loose,” Sam told him. Dean didn’t reply, just grinned and walked up to the door, knocking quickly.
There was a shout on the other side of the door that caused them to look at each other and then Buffy was pulling the door open. She let out a sigh at the sight of them.
“Thank Go–thank goodness,” she said, reaching out and pulling them inside. “Quick, inside.”
A dog began barking in the other room. Above the noise, they could hear Spike ordering the dog to back away from the duster.
“Bastard! I knew it! I knew you couldn’t keep it in your pants,” came from another room down the hall. “And you, you little redheaded hussy! I’ll turn you into the tree you’re named for!”
Buffy groaned as Dean and Sam’s jaws dropped.
“Did a soap opera come to life inside your house?” Dean asked.
“No,” was all the response she gave as she ran in the direction of the screaming. Dean followed while Sam briefly considered seeing what Spike was doing before he shrugged and went in the direction Dean and Buffy had gone in. He froze when he saw what was going on.
“Who are you calling a redheaded hussy?” Willow demanded. “Have you looked in a mirror lately, lady?” She crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. “And for the record, I’m a lesbian. I wouldn’t touch your husband with a ten foot pole.”
“How dare you?” The man shot to his feet. “Do you have any idea who I am?”
“Be quiet, Zeus, you unfaithful maggot,” the woman snapped. Dean blinked as Sam’s eyes widened. He turned to Buffy.
“Zeus? As in the Greek god, Zeus?” he asked quietly. She nodded.
“They’ve been here since yesterday.” She looked over at them. “I called you after a couple of hours.”
Dean nodded. “I can see why.”
“So, if that’s Zeus then that’s….Hera?” The look on Sam’s face said he couldn’t quite believe it.
Buffy nodded again. “Yup. See, Willow did this spell—“
“Don’t tell me she summoned them,” Dean interrupted. Buffy elbowed him.
“Would you let me finish?” She waited until he’d smirked and nodded before rolling her eyes and continuing. “Willow did this huge protection spell and her hair went all white and glow in the dark again. Well, a few of the girls kept insisting that Willow must have reached goddess level and started to actually believe that she was a goddess. And as you can probably imagine, that pissed off a few actual gods and goddesses.” She paused. “Okay, mostly it pissed off Hera and made Zeus all curious and so they came down to put a stop to those thoughts and a few of the other gods and goddesses came down because they thought hanging out with a few of us ‘mere mortals’ would be a fun vacation.”
“There are others here?”
“Apollo has been trying to get Spike to recite poetry ever since he got here and Artemis wants to use him as practice for hunting. Aphrodite goes between causing scenes between various people and arguing with Hera. Zeus hits on anything with breasts. Ares brought his dog and says that there’s not enough destruction in war movies. Athena criticizes their strategies and finds the weak spots. Hephaestus has been dragging Xander to the shed out back so Xander can show him the tools. And Hermes keeps stealing stuff.”
Dean snorted. “You’ve got a klepto god?” he asked. Off of Buffy’s look, he shrugged and grinned causing her to roll her eyes.
“He’s the God of Thieves, Dean,” Sam said. “Among other things.”
“True enough and I have to say that you boys sure keep me entertained.”
They spun around to see a man with dark brown hair leaning against the wall. Buffy frowned. “Would you quit doing that?”
He grinned. “No.” When her lips twitched, he leaned to the side to get a glimpse of the argument still going on in the other room. “Let me guess, my father couldn’t keep his pecker from trying to wander into greener pastures.”
“Hermes,” Buffy groaned. “There are so many things wrong with that sentence.”
“Perhaps Willow should point out that she’d be more likely to have a night of wild sex with Hera and see what happens,” he said, giving the thought some consideration.
Sam stared at Hermes and wondered how it was that a god could look so ordinary. He shifted and looked away, only to see Spike come storming down the hallway.
“That’s just bloody it,” he growled. “The mutt is trying to use my duster as a chew toy! Make him stop, Buffy!”
“Like I could,” she said.
“The dog likes you.”
“Well if you hadn’t called it a snack-sized mutt, maybe it would like you more.”
“You called a god’s dog a snack-sized mutt? Dude, are you on crack?” Dean asked. Spike scowled at him. When Hermes snickered, Spike’s scowl deepened.
“And you need to quit stealing my lighter.”
Hermes sighed and pulled out Spike’s lighter. “You mean this one?” He smirked and tossed it to Spike. “No problem. I’ll even lay off of you since everyone else seems to be picking on you.”
Spike blinked and then nodded at him. “Thanks.” He glanced over his shoulder as if to make sure none of the other Olympians were there and then continued down the hall. Buffy raised an eyebrow.
“You’re going to pick on him some more aren’t you?”
Hermes flipped a coin in the air. “Well, I am the God of Liars.” He snatched the coin out of the air and glanced into the other room again before heading towards the kitchen. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go make some popcorn. This looks like it’s going to get good.”
“That really just happened, didn’t it?” Sam asked. “We’re in a house full of Slayers, witches, vampires, and gods.”
“Oh my,” Dean muttered.
Buffy shook her head and smiled. “Come on, let’s get your stuff. You guys can have your usual rooms.” As Buffy continued to talk about what was going on around the house, they headed outside, the boys each grabbing a bag while Buffy simply leaned against the car.
Just as they had walked inside, they were stopped by a woman with long black hair and dark blue eyes. She smiled and let her eyes run over Dean and Sam.
“Well, now, where have you been hiding?” She took a step forward and Sam let out a breath.
“Aphrodite,” he said. Her smile grew as she turned her full attention on Sam. He swallowed as he felt his body react.
“I do love when a man recognizes me.” She took another step forward. “Perhaps I could entice you to come to my bed.” Her eyes slid over to Dean. “Or maybe your brother.” One finger trailed down Sam’s chest. “Maybe both.”
Dean looked a bit nauseated at that thought. “Uh, not into that.”
“Pity. You’d have enjoyed yourself.” Her eyes lit up as she looked between Dean and Buffy. “Hm, then again, I do love a good dose of sexual tension.”
“What?” Buffy blurted. Aphrodite merely smirked.
“Especially when both of the parties are in denial.” She stepped back. “Now, then, where will I find Spike?”
“You’re having sex with Spike?” Sam asked, unable to stop himself. She laughed.
“No, though I don’t doubt that it’d be satisfying. I owe him for making him, as he so colorfully puts it, love’s bitch. And I know just the way.” Off of Buffy’s look, she shrugged. “I said it wasn’t sex with me. I never said it wasn’t sex.”
“Oh boy,” Buffy muttered.
“As a matter of fact, that does play into it.” Aphrodite laughed when Buffy’s eyes widened. “I owe Xander as well. Most of his dates do try to kill him after all.” She glanced at Sam. “I do believe I’ll be seeing you later.”
None of them said anything as she walked away, all of them too caught up with what she’d said.
“Spike and Xander,” Buffy said, dazed.
“Aphrodite and Sam,” Dean added. He frowned.
“You and Buffy,” Sam finished, glancing at Dean. At those words, Buffy and Dean immediately shook their heads.
Sam rolled his eyes as they turned and headed up the stairs each listing why they weren’t going to sleep with the other.
Oh yeah, this trip was going to be so much fun.